When The Guard Coach Tells You To Stay In Your Toaster

Genuinely 2022 has been an amazing year for tumblr memes

I mean we had so many good ones:

#girl ban

Lennon Asscrack

Horse Plinko

Blorbo from my shows

The variations upon blorbo(glup shitto, skrungly, poor little meow meow)

Eeby Deeby

It's me boy, the PS5 inside your brain

Live Slug reaction

Crabs

Eurovision Pussy

Tumblr Blaze Launch ft. Catholic evangelism and My immortal

Twitterpocalypse

Dracula Daily

Thank goodness he's straight actually

Pikaman

July(Shinso Abe's death, British gov collapse)

Gougar

September 8th(Queen dead, sansweep)

They unbanned tits- wait no they didn't

The Lettuce is Pm now

Twitterpocalyspe 2 he actually bought it this time

Tits are legal for real this time

2nd Anniversary of Nov 5th ft. Ryan Reynolds

And Now

Goncharov

In general something has definitely been in the water this year when we look back at the memes.

jaster mereel in the afterlife watching a working class bounty hunter mandalorian usurp the title of mandalor from a upper class former member of death watch

every day i am percieved™️

as much as the concept of Jesus being a fairly normal lad has its charms, im personally very intrigued by the idea of him being just… extremely weird. not even in a mystical sense, just…….staggeringly BIZZARRE. 

you go to the well to get some water, and here’s Miriam’s boy, staring at the sky, completely still. his expression is unreadable. you hazard a hello and ask how he’s doing, and he slowly, unblinkingly, lowers his gaze on you (he’s 8 and is missing his frontal teeth, not that this is making you any less uncomfortable) and says “I cannot speak of the state of my being, Nathan son of Saul, my brother, but rejoice for the water you shall take today will be as pure as the soul of the children of Heaven”

…you start sweating

idk can we stop…treating a.ce disc.ourse like it’s some haha funney cringe compilation or whatever the fuck because it fucking destroyed the entire ace and aro communities. there is no solid aspec community on tumblr anymore (which was by far the biggest number of aspec ppl). exclusionists took our community and fucking smashed it to pieces and y'all treat it as this fucking stupid joke when they traumatized, gaslit, and abused an entire group of queer people back into the closet. fuck every single person who doesn’t take that seriously.

i once saw someone say the extended universe of star wars is like world unbuilding and that’s honestly the only way i can describe it, because i have absolutely no fucking clue of what the fuck goes on outside of the movies, and i have TRIED to understand, but the more i try the less i understand, i just… what the fuck man

Ship Sizes

Supercarrier: fandom flagship.  Everybody and their dog ships it.  The fandom is glutted with artwork and fic.  You cannot escape this ship.

Dreadnought: massively popular.  Nearly everybody ships it.  You can, with dedication, in theory, reach the end of the AO3 archive for the ship’s tag, but it’ll take a long time.

Cruiser: pretty popular ship.  Not everyone ships it, but everyone knows about it.  Has a good amount of fic/art, and probably multiple ask blogs.

Frigate: just plain popular.  Feels like it could use more fanworks.  New people to the fandom might not know about it, but they’ll stumble across it sooner rather than later.

Gunboat: bit of a rarepair.  It might have an ask blog or two.  A couple big name fans ship it.  Probably only takes a few weeks to get through the entire AO3 backlog, and one new fic gets added during that time.

Tugboat: rarepair.  Almost never seen except as a side pairing to a more popular ship.  You can usually get through everything on AO3 in a matter of days.  You’ve forgotten what it is to be picky about what you read.

Rowboat: less than a dozen people ship it.  You all know each other.  You exist in an endless cycle of the same five people desperately producing art and fic and one person who constantly contributes headcanons.

Canoe: you are one of maybe three people who ship it, and there’s a not-insignificant chance you’ve never encountered those other two hypothetical shippers.  You spend your days paddling furiously in hopes of keeping the ship afloat, dreaming of the day you upgrade to a rowboat so you can finally rest.

So Your Temperate Home is Suddenly an Arctic Hellscape

As -10F hits area’s of the US who’ve never seen such temperatures in living memory, I wanted to give some tips from a Minnesotan who’s lived with these temps as a part of my life for 37 years.

