First Off I Wanna Preface This By Saying That I’m Not Actually A Trans Man/masc, But I Had An Experience

casings by ethel cain is SO catradora-coded that it's driving me fucking insane and i can't think about anything else.

ethel asking "am i not good enough for you, is there something wrong with me?" and literally all i can imagine is catra not understanding why she wasn't good enough for adora to stay with her :(

and catra thinking that adora replaced her with glimmer and bow, how adora was so willing to give everything up she had with catra for them

ofc we, as the audience, understand why adora left (we understand adora's savior complex and her moral drive), but the only explanation that catra can imagine is that she never mattered to adora as much as as adora mattered to her.

and actually, if you ask me, i think that's partially true. shadow weaver made is extremely fucking clear to catra that she had no worth outside of adora. without adora's affection, catra meant nothing. growing up, catra's whole sense of herself is so intrinsically tied to who she is to adora. adora is her lifeline.

this isn't true for adora. her worth is tied to her usefulness, her strength, her obedience. shadow weaver also made that incredibly clear to her too. it's why becoming she-ra in the first season is the worst possible thing that could've happened to her.

it's why she leaves and catra stays and grieves.

it's not to say that adora doesn't love catra. adora loves her so, so much. she loves her with everything that she is, but she can't let herself love catra, because she has to be perfect. the perfect soldier, the perfect she-ra, the perfect hero, etc.

ugh the catradora angst is just unmatched. and now every single time i hear this stupidly beautiful and heartbreaking ethel song, all i can think about is them :((

do you see the vision or am i running out of things to say about this show?

i love being a weird girl ♡

Looking at utenanthy official art, I love how genuinely happy Anthy is portrayed in art that is meant to be post-anime.

Look at how happy she is!! Another notable detail is that she tends to be more in control in comparison to her art with utena as the rose bride (I mean, that's a bit obvious considering she was the rose bride but I still feel the need to point it out)

She is held (damsel in distress style) by utena, who looks to be more in control and still has the prince mentality. (not all the art before the ending is like this, but a lot of it is). So it makes me really happy to see a genuinely happy and free anthy be more in control. They're in love!! They're free and they're happy!!

This post doesn't bring anything new to the table and I'm guessing this has been pointed out a million times before, but I want to gush about 90s anime lesbians. I love them dearly. Did you know they changed my life forever.

Happy five year anniversary of Catradora! This is a holiday for me.

truest words that have ever been spoken

everything is going to shit, but at least i have my fan fics

understanding catra in taking control s5: ep 6

(lots of awesome people have already said some amazing things about this, but it’s been on my mind a lot especially since i’ve been seeing some anti catra bullshit lately)

first off, i want to say that i don’t think that catra is necessarily handling the situation well, but i often see people saying some crazy shit about how she’s so “ungrateful” to adora for rescuing her or whatever and just generally being incredibly insensitive to her.

you have to remember everything that catra has gone through up until the point. horde prime had just completely violated her body and mind, electrocuting her in the baptismal pool, cutting off her hair, and infiltrating her memories. catra, who is already deeply afraid of the losing control (namely to shadow weaver, who taught her that power and control were necessary to be safe from her abuse), just lost all of her autonomy in the most fucking disturbing, pseudo-religious way possible.

before this, catra fully expected to die. i’ve seen a lot of different takes and i’m relatively open-minded to about what it is that catra thinks specifically when she remembers that scene with her and adora’s younger selves in corridors, but i think that it’s something along these lines:

“all i’ve ever done is hurt adora, and all she ever tried to do was love me instead. i’ve loved her and wanted her more than anyone else, and still all i did was hurt her. adora finally gave up on me, like i deserved all along anyway. but maybe, just maybe, the last thing i do could be for her. maybe that last little piece of goodness in me could live on in her.”

hence the:

“all i do is hurt people. there’s no one left in the entire universe who cares about me.”

anyway, my point is that catra has been through fucking hell :(

adora rescues her, and in the moment, catra is (obviously) relieved, shocked, surprised, confused, even. (“why did you come back? we both know i don’t matter.”)

