“well, Yes, Of Course.” But This Wasn’t About Her! Giving Her Friend A Narrowed Look, She Shakes

@LGCENT just posted a photo!

angel of mine  ꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱  

#lgctrainees #lgcent #xulili

she knows what they’re looking for — it was kind of hard not to know. it’s the usual: creative beyond your means, doing what no one has ever done before — that kind of thing, making a mark for yourself out of the box you called home. 

however, for lili — she hardly cared about the creative process. for lili: it was probably beyond her and her expertise. as long as the song or the choreography didn’t make her look like a laughing stock, she was fine doing something that someone else had put their blood, sweat and tears into engineering.

but now, as she puts her own blood, sweat and tears into whatever this could be — it exhausts her, and she’s ready to take a quick way out; but not before making sure that whatever the fuck this came to be didn’t look like she just pulled it from the depths of who knows where. 

“nah, nonsense — all i need is a new eye.” ( and unwarranted, half-hearted praise ) “i’m trying to match the beat but i feel like it’s coming off as stiff.” and it probably is considering this was far out of lili’s line of comfort. 

playing the song from her phone, lili lets lovely filter out into the quiet. with the help — and a healthy bribe — from one of the other trainees who had skillfully isolated the metronome in the song, she was concentrated on hitting with each move is louder than the mellowed songstress who was mumbling in the background but each move she did felt weird — disconnected, and as she does these movements before rua’s eyes, they feel even more amplified as wrong. 

“god, it looks silly, doesn’t it?”

honestly speaking, rua wasn't that interested in choreographing.

thinking about having to come up with different steps and moves then combining them into something that'd be presentable as a full dance is a tall wall she's not sure she wants to try scaling - but as it goes with all things she's taken on since becoming a trainee, she's at least open to trying. she'll never know if she might end up liking something if she doesn't give it a chance so when it was basically a requirement to focus on their personal creative skills, rua chose what she felt were the most appealing to her out of the given options.

still, she wasn't quite confident in what she picked; it showed in how she had absolutely no idea what she should be doing but not wanting to appear like she needed to be hand-held through the entire thing, rua opted for googling choreography tips and looking up videos on youtube for ideas and inspiration in the corner of the practice room she had claimed for herself. no one had to know, right?

that is, until she hears someone calling her name which causes her to look up from her phone in surprise, as if she had been caught doing something she shouldn't have. when she processes that the person--whom she remembers (hopefully, correctly) to be another trainee named lili--who said her name was not trying to expose her and instead, was asking for her advice on something, rua feels a small sense of relief - but only a little bit and the feeling doesn't last for long either.

she's not sure how much valuable input she can give considering she was just searching everything up a mere moment ago but rua doesn't want others to find that out. so she smiles and says, "i don't know how much i can help but sure," before walking over to lili and nodding. "what move are you trying to do?"

CHALLENGER APPROACHES ❗️❗️ XU LILI AS ❪ BAYONETTA ❫

once safely escorted from the room and out of earshot of the other girls and their excruciating ha! ha! ha! — god, kill her, it was like the sounds were permanently burned into her head now — lili takes a breath, then pauses — rethinking chaekyung’s words.

“wait — iv drip? needles?”

oh hell no — lili xu did not do needles.

( not unless you counted the needles needed to press two little holes into her ears — however, lili did not count those ; plus she had been too young to even remember the pain )

“actually,” suddenly standing on her own, patting herself; feeling her pulse, all that and what not — she smiles, shrugging. “i’m feeling much better. no need for an iv drip; i just need to lay down, clear my head, rest — that sort of thing.”

her brows furrowed slightly as she placed her hand on lili's forehead again. she was certain their temperatures were the same. however, if the older female insisted she felt feverish, who was chaekyung to deny it? she couldn't feel what lili was experiencing. chaekyung remained quiet, pondering what to do next. it wasn't until another trainee screamed with a loud 'ha!' that she noticed lili's eye roll. putting two and two together, even a fool could see what was going on.

as dramatic as her friend could be, chaekyung realized lili simply didn't want to continue practicing her scream just like her. hence, she decided to play along to get out of the situation, "omo, unnie, you're right. your forehead is definitely getting warmer. let me take you to the er so you can get an iv drip, stat!"

with that, chaekyung threw one of lili's arms around her shoulder, wrapped her own arm around lili's waist and slowly escorted her out of the room.

