Did We...?

Going to confess my feelings to a girl i like. 300 dead 5000 injured.

New Scott Pilgrim Takes Off clip!

Your Hands All Over My Guilty Conscience

☆ Okkotsu Yuuta x F!Reader

☆ Chapter 1/7

☆ Genre: Fluff & Smut, Mutual Pining

☆ Warnings: NSFW 18+

☆ Contents: Aged-Up Characters, College AU, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, Obsession, Loyalty, Jealousy, Misunderstandings, Drinking, House Party, Masturbation

☆ Word Count: 10.6k

☆ Summary: Linked at the hip as best friends since birth, you and Yuta have never once not been at eachother's side. Anyone who knew one of you, had to know the other. You made quite the reputation for yourselfs as an inseparable duo, throughout all your school years together. Yuta was committed to keep things this way, despite his secret feelings for you. He was strong-willed, keeping his longing emotions reined in and your relationship stable just the way it is.

But once the two of you graduate and enter university, this proves to be more difficult than Yuta anticipated. He finds himself in a whole other playing field. One that forces him to see and confront his feelings for you head-on. His once clean consciences regarding you, starts becoming more and more tainted. And worse, uni only seems to pull the two of you apart, something neither of you are used to. What is he supposed to do with all these new experiences and deep yearning for you?

☆ A/N: i actually wrote this chapter a while ago but didnt want to share until i had more planned out and written! hopefully next chapter is soon but this first one is probably longer than the ones following will be! think of it like a detailed opening introduction to the story.

warning: this story switches from fluff to smut/perverted a lot. might throw you off at times. also, HEAVY on the obsession tag. youre both obsessed with eachother but i really went over the top to express how crazy yuta is for you. hehe

Read on AO3

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Chapter 1 - Firsts

Yuta has a guilty conscience.

He’s known he was in love with you since high school. And aside from the painfulness that comes with an unreciprocated crush, he actually didn’t mind his feelings. He liked being head over heels for you. It was a privilege, he thought, to get to love you, even just to know you.

The two of you have been glued by the hip since birth practically. Your mom’s were best friends and somehow ended up pregnant at the same time, basically raising you two together. It really shouldn’t be a surprise the way he feels, after having you by his side all this time, how could he ever love someone else as deeply as he does you?

You were popular in high school, and people would only really acknowledge him in the way it related to you. “Y/n’s friend”. “That guy thats always with Y/n.” And, Yutas personal favorite, “Y/n’s boyfriend.” That one was always used in a way to tease you, and you would always refute it and scold whoever said it. But deep down it made him happy to be called that, and maybe that’s why. Maybe that’s why at some point he started doing things in the hallways or the lunchroom to enforce that rumor. Very subtle physical affection that he was known for doing with you at this point. Fingers gently entangling with yours while the two of you talk about something by the window. It’s so gentle that you don’t even notice or mind, but anyone who was looking at you could see that you’re obviously holding hands, albeit weakly. The need to always be touching you in some way when you were together. Shoulders slumped into eachother while sitting together, pinkies wrapped while you sit on the school grass with friends, his hands grazing against yours when you walk side by side. He could never get enough of the little things. And yeah he did it for the rumors, so everyone would know that even if it wasn’t official, you were his. You were claimed already. No one could be this close with you and get away with it. But when you two were alone it was even better.

Yuta's love language was most definitely physical touch. You’ve always known that he likes to be physical, and that was just his way of showing he liked you. Platonically, in your eyes. When you’d hang out at each others house, he was still always connected with you in some way. Head in your lap as the two of you talk about some drama in your class. Arms around you from behind with his head on your shoulder as you finish a level of a game he already died in. Legs entangled in various ways under the kotatsu as you both do homework. It took many forms. It never bothered you luckily, in fact you’d long become accustomed to it. Even as kids Yuta was the same, and your moms used to eat it up and say you two would be married someday, taking a thousand one pictures of you for that reason.

It really was all innocence until sometime in high school when he had developed feelings. His physical affection never changed but the feeling and motive behind it might’ve. And sometimes he quite literally couldn't do some of the stuff he used to do when you were younger, because it would most definitely give him away now.

He’ll never forget the day it really changed for him. Playing video games with his arms around you like normal, but it wasn’t normal this time. His heart was beating, he was nervous. Looking up at you from your shoulder, he couldn’t get over how you look pretty from every angle. How cute were your reactions to every hit of damage you take in the game. Suddenly he’s incredibly aware of where his hands are sitting, how close you are, your warmth, your breathing, how good you smell. Something in his awareness heightens, like the flick of a switch, and he realizes that this is different. Different to what he thought it was. He also realizes how bad that is, and it makes his stomach drop. He went home early that day, but nothing ever changed. Only the way he felt.

After that day Yuta knew he had to be mindful with the way he acted with you, and even in the way he thought of you. He allowed himself to have loving thoughts of you, for they could always be rationalized in someway to be friendly. “You’re so pretty” could be followed by “so I cant believe none of the guys in class have confessed to you yet.” and “You have the most precious laugh” could be backed by “its no wonder why you have so many friends”. Stuff like that. What he wouldn’t allow and actively tried to avoid, were thoughts that could not possibly be platonic in any use of the word. Like sexual thoughts.

It was only natural. After becoming aware of his feelings and with the effects of maturing into a young adult he was bound to have thoughts like this. But he wouldn’t allow it, not even in your absence, in his own privacy. Of course he couldn’t fight sexual urges all together, but he did his very best not to think of you when he was doing something like that. And Yuta was very good at self-discipline, the reason why his test scores are the best in your grade. He was successful in pushing the thoughts away, avoiding seeing you in this new forbidden light. For a long time.

And everything was fine. You never suspected a thing from him, your friendship never changed, and you even ended up enrolling in the same university.

That’s where his trouble started.

College is a totally different experience from high school that he wasn’t quite expecting. And everything has been taking a toll on him lately.

When the two of you first start, everything’s fine. You already know a bunch of freshman from your school, but you’re also easy to make friends with a bunch of other people as well. Yuta mostly stays with your smaller friend group that you two had in highschool. Inumaki and Panda got into the same Uni as well, not to mention the boys ended up living together.

And Yuta has no real issue with you making new friends at all, of course he’s happy for you. You still like to have him with you all the time, even if you don’t have many classes together. So long as he can still have time with you, he’s happy. What starts to bother him is the way the guys around you stare. Men in uni are much different from high school. And most of the guys here have no idea about the rumors of you two, all his years of showing such a thing are now practically worthless. You don’t notice, but he always does. He hated the way they stare, as if undressing you with their disrespectful eyes, grinning and whispering to friends, probably making sly comments he can’t hear when they shouldn’t even have the right to take the slightest glance in your direction.

“Yuta?” You call to him from where you sit next to him in the dining hall. He just now realizes that he’d been staring down these two guys a couple tables away in his peripheral vision.

“Huh? Yeah?” He calls back to you, turning to look at you now.

“Is something wrong?“

“Huh? No, nothing.”

“Oh, okay… well, did you hear what I said?” You ask and his heart sinks a little. He wasn’t listening, he didnt even realize you were talking to him.

“No.. I’m sorry. Tell me again?” He offers, giving you his full attention now. You give him a smile at hearing his usual sweet tone of voice when he speaks to you. You love everything about the way he is with you.

“I was talking about a party I got invited to-“

“You were invited to a party?? But-“

“Yu, let me finish.” You tell him before he can start lecturing you about it being dangerous or something, as you’re positive he was going to. He pouts a little. Cute.

“It’s for freshman. An upperclassman invited me so I think it’s for all years, but I guess it’s more of a welcoming party.” You explain and Yuta only frowns more. Since when did you make friends with an upperclassman? He’s never seen you with one. And the thought of you being at a party with a bunch of drunk guys or just drunk people in general makes him nervous.

His fingers automatically find yours under the table. Without thinking he finds a way to connect with you. It may have been to calm himself down, or maybe to get your attention again so you could see that he’s clearly uncertain about this idea. He couldn’t say. It does get your attention though, and you give him a look of understanding as your fingers intertwine a bit more.

“I know college parties can be kinda crazy and all that, and I wouldn’t want to go alone anyways even if they weren’t. They said I could invite whoever I wanted so.. You guys wanna come?”

“Sure, I’m down.” Inumaki says, and Yuta had almost forgot his friends were there for a second.

“Oh, yeah! Our first college party! I’ll be there.” Panda grins and you smile at their agreement. Your gaze returns to Yuta again, and his to yours.

“I’m.. not really into parties but..” He starts and you look like you’re anticipating his agreement. “If you wanna go, of course I’ll go with you.”

You smile at him, sweet as ever. But you do feel a bit bad about the possibility that you’re forcing him. As much as you want him there, you don’t want him to be miserable going with you.

“You don’t have to, y’know. Just because I’m going. I wont make you.” You remind him and he smiles too now, nodding.

“I know. I want to.” He reassures you and you feel relieved at that. “Plus, I want to make sure you guys are all safe. It’s better to go with a group to stuff like this and have someone to look over everyone.”

“You don’t have to worry about me.” Inumaki tells him. “I can’t drink.”

Right, Inumaki has a chronic condition that makes his throat very sensitive, of course he wouldn’t be allowed alcohol.

