Got To Keep Reminding Myself This

As a young black girl I honestly don’t think I’ll ever feel attractive until I start sexualizing myself. But even if I do that I’ll be objectively ugly regardless and this also applies to how much weight I loose, how much makeup I’ll learn to cake my face with, and the billions of hairstyles and wigs I’ll probably try, all of it will have the same outcome. A girl so ugly she can’t be fixed.

this is girlhood. ethiopian skater girls. source

ADHD PRO TIP: if your space continually ends up cluttered, then your stuff is probably too difficult to put away or includes too many steps.

Let me explain.

Our brains can only handle so many steps in a task before the "eh, I'll do it later" instinct kicks in. When this happens, we set the object down on the nearest flat surface and let it pile up. Once it's down, it becomes scenery and we stop worrying about it (...until the clutter becomes stressful).

I have art supplies under my bed that can only be accessed by taking everything else out from under there first. Once I've done that and used my item, I never want to put it back because it's an entire ordeal. "I'll do it later." Yeah no the fuck I won't.

The solution was one of these bad boys:

Wheels so it can be moved around, clear so I can see what's in it, and separate drawers so I can store multiple types of objects separately. It's much easier to toss something back in the drawer than rearrange the underside of my bed for the fifth time.

Another example is laundry. It's practically a universal experience that ADHD people will move the laundry basket around our room instead of actually putting the clothes away. I do it frequently. While I can't eliminate that entirely, I can mitigate it for one simple reason: I hang up my shirts. Why have I been folding my shirts to put them in the basket, only to unfold them to hang them up? It's way more effective to just bring a bunch of hangers to the laundry room with me and go straight from dryer to hanger to closet.

The less steps a cleaning task has, the more likely we are to get it done.

If you're a kid, please take some time to disconnect from your phone today (and every day). Phones aren't necessarily The Enemy™, but I think you'll notice a positive difference in your mental health and overall well-being if you take time each day to read a book, go outside, play with any pets you have, etc. It might sound kinda silly, but I promise you that these things are helpful. Frankly, I wish I knew this as a kid, specifically as a teen. Be safe out there, and take care of yourselves. 🧡

What's his name?

We need to start telling Black girls that they’re beautiful again I’m so fucking serious. Enough of the “average Black girl” bullshit and pretending to be positive while tearing yourselves(and other Black women) down. No, you are not average just because you don’t wear makeup or wigs or extensions and aren’t slim thick and don’t look like an IG baddie(no shade to IG baddies ofc, you do you!). The whole “well ya see saying all women are beautiful is misogynistic because it places beauty as our primary value as women” shit doesn’t apply to Black women and never has. Black women live in a society that insists on telling us that we’re not beautiful any time we try to be confident about ourselves and how we(naturally) look. So let’s not give them the satisfaction. All Black girls are beautiful. Lightskin, brownskin, darkskin, short, tall, skinny, fat, muscular, cis, trans, girly, tomboyish, short-haired and long-haired, no matter what you look like, if you are a Black girl, then you are beautiful by default! Period! 💅🏿

If it feels hard to compliment you own body, to say positive statements, then please appreciate your body for what it can do for you, and it can be something as simples as “it keeps me alive”. It’s hard to immediately stop saying negative things about ourselves, and it might feel strange saying very positive things to it. Try saying neutral things first, than maybe slowly you can find new positive things that don’t feel too outlandish because it feels “fake”. It’s something that takes time for us to assimilate and for us to finally become a little more comfortable with our bodies. They’re doing the best they can with the circumstances, they are trying to survive. And if that’s the only thing you can appreciate, that’s a start. Changing the way we speak to ourselves might be a slow thing to get used to, but it is worth for you to have some peace of mind, even if it feels odd to say it. The repetition will help too, and you’ll find it less and less strange with time. Please be patient with yourself.