You Did Great On Her Design! So Beautiful!

Announcement

I think I'm breaking the rule which is don't make decisions late at night or something. But I also don't think it counts because these aren't life-changing decisions which is what the rule is for, right?

I don't think I'm going to do the Ewan McGregor Halloween event. I don't have the energy to even think about it. Plus, it's not like it's something I can do that won't be done better by somebody else anyway.

I think I've reached the end of the Ewan McGregor Screentime Percentage project. Again, lack of energy, not necessarily lack of interest. I don't see the point anymore, I guess.

No more SFW Alphabets. Sorry to the two friends who wanted a Curt Wild one. I tried and I just can't even look at my drafts anymore. I had a few in the works and was very excited. I realized I'm just not any good at it.

I'm just tired a lot and can't think. Even Ewan is bringing me less comfort. More like a bandaid on a broken leg. I'm truly sorry if you looked forward to my posts. Hope that doesn't sound arrogant. I really wanted to do it for you.

If you received this, you are a great mutual 🫂 Send this to 10 of your mutuals to spread love ❤️❤️❤️

Thank you! 🤗🫶

I'm sorry. Y'all didn't follow for all this sad stuff. I don't have people offline to share my vulnerable self with so easily. I've tried and tried to push through and figure things out by myself. I just feel like an absolute wreck of a person. I'm not even a person. I have something I must do that I've been putting off, and of course, it must be done alone. I'm very scared and angry and crying as I type this. I can only hope against hope against hope against HOPE that I will finally receive peace when it is done. That I can move on and be normal and happy and a real person again. The kind of person you'll like. I've let my family down. I've let myself down. And I feel like I've let you down. Things will be different. They'll be better. I have to believe it.

Yay! I'm glad you finally saw this!

I was worried that you didn't like it so I just accepted the L. I'm glad you did though! 🫶🫶🫶

I saw you reblogged an ask game so I wanted to send you stuff!

First, a compliment: you're very mutt coded to me. Like, a street dog that people think is dangerous but really you're just chillin. Or in human terms, Curt Wild coded. You're the type of person I would've invited to go adventuring in the woods with me as a teen. I hope I made sense 😅

HELLO WAIT IM JUST SEEING THIS

Dude i do not think you realize how much this fucking means to me oh my God this is exactly like,, how i feel n wanna be perceived holy shit

AAAA CURT WILDE CODED im giggling omg 🤭🤭🤭🤭

Okay, I'm taking a break from the movie and gonna share my ramblings thus far. Spoilers ahead!

The Moulin Rouge establishing number really is fun! It's just a headache when you're trying to tally screentime. I like Zidler singing and dancing.

The patrons singing "Smells Like Teen Spirit" was awesome. Gave me chills.

Toulouse has my heart! I feel like he's edited to be shorter or something though. Something feels uncanny when watching him. Idk.

Nicole Kidman's singing doesn't do it for me. It's much to soft and she's consistently drowned out by others or the background music.

"Spectacular Spectacular" sequence was really fun.

Satine abruptly trilling and saying "I feel like dancing" to the Duke got the first laugh from me. That was 30 minutes in.

"Your Song" sequence was magical. I felt transported.

Surely Zidler could tell from his telescope that Satine was unconscious while (from his pov) she was being fucked. He was okay with that. And also with spying on an intimate moment 🤢. That made me sad for Satine. Zidler might act like a silly uncle but he's still a pimp at the end of the day.

Hot take: I like the Duke. Why is he the bad guy? Cuz he has a moustache and funny accent we're supposed to understand not to like him? Are we supposed to think he's ugly therefore bad? I think the actor is handsome. He's doing a good job.

Another hot take: why does Christian love Satine? Because she's the most beautiful out of Zidler's sex workers? If Satine was a Diamond Dog instead of the Sparkling Diamond then what would happen? Does he love her because she made him think she loved him and he just couldn't get over it? I'm confused and feel like the movie doesn't want me to think about it.

I could understand Satine loving Christian easier than the reverse. He's innocent, naive, genuine, and handsome. He's the puppy and she's the master. He's completely infatuated with her. Like a puppy, he can't help but want to follow her and shower her with kisses and cuddles. If I were in Satine's place, I would appreciate that sort of blind and gentle worship when I'm sure it's not common amongst her patrons. It's still not enough for me but it makes more sense. Maybe I'll elaborate later.

