CHEF BOY ARE WE FUCKED. Where Lili Is No Chef And @jiahlgc Knows.

ONLY HOTTIES SHARE A BRAIN CELL. must lili say more? — @lgcmaylin

time flies and once october comes knocking, lili’s favorite holiday is nearly here — second to her birthday, of course. ( and that’s nearly a month and some away )

shocker, lili loves being a scream queen — it was practically her birthright but with the proposed concept for the party, this time, she finds herself struggling to wrack her head for a costume that would fit the bill. it wasn’t like lili spent her time playing games — not when her grandmother practically left no room in her adolescent schedule to actually enjoy her adolescence with adolescent things like, well, video games.

and while she’s at least heard of the games — she can’t say she can recall a character from the top of her head except that weird italian plummer and lili had already deemed that he was decidedly unsexy and well — she wanted to be the opposite of that.

can you say mamma mia!

“i want to dress sexy this year … is that too much to ask?” her eyes scan the halls, halloweek had chanced upon them without so much of a hello. the white rabbits stuck to miscellaneous things were the crumbs to the game — a bit much considering she had more dire, sexy problems to handle. finding one hidden in the crack of a door, lili rolls her eyes as she reads the ‘take me’, letting the card sway back and forth caught between her fingers. “do you have any idea of who you’re going to be for the party?”

“There was about her a wildness that flashed in her eyes. She was spoiled and beautiful and easily bored. She was either fiercely excited or cool and detached.”

— Kendra Bean, from Vivien Leigh: An Intimate Portrait (via violentwavesofemotion)

the first day of the year.

lili knows what it is — she always know what it is — but as all the years before, she learns it’s better to not expect anything. less expectations, less chances for her to get her hopes up and have them fall apart once the clock strikes midnight and the second day of the year comes with the first going unnoticed — again. 

the first day of the year.

lili knows what it is — she does — because the first day of the year: is her birthday.

this year comes in the form of a phone call and an apology — her grandmother calls, gives her her best, and then apologizes for hosting a party — not in her honor — but for the nth charity excursion her grandmother was aiding. her grandmother was 591 miles, and 2 hours and 15 minutes away and all lili received was a phone call — one that lasted less than ten minutes.

it would be sad if it wasn’t so … expected.

her birthdays of past, much like she believes this year to be, were always inconsequential. days that went by with no thoughts except living until the next day. this year wouldn’t be any different. this year, she thinks, she will still bear the bitter agony of expecting something she shouldn’t.

the first day of the year.

lili knows what it is — but this year, is surprisingly different.

what lili hadn’t been expecting was seeing taeha — having taeha lead with a surprise even though lili has always said ( rather unconvincingly, might we add ) that she didn't like surprises — suddenly being immersed in the brilliance that was taeha and being the center of her energetic display of affection. frozen in her place, her eyes open to reveal the same room she had entered minutes earlier, the one significant change is taeha — carrying a cake that lili can only describe as atrocious on sight, but she bites her lip.

( whether to stop the tears that had suddenly begun to well up at her lashes or the onslaught of forced ‘complaints’ at the tongue — who knows ) 

instead, she fiddles with a small smile pressed between her lips — a hand running through her hair as the other nears, “did you make this yourself?” even if the obvious is very well obvious, she still asks, inspecting the cake as she does so. it was cute, now that she looked at it, if she ignored the imperfections here and there — she could see taeha’s sincerity in clear view.

it’s the first day of the year.

lili knows what it is — had readied herself with zero expectations — but a part of her finds the longing in it quenched at the sight of taeha’s brilliant smile and her horribly iced penmanship. it made the saying it’s the thought that counts loom in the back of her mind and she can’t help the way her heart swoons, leaning forward at taeha’s command — eyes closing, one by one, as she takes a second — maybe three — before she blows out the candles.  

 「 ❀ 」  ━━ ˗ˏˋ 22 CANDLES !

