Tim: Okay, But Like, What Did You Do With The Joker.

Since they're black bears, you go on the offensive. Big, loud, and threatening. Scare them away. If it was an Eight Brown Fucking Bears opening, you go on the defensive. Play dead. Minimal moves. They smell fear. If they were white bears, you have the bishops make peace with their gods and send forth your people as sacrifices in hopes that they will sate its hunger before it reaches you.

I'm still pretty new to chess, can anyone tell me what I'm supposed to do if my opponent plays the Eight Fucking Bears opening? I'm really having trouble.

Unfortunately, the Batfamily is used to weird shit, and they presume that some magic user made them forget Danny. Cue epic quest to reverse the spell and remember their beloved family member while Danny and Jason frantically commit to the bit and try not to get caught.

Dp x DC crossover

So imagine danny and jazz move to Gotham wither it be willingly or on the run. And danny becomes good freinds with Jason. And one day while with danny, jason invited danny to dinner at his family's place.

So jason brought danny to the manor and danny is like "bitch if your fam rich why you live in 1 bedroom apartment in the worst part of town, make it make since". Anway jason and danny sit at the table with the other batkids. The other batkids look at danny kinda funny, jason forgot to mention he was bringing a freind lol.

So then Bruce entered and sat in his chair. He looked at his children took a bite of his stake then his head snapped back up and looked at his kids again. His eyes honed in on danny.

"Who are you?" Bruce asked looking at danny

Danny looked at Jason uncomfortable

Jason looked at Bruce and let out a exaggerated gasp "bruce have you brought so many kids home you forgot about one of your kids!? And my favorite brother no less"

Bruce raised a brow and Damian yelled "what he isnt one of us!" Pointing at danny

"La gasp, demon brat you forgot about him too, even after everything you both have been together, dick talk some since into these heathens!!" Jason cried his hand over his heart.

"Um sorry I uh dont know who this kid is either" dick says fidgeting

"FOR SHAME, SHAME ON THIS FAMILY!!!" Jason yelled dramatically

Everyone was looking at him and Danny, "kid look can you tell us your name" bruce asked looking at the halfa

And danny being the little shit he is goes "you dont remeber my name?! Your jokeing right dad???!!" His eyes wide crocodile tears threatening to spill from his eyes. Everyone In the room is silenced looking at Danny in confusion and guilt.

"It's ok lil bro I'm always here for you" jason says placing a hand on his shoulder "let's go to place for ice cream ok" Jason says to danny gently, Danny sniffles and nods. Jason then leads them out of the manor.

The rest of the batfam is left thinking what the hell, did they really forget about one of their family members, bruce is like "I'm a horrible father, I forgot one of my babies!!??"

Bonus if to commit to the bit danny goes out on potroal with jason and they meet up with the bats and batman is like "who are you" and jason and danny are like "what the hell dad, you forgot Danny's vigilante persona too, you really are a sucky dad" and like leave.

Counterargument, forehead kisses, one on each side.

*takes a nasty bite out of burger, munching in bliss and taking a sip of soda out of my straw mid-chew*

You know what would be amazing? If there's this Sleeping Beauty AU where Danny and Kon have to figure between the two of them who kisses Tim (who's sleeping beauty in this case). But when neither of them work, they get dejected because maybe Tim wasn't in love with them after all.

*SLAMS SODA ON TABLE, ACCIDENTALLY SPILLING SOME*

WHAT THEY DON'T KNOW IS THAT THEY NEED TO KISS TIM AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!

*wipes mouth with hand and burps, loudly*

Anyways, that's all I got. *finger guns* Pay my tab for me, will ya? Ciao!

Hey wait! Damn guess I’ll have to steal anon’s fibula when they least expect it. I’m in your walls bucko and I’m comin for you.

Ok this is interesting though so I’ll only steal some sesamoid bones. You don’t need them anyways.

Big question is… would they even figure out that Tim needs to be kissed by BOTH of them?!

Like I’d expect that it takes a few weeks for that realization to happen. Maybe one of the other batfam finds something of Tim’s that describes someone he loves but he uses plurals. That leads to suspicion that they’re doing the wrong approach.

Now the argument is who kisses Tim’s hand and who kisses his mouth.

I made something

Danny: He gives me free Healthcare too.

Superman: Because he's putting you in danger in The FIRST PLACE.

Danny: No, I did that myself. I just get paid now.

