One Of The Weirdest Things About Bpd Is Having Extreme Abandonment Issues But Having The Urge To Abandon

“Of course I knew. But it was my mind that knew, and it was my heart that was making the decisions.”

— Poetry At Most

I see sooo many posts showing support for those who have abusive or absent fathers so here’s one for those of you whom have mentally ill mothers who didn’t raise you right because they couldn’t. 

This is for you, the ones with moms that suffer from bpd, ptsd, anxiety, depression, addiction, etc. The mothers that always go out, and the ones that never leave the house.  I’m sorry she kept you sheltered growing up because she’s afraid of the world. I’m sorry for every name she ever called you out of anger and all the crying fits she made you feel responsible for. For all the times she scolded you for buying the wrong thing or not putting the dishes away correctly. I’m sorry you had to listen to her as she screamed at you at the top of her lungs as you begged her to leave you alone. I’m sorry you can’t open up to her. I’m sorry she can’t see what a blessing you are. I’m sorry she can’t be proud of you no matter how hard you’re trying, but I am. I’m proud of you. 

You’re doing great, and you deserve to be happy and to be supported.  It isn’t your fault that she is the way she is and you can’t fix her. Whether she refuses medication or abuses it, it’s not your fault. When you start to notice her illness rubbing off on you, it’s not your fault. 

You’re more than good enough and it’s going to be okay.  I promise.

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way than this: where I does not exist, nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.”

— Pablo Neruda, excerpt from Sonnet XVII (I Do Not Love You…)

“That blissful moment when she is wrapped around me and nothing else matters in the world. She’s the most important person in my life. And I wonder all the time how I got so lucky to have her. When she looks at me, my heart spirals out of control and all I want to do is make her smile. I want to hear her laugh, because knowing that I cause both of those really make me happy.

When her lips touch mine, a jolt of electricity shoots throughout my body and the feeling is nothing I have ever felt before. The love I have for her continues to increase every day. I am free falling and I know she will always be there to catch me. She’s a new love. A new happiness brought into my life. Something I can’t see myself living without. And I want to make her feel loved and happy for a really long time.

She’s the girl I have always wanted. And the one I will be there for, through thick and thin, always. Her heart is safe in my hands, I don’t have any intentions of dropping it. So when she looks at me in those small moments we have together, I think of all of the reasons on how we got to this point. She’s the only one that has ever made me feel like I am something in this world. And I’m so in love with her. I can’t wait to make more beautiful memories with her. After all, she is the love of my life.”

— S.V

“Friends can break your heart too.”

— deepvsadness

“I want to love, but I don’t want to break again.”

Love (via nemoday)

“i feel like i talk about you so much to my friends that they’re slowly getting sick of me with having your name coming out of my mouth all the time.”

— perhaps.

Positive Message of the Day

It’s okay if you can’t love your body yet. It’s okay if you can’t accept yourself yet. It’s okay if “thanking” your body or “finding inner qualities you like instead” don’t help in creating higher self-esteem. We battle against messages all around us telling us to hate our bodies. These are not easy things to unlearn. Be kind to yourself; what matters is that you’re trying.

Ugh I hate the whole “kids these days don’t have any respect my parents beat me and I learned RESPECT” and it’s like ok I grew up in a very strict house where physical and mental punishments were handed out frequently and this is what I learned

-How to lie really well even about ridiculous little things because I was never sure if the truth would get me in trouble

-How to over analyze the body language and tones of voice of everyone around me because I was taught people can snap at any moment and you have to be hyper-aware of your surroundings and the reactions of people

-How to push others in front of me so I could avoid getting hurt

-How to push myself in front of others to protect them from getting hurt

-How to “build alliances” with people toward temporary goals meanwhile knowing at any moment you might have to turn your “ally” in so you can escape punishment

-How to not ever attempt to do things because failure is way way way worse than not attempting

-How to mold myself into a moment so I can become a completely different person depending on the reactions of people around me.

Like knowing these things aren’t worth any level of “respect” I may have accidentally been taught while living in fear of the adults who were meant to care for and protect me.