I Need It To Be Known That Yes, Kallus Is Technically My Favorite Character, But I Would Hit Him Over

Not “Only my reading of canon is correct” or “Interpretations are subjective and all valid” but a secret third thing, “More than one interpretation can be valid but there’s a reason your English teacher had you cite quotes and examples in your papers, you have to have a strong argument that your interpretation is actually supported by the text or it is just wrong and I’m fine with telling you it’s wrong, actually.”

you humble my bones you make me feel alive again

How about another Lyste AU because I feel like some crack.

Imagine we have Kallus somewhere on a mission when he runs into Lyste and decides that maybe he messed things up for Lyste the first time but he can do right by him now. So he tries to recruit him and it actually works because Lyste has been having doubts about the Empire after the way they treated him because of his blunder (not well). And all is well and good until it turns out they have to use some advanced maneuvering to get away from the Empire which is fine for Kallus, he's used to it, but not for Lyste.

Oh boy, not for Lyste.

So by the time they get back to the base Kallus is overjoyed with himself. He's just snagged his first recruit and he made it up to Lyste.

And next to him.

Next to him is the most traumatized human being you've ever seen. Someone who looks like they've been dragged through hell and back (because they have) with the thousand yard stare to match.

They ask him what he wants to do to help and he just says he wants to stack crates for a while. Or something like that. There's silence and someone goes to ask but then they take one look at him and decide that yeah, okay, maybe they should let the guy stack crates for a while. Or find him some therapy.

Needless to say, no one wants to go on missions with Kallus after that.

Kallus: "Alright here's what we're gonna do. We're taking the Senator hostage."

Lyste: "Wh-?? Can't we just sneak in and steal a ship or something?"

Kallus: "Security's too tight for that and I don't feel like it. Let's go."

(later)

Kallus: "Change of plans. I'm taking you hostage instead."

Lyste: "?????"

Kallus, loudly: "Nobody move or I blow this civilian's head off!" (to Lyste) "Act like a civilian."

Lyste, hysterical: "I'm panicking, what more do you want me to do???"

Kallus: "I need someone for an infiltration mission. Who wants to volunteer? Lys-"

Lyste: tripping over tables and chairs to get away

Kallus: ...

Kallus: Was it something I said?

... dean if you squint

Hey guys will you beat me to death with sticks if I post this

I think it would be kind of funny if Kallus in his Imperial days was very aware that he's attractive. Then he joins the Rebellion and learns about the notion of being ✨humble✨ in addition to having his looks be way less relevant. The Rebellion doesn't have a dresscode and are nowhere near invasive enough to care about his facial hair or hairstyle. Overall, he doesn't have to apply as much effort to his looks and as such he sorta just... doesn't think about it as much. Until one day he's looking in the mirror and it hits him how different he looks. Way less put together - in the Empire they'd definitely refer to it as letting himself go. He still feels the same. Still feels attractive. But even so, there is this nagging feeling at the back of his mind telling him that he isn't. Not to others anyway. And it's not like it bothers him. Not really. It's just different. But it's not like it matters and he has got work to do. So he goes about his work knowing that he's no longer considered attractive. Except Kallus' idea of what's considered attractive has been heavily skewed by the Empire's standards. So while he's assuming he downgraded his looks to a solid Mid, every Rebel is having a moment of "wait, is Kallus not kinda very hot??"

everyone say one nice thing about zeb. Go 🫵

if you see me tag Character on a post and you think to yourself "how the hell is that Character" mind your damn business alright we're on a first name basis. me and Character.

The most important thing about zeb is that he can never be too fluffy