GUESS WHO HAS A NEW OBSESSIONNNN

Growing up right, i always knew I had anxiety. I was that kid who would stay home on days they had horrible anxiety it caused them nausea. But it wasn't until I went to therapy and I talked for 30 minutes and my therapist looked at me and went. Girl, you have crippling social anxiety and are a chronic people pleaser.

Which is ironic because for years I would say I know I have some issue but I know it's not social anxiety or being a people pleaser. When all my energy was spent in acting "normal" at school. I'd plan conversations in my head. When I spent majority of my life up until now, curating separate persona's for school, family friends etc. The only time I truly didn't have to perform was when I was alone. When the only time (even now as I'm working through it), i feel like i dont have to perform and pretend it is online. When even birthdays sound like hell bc I hate attention being on me. When I absolutely refused to ask for help in school for fear of judgement. When I'd be so hyper aware and hypersensitive to people's tones, body language, and facial expressions. When I'm so scared to approach people first and be friendly. When the only way I loosen up is when I'm not sober. Like hello??? Delusional.

When I'd go above and beyond and just try to make everything easier for everyone around me even if it caused me discomfort. When I would agree to things I didn't wanna do to avoid awkward situations. When I literally tolerated being "friends" with my bully because I knew my friends wouldn't drop her even though no one liked her because she was well a bully.

Anyways therapy is a real eye opener

So uh I just realised something

ARCANE SEASON 2 ACT 3 SPOILERS

I will say I disliked jinxs ambiguous ending at first purely bc I wanted to know if she's alive or not however I realised it's similar to Lucy Gray Bairds end.

I haven't watched a ballad of songbirds and snakes however I do know that it's never revealed if Lucy Gray actually died or not. And it is that way for a reason, to show that whether dead or alive she is free from snow, the games and panems archaic system. It is to show that ultimately freedom in life or death is the greatest revenge or gift you can give.

Jinx had that whole conversation with Silco about breaking the cycle of death and how it can only be broken if you walk away. She obviously kept that in mind and the writers wanted us to keep that in mind.

Jinxs ambiguous ending is to show us that the sisters can only be truly at peace if they are not in each other's lives. We saw that in the alternate reality ekko was in. They cannot live and grow and heal if they are in each other's lives. Some relationships cannot be repaired and sometimes the greatest gift you can give someone is leaving them no matter the pain.

Edit:

Lucy's ambiguous end is to show us that your freedom and silence can be the biggest revenge towards someone who hurt you.

Jinxs ambiguous end shows us that sometimes the greatest gift you can give to someone you love is your absence as your relationship hurts the both of you

AHHHH THE WRITERS CANNOT LET US BE HAPPY

okay so I'm a chronically online teenage girl who loves analysing anything and everything and recognizing patterns with people. And there's several things I've noticed as of late. and this may be all over the place because it is late but I need to get this out of my head and put it somewhere. this is also a long post I'm so sorry

The rise of Whataboutism, fandom spaces becoming main stream and how it ties to the internet. (I fear this may be already talked about but wtv please let the other analytical people find this and discuss with me)

So there's this phenomenon I've noticed on TikTok (please don't come for me but I've noticed it's largely Americans too) with Whataboutism. I'm going to use a more literal example that I've seen with my own two eyes. Someone will post a recipe and it will contain coriander. Someone will comment "what if I don't like coriander?" (I've noticed this especially on non-western recipes too) Or someone will draw a beautiful ship fanart and someone will comment "love the art hate the ship!" Or "imagining this is x ship"

And it drives me (and others probably) insane because just scroll, don't comment.

ANYWAYS how does this tie to fandom spaces?

Well recently since around 2020 I have noticed fandom spaces growing larger. (I have been in fandoms, using wattpad since 2018 I believe HP girlie's unite) And it makes sense everyone was inside so we could only engage with others online and therefore already established online communities would grow larger. However this also meant that people who have never engaged in fandoms are now joining. Which means fandoms are becoming largely mainstream. Even "mainstream" fandoms becoming more mainstream like marvel, DC and Harry potter.

And this isn't only limited to fandoms I've noticed this with reading now too.

I started watching MHA back in 2020 and let me tell you the fandoms were shit. Then in early 2021 I discovered the dreamsmp and oh my god that was another shit show. Everyone was online and that meant everyone was in this vacuum of "contraversies" it gave me a headache I remember literally only using discord and YouTube bc of all the drama.

okay sidebar done sorry.

