Things That Make You Go Hmm

THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN

i think about this giant elephant seal pull-out that kevin and i saw in california almost every day

What is your favorite animal tidbit about the denizens of Lake Baikal?

actually my favorite thing about Baikal is the lake itself!

viewed from above, it looks like nothing particularly special. sure, it’s a big lake, but it doesn’t have the surface area of the Great Lakes or the Caspian Sea, right?

WRONG!

BOOM.

see, Lake Baikal really isn’t a lake at all, it’s a deep rent in the earth’s crust called a Rift Valley that just happened to get water in it. and the Baikal rift is one of the deepest and narrowest on earth, making this deceptively placid lake slightly over a MILE deep! that’s bonkers nutso.

like, you think the OCEAN is bad, just imagine being in a little fishing boat on this thing without realizing just how far away the bottom is....

when someone draws something just for you

THE LAST DRAGON

if you want to learn about dragons, you’re usually restricted to the Fantasy section of your local library. because dragons are made up, and don’t exist except in the minds of small children and George R. R. Martin. 

apart from the ones that live in Indonesia, of course. they may not breathe fire or threaten hobbits, but these dragons are very real and perfectly willing to rip your face off and ask for seconds.

watch out, because it’s the

I AM FIRE, I AM DEATH

Komodo Dragons are actually a kind of lizard, but one on the scale of life on earth back when the dinosaurs were in charge. they’re fucking huge. these behemoths can reach lengths of ten feet and weights of over 300 pounds. big enough to ride, if there were a human out there brave enough to try it. (DON’T DO THIS, YOU WILL DIE. THIS IS EVEN WORSE THAN THE OSTRICH THING, I’M NOT KIDDING.)

naturally these enormous reptiles scared the everloving shit out of the first Dutch explorers to reach the area, forever earning themselves the name “Dragon”. for once, those old European maps with little doodles of monsters everywhere were pretty accurate!

don’t go looking for Krakens, though. those are still mostly fake.

Komodo Dragons are the largest lizard on earth, and the largest of the monitor family Varanidae. but this wasn’t always the case! they’re actually the last and least of an ancient line of giant reptiles that once inhabited the south pacific. the largest of these was Australia’s Megalania, an 18-foot titan that died out at the end of the last Ice Age with the rest of its kind. but not the Komodo Dragon! they’re doing just fine, thanks.

like Megalania, the Komodo Dragon seems to have evolved in Australia. (OF COURSE. THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.) and when the seas rose at the end of the Ice Age, it stranded a population of dragons on five remote islands in Indonesia, where they survived whatever the fuck killed off their continental relatives. (probably us, to be honest.) you thought it was just a tagline but it’s not: these guys are truly the Last Dragons.

go ahead and shed a tear, but don’t expect them to appreciate it.

their isolation and last-dragonism is very sad, yes. but don’t feel too bad about it, because Komodo Dragons are one of nature’s most dangerous predators. there’s a reason locals call them Ora, the Land Crocodile. (actually there’s multiple reasons, and they’re all terrible. stand by!)

their lazy lizard stylings and charming smirk conceal a mouthful of inch-long serrated teeth, razor-sharp claws and a nightmare bullwhip of a tail. Komodo Dragons use all of these weapons, and more! (this is the Super Cool part of the article kids, make sure to read it EXTRA CAREFULLY so you can impress your friends later during recess.)

and yes, they swim! hurray! there is no escape.

the Komodo Dragon is an apex predator, which is unusual for a lizard. they’re filling an ecological niche that would normally be taken by a large mammal predator like, I dunno, a tiger or a lion or a bear. (OH MY!) this means they have some pretty big shoes to fill (metaphorical, bears don’t wear shoes.) but they do it in spades!

Komodo Dragons will eat anything, and that’s barely an exaggeration. They eat plenty of carrion, and lots of small creatures like squirrels and really unlucky snakes. they also eat medium animals like goats, WHICH THEY SWALLOW WHOLE. (if the prey is too big to fit down their throats, the Komodo Dragon often rams its open mouth into a tree until it fits. sometimes they actually knock down the fucking tree. I wish I was making this up.) Komodo Dragons also eat animals you normally wouldn’t be able to take down without a rocket launcher, like water buffalo and uh, other Komodo Dragons. they’re cannibals, because the food chain just moves backwards sometimes.

and yes, they absolutely eat humans. good thing they’re trapped on five remote islands in Indonesia!

WAIT, THEY SWIM. FUCK, HOW COULD I FORGET.

so how does an overgrown gecko hunt animals that normally require an entire pack of lions to take down? well, there’s some Science Controversy™ about that. Komodo Dragons have a pair of MYSTERIOUS GLANDS (which would be a good name for a garage band) in their lower jaw, which scientists used to think were full of venom. they thought that the Komodo Dragon was basically using this venom to cheat its way into a niche that should rightfully belong to a more advanced mammal, but THESE SCIENTISTS WERE WRONG AND DUMB. 

it turns out these MYSTERIOUS GLANDS (I want this on a t-shirt) actually don’t do a whole lot as far as hunting goes! they secrete what MAY be a mild anticoagulant, but it’s not really strong enough to have much effect. yup, turns out that the Komodo Dragon just mauls the shit out of things until they die, like any decent ‘advanced mammal’ predator. they EARNED that apex niche as honestly as any predator can. (not that predators really have a concept of “honest”, or that it matters, since they’re the ones with the inch-long teeth.)

