YEESSSSSSSS

Me 🤝 Turning in 3 assignments late my first week back at school.

Shyness...

One of my goals this Winter is to become less shy and more comfortable speaking up for myself. I talked about this before but I wanted to dive deeper into myself and understand where this shyness comes from.

I am naturally more introverted. I am aware that being introverted does not equal shyness, but I do enjoy being alone and hanging around people drains me.

Guys make me shy. I don't know why but they do. I am not shy around girls the way I am around guys. I think it's because I think they are super judgmental even though thats just an assumption.

Group settings triggers my shyness as well. I can have a 1 on 1 conversation with a stranger and do fine but put that stranger and I in a group setting, now I don't know how to act.

My shyness has definitely improved but I have a long way to go. And if you're wondering why this is important to me, it is because I see myself living a very fun and amazing life, and being shy and not knowing how to have a simple conversation with people is going to close more doors than open, so its important to me to overcome this.

Thats all,

I really need to declutter my closet. I have so many clothes I don't wear.

This month I am trying to be the most healthiest and most productive version of myself. I have a lot of things I want to achieve in life, but because of my location and where I am in life (a freshman student at a big university, but the location is very much rural), my have goals shifted to building discipline while also learning more about enjoying time by myself and getting more comfortable being alone. (I went to the football game by myself, and when I told my family they were kind of like why, don't you have any friends).

The world is so beautiful.

Something in my gut is telling me the year is going to be filled with even more blessings.

A lil life update:

Academic: Not gonna lie my grades slipped a little bit at the beginning. I was trying to adjust to this new routine, and being away for the first time, it was a lot. However I am getting back to my old study habits, and still plan on making the Deans lists. I just had a few setbacks thats all :) That being said, I have been cold called twice now, and every single time I get called on, I embarrass myself because I do not know the answer. I know the answer every other time but my nerves get the best of me. But on the bright side, it builds character and I only have several more weeks of this. This school year honestly is going by pretty fast.

Relationships: Making friends has never been so damn hard. I am very introverted and a little bit socially awkward so making friends this new year was definitely.....Don't get me wrong, I made some, but it took some time. One of my goals next semester and next school year is to put myself out more. I already have a little group I see every week so thats been fun. One of the people I met is a guy. I met him really early on actually, like the second or third day of school. However he gives me the CREEPS. He is so touchy and he honestly cringes me out. He talks about wanting to cuddle and stuff, and it makes me physically gag. Like have you ever gotten a gut feeling that someone is full of shit and you shouldn't trust them. Thats exactly what he gives me. The other day I was sitting with my friends, and unfortunately for me everyone here knows the same people. Anyways he was there and when his male friends kept coming he kept wanting to get more physical with me and around me. Wanted to hug 3-4 times, stood right next to me, hell he even whispered in my ear. Like it felt very much territorial. I would never and I mean NEVER date him. I feel like if I did I'll end up on a T-shirt saying R.I.P. Enough about him, there is this boy that I do like. We are in the same class, but the class is so huge I cant always see him. What's funny is that I accidentally spotted him one time a few weeks ago. For most of this year, I was sitting all the way at the back so I could be on my phone, however one day I came in late and we happened to be watching a film (and someone took my unassigned assigned seat), so I decided to sit at the front. I ended up sitting in front of this group of boys but I didn't look at them at anything because honestly I didn't care. But while the film was going they were making side remarks about it, and I just wanted to match the voices I was hearing with a face. And that I did. To be quite honest with y'all the whole friend group is attractive. I haven't had a crush in a long time, and having crushes just make school a little more fun.

Anyways, thats my little update for now.