What is Nini's problem? That smirk she makes behind the Duke after cluing him in to what is happening under his nose made me angry.

The Duke is genuinely trying to woo Satine and keeps getting shut down. Let us see why we shouldn't root for him! Why is Christian the better choice??? How do we know the Duke wouldn't treat Satine the same if he actually got the chance? I actually feel sorry for him because he thinks he has a shot and they're just playing in his face.

Okay, so did anyone else watch "Come What May" and think "oh my god these are their wedding vows!" 😭 I can't begin to describe how precious that gesture is. My heart!

I will agree with Zidler that rewriting the play when the show opens TOMORROW is demanding the impossible.

Satine truly loves Christian. She's not doing this because Zidler owns her, or because her coworkers are depending on her to keep their livelihood. She's doing this for him. I admire her.

I'm sorry but can anyone tell me when in the world a couple would perform the Argentinian's tango? The thought seriously has me cracking up 🤣

On a serious note: That™️ scene is viscerally powerful. I mean damn. They didn't hold back. I think I want to talk about that more later.

But while we're on the subject, let's go ahead and address the Duke. There's 36 minutes left in the movie and NOW we see he's not the right choice. 36 minutes! Also, I understand him being angry. He's right. Satine DID make him believe she loved him. She lied to his face for months. He tried to be understanding about her work. He tried to make accommodations. They were betrothed and he trusted that she was being faithful to him and honest when she said wanted him. That is not his fault. She played him and the rug was finally pulled out from under his feet. I think his pain and feelings of betrayal are understandable. Now, how he deals with that pain is not okay. And this is a bit of a parallel between him and Christian. It's not a perfect comparison at all because Christian was lied to for only 5 seconds unlike the Duke. However, I can't help but think about the difference between Christian's response to rejection and the Duke's. If we remember that Satine says her job is literally to make men fall in love with her then I imagine that the Duke's reaction is one she has dealt with far too often...

Moulin Rouge Thoughts

So guys, I've been watching Moulin Rouge, and well, I've been thinking. I've had a lot of thoughts while watching and should've done this earlier. Maybe I'll start doing it for the other Ewan reviews. But I wanted to jot down the things that cross my mind while watching because, oh boy, have things been crossing my mind. I'm just afraid that I'm going to come across as a psychopath at worst, and a dumb dumb at best. I'm trusting that y'all have better insight into this movie since it's so beloved. I only just watched it for the first time recently. Stay tuned...if you dare ☠️

I want to use this but for Ewan character headcanons 🫣

So my problem with most ‘get to know your character’ questioneers is that they’re full of questions that just aren’t that important (what color eyes do they have) too hard to answer right away (what is their greatest fear) or are just impossible to answer (what is their favorite movie.)  Like no one has one single favorite movie. And even if they do the answer changes.

If I’m doing this exercise, I want 7-10 questions to get the character feeling real in my head. So I thought I’d share the ones that get me (and my students) good results: 

What is the character’s go-to drink order? (this one gets into how do they like to be publicly perceived, because there is always some level of theatricality to ordering drinks at a bar/resturant)

What is their grooming routine? (how do they treat themselves in private)

What was their most expensive purchase/where does their disposable income go? (Gets you thinking about socio-economic class, values, and how they spend their leisure time)

Do they have any scars or tattoos? (good way to get into literal backstory) 

What was the last time they cried, and under what circumstances? (Good way to get some *emotional* backstory in.) 

Are they an oldest, middle, youngest or only child? (This one might be a me thing, because I LOVE writing/reading about family dynamics, but knowing what kinds of things were ‘normal’ for them growing up is important.)

Describe the shoes they’re wearing. (This is a big catch all, gets into money, taste, practicality, level of wear, level of repair, literally what kind of shoes they require to live their life.)

Describe the place where they sleep. (ie what does their safe space look like. How much (or how little) care / decoration / personal touch goes into it.)

What is their favorite holiday? (How do they relate to their culture/outside world. Also fun is least favorite holiday.) 

What objects do they always carry around with them? (What do they need for their normal, day-to-day routine? What does ‘normal’ even look like for them.) 

So boops are actually happening again, I just can't participate.

Are people actually able to boop each other right now? I'm confused on what's happening. Why can't I boop? I haven't seen an "opt in" option or anything to let me participate. I feel like I'm being pranked by everyone.