Submitted Prompts #31

*Shakes out drawstring bag to give you several small rocks with fossilized fish, a sparrow skull, and also a prompt!*

I was watching this “I Have a Boy” video and I couldn’t stop thinking of dp x dc.

Ok so, imagine the following video, but instead of weedwacking it’s John Constantine explaining to the Justice League why he’s paying a glowing child three dollars to beat up ghosts with a thermos when he could just perform an exorcism himself:

there should be a hug button where you can tell your mutuals its going to be okay instead of liking their vent post and hoping they realize ur not agreeing that they should die

blood test came back i'm half full of blood

blood test came back i'm full of blood

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop.

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *loading a pistol* moon’s stuck in a time loop. do you have extra ammo? this won’t be enough. nasa employee: enough for…what? astronaut: *finding extra clip of ammo, pocketing it, and getting back on the rocket-ship* don’t worry about it!

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop. nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *emerging from supply closet with a space harpoon, getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop.

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut:   oh hey u guys are back early astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: what?  nasa employee: how did you know what i was going to say?  astronaut: *punching in key pad code for base evacuation signal, getting back on the rocket-ship* i told you…moon’s stuck in a time loop. *red warning lights begin flashing*

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *rifling thru bookshelf of operating instructions, selecting one that says “AIRLOCK MANUAL OVERRIDE INSTRUCTIONS,” getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop.

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: moon’s stuck in a time loop. hey, do you have anything to eat? i’m starving. *opens random drawer, finds nothing, closes it* nasa employee: a time loo- uh, we don’t have food in here…we can’t…eat in the control room, only the break-room. astronaut: *sighs* nasa employee:…my lunch is in like 10 minutes, though, and if my lunch is actually STILL THERE and not STOLEN, AGAIN, i can share it with yo- astronaut: nah, that’s ok…no time. *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* or…too much time. but thanks, anyway. OK, bye! *alarm begins blaring* nasa employee: you’re…welcome? wait, a TIME LOOP?!

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: yup. nasa employee: …?  astronaut: *sitting down next to nasa employee* so…do you ever like…wonder what the meaning of life is? the secrets of the universe? nasa employee: aren’t you supposed to be ON the MOON?! *alarm begins blaring* nasa employee: hey, what the hell is that? astronaut: that’s the code red override klaxon. moon’s stuck in a time loop. oh, and there’s an explosion imminent. But don’t worry, we can deal with that tomorrow. So, you have any siblings? *pulls beer out of space suit, cracks tab* want a drink?

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: do you know frank in IT? nasa employee: what?  astronaut: do you know frank, who works in IT?  nasa employee: yeah, but why are you guys back so early?  astronaut: moon’s stuck in a time loop. call frank, tell him there’s a virus in the security patch and the system’s compromised. then get the hell out of the base.  nasa employee: wait what? what? where are you guys going?  astronaut: *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* back to the moon. it’s stuck in a time loop. call frank!  nasa employee: *picks up phone* ugh, straight to voicemail. i wonder wha- *alarm begins blaring*

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: *grim silence* nasa employee: i said, you guys are back early…hey, what are you…?  astronaut: *randomly opening drawers until they find a pair of scissors and some duct tape, getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop.

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop. *sticks head back out the door of the rocket-ship* by the way, if you go to the break-room in exactly 2 minutes and 45 seconds, you’ll catch the person who’s been stealing your lunches for the past two weeks. nasa employee: what?! WHO IS IT?! *alarm begins blaring* nasa employee: *running for the break-room* FUCK!!!!

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *sits down, sighs, pulls a beer out from their spacesuit* moon’s stuck in a time loop. nasa employee: …ok, and? hang on, how did you get a beer? you can’t have that in here. astronaut: what do you know about project floyd? nasa employee: I mean, the usual amount? i’m not really on the project anymore, why?  *alarm begins blaring*  astronaut: COME WITH ME TO THE ROCKET-SHIP, we don’t have ti-

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: yeah. moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop. see you tomorrow. maybe. nasa employee: WHAT?!

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *sighs, rubs hands over face, and loads pistol, before getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop. and, uh…you should call your mother like you’ve been meaning to. and tell her you’re not actually mad and that you will come to dinner tonight. you’re gonna be hungry. nasa employee: wait, what? WHAT?? how do you know my mom?! why am i gonna be - *alarm begins blaring* 

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what? astronaut: *grabbing two pistols, an extra box of ammo, a pair of scissors, some duct tape, a space harpoon, and a booklet of operating instructions that says “AIRLOCK MANUAL OVERRIDE INSTRUCTIONS,” starting to get back on the rocket-ship, but dropping everything with a horrendous clatter* FUCK! goddamn moon’s stuck in a time loop. *alarm begins blaring*

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what? also, hey, where’d you get that duffel bag? astronaut: *grabbing two pistols, an extra box of ammo, a pair of scissors, some duct tape, a space harpoon, and a booklet of operating instructions that says “AIRLOCK MANUAL OVERRIDE INSTRUCTIONS,” shoving them into the bag, and getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop.

