A Comic About Controlling Your Symptoms And Trying To Get Other People To Understand Why It’s So Hard

“Guilt is pointless, and is not the same as regret. Regret is the feeling that tells us we are sorry for what we did and do not wish to do it again. Guilt is the feeling that indicts us for it, and never lets us redeem ourselves no matter what we do. Regret is empowering, guilt is paralyzing. Fear is pointless, and it is not the same as caution. Caution is the feeling that tells us we would benefit from looking both ways before stepping off the curb. Fear is the feeling that won’t let us step off the curb at all. Caution is empowering, fear is paralyzing.”

— Neale Donald Walsch 

STOP SCROLLING FOR A SEC

this is for all of you feeling guilt or regret

every single person has said and done things they regret or feel guilty about

and we think about it a lot and beat ourselves up over it

but what does that accomplish?

we can’t just pull a time machine out of our ass and go back in time and change the past

what’s said is said and what’s done is done

the fact that you are feeling guilty about it shows that you are a truly good person that knows right from wrong

there is nothing you can do to change the past, so you just have to move on

everybody makes mistakes, and then we learn from them

that’s just how life goes

live in the present. because that’s all you can do for the time being

now stop feeling regret and guilt, and go live your life

you’re doing amazing, and you are doing the best you can. stop being so hard on yourself all the time

we’re all just human after all.

“You know, I finally got over you. I spilt all my emotions into notebooks and cried through a pen and was left with pages of poems filled with you. It took me years and a strength I never knew I had. You changed me, there is no doubting that, I never returned to the girl I once was. The naïve sixteen-year-old who thought that love would never hurt her. I was angry at you for a while, and then I wasn’t, and then all I did was cry and then I just longed to be held by you at 3am when my tear soaked pillow reminded me of everything we’d lost. Then i was over you. I really was, I could drink black coffee again, I could go out with my friends again and I could listen to all the songs that reminded me of you with out crying. Then I came home for Christmas to visit my parents in the small town we met. The fairy lights and the Christmas tree and the decorations in everyone’s windows changed something and then I saw you. You hadn’t changed, and the soft twinkling lights against your face made me forget that I was over you and I guess I fell again. I hate that you have the power to do this to me, I hate that you can make me feel like a giddy sixteen-year-old again. I left her behind a long time ago, ran away from her. Moved to the biggest city and got the hardest job I could find. Cut my waist length hair and abandoned my favourite candy floss coloured hair clips. Just so I could leave behind the girl who had no other aspirations than to marry you and have kids and a dog and a cute house with a fence and daffodils in the garden the one we always use to talk about. I ran away and left behind the girl who didn’t need anything more than you. You saw me and you smiled. That little smirk that haunts my dreams but makes them worth remembering. You didn’t ask about my job and you didn’t tell me how proud you were of my promotion; you weren’t impressed by the small town girl living in a big city with an expensive apartment and designer shoes. All you said was “you cut your hair? I like it” After all those years and tears and poems and waking up next to strange men with blue eyes and brown hair, all you could say was “I like your hair”? I’ve never fallen harder or faster or deeper in love. We stood on the same pavement we stood when you gave me a plastic ring all those years ago when we were sixteen and we started laughing like we were sixteen again, and you looked at me like you use to before everything got complicated and heavy and hard. We aren’t sixteen anymore and things are even more complicated now and I don’t love you as much as I did. I love you more, because the truth is I never stopped, I didn’t get over you I just buried you and replaced you with the little things I could fall in love with like hot cocoa in the winter and walks through the park on my days off. I guess when I came back to this small town the girl I ran away from all those years ago found me again and now all I can think about is candy floss coloured hair clips and what we might name our kids, whether they’ll have my eyes and your nose or my long legs and your smile. I don’t know but I know I was made to love you and every time I look into your blue eyes I’m certain that I’ll love you as long as I’m alive.”

—

L.S.

This is my first long one so let me know if you like/don’t like it

“I’m a mess. That don’t rhyme with shit it’s just true.”

— Childish Gambino // L.E.S

“Trauma is a wound. Complex trauma is thousands of wounds inflicted on already existing ones. You’re not weak. You’re made out of wounds. You deserve to retreat. You deserve to rest. Just existing with so many wounds is exhausting and a torture.”

— you don’t have to explain to anyone why you can’t get out of bed today. (via furiousgoldfish)

Heartbreak is when you’re trying to move on but they keep popping up in your dreams and say the words you’d wish they’d say.

dreaming of you again (via sinfulxo)

What it feels like to fall out of love with someone

I have seen so many posts about relationships ending, but none of them are ever from the point of view of the people who do the ending. So many posts about not being loved anymore, but I’ve never seen one about what it’s like to fall out of love with someone.