“And I have a high tolerance! I’ll be fine.” Panda informs too, and you all look at him like you’re suspicious of how he even knows that. He just smiles.

“Well, still. Being in one place with a ton of drunk people is dangerous on its own.” Yuta says anyways, going back to picking at his food.

You give him a knowing look.

“You can just admit you wanna come and have fun. It’s okay, we wont judge you.” You tease and the other two chuckle a bit.

“Well, maybe.” Yuta gives after a second of embarrassment by your call out. “But I’m mostly going for the other reason.”

You laugh at how cute he is, squeezing his hand before letting it go to hug him. He blushes in concession with both your adorable laugh and your warm embrace. His two friend wiggle their eyebrows at him as your back is to them and Yuta rolls his eyes at them. They are always contempt to tease him in silence. Yuta never even told them about how he feels, but he knows they just know. And he doesn’t mind. As long as it doesn’t get to you.

Agreeing to go to this party with you was probably both the best and worst thing he could’ve done. It would’ve been better if he could’ve talked you out of coming, but he knew from the beginning that wouldn’t be an option, and he wouldn’t want to control you.

When you first get there, the four of you are a bit awkward. Panda offers to take your first ever shot with you and somehow Yuta even agrees to do “just the one”. You take the hit pretty well, but you all burst out laughing when Yuta makes the most disgusted expression you’ve ever seen on him.

It’s sweet, even if embarrassing, the two of you having “first” moments together like this. It’s not long before your two friends are nowhere to be found, and Yuta can assume why they left you two alone. It’s also not long after that you’re convincing him to take another couple of shots with you, even though he hated the first one, he loved having these moments with you. He’d do anything with you. Even follow you to the center of the room to dance when he’s always known he’s not the best dancer.

When you’re dancing, quite a few people come up to you to talk, even just to say hello. You really know a lot of people. But it doesn’t bother him at all because even with everyone that comes by, you never once let go of his hand. And when your attention isn’t on him, he can freely admire you as much as he wants without having to be cautious about the way he looks at you.

He knows the alcohol is catching up to him a little when he starts to get needy. Any kind of connection with you is enough for him on a normal day, but right now he has the urge to be all over you, and it’s taking everything in him to keep it subtle.

You’re still talking to some girl he’s maybe seen a few times— he can’t recall, when he decides he needs your attention again. He pulls your hand towards him, but it doesn’t deter you from the loud  conversation you’re having, much more than a quick glance at him. On the inside it feels like he could start whining, begging for you to look at him, be with him in this moment. The music isn’t helping either, some seductive rnb song with vulgar lyrics pumping in his ears. He does something he’s never done before, without much thought to it either. His free hand reaches out and grabs your waist, gripping you tightly and pulling you towards him. You gasp and look at him with surprise. Even more surprised when you see the longing expression on his face. Your friend seemingly understands and leaves you two be, to Yutas relief.

He can’t stand the embarrassment he feels with the way you’re looking at him, but he also can’t bare to be apart from you at all anymore. He pulls you in, his arms wrapping around you, hands resting in a dangerous area. Any lower and this couldn’t be considered platonic at all. He bends over a bit so his head can nuzzle into your neck. He wants to feel you, all of you, even more than this. But he stops here.

“Yu…?” You say in a bit of a confused tone, right in his ear. A chill runs down his spine. Your hands had already come up to wrap around him as well, rubbing his back in a way that made him feel so warm.

“Mmve you.” He mumbles and he doesn’t even know what he’s saying anymore.

“Hm?” You ask for him to clarify, voice smooth like honey, but he doesn’t say anything else. The two of you stay like that, starting to rock to the music when it’s clear that this is not just a hug.

It’s not like you look out of place at all, there are plenty of people around you doing something similar, even straight up making out.

“Yu.. look at me.” You tell him and he can’t help but comply. His head lifts up from your shoulder and he stands up a bit straighter to look at you.

“You okay??” You ask him sweetly and his heart races looking into your eyes. It’s too much for him. This is all too much.

He nods anyways, eyes closing and forehead coming to rest against yours.

He thinks you must be at least a little drunk too by the way your hands start to caress his back and sides. But he doesn’t even think about what you might be thinking about him being so clingy like this. He knows you don’t mind, that you understand, you always understand him. He loves you for it.

“You drunk already? Hmm??” You say and he doesn’t have to be looking at you to hear the smirk in your voice.

“I mean I expected it but you’re really a lightweight, huh?” You say to him and this time he opens his eyes to see you smiling.

“Of course I am.. this is my first time drinking.” Yuta says in basically a whine. Your heart races.

The thing Yuta doesn’t know, is that you’re obviously just as needy for him right now. You don’t think the alcohol has really gotten to you that much, and thank god for that honestly. But you love seeing him like this, it’s making you feel all types of things about him.

There’s a silence as he frowns. You tilt your head as if saying “what?” to him.

“I need to use the bathroom.” He tells you so bluntly that it makes you laugh. But before you know it you’re leading him to the bathroom, guiding him by the hand. Truth is, you don’t know where it is either, you’ve never been here. But you feel a sort of need to take charge for some reason. You find it pretty quickly anyways, and tell him you’ll wait outside.

Relieving himself proves difficult after having gotten half hard from what just happened. He’s lucky you didnt feel it, or maybe you did and you didn’t say anything. Who knows? Eventually he figures it out and gets back outside.

His heart sinks when he doesn’t see you. Glancing around frantically, he tries to look for any sight of you. Red, you were wearing red, that and any of your features that he’s so familiar with would be impossible to miss. He starts pushing past people, anxiously looking for where you might’ve gone. It’s maybe 20 minutes later when he finally finds you, in the kitchen. After the relief washes over him, he realizes that the anxiety looking for you definitely sobered him up already.

He wasn’t able to see at first, someone blocking his view, but as he moves further into the kitchen, he catches it. A guy talking to you, but not just any guy, the guy from the lunch room the other day.

His dirty mouth probably having said disgusting things about you—that you’re totally unaware of, yapping away at you as you nod at him.

No. He wont have it.

He continues to push past people, small apologizes leaving his mouth all the same even with all the anger running through him right now. You’re surprised when he grabs your wrist, even though he’s still gentle about it, it comes so suddenly.

“Oh! Yuta, you-“

“Where’d you go?” He asks immediately, as if scolding you.

“Huh? Where’d I.. oh! My friend pulled me away I- oh but I told someone waiting in line to tell you where I went did they not tell you?”

“No. No one told me.” He states coldly and you frown.

“Oh. Sorry..” You say but realize that now he’s glaring at the guy you were just talking to. “Oh, yeah, this is-“

“Don’t care.” He mutters and before you can say anything, he’s pulling you back towards the living room from where he came in. His pull isn’t harsh, you could easily refute, but you follow him anyways.

He leads you away until you’re in the corner of the room, away from the speakers where it’s a bit quieter.

“Wha was that? Kinda rude, Yu.” You say, confused, and now significantly more disoriented. Your friends had pulled you away for a drinking game, and Yuta was in the bathroom for a bit.

“You said you would wait outside.” He says, almost like pouting, but his expression is stern and serious.

“Yeah but you were taking foreverrr.” You tease, giving him a silly smile. “What were you even doing in there, huh?”

“That doesn’t matter, you scared me! I told you places like this are dangerous for-“ He starts to lecture you, but cuts himself off to focus on you for a second. It finally starts to click for him that you aren’t in the same state he left you in. Your eyes are lazy, kind of wandering. Your body swaying and unbalanced. And just from knowing how your body language usually is, he knows something is really off.

“Did you drink more while I was in the bathroom?” He asks.

“Yeah.” You tell him honestly, not seeing any reason to hide it.

“How much?”

“Ummmm….”

“You don’t know?!”

“I’m thinking!!”

You put your finger to your lips and start working your brain to remember, counting off the number in your head.

“Y/n, you’re scaring me.” Yuta says as it takes you longer than he thinks it should to answer.

“It was like.. four.. actually, five.”

“Five what?”

“Shots.”

“Of what??”

“Um.. alcohol?”

“You don’t even know what they were giving you?” Yuta stares at you in complete disbelief.

“Well, they didn’t tell me, so..” You mumble a reply, feeling guilty now like you must have made a mistake. “Does it really matter?”

“Y/n!” Yuta says as if scolding you, again.

“What? It was a game, we were all just having fun!!” You retort.

“You can’t just take any drink anyone gives you! I cant believe I have to tell you that.” He says, crossing his arms.

“They’re not just anyone they’re my friends!” You retort again, frowning at him.

“I’m your friend. You hardly know these people!” He argues without hesitation and something in you hurts at those words. 

“Yu…”

“And what’s in that, then?” He inquires, pointing down, and— up until now you totally forgot the red cup in your hand. Oh, make that 6(?) drinks you guess.

“It’s mango juice and… vodka.” You tell him warily, knowing you have no clue what kind of alcohol it actually is. But you can’t lie to his face, you know you can’t. “…Probably.”

“Probably?!”

“Yu!! Stop worrying! Look, I’m fine! I’m safe! And I have you here, so iss okay.” You tell him genuinely and Yuta’s heart pangs. Knowing you have so much security and trust in him to know you’ll be safe as long as he’s here, makes him incessantly happy. But he just doesn’t trust the people here, and god forbid he lose you again.

“Y/n, let’s go home.” He tells you as nicely as he can.

