I Thought This Was An Animatronic At First But Apparently It’s Real Lol

SOMETHING TO SNOUT ABOUT

you’re wandering across the plains of Mongolia, wondering where the fuck you left your horse. suddenly, the ground shakes! like the beginning of the stampede scene in the Lion King. you hear a distant thunder, as if caused by many hooves! like the stampede scene in the Lion King. you shift anxiously as the noise grows louder, wishing you’d paid more attention to the Disney classics.

suddenly the herd comes over the rise, and you laugh so hard you fall over and are immediately and tragically trampled to death.

surprise! it’s the-

and it’s rude to laugh. (but boy, is it hard not to.)

the Saiga (sigh-guh) is a goat-sized antelope native to the Eurasian steppe. they’re found from the Carpathian Mountains to Mongolia. and they uh, have a bit of a nose situation going on. 

and that’s the understatement of the century! the Saiga’s mighty schnozz is its defining feature, and no other hooved animal on earth has such a robust snoot. the Saiga pities their pathetic little faces for it.

that’s a lot of nose to look down. geeze.

so why this immense not-quite-trunk? maybe they use it to make noise, or to intimidate rivals? not so much, actually. both males and females have the tremendous facetrumpet, though females do lack horns and a desire to kill. (but more on that later.)

obviously this big ol clown honker must have some purpose, or it wouldn’t exist. or maybe God was just bored, who nose. (har!) but I kid, this punderful snout actually does have a purpose!

and that purpose is to look ABSOLUTELY STUNNING.

as I mentioned, Saigas are herd animals. and at some point, Evolution decided to provide them with a semi-helpful wedgie. that monster snout helps to filter dust kicked up by their 50ish neighbors out of the air they breathe, as they stumpf semi-majestically across the plains.

it also helps to warm the air they breathe in the cold months, which is an adaptation anyone who’s ever stepped out of their front door directly into a -10 hellzone is surely jealous of. (god, you don’t even know.)

I’m not bitter! I’M NOT.

and they migrate really far! herds of these ridiculous little antelopes can cross thousands of miles, and travel up to 72 miles in a single day! they ford rivers, brave valleys, and scuttle inspiringly across the tundra like they think they’re in a Lifetime movie.

their goal is to reach their seasonal feeding grounds; they spend the winters in the south and the summers in the north. like retirees, except without the tacky golf pants.

BRENDA, HAVE YOU SEEN MY SHORTS.

Saigas eat a wide variety of plants, including some that are toxic to other animals. like goats, Saigas put all of their skill points into the ‘eat anything’ slot. and it seems to have paid off; they were once found across all of Europe and Asia, and even in paleolithic North America! (though the end of the last ice age put a brutal stop to that.)

just imagine being a prehistoric hunter-gatherer and looking out your tent one day to see a moving sea of these ridiculous little muppet antelopes. I bet it was a fun time.

GROK, YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHAT I’M LOOKING AT RIGHT NOW.

but I did promise I’d get back to the heart-full-of-murder thing, so I guess I’d better do that. Saiga are a lot like other ungulates in that their herds are mostly made up of females, with one attendant male who just kind of hangs out and get poached for his horns sometimes. at least, until breeding season. (DUN DUN DUUUN)

males spend the entire breeding season fighting each other for access to the ladies, which isn’t unusual for a hooved mammal! but what IS unusual is the fatality rate- 90% of these fights end with one male just fucking killing the other. I guess the Saiga ladies are just really into blood sport. 

maybe we can get them to just watch Game of Thrones instead like normal people.

but their conservation status is another story altogether. (it’s depressing how many species this is true for. welcome to the Anthropocene, I guess. the geological era where everything sucks.)

around two decades ago, more than a million Saiga wandered across the Eurasian Steppe. but unregulated hunting for food, trophies and the Saiga’s ‘medicinal’ horns decreased their numbers to less than 50,000 in just 10 years. and if that weren’t enough, bacterial infections have been taking huge chunks out of the remaining population: a mass die-off in 2015 killed half of them. 

but there is good news: these goofy little hooved bastards are now enjoying governmental protection and conservation efforts to raise their numbers. there are still around 50,000 of them and with luck and maybe a little less murder, these goatish nostril maniacs will be thundering across the plains once more. 