@lgclili

"Close your eyes and keep them closed!" Taeha instructs from her place just outside the practice room. Inside Lili would be waiting for an extra special, super duper surprise ( as the string of texts she'd sent a few hours prior promised ). A bit of scuffle and shuffle can be heard beyond the open door, before she moves to take a few careful steps into the room, balancing a tray on her forearms.

"Okay, now open your eyes!"

On the tray is mini two - well, more like 1.5 if one were to be technical - tiered vanilla cake with a strawberry filling, covered by a thick layer of pink buttercream frosting. The words Happy Birthday are written in purple icing on top, alongside a pink and purple smudge camouflaged by a cluster of red candies arranged in the shape of a heart to conceal Taeha's failed attempts at writing Lili's name in fancy script. Finally, twenty-two brightly lit candles are placed wherever space would allow, illuminating Taeha's excited grin.

Sure, some may call it a "homemade monstrosity" ( coined by her older brother who was quite amused watching the cake's creation on Taeha's FaceTime version of Kitchen Nightmares ), but the trainee is certain her friend will love it! ...At least she hopes she does.

"Happy birthday, Lili! Make a wish!"

“you’re right,” she sighs — side-eyeing the trainer, utilizing her most famous confused expression: a draw of the brows, the slowing of her lips into a small, perplexed pout. “it also doesn’t help that he’s being so annoying about it, too.”

having been a transplant all her life, lili has been accustomed to not knowing where she’ll be or where she’ll stay. implanted from one place to another, from one caretaker to another — but never to the ones who really matter. so, she mulls over the question — one, to any other normal person, would be considered an easy-going, friendly question. 

lili decides easiest is best.

“los angeles.” it’s where she’s been the longest — so, by default, she supposes she could assume its role as her hometown as necessary.

“and you?” she tried to place the other’s accent but asking would probably be the easiest way to an answer.

Amelia loved the fact that she was a foreigner. She loved using it as an excuse during training and also to mess with other people. Throughout the years, Amelia had gotten out of a number of different scenarios thanks to the fact that she was a foreigner. She'd also made quite a lot of friends thanks to being a foreigner as well which was even better.

Amelia listened to the other girl, using her face as a mask to hide their true intentions. ❛ I get it. Some days are just not your day and when they add training on top of it it's just too much. ❜ Amelia shook her head softly.

Amelia was trying so hard to ignore the look on the coach's face while he stood next to them. Her desire to cause mischief and mayhem was too much right now. Growing up with two brothers had definitely shaped her personality. The fact that the other girl was just as into her idea as she was told Amelia that they would definitely become very good friends in the future.

❛ I'm Amelia. It's nice to meet you, Lili. Where are you from? ❜

it’s like they said —

misery loves company.

and lili was no exception to the rule — especially when it came to jisoo. 

did she have the right? no. 

was she being perhaps a tad bit too possessive of a boy who obviously didn’t give two shits about her and her precious, precious birthday? yes, possibly, astonishingly, devastatingly — she was and she was not proud of it.

sitting here, more than a little miffed that he was appearing aloof — and not the least bit remorseful ( or concerned like what the fuck! ) to what had so obviously pained her, she frowns, even harder — fuck, was she going to regret the wrinkles such an action caused later — and turns her gaze away from him.  

she relays in her most poised tone — the one she used whenever she was on the phone with her grandmother and raised voices were not suitable for a pretty, pretty lady or so her grandmother liked to say — despite the frown:

“it’s not fair.” she answers him, pointed gaze turning harder — almost glassy in her distress. “you don't even care. what if i was dead in a ditch?" 

remorse is thrown out the window as she taps a finger against her arm, annoyed at the outcome. here she had come to apologize and he was throwing that in her face.

surprise, lili sits down by him. time was bound to lead them to this, since it was either them being opposite ends of a magnet, parallel lines yet never colliding for the next forever period of time, or that they'd eventually collapse and meet again. he didn't know when, or if it would happen again, but again, surprise- of course lili would be the one to approach him. ( maybe he's too good at this whole ' being alone ' thing, which is not a good thing... )

stubbornness doesn't really reward anyone, especially where there's a void of a close friendship that somehow falls apart. immaturity would do that to any pair. her comment makes him overthink, because during their birthdays, he did overthink. to say something or not to say something. but after radio silence on his own birthday,

"i mean-" wait, why is she turning it onto him? jisoo supposes lili always has a way with words. his eyes narrow back at her, "and what about a few days ago? i figured it wasn't going to happen when i didn't hear anything either." at least there's no filler smalltalk ( his ultimate pet peeve ), and they're straight into the thick of it. "that's only fair... right?"