“What? No, I’m having fun.” You tell him to his dismay and he frowns. He really doesn’t want to argue with you.

“Please. The alcohol you had probably hasn’t even really caught up with you yet. We should get you home before it does.”

“Yu, I’m not leaving. I came to have a good time.” You tell him again firmly and he basically pouts at this. “Cmon. I wanna have a good time with you too. Let’s go dance again.”

You entice him, your hand finding his for the millionth time, that look in your eyes as you stare up at him. You have to know what you do to him, right?

“…Alright.” He agrees and your smile spreads into a grin, practically jumping in place with excitement and victory at convincing him.

“But!” He interrupts, putting his finger up and making you go still again. “No more drinking for the night.” 

“Whattt?” You frown and protest as he takes the cup that was basically empty anyways out of your hands.

“You’ve had a lot already for your first time and I don’t want you to get sick. Let’s just hang out for the rest of the time, okay?”

You pout as he waits for your compliance to his terms. You think about how likely it would be for him to actually carry you out of here if you didn’t.

“Promise me? Please?” He says sweetly, looking into your eyes as if further asking with them. You cant say no to him like this.

“Fine.” You tell him and you adore the way he smiles afterward. “For you.”

After that, the two of you are back in the middle of where everyone else is dancing. This time he isn’t really intoxicated at all and maybe that’s why he’s not so needy. Your other friends come to join with you, even inumaki and panda as well. He sees you having a good time and that’s enough for him to have a good time too. Though he supposes he’s also just having fun dancing and being young with everyone like this.

The night about peaks there.

After dancing a bit, you lean into Yuta’s ear to tell him you’re gonna go get water for the two of you. You’re basically yelling since you guys are dancing pretty close to the speakers this time. When Yuta finally understands you he shoots you a concerned look. You roll your eyes.

“You trust meee, right?” You say again into his ear. He nods without hesitating. Of course he trusts you.

“I’m just getting water, promise.” You tell him again. “I’ll be back.”

Before he can offer to get it instead, you’re gone.

He watches you go, snaking your way through people toward the kitchen. He feels a bit awkward with you gone now, like it’s not as fun in your absence. Still he watches your friends and his dance along together, and he can’t help smiling at them.

After a minute he feels a hand on his arm, and he looks over, thinking it’s you. It’s a girl he’s never seen before. Or at least he thinks he hasn’t. She’s mouthing something at him, probably talking at normal volume, but he can’t hear obviously.

“Sorry, what? I can’t hear you!” He shouts over the music and she beckons him with her hand to come closer. He complies, not really thinking much of it. She must have something to tell him. Maybe it’s about you?

When he does lean in, shes so close he can feel her breathing. It’s weird, being this close to someone else and it almost feels wrong. She just starts a normal conversation with him, asking where he’s from and what year he is. It seems normal and Yuta talks along with her, thinking it a little strange to be having a normal conversation somewhere so inconvenient. But he’s polite about it. She keeps talking, and all Yuta can think about is where you are. Would it take this long to get water? No, but, he trusts you. He doesn’t need to worry.

“Are you okay?” The girl asks and he snaps back to the current moment again.

“H-huh? Oh, yeah.” He yells back, as they’ve been doing for a few minutes.

She says something like he’s very cute, or that’s what he thinks she said. When it’s clear he didn’t properly hear her, she pulls him close, forcefully by his shirt. It’s when she starts saying things in his ear that are obviously flirting now that he finally sees you out of the corner of his eye. You look shocked but, hey, you do have two cups of water with you.

You start talking to the girl, back and forth, the two of you talking quickly about something he’s not quite hearing.

Something something- you. Something something- your boyfriend? Something something- just leave something alone.

Then they start getting louder, and he starts to hear better. This is also where he starts to realize you’re not just talking to her, you’re arguing with her.

“Why do you even care? _____ jealous?” The other girl says, parts of what she’s saying still kind of blank. The two of them are clearly angry now. Even your friends are starting to wonder whats going on.

“Excuse me? Who even are you? You ____ and then ____?!”

From there it all happens so quickly, Yuta barely has time to process it all. He knows how you get when you’re angry, he’s seen you argue with girls and even guys from your school before. Hell, even when you were kids you used to get into fights with other kids who would bully him until they stopped. It’s not that you look for a fight, or that you’re easy to get upset at all, but when you do you’re a hundred percent with it. You don’t waver or back down, as long as you believe you’re in the right. But, what could this girl have possibly done to make you so mad? And what’s gonna happen when how you usually are in an arguement is boosted with the effects of being intoxicated?

He has no time to prevent it at all. Voices get louder, you both get closer. Then he hears the other girl say “Oh, why don’t we test that then, huh?”

She turns to him, calls something out to him, but he just continues to stand there, very confused. Suddenly her hands are reaching up for him, taking his face in her hands and pulling him towards her own. Again, this is all happening too fast for Yuta to process. He only realizes shes about to kiss him when all at once the girl is now drenched in water, some of the splash bouncing off and hitting him as well. She freezes to look down at herself in shock, and Yuta stares with eyes wide. He’s too late to look at you because when he does, you’re already lunging at her, shoving her towards the wall with no remorse.

He’s quick to act this time as you’re about to go after her for more, arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you back as you actively squirm and yell for him to let you go. It’s to his dismay when he sees the other girl coming towards you now rather than leaving. Your other friends join in to help in holding the both of you back. It’s a bit of a struggle to get you two apart, but before he knows it, Yuta and the other boys have successfully gotten you away. Which happened to be upstairs, since the girls were taking the other girl outside.

Thankfully it didn’t cause too big of a scene. People around had stopped to look and see what was going on, but once the fight was prevented, everything went back to normal.

“What the hell was that?! What happened?!” Panda shouts at you as you’re still panting from all the struggle to get out of the hold of the three boys that now stand around you in some random bedroom. You’re on the bed, and Yuta sits next to you. You don’t even want to look at him.

“What did she say??” Inumaki adds.

“Are you okay?” Yuta also adds, sweetly more concerned about that than anything.

“I’m fine.” You say in a tone that indicates you are infact not.

“Oh, sure, answer Yuta but not us.” Panda says, rolling his eyes. “Can we get an explanation?”

“Guys. Cmon. That was obviously a lot. She needs time to process.” Yuta says in your defense and it’s honestly hard to stay mad at him, though you’re not even quite sure why you are. You’re feeling a lot of things right now.

The three of them go back and forth a bit and you’re not having it, already upset enough.

“Can you guys jush leave me alone!!” You shout and again, you’re not even sure why. You don’t want to be alone.

“…What?” Yuta says, almost like in disbelief, and you turn to see his sad expression. Something on your heart tugs. You don’t think you’ve ever asked Yuta to leave you alone. He was always around to help you even in your lowest times, even when it was the two of you who fought.

You hear a sigh from Inumaki.

“Alright, we get it, we’ll leave you two alone. Lovebirds.” He says, muttering the last part. You blush slightly, they totally read through you just now.

“We expect an explanation later though!” Panda calls on their way out. The two of you stare at the door for a moment after.

When Yuta finally turns back at you, he’s genuinely surprised to see you look so angry. Were you mad at him?

“What’s… going on? What happened back there?” He asks you gently, cautiously.

“Yuta you are so clueless!!” You shout at him suddenly, making him jump.

“H-huh?!”

“You didn’t notice?! She was flirting with you!” You say and push his chest, too gentle to actually be real anger.

“What?? I mean.. well I kind of noticed, eventually…” he says sheepishly, a bit confused. “Why does it matter?”

He watches your face heat up and you quickly look away from him.

“Oh my god,” you say, putting your face in your hands. “You make me feel crazy.”

“Huh?” Yuta mumbles again and then he suddenly remembers that you’re still drunk. He goes to touch your arm but you snap back around at him before he can.

“She was trying to kiss you!!” You shout and he nods in surprise.

“I know!” He confirms and his heart speeds up when he realizes that was clearly not the thing to say. You suddenly look sad instead of mad, and it breaks his heart.

“I-It’s not like I wanted her to. It happened so fast I-“

“Yeah right, when I got there she was all over you! You’ve always been clueless!! It’s like this any time any girl flirts with you! In highschool too.”

…what?

When Yuta looks back on tonight, it was obvious that girl was flirting with him, sure, even if he did notice kind of late. But high school? He never had girls who flirted with him, not that he can think of.

“What.. do you mean? I was never hit on in high school.”

“Yeah, that’s what you think.” You say, poking his chest. “That’s my point.”

This is troubling for him as he starts to really analyze anytime any girl might of flirted with him in the past. No matter how hard he thinks, he can’t even think of one.

Then he realizes something. What… does this have to do with anything? So you were mad that that girl was flirting with him. Got that. But why? There’s really only one answer right? But there’s no way… it has to be in a platonic way, right? Jealousy.

He snaps out of his thoughts suddenly when he hears a familiar sniffle, and his awareness lights up, like an instinct. You’re crying. You’re crying right next to him, and it seems like it’s his fault. His heart aches and he immediately pulls you into an embrace, quietly cooing soft affirming words and apologies, rubbing your back. He remembers AGAIN, the fact that you are very drunk, and of course your actions are not going to completely make sense to him or anyone. People do unreasonable things when they’re drunk right? Things they’d never think of doing sober. So, he decides to just comfort you and assure you rather than argue or try to understand anymore.