1) Don’t Get Cocky. People used to these temps may laugh at our southern neighbors freaking out about the cold because yes, some parts of the US get such temps regularly every year. These people are being ignorant assholes. Our houses are mandated to have insulation that few of your homes will have. We pretty much all have huge puffy coats, and have well established winter weather gear drives for homeless and poor folks every year. We have expensive, well equipped infrastructure for cope with these temps and with large amounts of snow. You don’t. When it comes down to it, Minnesotans know to respect the cold temps- it’s just that a lot of the ways that do it are so commonplace as to be invisible to those who already have these habits.

2) Don’t go out wet. Dry your hair or stay inside. You will loose a lot of heat if you’re wet. Same for sweat, and wet diapers. And clothes with snow on them are now WET CLOTHES. Change into dry clothes as soon as possible.

3) If you have a shitty car battery or a car that sometimes struggles to start, then try not to use it. You’re unlikely to get the kind of temps where it’s impossible to start an engine (I’ve only experienced those temps a few times. Once my eyelashes froze shut and I almost froze to death in my own back yard. Don’t be like young me. Respect the cold.) If your car doesn’t start, you could be stranded somewhere, and realistically your area’s emergency services may be pretty overrun. 

4) Very cold air doesn’t hold moisture well. Plan for extra hydration for people, pets, and plants. Even if your staying in- most home heaters pull cold air from outside, then dry it out even MORE in the process of heating it. Dehydration is a thing. Even if your home’s heater has a humidifier attached to it (if you’re not sure, then it probably doesn’t.) it’s a good idea to drink extra water. Right now I have a few pots of water just left out by heaters to evaporate as much as possible. My mom used to just heat huge camping pots on the stove all day in cold temps. Remember, dry nasal passages really muck up your bodies ability to fight airborne illness. This is not a great time for that.

5) Help out homeless folks in your area in any way you can. These temps can and do kill. And since we have more evictions than any society can conscionably defend this year, we have high numbers of homeless people. Which means area supports for unhoused folks are often underfunded and over-taxed. 

6) Let your faucets drip. I know nobody likes to waste water but if your pipes freeze they will literally explode. Your home will flood. My mother’s kitchen got completely destroyed and it traumatized my childhood dog. Justa  bit of moving warm water will safeguard you from that.

7) Do. Not. Burn. Propane. Indoors. 

8) Plan for potential power outages. Ice on the lines can cause this and again, your infrastructure isn’t prepped for this. Unplug anything in your home you’re not using to do your part to help prevent rolling blackouts.

9) Driving on ice is a SKILL. Your roads may be filled with people who do not have that skill. Please please, stay off the roads if you can- even if you have this skill these roads will not be prepped and will, again, be full of people who don’t know how to do this because it just hasn’t come up that much in their life.

Stay safe and stay kind, folks! 

The. Butts. Match!? Fuck it mothman is now beel

New Obey Me hc:

The jersey devil and goat man sightings were just Lucifer drunk off his ass and Diavolo won’t let him live it down

The Sections At 1 AM The Night Before A Competition

flutes/piccolos: asleep scattered across the floor of someone's bedroom wearing matching sweatpants.

clarinets: moodily playing pokémon

alto saxophones: all at walmart separately because they all think they're the ones responsible for treat bags and forgot until now. never see each other and each get like ten treat bags the next morning. confused but happy.

low reeds: finding more ways to hide dirty jokes on their section hoodies.

trumpets: practicing their "marching face" in the mirror to make it suitably focused and serious yet smoldering.

mellophones: trying to figure out how to attach a large sign to their instrument that says "it's a mellophone, not an exceptionally large trumpet." they are doomed to fail and the masses remain uneducated.

trombones: frantically trying to fix their instrument from attempting to pop to the box in their bedroom with the slide as far down as possible and slamming into the ceiling.

baritones/euphoniums: reflecting bitterly on all the times the tubas have upstaged them. vow to never let it happen again.

tubas/sousaphones: standing in front of a mirror trying to figure out precisely which angle at which to tip their beret to look the most roguish.

pit percussion: still loading their equipment on the band truck even though they started after school; one of them is missing for no reason.

drum line: performing a ritual sacrifice.

color guard: already doing their hair. still almost don't get done in time.

drum majors: practicing their salute 40,098 times, then making sure they don't "stand weird" while conducting.