@LGCENT just posted a photo!

happy international women’s day 💝 to all the hot and powerful women, it’s your day so treat yourself to something nice on me ✨

#lgctrainees #lgcent #xulili

BLACK WIDOW. lili makes a passing observation, unfortunately it's about jieun ; black banquet filming site — @lgcjieun

lili wasn’t a superstitious person — because coincidences could very well be just that — coincidences. and maybe it was just lili overthinking — or maybe, just maybe, it was the devil working her magic.

or worse yet — maybe it was jieun being in absolute close proximity that was driving lili up the wall.

( read: yes, it was 100%, absolutely, quadruply that )

like now for instance:

from a distance, lili had been fine. mingling with the other extras hadn’t been hard — they were friendly enough, seojin was here somewhere and then he wasn’t ( but this wasn’t about him ) — she was minding her own damn business, still sipping on the coffee she had gotten from hyunsoo’s coffee truck when from the corner of her eye she spots jieun’s manager running about like their head had been cut off.

enough that the sight had been picked up by not just she, but the others around her. each one, of note, murmuring their amusement while lili — while amused — couldn’t help but feel that aftertaste of envy under her iced americano. ugh, how unsightly. 

they weren’t too far from where jieun — a near shoulder or two apart, really — not that it mattered, as lili recounts her mere observation to any willing ear. 

“god, that poor manager, one paycheck away from being her slave.” she says to bumbling fools and nodding heads, a scattered agreement that turns to silence when the manager in question comes to a stop in front of them with jieun’s coffee and the realization of who they were gossiping about had been beside them all along. the quieted gasps turn to quickened steps as they make their escape, leaving jieun and lili to more than just rubbing shoulders and iced coffees.

“oh, jieun. didn’t see you there, seems like your manager was able to find you right away though. thank god, he was looking for you everywhere.” poor him, lili thinks.

flip a coin, and you’d wonder just how two individuals have tangled themselves so far with little to tether between them. 

flip a coin, and you’ll see that these two are two sides of the same coin. both hurt, both frustrated, and yet neither seem to find it in themselves to see that same hurt and frustration in the other.

at least, in lili’s case, she’s blind to it. 

projecting, he says? sure, let’s call it that. maybe she was projecting, and she can feel the prickle of irritation spur her on as he hits the nail on it’s head. her own features flinching when she catches the most subtle curl of a grin at his lips — was he enjoying her misery?

did he liken her hurt to a game?

well — two could play at that game. she forcibly softens her gaze, the first of the two to turn away from his intense gaze as she feels a hiccup of a cry lodge itself in her throat. the prickle of tears already at the corner of her eyes. 

( god, she should’ve been an actress )

she wills them back, her eyes angled upwards as if to push said tears as far back as she could, the tension thick in her shoulders as her arms uncross and fall into her lap. “so that’s it, then? because you’re ‘not in the mood’ you don’t even want to talk to me?” it’s laughable to see all her sincerity thrown in her face. 

“and if it’s not?” she starts, her timbre falls in comparison to the snipped tone it had taken when she had first chanced upon him. the tremble in her fingers only stop when she gathers them into tiny fists, turning to him. “you know what my birthday means to me.” or — in this exact case, didn’t mean until he put meaning into it. her frown hurts, she can feel it break into her jaw as teeth clench down, as if pleading her to shut the fuck up. 

there are people on one hand that can get a reaction out of him and it's (un)fortunate that lili is one of them. if the lines of his eyes and mouth are sharper, only for her, they are right now because girl's got a prerogative, without rhyme or reason.