LIZARDS RULE AND MAMMALS DROOL! 

but maybe it’s not such a surprise that these real-life dragons are still on top of the food chain, because they’re some of the smartest reptiles on earth. and okay, maybe “the smartest reptile in the world” doesn’t sound like an impressive title. but Komodo Dragons and their cousins have elaborate social structures, can count to six, recognize individual humans, and play nice games of tug-the-carcass with their friends. (both humans and other dragons can be friends! friends are not for eating.) that’s a better track record than most human toddlers!

and they’re totally trainable, but don’t get your hopes up about owning one or several. (DANG.) Komodo Dragons are a protected species, so having a loyal army of them trained to lay waste to your enemies and fetch the morning paper is still very much a pipe dream. (this is a joke, they make terrible pets.)

FOR NOW.

and speaking of being a protected species, how is the Komodo Dragon doing these days? well, shortly after scaring the absolute pants off the first Dutch explorers to meet one, Europeans became obsessed with them and they were granted immediate protections by the Dutch colonial government. (please note that the Komodo Dragon was also doing just fine before the Dutch came along, thanks.) in fact, the first expedition sent to capture Komodo Dragons for scientific study was the basis for the movie King Kong! (a niche film you may possibly have heard of.)

these protections kept the Komodo Dragon from becoming just another hunting trophy for rich Europeans. (unfortunately this cannot be said of lions, tigers and bears, all of whom decorated the drawing rooms of rich Victorians.) they’re still doing pretty well today, though they are threatened by rising seawater and their limited range.

we hope these gigantic lizard genius cannibals stick around for a long time to come! and remember, if you want to avoid getting munched: BEFRIEND. (very carefully.)

HUMANS ARE FRIENDS, NOT FOOD. 

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thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series on my tumblr here, or check out the official archive at weirdbiology.com!

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IMAGE SOURCES

img1- elpais.com img2- Time Travel Turtle img3- Smithsonian National Zoo img4- Komodo Tours img5- Michael Pollack img6- Animal Sake img7- ZooChat img8- Calgary Herald

Whenever I see a stingray skeleton I’m like oh that’s just one of those fake Target Halloween decorations like the skeleton spiders and shit but NO stingrays are actually Like That and it is concerning

well.

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bl7-9QZgea_/

Greater Flamingo

Photo taken by me

w. wait. hold on a second. are. sharks whales????????

Nope! Sharks and whales are VEEERY different. They haven’t shared an ancestor since... well.... since the devonian, I suppose. That was over 450 million years ago!

See, it’s...

Oh, bother. Alright, fine, I’ll do an infographic. It’ll be easier to explain, because there’s a lot of stuff to digest.

Let’s go back in time to.... THE CAMBRIAN!!

Disclaimer: I made this in like an hour while slapping together what I knew about these two animals and decorating it with cute images. It isn’t totally accurate, and I’m simplifying a lot for ease of reading. Please don’t eat me, I’m not a bio major!

Transcript below the cut!

[Transcript start: The image is a simple-looking infographic with a green background and chalk-like white lined drawings of various fish.

The Cambrian Explosion, which took place about 541 million years ago, featured a whole bunch of neat stuff crawling around. This included things like: 

Opabinia - a shrimp-like organism with lots of side-fins and a tuby-like appendage which it used to scoop things into its mouth

Trilobites - the ancestor of arthropods, which we consider ‘bugs’ these days.

Dickinsonia - an organism which looks a lot like a leaf, with a middle section and ray-like parts coming out of it and forming most of its body. 

Andsome of the first fishes - the jawless fish, who were our earliest ancestors. The jawless fish resemble lamprey eels - things which don’t have a moving jaw bone.

During the Devonian period (approximately 490 million years ago), the fish line evolved jaws, which was great for them, because they could now smile winningly. (And eat stuff better.) This was the last common ancestor shared between sharks and whales.

The jawed fish evolved into two groups - one was the cartilaginous fish (or fish which have no bones, only cartilage, except for their teeth) - and the other was bony fish, which had a skeleton. These body fish were technically whale ancestors - because the group eventually evolved the species which first came up on land. These were creatures similar to lungfish, who were able to process oxygen out of water and could move themselves through mud using their flippers.

Meanwhile, the shark ancestors continued their lineage in the oceans and evolved into many more funky shapes, including rays (like stingrays) and skates.

As for the fish on land - they were the ancestors to what we know today as the tetrapods - the things which eventually became the amphibians, lizards, dinosaurs... and mammals! 

One of these mammals was the whale ancestor, which looked quite similar to what we think of as a regular land animal - it had four limbs, and a body plan not dissimilar to dogs, cats, etc. Although it could walk on land, it decided to make an evolutionary U-turn and go back into the water again.

They evolved to be optimized for swimming, and eventually lost their hind limbs. They still needed to breathe air, though, and they are still considered mammals, because they birth and nurse their young! 

This begs the question: If sharks and whales aren’t related to each other that much, why do they look so similar?

That’s a great question! That’s because of something we call Convergent Evolution.

It turns out some shapes just work really well when you’re trying to swim in water. Having fins, flippers, and being fish-shaped just gives you advantage, so many water dwelling creatures end up evolving similar bodyplans - like whales and sharks did.

There’s still a reliable way to tell the two apart, though. Check their tails! See if you can tell the difference.]