Puppy Break

Movie: The Island (2005)

Character: Lincoln Six Echo/Reader

Synopsis: You bring Lincoln Six Echo with you to the dog pound and he has a grave misunderstanding of what the purpose of a pound is.

A/N: I absolutely adore this character and see myself in him a bit. It’s a shame that he doesn’t receive more love in fandom. This story took longer than I expected and evolved way beyond its initial idea. Still, it was super fun to write! Hope you enjoy!

Your eyes snap open from peaceful slumber. You could have sworn you heard scratching at your door like a mole trying to dig its way into your room. You contemplate investigating the sound but the bed covers lull you back to its warm embrace. Obviously a mole isn’t trying to get into your room. The sound was probably just the remnants of a dream. You settle back down to rest and begin drifting off to dreamland when-

Whineee bark bark!

Okay, you definitely aren’t dreaming and that definitely isn’t a mole. You begrudgingly exit your bed to see the critter that found its way into your home. As you make your way to the door, you hear your housemate and friend, Lincoln Six Echo, urgently shushing, "Please be quiet, little one! My friend does not like being woken up so early."

You open the door and ask, “Lincoln, what on earth is going on out here?” You catch Lincoln crouched with his back towards you halfway from your door trying to make a sneaky exit.

“Uh-oh, too late” Lincoln says sheepishly. He slowly turns around and smiles proudly while holding out a small puppy cradled in his hands. “I have a new friend!” The puppy barked as if to confirm what Lincoln said as true.

“Uh, where did you find a puppy, Lincoln?” You question. You love puppies but at this moment you’re worried that it might belong to someone missing their furry friend.

“He found me! I went outside to take out the trash and he was sitting in front of the door. He kept following me and wanted to come inside so now we are friends!” The puppy interrupted Lincoln with a whine and squirmed wildly to get out of his grasp. Upon setting the pup down he immediately went to squat and your eyes widened in horror as you realized why he was so fussy.

“NONONO!” You cried out and picked up the pup mid poop to run outside where he continued his “business”. You rubbed your temple in exasperation. You loved Lincoln. You really did. But he somehow had an uncanny ability to bring chaos to your mundane life. The pup began sniffing around the yard and you cooed at him to get his attention. He bounded over to you and you scratched his tiny head. Lincoln sat next to you and you showed him how to gently pet the pup. The puppy seemed to enjoy all the attention and rolled over on his back with his tail wagging energetically. You then noticed that “he” is actually a “she.”

“Looks like your new friend is a girl.” you chuckle.

“Really? how do you know?” Lincoln asked with a puzzled expression.

“Well, uhh, you know- look, I’ll explain later just trust me on this.”

“Oh, Okay! So, can we keep her?”

You scratch under the puppy’s chin. She has a stubby tail and is white with a brown spot on her back, a white muzzle, and brown face and ears with a white stripe between her eyes. You recognize her breed as a Jack Russell Terrier.

“First, we have to see if she belongs to anybody. Someone might be looking for her. You don’t want to steal someone’s friend, right?

"You turned and looked at him.

“No, I don’t want to do that” he said slowly. “But, if no one is looking for her, then can we keep her?” he looked at you optimistically.

You didn’t want to ruin his enthusiasm. Sure, puppies are cute and fun to play with but they are also a huge responsibility. However, it was difficult to tell him no considering the hardships he has faced. Plus, your heart was warmed seeing Lincoln be showered with puppy kisses. Maybe it would be helpful for him to learn how to take of something else. But is a puppy the right thing for such a task? You were already taking care of Lincoln and helping him get acclimated to life outside the Institute. Adding a puppy to the mix might be too much mental strain for him and financial strain for you. There was so much to contemplate and you didn’t yet know how to explain all this to Lincoln. So, you decided to let him down gently when the time was right. For now, you give him a simple “I’ll think about it.” Surely by tomorrow he will have found another new friend. You and Lincoln play with the pup outside for a bit and feed her some bits of leftover chicken before walking around the neighborhood asking if anyone was missing their dog. To your dismay (and Lincoln’s relief), no one had lost a Jack Russell puppy.

“Yay we can keep her we can keep her!” Lincoln chanted triumphantly.