You stay like this, gently crying into his chest and gripping his shirt as he holds you, his chin resting on your head. He knows exactly when you need this kind of comforting, and he’s very happy to give it to you. You go quiet after a few minutes, and he doesn’t pull back until you quietly call his name.

“Yuta.” You say, slightly muffled.

“Mm?” He hums as he softly pulls back to look at you.

You look up at him, eyes wet and face tinted pink, an absolute painting of purity underneath him.

“We should kiss.” You tell him, completely genuine.

“h-hUH?!” He squeaks and the crack in his voice does not help his face that immediately turned red at your words.

“You don’t want to?” You say sadly and this feels like some kind of test.

“No, I!- I mean… why… do you say that?” His words leave his mouth in a pathetic way that he hates, as if betraying him.

“It’s just…” You start sheepishly, and now you have to look away, embarrassed. “We’ve been together since we were kids.. we’ve done everything together. All the firsts. So…”

He watches as you breathe in and turn to look at him again, hanging on to every word you’re saying.

“Doesn’t it make sense that we should be eachothers first kiss too? It’d be weird to give it to anyone else… and you almost had someone take your first kiss tonight… that can happen too, so…”

You’re drunk. You’re drunk. You’re drunk. You’re drunk. You’re drunk. You’re drunk.

He has to hammer that into his head to not lose himself here. But even repeating it to himself over and over, he’s leaning in, and you’re leaning in. You’re so close, something he’s always wanted deep down is right in front of him, teasing, taunting him.

It takes everything in him to pull back again.

“I can’t…” He says, his eyes clenched shut.

“Why?”

“Because you’re drunk.”

“And?”

“And… it would be wrong…” he continues, really trying his best to keep composure here, and somewhat failing. His eyes shoot open when he feels you climb over him, coming to sit in his lap where your legs stratal him. Now this is something you two have never done. Your body is so warm on top of his, and your hands too when they come to rest against his chest. One hand comes up to brush a hair out of his eyes, then falling down to caress his cheek. He swallows hard.

What are you doing?

“This is about me?” You ask him curiously. Your sober self would be shocked by how easily you’re about to do something you’ve always dreamed of doing to Yuta specifically. You want to kiss him, of course, but you also want to tease him. You love to do so on a normal day, but you’ve been given quite the special opportunity with the current situation and your rise in confidence thanks to the drinks earlier.

“Yes.. b-but this is-“

“If it’s about me, then let’s just do it. I’m practically sober.” You lie to him, which you never do. You really want this.

“You’re not. You’re drunk, I can tell.” He calls your bluff even in his flustered state. You’re caught. You can’t really argue with him on that. Instead you bring your head down to lay on his shoulder, resting there for a moment. He sighs quietly in relief, thinking you’d given in, his arms coming in to hold you again. There’s a moment of peace.

A loud gasp leave his lips suddenly when you start pressing your lips to his neck. Softly, you place one by one, moving around to make sure to give him plenty. You feel like you’re on fire when you hear him start to moan at this. You knew he’d be the type to moan and whine, you know him. You want to hear more. You cant stop yourself.

“Ah.. Y/n..” he breathes as you kiss up to the nape of his ear and along his collar bone. You even come up to give his cheek a couple of pecks the way you think you must’ve when you were really little. My how times change, and yet not at all. All he can think about is how soft your lips are, trying to fight against is own pleasure.

“Y/n..” he says, strained, like he’s pleading you. “Really, we can’t do this… Please, stop.”

At his specific request for you to stop, you do. You pull back and look at him. His face is flushed like crazy and he looks so lusted. Yet he said no, and his hands stay put on your back. In fact, he’s not moved a muscle at all since you climbed onto him.

“You really don’t want to?” You ask, almost sadly.

“I already told you..” he trails off weakly, not able to look at you in the eyes. His face is really burning up. Honestly even he’s impressed with how much he’s able to hold back right now. Literally any other circumstance. Anywhere, anytime, he would give into you. But he would hate himself if tomorrow you said this was a mistake, or god forbid got angry at him for letting you do something in a state where your minds not right like this. You trusted him to keep you safe, and that includes from himself. He is a man after all, childhood best friend or otherwise. He’s doing this for you essentially, even though it’s ironically the opposite of what you want in the moment.

“If you’d rather have your first time with someone else, you can just say that.” You say, stubborn, frowning at him. What first are you talking about here?

“You know it’s not that-“

“Say you don’t want to and I’ll drop it.” You say sternly, giving him the hard choice. You don’t know how you got stuck on this, or even if your reasoning or actions were making sense. All you know is you want to kiss your best friend, and you want him to want it too.

He groans, almost a whine and you feel him squeeze your sides. You get excited for a moment, thinking he’ll give in.

“Fine... I… I don’t want to.” He says finally, and looking you in the eyes when he does so you know that he’s serious this time. He can’t even believe it himself, he knows that’s a huge lie. But it’s the only way to get you to stop apparently, and it’s for your own good. Plus, this is something he hasn’t even allowed himself to fantasize about, and now it’s happening right in front of him. He’s a little scared of what this might do to him, and more importantly, your relationship. He’s also unsure if he has the self control to stop after kissing you once. Cross that first line and there’s no telling where this will end up. Maybe that’s the real reason he knows he has to hold back for your sake. One kiss wouldn’t be so bad, after all.

You go from looking hurt, and then back to angry. You push yourself up off him, coming to stand.

“Fine. Then, maybe I should go get that girl. Since I obviously ruined what you two had going on.” You shoot at him, turning towards the door. Apparently being drunk really amplifies your jealousy, which is new to you. Usually you’re very good at hiding or completely ignoring it.

“Y/n, that’s crazy. Why would I want to kiss some girl I hardly know?”

“Well you clearly weren’t against it!” You say, turning to him again with your arms crossed.

“I didn’t notice! I don’t want to kiss her!” He insists.

“Whatever!” You head for the door again, hand taking the knob. You feel him grab your other hand.

“Y/n-“

“Let go!” You shout and try to pull your arms from his grasp to no avail.

“Please. Just stop. Listen to me.” He pleads, ignoring your squirming to pull you back to him. You finally look up at him, annoyed.

“You’re my best friend. I’ve had you for as long as I can remember, and you’re right. We’ve done everything together. It would be weird to have my first with anyone else, so… I actually think, what you said.. I think it’s a good idea. I want to do it.” He tells you quickly so that you’ll hear him out. You look at him a little surprised.

“Wha..? But you just-“

“I’ll tell you what…” He stops you before you can retaliate. “If you wake up tomorrow, when you’re sober, and you still want that first kiss.. I’ll do it.”

He tells you this and you immediately believe him. You know he will, he never goes back on his word. Still, your stubborn expression doesn’t waver much.

“I promise.” He says, squeezing your hand and giving you a genuine look. That does it. You let out a sigh.

Truth is, ever since standing up, you’ve felt kind of dizzy and gross. It’s been hard to even stay focused on what you were mad about.

You lean forward, dropping into Yuta’s chest, surprising him a little.

“I don’t feel good.” You say weakly and he chuckles.

“Let’s leave, yeah?” He suggests and you nod, following as he finally opens the door and leads you down the hall. He only stops in front of the stairs when you stop, pulling his arm by staying in place. He looks back at you, confused, but understands almost immediately after seeing you. He realizes now that he must’ve underestimated just how “not good” you felt.

He takes you back towards the bathroom, gently, but with urgency. You make it there and luckily there’s no line either. He guides you in with a hand on your back, shutting and locking the door after you.

Honestly you don’t know why but you’re embarrassed by what he’s about to see. It’s not like he hasn’t seen you in terrible states before, sick, or sobbing, or depressed. But this is just, humiliating for some reason, especially after what just happened. Though it could be worse.

He of course pulls your hair back as you let it out into the toilet. He hates hearing your sounds of pain and he’s pretty sure he hears you crying as well. He wishes he could help more, but once he thinks you’re done he just gently rubs your back for a while.

“Sorry..” you mumble to him without moving and he shakes his head immediately.

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” He reassures you.

I love you. I would do this for you everytime. Is what he wishes he could say. And he so badly wants to think about everything that just happened in that bedroom, to replay it in his mind and ask questions. But he knows to save it for later. Your condition is more important right now.

Eventually people outside need to use the restroom, and it seems like you’re not going to throw up anymore, so Yuta helps you up and outside. But even then, you feel too weak to stand and you decide to sit against the hallway wall. He takes a seat next to you without question. He sits with you for a while, even after your head falls onto his shoulder and he can tell that you’re asleep.

Panda and Inumaki find you and suggest leaving, so Yuta knows he has to wake you. He shakes you slightly by the shoulder.

“Hey..” he says softly when you groan and blink your eyes a couple times hazily.

“Think you can stand?” He asks you.

You groan and nuzzle further into his shoulder.

“Mdont wantto.” You mumble into him and he smiles.

“Alright, I’m gonna carry you then, okay?” He tells you and you just hum in response.

Eventually you’re on Yuta’s back, walking outside around your school campus to get to his apartment. Most of its a blur as you fall in and out of sleep through the whole walk.

Yuta tells the two very eager-to-know boys about what he thinks happened with you and that girl, but not much about what came after with him. They say the same things his brain was trying to tell him and he kept ignoring. They say it’s obvious. That theres no such thing as “platonic jealousy” like that. But he’s still in denial.

