The Fact That My Friends Are Having A Perfectly Normal Day And I’m Over Here Foaming At The Mouth Waiting

Mike Realises His Feelings Halfway Through S4 - Analysis

I was editing this post and one specific clip caught me off guard, which was this one specifically:

I 100% believe this is Mike realising his feelings for Will.

When you look into it, you start to notice the small details. Mike blinking approximately twelve times in seven seconds alone, almost like he's trying to block out any thoughts that just came to his head; Will telling Mike that he should say I love you to El when she comes back, but when Mike responds he stares at Will like he can't take his eyes off of him; then he says "Yeah'" not once but twice, almost foreshadowing he has to say it two times (one to El, one to Will); how the way he says it even makes me believe he knows the true person he's supposed to say I love you to; when he turns back he blinks even more and silently thinks to himself; the fact that he is using his Will voice and how he doesn't talk for the rest of the scene like he's processing what he's just discovered until the "Looks like it's going to be up to us again" line.

Mike's still under the impression that Will doesn't reciprocate, that Will could never reciprocate. And he knows that the person he should say I love you to is Will, but Will wants him to say it to El. This is further implied to Mike when he has to use Will's confession to confess to El while Will practically begs him to in order to save El.

But once you look at the full picture, this scene begins to unravel a whole chain reaction of the true meaning of the other events.

First of all, before Mike has this realisation, he and Will have the fight and the awkward conversation in the airport (basically, Mike still views Will as a friend and is repressing his feelings, eg: "We're friends! We're friends!") Mike and El also have their fight within this timeframe, where Mike is under the impression that they're broken up because he calls it a "fight you don't come back from" and El uses "From El" in her letter. This scene even starts off with Mike crumpling up the "From El" letter as he and Will talk about Mlvn's relationship. I think this scene is Mike trying to process everything. El doesn't use "Love, El" anymore, so he has full reason to believe that El's moved on. And through this, he's trying to move on as well. But in the process, he gets wrapped up with Will and ends up falling for him.

After Mike has the talk with Will, you end up noticing he's a lot more... flirtatious, especially in the apology scene. And you wonder... why didn't Mike apologise to Will before the talk with him about El going away? It's because Mike didn't see a reason to apologise before when he was, and I quote, "worrying too much about El". But once El left, and he saw through his own disguise, he apologised to Will because he finally realised what everything meant, and that he didn't mean any of it.

I'm not even sure Mike is aware he's flirting with Will. But when he realises... he tries to push his feelings away knowing that Will's the only solution to his problems. But I supposed he gets ahead of himself, because I mean, you can't really interpret this other than flirting.

Towards the end, when the car pulls up and destroys the moment, Mike realises what he exactly was doing, and he tears his head away in response.

And... I've always wondered why we have two scenes with Will and Mike where they talk about how Mike should have said "that thing" to El, just repeating the same thing over again. Why do we need two scenes with the same dialogue? Though, considering that the first one happens right before Mike realises his true feelings, and the other after he realises, it's very telling.

Scene A:

Scene B:

Scene A is Mike oblivious to his feelings for Will, where he thinks he needed to say I love you in order to keep her safe, that he'd take her with her. Scene B is Mike realising that he shouldn't need to say I love you, but rather should have told her what was going on with him, hence the line "Maybe I should have explained myself."

This even explains when Mike nods as Will says "Sometimes, I think it's just... scary. To say how you really feel. Especially, to the people you care about the most. Because... what if they don't like the truth?"

And now, we know why Mike nods. He's too scared to tell Will how he truly feels, one of the people he cares about the most, because he thinks Will would never reciprocate, especially after pushing Mike to tell El he loves her.

This even backs up the triple take in the desert, when Will stares at him and he panics because Will can't know that he's staring too. He's scared. Scared to come to terms with his newfound feelings.

You start to wonder why Mike isn't shoveling in the first few frames of this scene. Why he looks like he's pondering his life choices. So he looks to Will, for answers-at least something to tell him that it's all just a phase and these feelings will pass soon, but when he sees Will staring at him, he panics and tenses up, because he's scared to give himself hope and that Will will find out.

I think that later on in the season, he tries to put these feelings aside.

He tries to push them away because Will still believes that the person he loves is El, and after Mike was led to believe and he and El were over, Will reminds him that El still needs him. That what El wants is for Mike to tell her he loves her. So, now he's under the impression that El still loves him and needs his love. He's also under the impression that Will wants him to tell El that he loves her, oblivious to the real reason Mike can't say the words to her face. And so, in order to make both the people he cares about happy, he goes through with the plan. He plagiarizes Will's monologue and passes El's supposed feelings as his own. But when we see El again, she appears like she doesn't need him anymore. She's mourning Max by herself in peace, because it's something she needs to do alone. She doesn't need him for comfort anymore- she's realised that she doesn't have to rely on him because he doesn't give her the love that she needs. She realised there were other people that cared about her just as much (Max, Will) and Mike wasn't the only one who deserved her attention. She knew the monologue was fake. She knew that what Mike was trying to tell her wouldn't help her in the end.