୨୧     W     :     FINDING YOUR INNER VARIETY STAR   _   2

WHAT DID YOU CONSIDER THE EASIEST & HARDEST PART OF THE WORKSHOP?

“to be funny.” lili wasn’t funny at least when she tried to be — funny had to be an instinctive trait, one that came easy for them, but lili wasn’t like that. “don’t get me wrong, i’m funny, but not when i want to be — at least that’s what people say.” people tell her she’s funny but lili didn’t think so, if anything, she believed she was a far cry from it.

HOW WOULD YOU RATE YOUR OVERALL SATISFACTION WITH THE WORKSHOP?

“out of ten?” lili thinks on it, pausing for a moment before, nodding her head, satisfied with what she’s come up with, “i’d say ten. astrid 선배님 had a lot to share and tried her best to make us comfortable.” and when lili said she tried, she really did try — but it wasn’t enough for lili to cross her boundaries and her ego, unfortunately. at the ripe age of twenty-four, lili was already set in stone and could not (rather, would not) compromise herself in the name of variety. and maybe that had been her downfall from the beginning.

WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN A FOLLOW-UP WORKSHOP ON THE SAME TOPIC?

should she be honest — would it look bad on her if she was? or should she lie? she was good at that — through her teeth, tongue to cheek, a gentle, slow breath before she says what’s exactly on her mind: “no, i think i’m just not suited for variety, at least, if i were to go by myself. i feel like i’m a go with the flow, rely on people i know type of variety person but if i was just the individual guest? i don’t think i’m funny enough for that — or i suppose, it just depends on the type of variety. gags and the like, please refrain from recommending me.” was that a bit much? maybe but lili had to draw the line somewhere. this workshop had proved that this was not the line of work she wanted to be associated with.

this is super late but since lili is participating in the writing challenge for this term, i would love to get her some more threads and/or new plots/connections, if you have more space this term for something new, i'd love to connect! please like this and i'll drop by a message your way! + lili is on the animal crossing team for the halloween secret rewards / gig 025, if anyone is free for another thread!

PITY PARTY: PARTY OF 1 ୨୧ @lgcjisoo / BACKDATED (010125)

the humiliation burns.

and yet, lili would rather wear the flaw like a bright red ‘a’ a la scarlet letter. if hester prynne could be prosecuted for the shame of adultery, could lili’s crime be considered of that multitude?

what had been her crime again?

ah right — existing, was it?

on the eve of her birthday, for what lili had thought was to be her birthday dinner — she had invited jisoo on the pretense of such — they gathered around a long mahogany table : filled with food, left untouched ; conversation, guided by the xu matriach, none other than lili’s grandmother ; and people lili could not place or fathom to know.

was this truly her birthday dinner?

her grandmother had introduced it as so and yet, despite the first sentence starting and ending with lili — everything that followed had nothing to do with the girl who was at the cusp of turning twenty-four that night. and she was floored, utterly embarrassed and speechless at the obvious display of neglect. 

was she supposed to sit here, look pretty and take this disrespect? the way her grandmother stares her down from across the table is a clear answer.

an obvious one that lili finds she doesn’t want to listen to — grabbing her purse, she tugs on jisoo’s sleeve, slamming her heels to the ground as she stands. “let’s go, we still have to pick up your dog from the daycare, right?”

she lies through her teeth — thinking on her feet for some semblance of an excuse only to find the piss-poorest one, and yet her eyes flash a demand for jisoo to get his ass out of that chair. 

request for you to not be a bitch

request denied

໒꒱ . XU LILI _ 1V1 CONSULATION 、WORKSHOP # 002

lili prided herself on her one on one evaluations with her coaches. something about receiving critiques empowered her, in a way. if they flat-out told her she sucked, it evoked an irrational sense of determination in her. if they flattered her, it validated her. in the end, it was a win-win situation that worked in her favor. 