“I’m sure it was only a platonic thing.” He says, trying to convince more than his friends, looking over and checking on you every few seconds to make sure you’re still out. “We’ve never been romantic with anyone so shes probably just nervous about what would happen. I would be too.”

They don’t believe him, and he’s not sure if he does either. But he has to. Because if tonight meant anything else, then what does that mean for you two?

Yuta decided a long time ago that he would never confess, not unless he was 100% sure of your feelings. For fear of losing this privilege to know you, to get to have you around, even if just platonically. He couldn’t bear it. Things had to stay the same.

When you get back to his apartment, he brings you straight to his bed, ready to let you sleep there and find his own place on the couch.

“Do you want to shower first? I can lend you some clean clothes.” He suggests softly as you both sit in the quiet of the room. He brushes your hair gently behind your ear so that it’s out of your face.

“You’re just saying that cus you don’t want me to get all my sweat and stuff on your sheets.” You accuse, but he can tell it’s not hostile at all. You’re not mad anymore.

“I don’t care about that, I can just do laundry tomorrow. But I think it’d feel better for you that way.” He tells you honestly and you sigh. He knows you don’t want to.

“I just wanted to remind you that you can, you don’t have to. But you know what’s mine is yours here, right? If you need anything just go ahead.” He says sweetly and you hum, finally moving to lay down, resting your head on his pillow. It smells like Yuta. You nuzzle into it further.

“Okay.. I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight.” He tells you with a chuckle.

“Wait.” You say before he can get to the door. He turns to you.

“Mwhere are you goin?” You mumble sleepily. His heart melts.

“Just to the living room. I’ll sleep on the couch so don’t worry, okay?”

“Come here.” You tell him bluntly and he does. When he gets to the bed you pat the spot next to you. His face flushes.

“What? You want me to sleep here??”

“Mhm.”

“With you?”

“Just lay down, Yu.. I wanna sleep.” You groan, too exhausted to be explaining or convincing. You just want him next to you.

And then he’s laying next to you.

This shouldn’t be awkward, you guys have napped together before. But that was a long time ago, and things feel different now. He’s so unsure of where to put his hands or how to position himself until you decide for him. You reach out and pull yourself into him, arms wrapping around him and legs tangling. He naturally just curls around you all the same, feeling your breath on his chest as you easily lull into sleep like this. It’s a bit hard to think about anything but how soft and warm you are for a little while, hot and flustered from how intimate this feels and scared to mess it up. But, he does feel more comfortable after. How could he not? The way you sleep so peacefully in his arms sends him off to sleep not long after you.

The morning after that night is the start of his guilty conscience.

When he wakes up sporting a full hard-on, he’s incredibly glad you’re not in a position to have noticed it. He had the craziest dream about you, and waking up face to face to you afterwards could not make him feel anymore mortified and embarrassed. How could he? Have a wet dream about you when you’re sleeping RIGHT next to him.

And the thoughts he’s having about you right now as he watches you so innocently sleep, blissfully unaware to his thoughts.

It’s horrible.

It’s exciting. No, it’s perverted.

Even with all his self control in previous years, you can’t really control what you dream about, can you? Sure, he’s had dreams like these about you before. But he’s read on the internet that people have wet dreams about random people too, people they’ve never even considered like that! So he doesn’t count it.

But it’s when he’s sliding out of bed to take care of things in the bathroom, trying to relieve himself to anything but the thought of you. He just can’t think of anything else good enough. He wants to think about you so bad. The way you were all over him last night, so many opportunities where he could’ve told you how he feels. He could’ve told you want he wanted from you so badly instead of denying it.

When he was tipsy, body pressed against you and music pumping in his ears. His face tucked into your neck, breathing in your scent clearer than anything and feeling your hands stretched around his back. He even could’ve told you then, that he loved you. How badly he wanted you in that moment too, his desires bubbling up so bad that he could practically beg for you. And maybe you would’ve at least humored him, giggled at his drunken daze and been so gracious as to grant him more of you.

Or what would’ve happened if he had let you do what you wanted? In that bedroom, alone just the two of you, with you in his lap. Would you really have stopped after one kiss?

And then snippets from his dream start to cross his mind. You in the same dress last night that he tried so incredibly hard not to think about too much, how it hugged every curve of your body and made your breasts look so nice. And in that dream, the dirty things you said to him between kisses on his neck while you stroked his length.

“Does that feel good, Yu? You wanna cum for me?”

“Yes.. ffucyes..” He mumbles to himself as his pace gets faster. Somehow it ended up like this, not sure when he even started to touch himself, but far past the headspace to care. He feels his climax already, the thought of you making him so unbelievably excited.

In his mind you’re on top of him, bouncing on his cock in all your glory in that beautiful dress that you love. And he could admire anything else right now but all he wants to see is the look on your face. He wants to see how good he can make you feel, not holding back anything at all.

“Fuck, Yu… That feels so good.. I love you..” You’d whine for him and he can feel his pleasure spilling over.

“Y/n… godfuck.. I love you, I love you.” He chants to himself as quietly as he can manage as his hips start to jerk up and stutter. His climax hits and normally he’d be ready to catch his load in his hands, but it rips through him so urgently and suddenly that it manages to catch him offguard.

He stares at the scene in front of him, the mess he made. His breathing is shaky and uneven. His heartbeat doesn’t slow as he starts to realize what he just did. He just jerked off thinking about you, shamelessly, while you’re literally a room away. How could he? What would you think of him if you found out about this? You’d probably think he’s a huge pervert and never talk to him again, right?

You always understood him, but this is unforgivable.

The guilt eats him alive, even after he’s cleaned up and started making breakfast. Trying to distract himself with tasks and chores, he can’t even bring himself to go back to his room and face you as he keeps thinking about the awful thoughts his mind willingly conjured about you. There’s no excuse now. And even in his guilt, he can’t stop thinking about how good that felt. He’s never felt that good thinking or looking at anything else when pleasuring himself. This is bad. He could get addicted to this. He wants to do it again right now, actually. Is that horrible?

“Yu?” Your voice startles him so bad that he jumps, almost throwing the frying pan in his hold. He turns to see your still fogged-with-sleep self standing before him. You’re still in that dress.

“H-hey. You’re up! I’m… making breakfast. Are you hungry?” He says, nervous for some reason. Like you’d be able to tell immediately just by looking at him what he’s done, smell the pervertedness and deceit on him.

“Mm.. That sounds nice.” You just smile and then let out a small yawn. You’re so adorable. What has he done? “I’m gonna shower first, is that okay?”

Another wave of anxiety rushes through him as he starts to overthink whether or not he cleaned up enough in there. Which is dumb, because he literally scrubbed any evidence possible off the floor with diligence. But maybe you’d find something anyways.

“Oh.. um.. yeah, go ahead. You know I don’t mind.” He says after maybe a little too long of a pause.

He waits for you to come out again with breakfast laid out on the coffee table in front of him. He mindlessly scrolls on his phone to keep his thoughts busy with something, anything else.

When you step out again, you’re wearing one of his t-shirts he almost never wears and seemingly his boxers as well, though he can’t see them very well from how far the shirt falls. He has to act like he’s reading something very interesting on his phone to avoid looking at you, his face blushing. This should be just a regular morning for you two and yet why does it feel like like you just-

“Fuck, I needed that shower! I feel so much better” You tell him as you take a seat by his side.

He smiles, putting his phone down now.

“I’m glad.” He watches you sip down some of the water in front of you, eyes shamefully trained on your lips. “And.. how are you feeling?”

“I feel fine! Don’t worry. I think I probably puked up all the alcohol in my system last night. If anything I’m just hungry. And thirsty.” You tell him as you poke your fork into a piece of pancake on your plate, and then catching yourself.  “Oh. Sorry, that’s kinda gross to say right before we eat. Thank you for the food by the way.”

You look at him and smile so sweetly that it makes Yuta forget about all the thoughts plaguing him for a moment. He laughs at your words.

“You’re welcome. But you should eat as much as you can before the other two get out here and devour it all.”  He jokes and starts eating as well. You let out a small laugh and nod in agreement.

“You’re right, I forgot they live here.”You say and you’re only half kidding. “That’s why you made so much, huh? I got worried you were expecting me to finish this, but I didn’t know how to tell you.”

Yuta laughs and shakes his head, taking another forkful of eggs. After that the conversation kinda dies as the two of you just enjoy your delicious breakfast.

A few minutes of silence go by before he decides to speak up.

“So.. do you remember much about last night?” He asks you and you turn to him with a curious look. “I know that sometimes if you drink too much it can affect your memory.. so I was just wondering.”

He knows he’s probably blushing a bit now. There’s a real reason why he’s asking you, right?

“Oh. Well, yeah I’m pretty sure I remember most of it. Some of it is maybe a little foggy.” You tell him after thinking for a moment. When you look at him again, he’s staring at you. You laugh a little.

“If you’re wondering if I remember the almost-fight and all that, I definitely do. Though I kinda wish I didn’t.” You joke, but not really kidding. Deep down you are a little mortified about what you did. Moreso with Yuta than with that girl, but still even then you only caused that scene because of your jealousy over Yuta. Does he know you like him that way now? Did you give yourself away?