But when we see Will again, Will's hurting. He's hurting, just like El, but this time, he talks to Mike about it, telling him about Vecna and everything he feels, and Mike places his hand on Will's shoulder, telling him that he's there.

Because it's not El that needs Mike anymore...

It's Will.

Mike's season five arc is going to be heavily centered around protecting Will again after realising that El's moved on. It's going to focus on him, making sure Will's okay, while he deals with the fact that he can't just push these feelings away anymore. They're going to stay with him, and they weren't going away anytime soon. Will being a main character again even backs up this cause. It's going to be season one and season two all over again.

TLDR; Mike realises his feelings halfway through S4 and knows who he should really say I love you to. But, being pressured by Will and El's supposed feelings, he thinks what's wanted is for him to tell El he loves her. But after we learn El doesn't need him anymore, the true person that needs him and that he needs to is Will.

will could paint him and mike kissing and then decide to backtrack by saying “i didn’t know how to draw el so i drew me instead but it’s actually you and el” and mike would say oh ok that makes sense

I love that all of us are joking that Noah is refreshing the tag but at the same time we’re being serious because that boy is full of chaos

i know he’s here.

this really just makes me go feral. like they really did that.

I do enjoy Dean getting initially twitchy and weird over fake dating Cas for a case and being super awkward with it BUT I also love the idea(and actually find it to be a bit more canon) of him immediately falling into the role perfectly and Cas being the awkward one. Because Deans a romantic at heart and if he’s gonna play a role he’s gonna play it. He goes full romcom. Pet names just rolling off the tongue and pda becomes instant second nature. He’s slapping his ass and slipping his arm around his waist while Cas is stiff as a statue. He manually puts Cas’ hand into his back pocket while they’re walking like “cmon man we gotta sell it!” He plants a kiss on wide eyed Cas’ cheek and manages to not blush until he’s rounded the corner while Cas bluescreens. Hes got their hands intertwined every chance he gets. Cas eventually catches up and when hes the one to initiate that’s when Dean loses every bit of cool he had. Cas calls him pet names and he instantly chokes on his own tongue. Cas slides his hand into Deans back pocket like he told him to and Dean almost jumps out of his skin. Cas kisses him and you can almost see the smoke pouring out of his ears. He can dish it out but he can’t take it

I still need this to happen

the thought of everyone trying to save will from vecna with the wrong song will be my hope /every/ single time. its such a great idea and perfect symbolism to how distant hes become to everyone. the idea that instead of all the good memories he has with his friends, it just plays all the /bad/ ones over a song hes grown out of. over should i stay or should i go. the song that, yes, helped him through the upside down but in the grand scheme of things now, is just the anthem of his sorrow and trauma. 

another thought being that jonathan angrily puts boys dont cry into the walkman, noticing how little his best friends actually know about him. jonathan possibly even making a comment directly to mike about how hes needed him all this time and how he failed him. how jonathan had to go out of his way to tell will to “have fun” at the roller rink bc he knew how badly he was being left out. just jonathan best big brother, essentially.

me: oh gosh i really hope my blog gives off kind and welcoming vibes in the supernatural fandom 🥺💕

also me: if you don't like castiel, aka light of my life... don't Talk to me. don't Look at me. don't even fucking Breathe in my direction bitch

i'm not apologizing for the person i'll become once the script is out. i've been waiting for this. i deserve to go a little crazy. bonkers, if you will.

there is something really nasty the body does that I have to tell you about. sleep deprivation causes the body to feel stronger signals. it can make light and sound and pain worse, just from not sleeping. and then, get this - - that can be the kind of shit that keeps someone up at night. less sleep makes more pain happen, more pain can make less sleep happen, and this feedback loop keeps spinning. and then that feedback loop fucks with your body and can make you have worse illnesses, worse infections, worse physical health, worse mental health, and feel like shit overall. and then THAT can make it even harder to sleep.

quality of sleep is quality of life. no matter what else you have going on, you have to prioritize sleep. if your sleep is not restful, you might have something like sleep apnea that can make you weaker until you get treated. whatever is stopping you from sleeping needs to be a priority because it will wreck you until you can sleep. your body cannot function properly without enough sleep, and it might not even tell you that sleep is the problen.

your body might just tell you that everything sucks forever until you can figure it out and get it addressed. there are ways to break the pain and sleep deprivation feedback loop, like medication. and if sleep still sucks, really consider getting a sleep study. even if it is a pain in the ass, your health might depend on it.

no matter what else you try, no matter how else you try to prioritize your health, and no matter how you have to accomplish this, you might not be able to feel better until you can actually get enough quality sleep.

scrolling through ao3, once again realising the one fic I want to read is the one I have to write.