“Hold on Lincoln, I said I’d think about it. Besides, there’s one more place we need to go. If there’s any information on this pup, then it’ll be at the dog pound.”

“What’s a dog pound?” Lincoln queried.

“It’s where lost dogs go so their owners can find them.”

“Huh, ok.” You could see Lincoln mulling over what you just told him. You expected him to ask another question until it seemed he decided against it with a quick shake of his head. You both got into your car with the puppy sitting in Lincoln’s lap and drove to the local pound. When you got there, the two of you went inside and walked to the front desk to talk to the receptionist.

“Good morning, how may I help you?” the receptionist greeted you both with a warm smile. She was wearing scrubs with puppies and kittens on them which seemed to put Lincoln a bit at ease.

“Hello” you began, “my friend here found this puppy in our yard earlier today. We’ve asked our neighbors if she belongs to them but we’ve had no luck so far. I was wondering if anyone has called or come up here looking for a lost puppy?”

“I’m sorry, I haven’t received any calls or heard anything about a lost puppy thus far. But, if you’d like, I can take her to the back and see if she’s been chipped. If she has then we can pull up her owner’s information and contact them right away.”

The receptionist finished explaining and held her hands out to Lincoln to take the pup. Lincoln protectively wrapped his arms tighter around the puppy and looked at you with worry in his eyes.

“Can’t I go with her? What if she gets scared?” he asked.

“It’s okay, Lincoln.” you reassure him. “You need to let the nice lady do her job so she can help us. She won’t be gone long.” this time, you hold your hands out. Lincoln sighed and relinquished the pup into your hands then you turned and passed her to the patient receptionist.

“Don’t worry, sir. I’ll take good care of her and be back before you know it.” She flashed another smile then walked through the door behind her desk.

You patted Lincoln’s shoulder and gave him a soft smile. “How about we take a look at the other dogs here while we wait?” you hoped that this would provide a nice distraction for Lincoln.

“There are other dogs here?” Lincoln looked at you quizzically.

“Yeah, remember, I told you that this is where lost dogs go. According to that sign up ahead they’re just down the hallway.” You motion to Lincoln to follow you and begin walking down the hallway. The sound of dogs barking grew louder and you soon see the first of several metal gates that line the corridor on both sides. You walk up to an elderly golden retriever who lazily wags its tail and ambles toward the gate. You kneel down to let it sniff your hand. You were so focused on the dog that you didn’t notice Lincoln frozen in place with a look of fear plastered on his face.

“Why are they locked up? Who did this to them?” Lincoln’s voice is soft and quivering. Looking at these sweet animals, he was reminded of his life at the Institute and being locked away from the world. Even the metal bars preventing the clamoring dogs from being pet reminded him of the ever watchful guards telling him to “watch his proximity.”

You look up at him with confusion written on your face. “They’re not locked up, Link. This is just for their and our safety. Trust me, the staff take very good care of them. You stand up to walk toward Lincoln and he takes a step back. “Lincoln, what’s wrong? What are you thinking about?” You were concerned for your friend. He doesn’t talk much about his life at the Institute but sometimes when he has a nightmare or a panic attack over something that seems normal to you, he opens up a bit. You feel that this is one of those moments that he is being reminded of his past life. You just hope that he will confide in you so that you can put his fears to rest. Before he can answer, the receptionist peeks her head down the hall and calls to you both. You make a mental note to continue this conversation later and head back down the hall into the main entrance. You cross your fingers that the puppy has a home somewhere.

“So I scanned this sweet girl and it doesn’t look like she’s registered to a home. Sounds to me like she was meant to be with you.” She looked at Lincoln and gave him a playful wink. She continued, “Would you like to be her forever home or would you rather leave her with us?”

“Yes, we’ll take her!” Lincoln thrust his arms out to take the puppy back when you step in front of him.

“Actually, could you give us a minute to think it over, please?” you ask.

The lady nods and says, “I’ll give you two some privacy. I’ll be back here whenever you’re ready.” and walked back through the door.

“Hey! you said-” Lincoln starts but you interrupt him.

“I said I’ll THINK about it, Lincoln. That doesn’t mean yes!” Lincoln lowers his head and you mentally kick yourself for your words coming out hasher than you wanted but you know it’s time to rip off the band-aid.