“Ah.. I see.” He says awkwardly and your guilt pangs in you.

“Yuta.. I’m really sorry about last night.” You say finally and he looks at you kinda surprised. “I mean I did a lot of embarrassing things that weren’t too bad, could just be written off as those funny things I did at my first party, yknow? But..”

You play with the food on your plate a little, not quite able to look at him.

“But I did something really not okay with you. I.. I was forcing myself on you and you were clearly uncomfortable, right? I don’t even know what I was thinking.. I would never..” You start to apologize, but kind of struggle with how to put it. How can you even explain yourself for something like that? Isn’t it obvious?

“Hey, it’s okay.” He says gently, putting your nerves to rest with just one phrase as he puts his warm hand on yours. You look over at him to see him smiling fondly. How can he forgive you so easily?

“It wasn’t like that. I know you weren’t in the right headspace. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t.. do something you’d regret, yknow?” He explains like youre sure he said to you similarly last night. You ended up being regretful anyways, but you suppose this is best case scenario. You cant imagine if you had kept forcing yourself on him then, probably ruining your relationship forever. You’re thankful that your best friend is as sweet and forgiving as he is.

“Thank you.. I still think it was wrong though. I’ll make it up to you.” You promise him and go back to eating.

You don’t bring up the kiss at all. Even though you remember exactly what he told you last night.

“If you wake up tomorrow, when you’re sober, and you still want that first kiss.. I’ll do it.”

You believe him. You know he would, and it scares you. It scares you because you know you might not be able to control yourself if you open that door. Anything could happen after. You’re scared.

Yuta doesn’t bring it up for the same reason. And he doesn’t ask you about your reasonings or motives for why you did what you did that night either. Like why seeing some other girl almost kiss him made you so angry that you offered to take his first instead. No, even though his mind yearned for answers, he was also too scared to look for them. Afraid of what he might find or what trap he might set off.

So, neither of you bring it up. You act like it was all meaningless. Just drunk nonsense with no actual motive behind it.

But even so, that night ends up changing your relationship forever.

this reigen smut is turning out longer and way more detailed than i expected 😭 im writing a damn erotic novel over here

every so often i black out and when i wake up i've drawn 1000 deltarunes

Can Love Wait?

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Tanjiro Kamado x Reader (F!Reader / DemonSlayer!Reader)

Genre: Fluff, Pining

Warnings: None idk maybe light swearing?

Word Count: 5k

Summary: After confessing to Tanjiro suddenly during what you thought would be your last battle, it's now been a while in recovery without saying anything about it. The two of you finally address it tonight.

A/N: This is my first anime fic on this blog, but there will be many more to come! (I have a second account where I write fanfiction for... other fandoms) I just binged all of Demon Slayer this weekend because I've been sick with mono and quickly typed this up in my feverish daze. I just wanted some Tanjiro love and appreciation, so this is very mushy :') Also I've only seen the anime, just incase there's anything different about this from the manga? Prob not, but just in case! Also also, "(W/Y/N)" stands for "wrong your name" since Inosuke doesn't get names right lmao. Anyways, hope you enjoy! ♥

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You look out over the yard in the butterfly estate. The moon is a waning crescent and bright in the dark blue sky, stars shimmering and seeming to dance. They light up the night, giving everything in front of you a beautiful glow. There’s a light breeze that blows though your hair, your clothes, it caresses you gently and sweeps away. Your eyes close as you take in the sounds, and the smells around you. You’re in a meditative state, coming to focus on everything around you as if you were connected to the floor, the ground, the grass and dirt. You are one with your surroundings now. You can feel everything. The grass swaying, the little girls walking down the halls, the plop in the small pond as a frog jumps in. Every vibration around you is lucid in your minds eye. You can see it clearly, through closed eyelids.

A technique taught to you long ago by your father. It comes in handy during battle for many reasons and varying situations, but sometimes you use it just to take in the beauty of the life around you. Not everyone gets the pleasure to do so. There’s a smile painted onto your face subconsciously. It’s just so lovely. Tonight is definitely perfect.

You control your breathing and focus on your current roommates. Zenitsu and Inosuke are in the infirmary, and the vibration is quite bothersome, so you can tell they’re yelling about something. Tanjiro… he’s with them as well, but he’s silent. His presence alone is often very calming and warm. You can feel it start to move out of the room, and the footsteps get closer and closer to your location. You wonder if he’s looking for you, and you secretly hope so.

You take in one last breath of serene meditation, as you feel him only a few feet away from the sliding door behind you. When you hear it open gently, you don’t hesitate to greet him.

“Hello, Tanjiro.” You don’t even need to look at him, remaining still with eyes closed.

“(Y/n)! There you are! I was looking for you.”

“Looking for me?”

“Yes! I… I was just… wondering if we could talk?” He pushes out, and you can tell he’s a bit nervous. You smile subconsciously again, despite knowing exactly what this talk will be about.

You nod and tap the spot next to you, overlooking the garden, still not looking in his direction. He nods back regardless and closes the door behind him, walking over to sit exactly where you suggested.

Your eyes are still closed, mouth still upturned, and he gazes at you. The wind is blowing your hair softly and the moon is lighting up your skin in the night. You looked… beautiful. Your features looked more gentle and soft than he’d ever noticed before. It makes him blush slightly. It carries on like this in silence for a little too long, so you open your eyes to look over at him. Even when you see him staring, he doesn’t shy away, just smiles back at you.

“Is this about what I said the other night, during the fight?” You ask bluntly, tearing the silence between you.

“Huh?… Oh! …Yes…” He looks down at his hands, finally shying away a bit. He’s hoping you’re not noticing the tint on his cheeks, that maybe it was dark enough to hide it. But it isn’t, and you do notice. You think it’s adorable, but you’re a bit biased.

“I was just wondering… if what you said back then… if you really—“

“I really meant it.”

He whips his head back around at you, eyes a little wider, cheeks still flustered.

“I wouldn’t lie to you, Tanjiro. I meant every word.” You keep eye contact, struggling a bit to hold back your own flustered emotions. “I really do love you.”

At hearing these words again aimed towards him, the rose tint only gets darker, and something pulls at his heart. He doesn’t know what to say, just like back then. He curses himself for being so silent, but he can’t bring himself to say anything. This was just new to him. He never really even considered romance, too busy with his training and his self-forged destiny. You don’t look upset though, your eyes are gentle and caring. Understanding. They’d always been that way.

Several nights ago during your battle in the woods, right before what you thought would be your final moments, you spilled to Tanjiro how you really felt. You said you loved him, and that you always loved him, and how he had inspired you, lit something ablaze within you. It was unlike anything you’d felt, and it was unlike anything Tanjiro’s ever been told. The two of you cried, and he promised he’d protect you, which he did in the end, but he never said anything about your confession. You assumed this was because there was nothing to say, and you were accepting of it. There was no way you could be mad about it, and you were glad it was finally off your chest after traveling with the bunch for a while. You didn’t think he’d ever bring it up again, but…

“You don’t have to return my feelings, or even accept them. I know you’re extremely busy.” You finally break the eye contact, choosing to gaze back at the moon once more. But his eyes stay glued onto you. “It’s part of why I admire you so much. You work so hard for what you want, and your ambitions are so noble and inspiring. I could never ask you to return these feelings. It’d only get in your way. I always knew that.”

“(Y/n)…” His face melts into an expression of sympathy. He wants to disagree, but how could he? Even after thinking about it, he was still so unsure about his feelings. Maybe you were right. Perhaps his goals are too big for any interest in anything else. Still, it made him sad for some reason. It couldn’t just be pity, he knew that much.

“Tanjiro… you’re such a beautiful soul. I see the effect you have on people.” You stay gazing at the sky, smiling fondly, and he continues to listen intently. “It’s incredible. It’s not just me, but I’d be willing to bet you change the lives of just about anyone you run into in some way. You have to be quite special to do that, you know? The way you see things, the respect and kindness you have for everyone, even demons. It’s…”

As you trail off, you gaze back over at him shyly.

“Well… the point is I just really love and admire everything about you. I don’t want to overwhelm you, but please don’t think I’d ever lie about such a thing.”

“Of course not! I believe you!” Tanjiro is quick to respond, shaking his hands and head simultaneously. “I could tell you meant it when you said it, I just… didn’t know how else to bring it up naturally.” Now he’s chuckling a little, rubbing the back of his head.

His response makes you chuckle with him. What a silly reason.

After a cute moment of giggling together, it quiets down and you both naturally turn to look at the garden again.

“Sorry if I made our relationship awkward now. I only told you because I thought I was gonna die that night.” You say calmly.

“I’d never let that happen.”

You giggle again. “I know, I know! I'll remember that for next time, I guess.”

“It’s alright, it’s not awkward, trust me. I’m glad you were so honest with me. It was really heartwarming, everything you said.”

Your heart tugs in your chest, and your constant smile bends down slightly. You wouldn’t say it, but this was extremely embarrassing for you. You wanted to act like it didn’t bother you, but of course it did. You wish he could say something, anything, about how he felt towards you, but he’d only acknowledge what you said by describing what it meant to him. These nights, you’d actually try to avoid him, so if anything you were the one making it awkward. You figured it was time you talked, but it still wasn’t helping much apparently.

“Right… I’m happy I could do that for you.”

