thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.
BORN TO FORGET
WORLD IS A BLUR
I Am Memory Issues Man
410,757,864,530 FORGOTTEN PRECIOUS MEMORIES
Love my spiral 🌀 #MySpiral
Dichotomy time if you were depicted in a red/blue characters dynamic
No other colors you are getting SHOEHORNED into these boxes
BORN TO FORGET
WORLD IS A BLUR
I Am Memory Issues Man
410,757,864,530 FORGOTTEN PRECIOUS MEMORIES
They should make a "are you mad at me" that is taken neutrally and informationally every time and doesn't make everything worse when you ask it
POV: mister Devon Price, PhD, telling me that I am right about everything
Source: Unmasking Autism, discovering the new faces of neurodiversity
showering:
pros: you get to feel clean. you get non greasy hair, non oily feeling skin, it just in general makes you feel better, more energised, refreshed.
cons: there are so many steps. oh my god are there so many steps. before getting into the shower there are steps. during the shower there are steps. and once youve gotten out of the shower? guess what!!! more fucking steps!!!!!!!! UGHHHH
they removed posting from tumblr. now there's only scrolling down through the vast blank expanse. great
from another room i heard the voice of peppa pig ponder the question "daddy. where has the sky gone" and for one brief moment, before her father could reassure her that it was simply fog, i felt afraid