“Listen, Lincoln” you say with a softer tone, “I know you want this puppy very badly, but you don’t understand how big of a responsibility they are. If you want a pet, I’ll get you one, but we need to start smaller than a dog.” you tenderly place your hand on his shoulder and hope he understands where you’re coming from. Instead, he catches you off guard with a question.

“What does chipped mean?” Lincoln slowly meets your eyes. “The lady said that if puppy was chipped then they can contact her owner. What is a chip?”

You’re a bit surprised at his question and why he’s thinking about that right now but answer slowly, “a chip is a very tiny tracker that is inserted under the skin of an animal. It contains their information like where they live and who to call if they’re lost. It’s for their safety.”

“Just like my tracker was for my safety?” Lincoln looked at you with a new resolve and wrapped his fingers around his wrist mimicking a bracelet. The one he and all the other clones were forced to wear so that their movements would always be under surveillance. The one that ensured no one ever escaped. The one that you removed when, just like this lost puppy, he wound up on your doorstep searching for a friend. Just as it dawns on you why he was so tense earlier and the significance of what you just explained to him, Lincoln exclaimed, “This is just the Institute all over again! We can’t leave her here! We have to help them before it’s too late!” and with that Lincoln burst through the receptionist’s door, ran to her, and snatched the puppy out of her hands. The poor woman could do nothing but shriek in surprise. Lincoln turned toward the entrance door to escape but something caught his eye: a big red lever on the wall beside the receptionist’s door that read “Pull for Emergency.” Unfortunately for everyone, Lincoln could’t read, but he was hoping that this big red lever hidden behind the door was just what he needed to free his doggy friends. With one hand he cradled the puppy and with the other he pulled the lever.

You were taken aback by how quickly Lincoln moved to rescue his puppy friend. “Lincoln, STOP! What are you doing?” you shouted! But it was like he couldn’t hear you. As he ran back toward you, you saw him briefly hesitate while staring at the wall in front of him and then pull something. Immediately, alarms started blaring, lights flashing and the overhead sprinklers drenching you in water. Pandemonium ensued with the all dogs barking, jumping, and howling. The cold water seemed to snap the receptionist to her senses and she yelled “GET OUT OF MY BUILDING NOOOWWW!”

You and Lincoln bolt out of the building and jump into your car. You were so shocked at this turn of events that you couldn’t even say anything until the puppy stood up on Lincoln’s lap and shook water everywhere. You slammed the brakes and yelled, “What on earth was that?! Are you crazy?!”

“I was j-just trying to f-f-free them!” He stuttered. The cold water soaking both of your clothes was taking its toll.

You took a deep breath to calm down and tried to see things from his perspective. “Lincoln, they don’t need to be freed. I know you see similarities between them and you but this is different. I would never bring this puppy or any animal to a place that is going to harm them. Besides, even if you were successful, now there would be hundreds of dogs running loose with nowhere to go, no food or water and most importantly, no way for their families to find them.”

“I g-g-guess I didn’t think about that...I’m s-sorry.” he apologized through chattering teeth.

You drove the rest of the way home in silence. When you parked the car in the driveway you paused before getting out and let out a chuckle, “I can’t believe you pulled the fire alarm trying to break those dogs out.”

Lincoln timidly chuckled as well and within seconds you were both laughing uproariously till tears came out of your eyes. Or was that just water dripping from your hair onto your face? Either way, you wiped your face and turned to exit the car when Lincoln meekly asked, “So, have you thought about it?” You turned to look at him and were met by four pairs of puppy dog eyes. You sighed.

How could you say no?

After watching Ewan's Walk of Fame ceremony I feel reinvigorated. Finally cracked open my notebook to work on the EMSP again!

Vent Post

I'm very obsessed with my body. Unfortunately, not in the self-love way but the self-hate way.

Ewan McGregor, my favorite actor, is also my biggest trigger when it comes to micro analyzing my body. This sucks turds. Like, I'm afraid the solution is to just stop looking at Ewan, stop watching his movies, just act like he doesn't exist.

I'd rather be trampled to death by a herd of horses.

He makes me happy and I love being part of his fan base! Why in the world would I give that up?

But I don't want to constantly compare my body to someone else's either. I don't know what to do, honestly. I feel like I'm at a pivotal moment where I'm still clear-minded enough to recognize that I'm going down an unhealthy road. Which means that I can still change course before I'm consumed with dysregulated thinking. I just don't know what that looks like.