It’s when you see them and you don’t feel that same rush you once did. It’s not caring whether you can call them or not. It’s everything about them that annoys you, things you previously ignored, starting to slip in.

It’s denial. It’s horror at your own thoughts, because what are you even thinking? You love this person. You want to be with them, always. It’s telling yourself, ‘Of course I want to be with them, why wouldn’t I?’

And it’s pushing every single thought away, refusing to acknowledge it, until it eventually gets too much and you have to ask yourself, is this really what I want?

And it goes from not being happier when you see them, to not wanting to see them at all, and finding excuses, because you can’t look them in the eye, this person who loves you and who cares for you, a person who thinks you feel the same, but it’s fading and you’re doing all you can to hold on, but you just can’t.

It’s feeling sick as they tell you they love you because you know you have to say it back, because of course you love them, you have to, but as the words leave your mouth, you can taste bile at the lie.

It’s hating yourself, because this person, who cares about you, who wants to be with you, who is willing to put up with whatever you can throw at them, and you can’t do the same.

It’s the chemistry and the intimacy fading because you’re trying to force yourself because you’re still in denial, and it just makes you miserable.

It’s the eventual realisation that despite your best efforts, it just isn’t there for you. It’s telling your friends, breaking down and asking what the hell do I do, because if they can’t help you, no one can. It’s months and months all building up, and it’s more denial, more hating yourself, because this person, this person who loves you and cares for you, and you’re about to throw it back in their face.

It’s saying it to yourself at two in the morning, not being able to sleep because it’s all you can think about, and for one pure instant, all you feel is relief at finally having admitted it after lying to yourself for so long.

It’s the realisation that you have to tell them, because while you don’t love them, you care about them and the last thing you want to do is hurt them. It’s realising their parents will hate you for something you can’t properly explain, something their friends will never forgive you for, the feeling of letting down all those people.

It’s that awful, awful conversation, and while their world is shattering, all you can feel is relief. It’s more self hatred after, because you have completely and utterly destroyed someone, and you’re relieved about it.

It’s seeing them around a few months later, and they still look like they’re not completely okay, and it’s a sick feeling in your stomach when you make eye contact, and they walk away as quickly as possible.

It is the worst thing you can do to someone, but you just feel relieved you don’t have to lie to them anymore, lie to their parents, their friends.

It’s hating yourself for months, and doubting yourself and everything you do. It screws with your head, and it is one of the worst feelings imaginable.

Eat healthy foods because you want to nourish your body, not because you want to change the way it looks.

Move your body because you want to keep it strong and healthy, not to change its shape.

Love your body fiercely, and let that love be what drives you to treat yourself with kindness.

signs that your family is abusive:

you feel the urge to hide from them whenever you’re vulnerable

you cannot bear the idea of them seeing you cry

when you’re hurt or in pain, you don’t go to them because you feel they’ll tell you that you deserved it or that it was your fault

you don’t feel like you can confide in them, either because they don’t seem to care, or try to control how you act, or yell at you and punish you, or use the information against you

you feel very self-conscious around them and keep expecting criticism and insults

you can’t tell them about your struggles because you already know they’ll side against you

you keep things in your life secret from them because you have a feeling they would ridicule, humiliate, and judge you if they knew, or take everything away from you

you feel scared of letting them know when they hurt you

you feel scared and guilty when you so much as think about them in a bad way

you feel the urge to remind yourself of all the things they did for you, whenever something bad comes up, to be sure that you’re seeing them the way they want to be seen by you

you’re scared of being accused of being a burden to them

you’re scared to hold them responsible for things they did to you, because you know they would argue otherwise, and insist they had full right to do what they did, or that you made it up

you have the inner sense of dread that nothing you ever do or say will be taken seriously by them, and your life will always look like a joke to them

you dream of living far away from them and feel guilty for wanting to cut them from your life

you don’t feel like you’re really important in comparison to them, it feels like it’s better to just step aside and let them be important, your life doesn’t matter as much anyway

you’re worried about how your every action might affect their life, their reputation and social standing

you feel that they’re ashamed of you and you’re trying your best not to bring further shame on the family

you feel like you’ll owe them for the rest of your life and nothing you ever do will be enough to erase the debt, and this fills you with dread and feeling of being trapped

you don’t count on their help when you’re in trouble, you’re scared of them finding out and punishing you for being in trouble in the first place

you don’t count on them sharing their resources with you, you know you have to be grateful for how much they’ve given you already and feel like you have no right to ask for anything more, even if you need it

you can’t feel warmth or safety when surrounded by family, instead you wish you didn’t have to be there, and seek a place to hide and protect yourself

holidays spent with family are just painful and something you try to endure instead of enjoy

you can’t imagine a world where you’re free and not defined by these people