What does newer fandom members mean? Well it means people who haven't engaged in fandom culture are now reacting in a new way to this new community. Which leads to ship wars blown out of proportion and people getting wayyy too involved. And people posting spoilers. Yes fandoms spaces are a fun way to engage with other people who have similar interests as you especially if you don't have many people who share the same interests. But this also means people live in a bubble where you are only engaging in like minded individuals and not talking to others who oppose your thoughts and opinions. Which is important to grow as a person. (I know fandoms are meant to be fun but if you're critiquing media you have an opinion and opinions can change)

this is sounding so pro conservative IM SORRY I'M SOUTH AFRICAN I'M NOT AMERICAN NOT PRO CONSERVATIVE I'm just trying to say listen to other people in fandoms with an open mind when they talk abt why they may ship or dislike a ship. That relates to anything and everything too regarding opinions, theories etc.

As we know the internet is a vacuum and algorithms mean you will see content you like. So you will only engage with like minded individuals. So you will not generally hear thoughts, feelings, opinions of other fandom members unless you go searching for it. It's a similar phenomenon to the gym bro/trad wife to alt right pipeline. So on top of your internet being directly curated to you. Meaning you essentially live in a bubble both online and in real life. You're also becoming increasingly individualistic. Resulting in shit like "Well I don't like this ship so this doesn't concern me" okay fair but babes scroll. Like it genuinely confuses me why people don't just scroll, even when I was even more chronically online than I am now I would just not interact with shit I didn't fuck with? wtv I wna touch on reading spaces since I've been into reading since birth

Also there was the "reading isn't political" bit a while ago. Which is so fucked. I think fandom culture and generally "nerdy" hobbies and interests becoming mainstream due to online spaces growing in 2020 did a number on already troublesome fandoms. Like the does it contain smut thing on TikTok. People liked reading smut as a relaxer which fair, so they joined online communities to find more book recs and other people. Which made reading as a hobby grow and dark romance grow in popularity. This then led to a once relatively small portion of the overall book internet community growing into something much larger. And because the internet is a vaccum this meant they were only being recommended smut books or they just enjoyed it. But didn't consume in moderation so obviously they got a bit addicted. So now they were in other spaces within the book community. I understand that reading for some is a form of escapism however you cannot turn off your brain while reading, this is not a show. I actually cannot relax in any way while reading or watching a show because I am analyzing and paying attention. Reading will always be political because in some parts of the world you weren't allowed to read because you are a woman. ALSO I understand these communities existed beforehand and I'm not trashing smut (I like reading smut as much as the next person) But now because of the overwhelming popularity of these different spaces and as well as these people living in vaccums it's becoming a tad insane.

I'm losing braincells I'm so sorry I feel like I'm rambling.

OVERALL

living in a bubble is bad for your brain. Give your brain a break maybe indulge in other hobbies where you can switch off your brain. like baking or running or gardening. I also think this has ties to seratonin and being stuck inside making us all sad so this stuff gave/ gives us our dopamine hits so we get too emotionally involved. But even though I am in a biology elective I am wayyy too uneducated to delve deeply into that. Anyways touch grass and realise nothing (regarding fandoms) is ever that deep and in a few months/ years you'll wonder why you were so high strung abt this stuff. If you like reading take a break from the smut, read a whodunit, (me personally I love Hercule Pirot) and touch grass.

Also if you thinking reading isn't political crack open a history book about a topic but from opposing sides and tell me its not political. Read a poem.

Spoilers for season 1 episode 23 of The apothecary diaries

SO YOURE FUCKING TELLING ME

YOURE FUCKING TELLING ME

LAKAN WAS A TYPICAL STUPID MAN AND THAT CAUSED MAOMAOS MOTHER TO LOSE HER STATUS AS A COURTESAN AND, FORCED TO TAKE REGULAR STINKY CUSTOMERS AND CONTRACT SYPHILIS AND BE BASICALLY INSANE

BECAUSE LAKAN IS A FUCKING MORON WHO CANT PICK UP CONTEXT CLUES.

IM GONNA FUCKING AHAKSGWJGS

OMFGGGGGGGG

WHAT IS THIS WHAT IS GOING ON IM GONNA PULL MY HAIR OUT WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK THIS IS MY LIVE REACTION WHAT THE FUCKKKK

When I first saw him I remember thinking oh this man is a veteran. I genuinely think he was a veteran and that he fell into drinking to cope (obv not as bad as vi fell into it). AND when he fights he fights with a fucking shield. He's fighting to protect himself and the people on his team not to harm. Him turning around when the fascism started just solidified for me that he would never be on the offense.

I don't think we're giving enough credit to this dude for turning the fuck around when they fell into fascism.

Hot fucking take... I ship loustat. They're both crazy. I like it. I like them more now that they're healed.

agents of shield was ahead of its time because they understood the trauma of liking a cute white guy only for him to end up being a fucking nazi

lestat de lioncourt is too silly he really said "after it took me over a century to get over my dead boyfriend, the most depressed man in all of france, i am ready to try again with my new boyfriend: the most depressed man in all of america"

Glinda really had an entire musical number expounding on the theme of "success in life is not about being highly qualified or even competent, but manipulating people's superficial perception of you." and then she went into POLITICS. truly the #girlboss representation the world has earned