the confusion is the main thing i want to focus on. catra really truly believes that adora hates her (shadow weaver has conditioned her to believe that she has always been inherently worthless and unlovable), so catra can’t understand why adora would ever come back for her.

catra eventually comes to the conclusion that adora just wanted to feel like a hero. she just came back to rescue catra to prove her virtue or her moral superiority to catra.

so she lashes out. she feels so completely out of control, and bitter with adora for her actions, convinced that there is no way that adora came back for her out of love.

adora handles this like shit. the literal first thing she does is throw the mattress onto the floor, and later slams catra into the wall. adora lashes back at catra, hurt that catra doesn’t “appreciate” adora’s love for her. adora doesn’t even try for two fucking seconds to understand where catra is coming from.

(adora does have a consistent issue with only seeming to be able to empathize with catra’s emotions when catra is weak, vulnerable, and powerless throughout much of series honestly)

ugh and calling her a stubborn brat? like i love you adora, but that makes my blood fucking boil. it is SUCH condescending, shadow weaver-coded language to use toward catra. i understand, catra is being “difficult” or whatever, but god it’s so easy to see why catra is acting the way she is.

and ofc catra is scared of entrapta! obviously, catra wronged entrapta deeply, and catra has never lived in a world with grace and forgiveness. shadow weaver physically abused her all her life, and hordak suffocated her for losing shadow weaver and lying to him about it. catra knows that she hurt entrapta, so naturally she immediately assumes that entrapta is going to fucking kill her the minute she has a chance.

then adora’s reaction is to fucking shove her into the wall and tell her to “grow up”. catra just looks fucking terrified, backed into the corner in her little horde pjs :(

adora backs off for a moment and tells catra that she would respect her wish to drop her off somewhere, catra realizes that adora really could leave her, and immediately rushes to beg adora to stay, kneeling on the ground, reaching up for her hand. something about that whole scene just absolutely fucking breaks my heart.

it kills something in me when i hear people say that catra didn’t do enough for redemption. it’s never what her redemption was ever about. catra is genuinely so, so much more complicated than that. and so is adora! i’m still sad that adora never really made up to catra for some of her shitty behavior.

i don’t believe that their arcs are meant to be done at the end of the show. there’s still so much room for them to grow. and that is what the post canon fics are for lol

oops this ended up being wayyy more of a rant than i intended; i think about catradora all the time :)

the actual fucking chills that i get listening to perverts ♡

i'd say this is the last time i'll ever mention the jump in save the cat.. but i think we'd both know i was lying.

cause i know the first time i ranted on it my focus was on how heart-wrenching it is to think adora jumped without any idea or awareness quite yet of the fact that transforming without the sword was not only possible - but would actually conjure her true she-ra form, one far more seemingly invincible, able to innately wield her magic and abilities, displaying prowess and powers she had never before reached after all her training with light hope.

and how that meant she jumped just cause she couldn't stand the thought of catra dying down there alone, and even though it meant she might end up dying down there with her, one way or another, at least catra wouldn't have to face the end on her own.

but then i was making an amv using these scenes for literally prob like the 30th time lol annnd then the thought hit me - she had to have known there was a good chance catra wouldn't have survived the fall at all. and with the bottom cloaked in shadows, there was no way for her to know how far she, adora, would fall herself if she were to jump. so her own survival of even just the impact without her she-ra form was no guarantee, either.

but she still goes after her. she takes that risk. cause she can't just leave catra in the dark.

never could

never really meant to

never will again

and catra? ends up doing the same for adora. over and over. i'd add more examples but i hit my gif limit lol

<3

i’m sorry to say that this part of catra’s story hits a little too close to home :(

i love her sm

dude…… the nuance with which she-ra netflix reboot approaches a relationship an abuse victim has w their abuser…. the fact that catra hates shadow weavers guts for everything she put her through but also fundamentally cannot help but care about her…the fact that despite everything she still wants shadow weavers love and approval even if its unhealthy and she knows externally that shadow weavers not worth it…….. bro the understanding of the complexity of these things that the show exhibits……