“ WHAT DO YOU THINK ARE YOUR STRENGTHS RIGHT NOW? ”

her strengths have always been her most steadfast of skills — they were what made it easy for lili to transition from some no name agency to the likes of legacy in a matter of weeks. her defaults came easy, rolling off the tongue in a crescendo of confidence that she wonders why seo youngjae had bothered wasting his breath. “singing, dancing, modeling — it’s a triple threat combination that i feel like i’ve perfected.” and to this day, lili believes is her clandestine repetotoire for her future and yet — "do you not agree?" she asks, at point blank, because if seo youngjae didn't, then obviously lili was not working hard enough. ( and that irked her )

“ WHAT ARE THREE SKILLS THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO WORK ON IN THE NEXT FEW MONTHS? ”

she ponders this, and realizes the slight deflation in her response. it’s no surprise to anyone that her confidence had taken hit after hit in recent months. being looked over and not even considered for certain projects had been low blows that lili had tried her best to not get to her — since nobody asked, lili assumed she had done a good job in not showing it. but now, as the cards are laid down on the table and lili is asked to foresee what she could possibly do more — she feels affronted, almost affixed to her thoughts. “i feel like i’ve fallen short on my performance” — lili only says because coach jang insung had told her something along the same lines in passing the other day and if insung noticed, there was no way it wasn’t going to be brought up today. and lili knew better than to hide from the inevitable. “so, i’d probably work on my performance.” there was also that small stint as an extra for that film project, not much came of it but lili did like her time there even if she didn’t have lines, and if her face was covered — it was something. “maybe try working on my acting, actually being on a set had struck something in me, i guess. i couldn’t really stop thinking about it.” it was her way of saying she liked it without being so upfront about it. “i was also thinking of trying my hand at hosting but if i don’t like it … i could just keep working on my singing, i still have yet to really perfect my whistle tone.” 

“ IF GIVEN A CHANCE, WHAT TYPES OF GIGS WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN PARTICIPATING? ”

“with my current understanding, i feel i would be better suited to modeling and acting opportunities. i am interested in hosting but i don’t think i’m quite well-suited to them yet. otherwise, for modeling and acting, i feel like while i lack experience, i have learned enough about the field and have shown my interest enough that i would be easier for me to adapt to them.” a long-winded answer that, in hindsight, sounds almost rehearsed. and for that, lili’s fingers sneak into the side of her trousers for a slight pinch. it was an answer — eloquent, smooth, almost convincing in nature — that almost mimicked something her grandmother would have ate up and lili … at this point in her consultation, wanted to be honest — apparently, some habits were just too hard to forgo. 

“ DURING YOUR TIME HERE IN LEGACY, WHAT ARE SOME OF THE LESSONS THAT YOU’VE LEARNED ABOUT YOURSELF? ”

while not something she learned while at legacy, she finds it’s something that is becoming more and more of a hindrance to her growth and it’s — “i’m impatient. i feel like i’m ready for whatever it is you’ve yet to guarantee me.” but no matter how impatient she is, she finds herself drowning in this impatience. “and it makes me make more mistakes than i’m used to. i feel like i need to learn better ways to calm myself and/or learn how to be patient.” the latter is easier said than done, so lili prays for the former more than anything. and while lili does not beg, her words seem to beg to differ. 

"we'll talk more in april."

lili leaves feeling like she’s said something she shouldn’t have. a fault of saying too much to ears that only nitpicked to their heart’s desire. a disadvantage, lili thinks, as she walks away from her meeting with youngjae with an almost bitter taste in her mouth. suddenly, lili did not care for how fast time felt. she did not look forward to april.