"you're putting words in my mouth. you're possibly.... dare i say...." the corner of his mouth threatens to move upwards, "projecting."

how did they get here to this point again? jisoo does miss when they weren't two flipside of a coin and in harmony. it seems years ago now, but apparently nobody's counting.

but if neither one of them cared, certainly they wouldn't be standing here right now. stubbornness was going to be the death of them both, and he leans down and closer to give her a curious look. he's tempted, both sides of the scale teeter and the man doesn't know whether to throw her a bone or not. but hey. he's hurt too. she doesn't have the right to push it back all on him.

"i'm not really in the mood to play guess who and what if's. is this truly about missing both our birthdays?" jisoo draws a harsh breath in, forcing his mind to clear to resist the many quips that are on the tip of his tongue.

୨୧     W     :     FINDING YOUR INNER VARIETY STAR   _   2

WHAT DID YOU CONSIDER THE EASIEST & HARDEST PART OF THE WORKSHOP?

“to be funny.” lili wasn’t funny at least when she tried to be — funny had to be an instinctive trait, one that came easy for them, but lili wasn’t like that. “don’t get me wrong, i’m funny, but not when i want to be — at least that’s what people say.” people tell her she’s funny but lili didn’t think so, if anything, she believed she was a far cry from it.

HOW WOULD YOU RATE YOUR OVERALL SATISFACTION WITH THE WORKSHOP?

“out of ten?” lili thinks on it, pausing for a moment before, nodding her head, satisfied with what she’s come up with, “i’d say ten. astrid 선배님 had a lot to share and tried her best to make us comfortable.” and when lili said she tried, she really did try — but it wasn’t enough for lili to cross her boundaries and her ego, unfortunately. at the ripe age of twenty-four, lili was already set in stone and could not (rather, would not) compromise herself in the name of variety. and maybe that had been her downfall from the beginning.

WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN A FOLLOW-UP WORKSHOP ON THE SAME TOPIC?

should she be honest — would it look bad on her if she was? or should she lie? she was good at that — through her teeth, tongue to cheek, a gentle, slow breath before she says what’s exactly on her mind: “no, i think i’m just not suited for variety, at least, if i were to go by myself. i feel like i’m a go with the flow, rely on people i know type of variety person but if i was just the individual guest? i don’t think i’m funny enough for that — or i suppose, it just depends on the type of variety. gags and the like, please refrain from recommending me.” was that a bit much? maybe but lili had to draw the line somewhere. this workshop had proved that this was not the line of work she wanted to be associated with.

୨୧     THE DECISION     :     DATE LOTTERY # 2025

going into her decisions, lili had half the mind to deny minkyu another date — how dare he try to one up her in front of millions!

least of all with surprises that he knew lili hated!

( the act of surprise, not the gift from a surprise — never a gift )

it would show him that she was not one to be trifled with! she was miffed! absolutely horrified! ( she says this but was she really — had it really been so bad — no, she was just upset over nothing because her flair of dramatics could only handle so much all while under the guise of her public persona )

and minkyu — that sneaky little devil! — knew that lili could never deny him on national television. so, she follows the narrative — playing the role of some awe-struck, lovesick fool who had the time of her life laughing along to minkyu’s cute little quips and his gab and gall for surprise.

seated, legs crossed primly at the ankles as she’s asked those three special words: “will you continue (again)?”

and ( like the drama queen she was ) just like that, she’s smiling; all teeth — grin shining bright as a little blush dusts along the apples of her cheeks as if just the thought of another date had her sheepish ( as if! but the role was far more important than the cringe of it all ); that seeing minkyu again after such a wonderful date would only overjoy her.

( god, she was going to give minkyu a piece of her mind once this was all over )

“it was such a good date, minkyu-씨 could have chosen anything else but he thought to do something he had never done and i liked it, it was very … courageous of him.” thankfully, it stopped at courageous and didn’t turn to anything worse. lili was not someone you should have as your emergency contact. “i really wasn’t expecting the ice cream tower surprise — how it was even made is even more crazy.” it truly defied gravity and lili was not sure how they got through it the way they did.