Tanjiro glances over at you without moving his head. He can smell that you’re not being genuine, but honestly it wouldn’t be hard to tell just from your demeanor. He suddenly feels like maybe he said something wrong. “Are you alright?”

“Hm?” You look over at him once more. “Yes, why?”

He can tell you’re lying. “You’re not happy. What’s going on? Was it something I said? I’m sorry—“

“No, no! It’s not what you said.” You stare at him after cutting him off. It’s an intense eye contact as he awaits your reason, and you try to think of one. But your mind is coming up blank.

'Oh, what the hell? Just ask.' You think.

It takes a lot for you to ask him this next, and you have to look at the ground below where your feet hang off the edge. “Tanjiro… Could you tell me… How you feel about me?”

It stays quiet for longer than you expect after you ask, and Tanjiro is flustered in thought trying to answer.

“It doesn’t have to be in a romantic way… I just-“

“I think I admire you in the same way you admire me.” Your eyes widen at the first part of his response. “You’re so strong and compassionate, kind, understanding. You make me feel comfortable, like I can tell you anything, and I always know I can count on you. It makes me forever grateful that I got to meet you... You’re amazing!”

You’re completely shocked at this, since it's not quite often you get complimented like that. You almost feel like crying, but you hold back since that would only make you more embarrassed. You turn and meet his gaze again to see his warm smile. He was being completely honest, speaking from the heart. Of course, it’s Tanjiro, what else would he do?

Although still not the exact answer you dreamt of, it still makes you happy and manages to put your mind at ease. You return the smile.

“Thank you.”

“Of course! Thank you for sharing your feelings as well.”

His sentence puzzles you a little, since it implies that his confession had the same weight as yours. Or maybe you’re reading into it?

“So… Was that a confession? Or do you think of me in a platonic way?” You immediately regret saying this when you see his eyes widen a little, and you remember what you said earlier about not wanting to bother him with this.

“NEVERMIND!!!” You throw your hands in front of your face, blocking his reaction, which only surprises him more. “That was a dumb question! It’s platonic, of course. Romance would get in your way, we already said that! Sorry! Forget I asked!”

Meanwhile, the question sparks something again in Tanjiro. Was it a confession? Ever since you had confessed to him that night, he couldn't stop thinking about it. Every night he'd lie awake, thinking about many things, but it'd always end with you. He'd start thinking about you, what you said, questions of how he felt, and then choose to sleep before he could settle on an answer. It's true that whenever he saw you he'd get a little nervous, his heart would jump in his chest a bit and need to settle down, but that was normal right? He just looked up to you as a friend and as a fellow demon slayer! You had amazing skills, impressive breathing technique, strong fighting stances, confident demeanor, caring and loving personality, pretty eyes, a laugh that sounded like angels- Okay maybe it was more than platonic. ...But how could he know for sure?

It’s silent for a moment, as you both stay frozen in position. You get more nervous with every second that passes by, overthinking about how much of a fool you must be acting right now.

“I never said that, though.” His voice cuts through the silence.

Your eyes widen again in surprise at his words, and your hands slowly lower to reveal his face again. He’s looking pretty serious, like he’s thought something through now. It’s different from before.

“You… Wh… What do you mean?”

It lays quiet again. Then, he subtly takes one of your hands in both of his.

“(Y/n)… You want to know how I feel about you romantically, right?”

You’re suddenly blushing like crazy at the intimate touch and question combo. He's never been so blunt with you, so you're caught off guard. You’re choked up for a second before you can actually answer.

“Y..yes!” You finally get the courage to look him directly in the eyes, where he stares back at you, equally determined. “Only if you want to!”

“Right! Well…” He seems to hold blank for a while, and you both continue to stare at each other. Tanjiro looks like he’s building up the courage to spill any second now, and you stare back at him with wide awaiting eyes. They’re soft and hopeful, but eager. Your hand still takes refuge in both Tanjiros. Despite them being rough and calloused, they feel at home there, you hardly notice.

And then finally, “Well!… If I’m being honest I think… I think I might have romantic feelings for you!” Your heart almost jumps all the way out of your chest as soon as you hear this, but you try to keep your facial expression the same like it doesn’t faze you. You can’t hide your smile though. “Because when I see you, I get really happy, and nervous! And I always admire your strength and kindness the same way you do mine! I worry about you like crazy when we split up on missions… And… and…“ He closes his eyes, as if preparing to let something out. “AND YOU’RE THE PRETTIEST GIRL IVE EVER MET!!”

Now the blush on his cheeks just about matches yours. You’ve brought your free hand to cover your mouth in shock. You can’t believe this is really happening. How is this happening??

His eyes are still squeezed shut well after it had been said and a silence stays between you two. You can’t help it, it makes you break out into a giggle. He just looked so serious.

This of course makes him immediately look up, confused. “W-what?”

“Nothing! Nothing! You’re just cute!”

His blush somehow gets even darker, and he smiles again. Once you stop giggling, you two connect eye contact again.

“If you felt that way… why didn’t you say anything during the battle? Or sooner after?”

“Well… I wasn’t totally sure about my feelings. Honestly I think I just realized them now. But I hadn’t bothered to think about it before...” He looks lost in thought for a moment. “I could’ve thought about it when you told me in battle, but… it would’ve felt like a goodbye. If that makes sense? I definitely wasn’t going to let things end there.”

Your gaze softens at hearing this, and your mind is put at ease once again. You look down to where your hand is still being held by just one of his hands now, and you squeeze his gently. “So… What do you want to do now?”

It’s silent again, but for much longer than before this time. You glance at him a few times, but he looks extremely deep in thought as he stares out, brows a bit furrowed. Then, eventually, his face falls a bit into a sad expression.

“I’m sorry…” he finally speaks.

“For what…?”

“It’s just that… even though I’m pretty sure of my feelings for you… this is all still new to me. And what you said before, about it getting in my way…”

You brace yourself, because you’re pretty sure you know where this is going next. You knew it.

“It’s true… I have to turn Nezuko back into a human. I have to defeat Muzan. I can't let anything slow me down—“

“I understand.” You cut in.

“It’s not that I think you would get in my way! I just—“

“Tanjiro. It’s okay. I understand, trust me.” Your words make him look over at you, apologetic. “I want you to reach your goal! I don’t want relationship things to get in your way. Id never forgive myself if I was the reason you got held back…”

“But (Y/n)…”

“I’m your biggest fan! I’ll always be here to cheer you on, so don’t worry about it. Okay?” You give him that warm smile again, the one that he swears raises his body heat just from one look. “Plus, everything you said before is good enough for me. That made my whole year! You’re the sweetest, you know that?”

He can’t even smell any sadness or anger from you at all, you were being genuine. You were happy, and understanding, through and through. This makes him mirror your smile, the one you swear lights a fire in you just from one look. “Thank you.” He says, but even he is a little sad at his own words. Sadder than even you, apparently, and it makes him doubt himself.

Your smile gets bigger, and your eyelids lower. Your response is only when you lean in and give him a quick peck on the cheek, causing his face to immediately light up.

“Anytime.” You say, a bit smug as you pull back.

His face is shocked and red as he holds his cheek with his free hand.

You giggle a little and then start to pull your feet up and under you, preparing to stand up. “Well, I suppose it’s getting pretty late, huh—“

“(Y/n).” Tanjiro cuts you off, and you feel your hand get pulled towards him slightly. It startles you a bit, and you turn to look at him curiously...

But as soon as you turn around, you realize how close his face is to yours suddenly. Closer than it’s ever been, only maybe a few inches from yours. He stares at you intently, but also in a trance, nervous and longing at the same time. You can hardly notice, as your eyes soon drop to his nose almost grazing yours, and then his lips. They look softer than you’d expect, and as you two lean in closer, they beg to meet.

You’re centimeters away, and both of you have closed your eyes now, knowing what the outcome of this will be. You don’t even bother to question it at all, it all happens so naturally.

And then, just as you think you’re about to finally connect, thundering footsteps appear outside the hallway in half a second, and the door slams open not even a half-second afterwards.

“BENITO! (W/Y/N)! WHAT ARE YOU TWO UP TO IN HERE!!” The boar headed boy yells as he makes his entrance, Zenitsu right behind him. The two of you flung off of eachother the second the door started to open, and are now a blushing mess.

“TANJIROOOOO!!!!!!” Zenitsu wastes not a second to charge in immediately after entering, headed straight for the boy to your right.

“W-WHAT?!” He immediately looks terrified, and you mirror his confused-shocked expression.

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING IN HERE WITH (Y/N), HUH???” He grabs Tanjiro by the front of his pajamas, lifting him slightly and moving his face in close. “YOU BETTER NOT BE IN HERE SMOOCHING ON A LADY WHILE WERE IN THE INFIRMARY BEING LECTURED AND FORCED TO TAKE NASTY ASS MEDICINE. YOU WOULDN’T DO THAT, RIGHT?? ESPECIALLY NOT WITH ONE OF OUR TEAMMATES?? YOU WOULD AT LEAST KNOW THAT YOU SHOULD SUFFER WITH THE REST OF US SINCE YOU ALREADY GET SO MUCH ATTENTION WITH LADIES ANYWAYS!!! LIKE HELL AM I GONNA SIT AROUND AND HAVE TO WATCH YOU TWO GET LOVEY DOVEY WITH EACH OTHER ON EVERY MISSION!!! ILL LEAVE THIS GROUP!!!”

