BY THE WAY YALL

😭😭😭

When I was 24 I sat in a backstage dressing room in London, buzzing with anticipation. My backup singers and bandmates gathered around me in a scattered circle.Scissors emerged and I watched in the mirror as my locks of long curly hair fell in piles on the floor. There I was in my plaid button down shirt, grinning sheepishly as my tour mates and friends cheered on my haircut. This simple thing that everyone does. But I had a secret. For me. It was more than a change of hairstyle. When I was 24. I decided to completely reinvent myself.

How does a person reinvent herself, you ask? In any way I could think of. Musically, geographically, aesthetically, behaviorally, motivationally. And I did so joyfully. The curiosity I had felt the first murmurs of while making red had amplified into a pulsing heartbeat of restlessness in my bars. The risks I took when I toyed with pop sounds and sensibilities on red? I wanted to push it further. The sense of freedom I felt when traveling to big bustling cities? I wanted to live in one. The voices that had begun to shame me in new ways for dating like a normal young woman? I wanted to silence them.

You see, in the years preceding this, I had become the target of slut shaming, the intensity and relentlessness of which would be criticized and called out if it happened today. The jokes about my amount of boyfriends. The trivialization of my songwriting as if it were a predatory act of a boy crazy psychopath. The media co-signing of this narrative. I had to make it stop because it was starting to really hurt.

It became clear to me that for me there was no such thing as casual dating, or even having a male friend who you platonically hang out with. If I was seen with him, it was assumed I was sleeping with him. And so I swore off hanging out with guys, dating, flirting, or anything that could be weaponized against me by a culture that claimed to believe in liberating women but consistently treated me with the harsh moral codes of the Victorian era.

Being a consummate optimist, I assumed I could fix this if I simply changed my behavior. I swore off dating and decided to focus only on myself, my music, my growth. And my female friendships. If I only hung out with my female friends, people couldn't sensationalize or sexualize that, right? I would learn later on that people could and people would.

But none of that mattered then because I had a plan and I had a demeanor as trusting as a basket of golden retriever puppies. I had the keys to my own apartment in New York and I had new melodies bursting from my imagination. I had Max Martin and Shellback who were happy to help me explore this new sonic landscape I was enamored with. I had a new friend named Jack Antonoff who had made some cool tracks in his apartment. I had the idea that the album would be called 1989. And we would reference big 80's synths and write sky high choruses. I had sublime, inexplicable faith and I ran right toward it, in high heels and a crop top.

There was so much that I didn't know then, and looking back I see what a good thing that was. This time of my life was marked by right kind of naïveté, a hunger for adventure. And a sense of freedom I hadn't tasted before. It turns out that the cocktail of naïveté, hunger for adventure and freedom can lead to some nasty hangovers, metaphorically speaking. Of course everyone had something to say. But they always will. I learned lessons, paid prices, and tried to… don't say it don't say it. I'm sorry, I have to say it. Shake it off.

I’ll always be so incredibly grateful for how you loved and embraced this album. You, who followed my zig zag creative choices and cheered on my risks and experiments. You, who heard the wink and humor in "blank space" and maybe even empathized with the pain behind the satire. You, who saw the seeds of allyship and advocating for equality in "Welcome to New York". You, who knew that maybe a girl who surrounds herself with female friends in adulthood is making up for a lack of them in childhood (not starting a tyrannical hot girl cult). You, who saw that I reinvent myself for a million reasons, and that one of them is to try my very best to entertain you. You, who have had the grace to allow me the freedom to change.

I was born in 1989. Reinvented for the first time in 2014, and a part of me was reclaimed in 2023 with the re-release of this album I love so dearly.

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine the magic you would sprinkle on my life for so long. This moment is a reflection of the woods we've wandered through and all this love between us still glowing in the darkest dark.

I present to you, with gratitude and wild wonder, my version of 1989.

It’s been waiting for you.

I was watching 10 things I hate about you and like mid way through I started writing randomly

and boom a year later I have 5 journals filled

“how did you get into writing” girl nobody gets into writing. writing shows up one day at your door and gets into you

google how to physically remove your brain and fix everything in it

Heyy, thought I might do my own version so ask any number(s) and I'll answer

...

yeah this is abt Ghostflower what else did you expect

Ask Game for Ships!

This should be okay for poly relationships as well!!

What’s their love languages?

Do they have a dynamic trope? (enemies to lovers, sunshine x grumpy, etc?)

Who cooks? Who cleans up? Who’s banned from the kitchen?

What’s their favorite sleeping/cuddling positions?

Who does what chores?

Do they go out often or prefer to stay indoors?

Who is the more romantic one?

Do they have any favorite activities to do together?

Baths or showers together? Do they like elaborate ones with bubbles and flower petals?

Who drives and who picks out the music?

What’s a song that describes their relationship? Or, what’s the song that they’ve deemed “their” song?

Who gets up the earliest? Who has the worst sleep schedule? Who is the sleepiest?

What’s their opinions on PDA?

Who does fashion shows after a mall trip and who watches and compliments them?

Do they go on vacations together? Where is their favorite place to visit?

What’s their favorite “domestic bliss” moment? Do they cook/clean together? Do they like to go out shopping together?

What does a relaxing night in look like for them?

What does a date night out look like for them?

How do they silently/subtly express their love for each other?

What clothes/accessories do they steal from each other?

Which of their friends/family pokes fun at them for them getting flustered/affectionate?

How do they apologize after arguments?

Do they like pick up lines?

What are their favorite places to kiss on their partner(s)? What are their favorite types of kisses?

What is their dream home? Do they buy a place together? Who plans the decorations and who does the heavy lifting?

Do they have any pets or kids?

Who would propose? What would their wedding be like?

What’s something that reminds them of their partner(s)? Do they have anything on them daily as a reminder (a photo, phone background, tattoo, clothing/accessory, etc)?

What is something they can never agree on? How do they meet in the middle?

Free space! Say something about this ship that you want to say!

don't talk to me for the next 3-5 business days

is it over now x i wish you would AND haunted x exile IS MY LIFE SOME JOKE TO YOU

everytime Ekko pops onto my screen an angel gains its second pair of wings.

I will never forgive the bots who send me fake messages.

I see that [1] next to my messages and I am like "FRIEND??? MESSAGE FOR ME???" and then I see a bot. There is no greater betrayal. Stabbing me in the back would hurt less and also be less lethal. 10 000 agonies upon me. Unbelievable.