“if i could, i’d say,” a thoughtful and suspenseful pause for effect. “the adventure should continue, yes.”

however, the second these cameras turn off, minkyu was getting a second helping of a smackdown. 

•  ໒꒱ . TRAINEE MISSION # 18 _ LILI : OFF DUTY 、

something to know about lili was that she was not an early riser.

as someone who loved her beauty sleep — she, more often than not, could be caught snoozing her alarm; it was a sore reminder for the days when she used to room with jiah, and could only rely on the other to wake her up before she left for the day. but without her, relying on herself and her phone’s alarm had made mornings a little harder. 

this particular morning was by far the hardest — waking up early was a bad, waking up even earlier to set up the camera for the most perfect ‘i just woke up like this’ shot was the worst.

blinking the sleep away, a brush of her fist against her eyes as she looks to the camera that she had pointed at her face — a unobscured close up — that lili only smiles to, breathing a rather groggy, “morning.” before laughing and turning away from the camera — pulling the covers up to her nose as she blinks at the time noted in red from across the room on the alarm clock. 6:35, ugh — so early. 

she shuts off the video then, checking the footage first, in the off chance that she’d have to redo that embarrassing display over again — thankfully she does not — and once it’s done with, lili wishes she could just lay back, continue on to dreamland but alas, now that she was up — she was up. 

wandering into the kitchen, lili picks up a banana and a protein shake from the fridge — the initial grimace she usually makes when she takes a gulp of her shake is wiped clean as she remains as passive as possible while going about her morning. 

today’s agenda includes lgc family concert practice — a continuation of some nostalgia stages and others — and her japanese lesson; things she lists off to the camera while finishing off her banana, “and then i get to go home and do my skincare.” she laughs, quietly noting that doing her skincare and makeup may be her favorite parts of her personal time. 

for someone who wasn’t well-versed with documenting every second of her day for someone other than herself to see, lili was quick to fall into ease in front of a camera. propping it against her tumbler; she sits back for her japanese lesson; taking out her usual suspects for the review: her my melody plush pencil case and it’s paired notebook as well as the recording device she usually brought with her to record the teacher’s dictations ( it helps her to repeat the phrases she learned that day when she hears it again spoken by a professional  ); all placed side by side as she waits for the teacher to come in.

it’s kind of funny how diligent lili is in her lesson considering just a couple months ago she had dreaded learning the language all because she had been under the impression that she had been placed in the workshop as a mistake — yet, here she is, almost five months into learning a new language.

maybe it was something she had a knack at — and at this point, after feeling somewhat comfortable in not one, not two, not even three but four languages — lili couldn’t help but feel proud of herself.

she wouldn’t call herself fluent — never, not yet at least — but as she scribbles on her notebook to show to the camera, at the end, she can’t help but feel that she was getting there.

❮  わたしの ほうが かわいいでしょ？  ❯

i'm cute, aren't i?

giggling, she shows what she’s written to the camera, winking as she points at herself before setting the notebook down.

while the day hadn’t been long, lili was more than happy to be home, already slipping on her my melody headband ( not meant for washing faces but don’t tell lili that because she’ll still wear it regardless ) and reaching for her oil cleanser to remove the bits of her mascara, tone up cream and sunscreen. 

her night routine wasn’t some agonizing 10 step system but it definitely did take a while and would keep lili in the bathroom for longer than she should be; it’s why after she washes her face, with a quick pat, she’s returning to her bedroom to do the rest of her skincare; making sure to dry each layer she places on her skin — whether its her toner, serum or emulsions — they each take their time to dry before she places the next. 

she’s left with just her face mask when she’s met with the camera once again — hand waving as she blows a cute kiss it’s way before saying goodnight. 

“愿你走进甜甜梦乡 ~”

may you enter sweet dreamland.