(lord willing.)

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IMAGE SOURCES

img1- Tim Flach img2- Saiga Conservation Alliance img3- World Atlas img4- elelur.com img5- Andrey Giljov and Karina Karenina img6- Mongabay img7- IUCN img8- LabRoots

nah bro YOU live in a society. i live in a hole in the ground. not a nasty, dirty, wet hole with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and th

the part two that we deserve

ok damn sorry 2 interrupt whatever this is

What we lose when animals go extinct

Animals are disappearing at hundreds of times the normal rate, primarily because of shrinking habitats. Their biggest threat: humans.

“One way to think of a species, be it of ape or of ant, is as an answer to a puzzle: how to live on planet Earth. A species’ genome is a sort of manual; when the species perishes, that manual is lost. We are, in this sense, plundering a library—the library of life. Instead of the Anthropocene, Wilson has dubbed the era we are entering the Eremozoic—the age of loneliness.”

Parasitic crustaceans are wild.

[cw: photos of parasites inside host bodies]

Here is Linguatula serrata, which lives inside the nose of dogs and other Carnivorans. It belongs to group Pentastomida, which has so shed its arthropod appendages that it was long classified as its own independent phylum (attested in fossils all the way from the Cambrian Explosion!), until molecular analyses showed they were in fact strange crustaceans – closest relatives of the relatively normal-looking fish lice (Branchiura).

And then there’s Pennellidae…

Do those horn-things look like crustaceans to you? And yet the family Pennellidae is fully part of Copepoda, the chief component of crustacean plankton. Its body is simply one elongated trunk and a tiny head biting onto the fish, with two long egg cords trailing behind.

Look at the cod worm (Lernaeocera branchialis), another Pennellidae, hanging from the gills of a fish:

It’s those two red things that look like slugs wearing a wig made of soy noodles. Here’s what it looks like on its own, extracted and preserved:

(source) The coiled strings are egg masses. The slug-like part is the copepod’s trunk. The thin branching thing at the bottom is its head, converted into a sort of root system that no longer does head-like things, but rather burrows into the fish host’s blood vessels to feed its eggs. Incidentally, this is just the female; the male still looks like a regular planktonic crustacean.

Now, regular barnacles (Cirripedia) are strange enough…

(source; picture them as shrimps lying on their back, with a digestive system that fell out of the body wall but is still contained by the outer shell, and feathery legs poking out to filter water)

… but parasitic barnacles of clade Rhizocephala go much further:

Here, on the left, is Sacculina carcini. No, not the crab; the yellow sac poking out of the crab’s belly. On the right, its relative Clistosaccus paguri shows what it might look like once extracted.

Sacculina carcini is fun. A larva looks much like any other crustacean planktonic larva, until it finds a suitable host. It stings the unfortunate crab in a vulnerable spot between armor plates, and effectively injects itself into the host, leaving its own shell outside, and transferring only soft tissues.

Once inside, it grows more like a fungus than an animal, turning into a root-like web that infests the crab’s entire body, down to its leg tips. Then it takes over not only the crab’s digestive system, leeching nutrients for its own eggs, but also its nervous system, effectively controlling it like a puppet.

When the parasite is mature, its egg sac starts bulging out of the crab’s body: that’s the yellow part you see in the photo. Male Sacculina stay larvae their whole life: they just mate with the female’s egg sac and then die. The parasite makes the crab take care of itself as if it was the crab’s own eggs. There’s no competition, since the host is sterilized; to leave more food for the parasite, it also stops molting and regenerating lost limbs. If the host is male, and therefore poorly suited to carrying egg sacs under its tail, Sacculina messes with its hormones and effectively turns it female.

Finally the eggs are released and the whole cycle starts again, with the only purpose of making more eggs whose purpose is making more eggs.

(all pictures from Wikipedia unless specified otherwise)