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back earl-  astronaut: *grabs nasa employee and kisses them passionately*  nasa employee: what? WHAT?! astronaut: *loading a single pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop, sweetheart.  nasa employee: what?!? astronaut: a time loop!!! i love you!!! get out of the base!!! stay alive!!! nasa employee: *presses fingers to lips, confused but intrigued, as alarm begins blaring* 

nasa employee:…. nasa employee:… nasa employee: ho hum what a regular day at the office *alarm begins blaring* nasa employee: what the hell is that?!

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back earl-  astronaut: *grabs nasa employee and kisses them passionately*  nasa employee: what? what?! WHAT!?!? also, hey, where’d you get that duffel bag? astronaut: *grabbing two pistols, an extra box of ammo, a pair of scissors, some duct tape, a space harpoon, and a booklet of operating instructions that says “AIRLOCK MANUAL OVERRIDE INSTRUCTIONS,” shoving them into the bag, then cupping nasa employee’s cheek with free hand* moon’s stuck in a time loop. nasa employee: the moon’s stuck in a what?! astronaut: a time loop, sweetheart, but we don’t have much time ourselves, so you have to listen to me RIGHT now nasa employee: *faintly* …“sweetheart”?! astronaut: in 2 minutes and a few seconds, you need to go into the break-room and find frank. nasa employee: wait, frank from IT? astronaut: yes. nasa employee: how do you know he’s gonna be in the break-room? i can’t just call him at his desk right now? astronaut: how do i know this?! because, one, time loop, ok? and…also…because…heismaybetheguywhohasbeenstealingyourlunchfortwoweeks nasa employee: that BASTARD i KNEW it astronaut: BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT’S IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW. hey! listen to me! go in there, catch him red-handed with your burrito, and tell him lunch is on you FOREVER if he goes RIGHT NOW and checks the last security patch - because there’s a virus and the whole system’s compromised. then you need to get the hell out of this base, ok? nasa employee: …ok. ok. and…and what about you? astronaut: *cocking pistol and getting back into rocket-ship with duffel bag* me? i’m gonna shoot for the moon.

EPILOGUE:

nasa employee: so, how many loops in total? astronaut: i mean, it was hard to keep track. somewhere around six months, if i had to guess. nasa employee: damn. astronaut: yeah. nasa employee: and in those six MONTHS, the best zinger you came up with was “shoot for the moon”? astronaut: hey, you know what, i had some other stuff on my mind! nasa employee: i mean, i guess. it sounded like you found time to flirt with me each time. astronaut: yeah, like i said. other stuff on my mind. *they look at each other, blush, and look away* astronaut: sooooooo. you’re sure your mom is cool with me coming over for dinner? nasa employee: can’t make the day any weirder. plus, i owe you for ratting out frank, right? astronaut: he did help us save the world; we can’t be too mad at him. nasa employee: you’ve had a little while to get over it, i might need some more time. and it wasn’t even your food! astronaut: ok, that’s fair. what if i buy you lunch to make up for it? nasa employee: hmm, when? astronaut: tomorrow? nasa employee: well, i’ll have left overs from my mom, and you might too if you play your cards right. day after tomorrow? astronaut: honestly, anytime is good for me.

*FADE TO BLACK*

Writers too. There I am, on AO3, saying that I made this for myself and my own enjoyment, and if people don't like it then they shouldn't read it. And then kudos? Comments?? Time for teeth. Fanart???? Crying, screaming, baying at the moon.

#artists

actually @ every fanfiction writer whether you wrote something that got thousands of reblogs and comments and became a staple in your fandom, or you wrote one fic and deleted it, or you write mutilchaptered fics that never get a final update, or write short fics, or long fics, or used to write and now you don’t, or you deleted/orphaned your works, or you only share with friends:

thank you.

sharing your writing is hard. and sometimes it’s thankless. sometimes it’s such a negative experience that I wonder how anyone does it at all. but you are needed; you are wanted. whether or not we properly acknowledge it, you are a vital part of fandom culture. thanks for sharing.