“C-CALM DOWN, ZENITSU!! WE WEREN’T DOING-“ His face distorts a little, as it does when he lies, as he remembers what you two were literally just about to do. You sweat a little. Oh no. “A-aNy…THInG LiKe THAT!!! At ALL!!!” He's such a bad liar!

You can only see Zenitsu get angrier at this. “YOU FILTHY LIARRRR!!! I HEARD YOUR CONFESSION FROM ACROSS THE MANSION!!!! ILL KILL YOU!!!!” He shouts out as he starts to shake Tanjiro violently, who only shakes his head and hands in defense rapidly.

Inosuke is quick to break up the two of them, getting in between the two boys. “HEY! IF YOU TWO ARE FIGHTING, I WANT IN! ILL WIN AGAINST BOTH OF YOU!! YOU WEAKLINGS DON’T STAND A CHANCE!!!” Of course, only to push it forward.

You can only sit there in shock at their shenanigans, not knowing what to say. Then, when it seems they’ve completely forgotten you’re even there, you start to laugh quietly. You really loved being part of this group. Never a dull moment.

They all quiet down a bit when they hear your laughter get louder, and they freeze mid-fight as well.

“WHATS SO FUNNY, HUH?” Inosuke shouts, pumping his fist in the air.

“YEAH YOU’RE GUILTY TOO!! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF???” Zenitsu adds in.

You have to wipe tears from your eyes when you settle down. Then you gently push yourself up to stand, dusting off your clothes a bit, and finally looking back at them. “I’m really happy to be in a group with you guys, you know that?” The words just slip out of your mouth, as it’s what you were thinking.

It stays quiet for a moment, but then this alone seems to make Zenitsu let go of Tanjiro, who takes a big breath of relief in turn. Inosuke doesn’t say anything, but you hear him make a slight “owahhh” sound. And it almost looks like he’s glimmering?

“H-hey. Don’t think you can get out of this by saying nice stuff like that! What were you and Tanjiro doing???” Zenitsu insists, although much more tame now that he’s talking to you.

“Us? We were just talking about the mission from last week. I almost died so… He was just making sure I was still alright.” You were a much better liar than Tanjiro, so you figure you should probably do the excuse making from here on out. The scenario you described is something Tanjiro would have ended up doing anyways, only making it more believable. As soon as you see Zenitsu look away for a second, you take the opportunity to wink at Tanjiro, and he blushes again in response.

Zenitsu makes a “hmph.” sound, and looks now slightly embarrassed. Probably at the fact that he didn’t think to do that first.

You put a sweet smile on and walk over to them, pulling both Zenitsu and Inosuke into a hug. It makes them both blush, Zenitsu much harder than his animal-headed buddy.

“We were just about to head to bed anyways before you guys barged in, so we can head back now.” You say as you pull away from them. Having them leave you two alone again would probably just make it awkward, since you’d have to address the almost-kiss that just happened. But you still glance at Tanjiro and give him a reassuring smile, which he nods and returns to you, still blushing slightly.

“Okay, fine…” Zenitsu says, defeated. And with that, you all head back to your room.

You and Tanjiro don’t speak about this night ever after this.

————————————

Until…

It’s several months later and the four of you are currently on a mission in a large village in the middle of the woods. The fight has been long and hard so far, several hours since you began. The demon you were after was a pretty high ranking one, a fire using demon that was setting buildings ablaze and trapping humans inside, using the building like an oven.

You just managed to save all the people out of the buildings, but the demon remains with a head so far. You’re all in the woods outside the building, and you should go back in, but most of you are pretty badly damaged. You currently stand with what feels like a couple broken ribs and broken wrist. Tanjiro doesn’t seem to have broken anything, but he’s pretty beaten up and bleeding in too many places. The other two boys are beaten up as well, but you assume not as badly as you.

You’re all making sure everyone is okay before you continue the fight. Just when you’re about to run back in, a sharp pain stabs your side, and you groan loudly as you hunch over.

“(Y/N)! Are you okay?!” Tanjiro shouts, by your side in a second

“I’m alright!!..” You manage to push out. “Lets just finish this.”

“I think you should stay here and rest.” He says immediately.

“What?? But I’ll be fine! You’ve fought in way worse conditions.”

“Maybe, but it wasn’t smart of me! You could permanently damage yourself if you push yourself too hard!” He defends, ever the selfless hero.

“Oh, you’re the last person to be giving me that! Tanjiro, you put yourself in permanent harms way all the time!! I can help!” You insist, pushing yourself to stand straight again.

“(Y/n), I’m serious. Please stay.” He pleads.

You frown, still not wanting to give in.

“I’ll have Zenitsu stay with you too. You guys can protect the civilians and make sure they’re safe. Or even evacuating them might be better! Then you don’t have to rest if you don’t want to.” He smiles, giving his genius alternative.

“You just don’t want me going into the main battle.” You argue as you cross your arms, still not convinced.

“Please? I’ll leave Nezuko with you too! She’s exhausted from fighting anyways! Look after her for me?”

You sigh. Nezuko duty always did make you cave in. You loved it when Tanjiro entrusted you with his sister. It made you feel trusted and important to him.

“Mmmm-Fine!!! I’ll watch over Nezuko! ….And the civilians. But I’m coming in if you’re not out in a half hour!!”

He smiles, taking your hand in his subtly for a moment. “Thank you. Be careful.”

You blush as he quickly turns to run off and tell the other two the plan. You watch as Inosuke automatically agrees and Zenitsu protests, only to be persuaded by assumingely the same reason you were.

You sigh again, turning to Nezuko’s box as you bend over a tiny bit to pat it gently. “What am I going to do with your brother, Nezuko? Seriously, I cant take it!” You don’t expect an answer obviously.

“NEEEEEEZUUUKOOOOOO!!!” Zenitsu’s signature greeting bellows out from across the open area as he runs over to you and the box. He immediately clings to it the moment he’s able to. “ILL PROTECT YOU FROM ANYTHING NEZUKO, SO DON’T YOU WORRY OKAYYYY?”

You roll your eyes, drowning out the rest of his speech for her. You look over your shoulder and watch as Inosuke and Tanjiro start running back into the building, but something catches your eye. Your eyes immediately widen upon seeing it, and you start running after them before your mind can even process what your body is doing. Your body sends waves of sharp pain from your injury every few seconds, but you ignore it almost completely. Zenitsu yells at you to ask, but you’re already too far to hear in an instant.

You finally catch up enough to be within hearing distance with them. “TANJIRO!!” You shout out, and he reflexively stops in his tracks and swings around to meet your stare.

You take the moment he stopped running to quickly catch up to him. You immediately tear a piece of the sleeve of your kimono and his eyes widen.

“What are you doing??” He asks, suddenly startled.

“You dummy! Did you not notice the huge wound on your thigh?” You bend down and begin to tie the kimono fabric around it twice to stop the bleeding, ignoring the pain in your wrist. “It was dripping puddles! I didn’t even see it earlier… How are you even walking?”

“It’s okay… I’ve felt worse while fighting. It doesn’t feel too deep. But, thank you. I probably should’ve wrapped it before I left.” He says, smiling at you again, a bit sheepishly this time.

“No kidding.” You can’t help but smile back too in your own worried way. “Jeez, what am I gonna do with you Tanjiro Kamado?” He chuckles a little when you say this, still smiling.

“HEY! ARE YOU TWO DONE YAPPING? THE DEMON IS GOING TO ESCAPE TO ANOTHER BUILDING!!” Inosuke shouts out from further behind you both, and you jump a little.

“Right! Okay, sorry! Be careful!” You shout, telling both of them, but addressing Tanjiro with eye contact. You then turn around quickly and start to run back.

“(Y/N)!”

You hear him shout out your name, and you also reflexively stop and turn around. Except when you turn, you’re immediately greeted with his face inches away from yours, just like that night. And this time, the space closes only within a second. It happens so fast your brain doesn’t process it at first. His lips are on yours not even two seconds after having turned around. Your eyes are blown wide and it’s not until he brings his hands up to cup your face that you actually relax and kiss him back. It’s soft and loving, if also a bit awkward. But to you it felt magical. You’d dreamed about doing this long before you even thought it’d be a possibility. His lips were just as soft as you thought they’d be that night, and they give you every comfort in the world, as if they’re telling you “we’re gonna be alright.”.

When he pulls back, you realize you must be blushing 10x harder than he is, but his is still there. He doesn’t waste anymore time, smiling fondly at you and saying “Good luck!”, before quickly rushing back around and into the building. You can hear Inosuke shouting at him about it as he follows in.

You only stand there in shock for a while, touching your fingertips to your lips. Then, your mouth slides up into a smile, and you turn around to return to your station.

kel likes sunny's art :3

He think he's slick

so did we all just experience that or was it a collective hallucination

Had a dream last night about Adventure Time. In it, Finn and Jake were talking and Jake offhandedly mentioned being attracted to femboys. Suddenly a small round two-legged white creature with big eyes and no arms/wings, flew in from the right side of the screen and landed next to them. The creature sang a jingle that went “Na na na na na, you’re canonically bisexual!” to which Finn and Jake replied “Thanks LGBTQ Princess!” and high fived