Kiss Kiss Kiss (I'm Improved Drawing People Kissing, Let's F-cking Gooooooo)

Hey do you ever think there was an extremely awkward moment where Set realized that at least* two of his wives (Nephthys and Taweret) were helping to raise baby Horus behind his back?

Like, imagine it. Isis has decided her son is finally prepared to face Set. She has presented him to the Ennead. The court case to decide which one should hold the kingship has begun.

And as Set is watching Horus, trying to calculate what to do (he's not good with words so. best bet is probably just to punch him in the face really hard when no one is looking. oh no, the annoying child is dead! of completely unidentifiable causes! we can all go home now!), he notices that Taweret is, like, always slipping Horus honey candies whenever Isis isn't looking? And she keeps ruffling his hair affectionately with her hands?

And, also, Nephthys is correcting Horus's posture on how he holds his weapons? Like, he'll be holding a spear or a khopesh (wrong! cause he's stupid!), but then Nephthys will make eye contact with him while miming how to do it properly, and he corrects himself? And when his belt sash comes undone she'll point at her own so he fixes it? And she thinks she's being sly about it but SET CAN SEE HER DOING THIS???

Why is this happening? What does it mean? Because to be honest Set hasn't been speaking with his wives a lot recently. There were really long periods of time where they didn’t see each other, since he was busy stalking through the marshes of the Nile Delta trying to hunt down and kill this kid. And, now that he thinks about it, he doesn't really know exactly where they were when that was happening. And-- Oh. OH GOD.

*I say "at least" because there are a lot of goddesses who you could speculate are Set's consorts based on various evidence, and the amount of goddesses in the Egyptian pantheon who are said to have helped/watched over Horus at some point is basically all of them. So the number of women this happened with is potentially infinite.

Also if you're wondering about Set and Taweret, Plutarch says that they had a relationship at some point, and it kind of makes sense if you consider that Taweret is supposed to be a very fearsome guardian, hence her association with female hippos (who are very violent when they protect their young), and Set also is very fearsome, hence his association with male hippos (who are also violent but minus the protecting their young part).

ALSO:::

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My favorite parts of the Iliad now that I’ve finished it for the first time:

Odysseus running around beating people with a scepter (and the amount of joy he got from it)

Agamemnon prematurely mourning Menelaus, who is standing right next to him.

Zeus telling Ares he hates him the most of all his children. God damn. He really did just say that to his face didn’t he.

Diomedes being a force of nature on the battlefield

Diomedes being a force of nature on the battlefield and everyone still treating him like he’s their annoying little brother who they unfortunately sometimes have to kind of listen to.

Diomedes.

“What are you talking about?” I laughed out loud multiple times because of this line. I don’t know what it is, but every single time it’s said I just imagine the most baffled/annoyed expression and tone of voice on whoever was saying it and I just. Lose it every time.

Helen being extremely passive aggressive the entire time she’s on the page. Seriously love her.

Helen believing her brothers didn’t come to war because they were ashamed of her, not knowing they have been dead for some time. It hurts and I love it.

Odysseus and Diomedes being sent on a spy mission and deciding that, after getting information from the Trojan spy, they are going to go to their camp and steal some horses. (And a chariot. And some armor, I think???) Utter chaos. They did not have to do this. This was A Choice.

Them coming back after stealing said horses and NOT A SINGLE PERSON QUESTIONS IT. IMPLYING THIS IS A NORMAL THING FOR THEM. AND THEY JUST,,,,,REGULARLY DO SHIT LIKE THIS.

Athena helping them.

The Trojans being annoyed with Paris

Nestor kicking Diomedes awake, who is, for some fucking reason, sleeping on the ground (?????)

Nestor.

Nestor going on long winded rants about His Day and his exploits. And everyone just kinda has to sit and listen to him talk.

Poseidon causing an earthquake so extreme Hades worried he was going to expose the underworld.

Artemis calling Apollo a baby for not wanting to fight Poseidon

Apollo ignoring her entirely. Peak sibling energy.

Achilles calling Patroclus’ ghost “true heart.” I know what you are.

Athena helping Diomedes in the funeral games.

Athena getting so mad Apollo made Diomedes drop his whip during said games she sabotaged Eumelus and made Diomedes’ horses run faster.

Antilochus threatening his horses into running faster.

This working.

Odysseus and Ajax wrestling and being so evenly matched that everyone gets tired of watching.

When they get up for round three Achilles telling them to “put not eachother further to such cruel suffering.”

The idea that Achilles was so sick of watching them that he compares it to actively being in pain.

Odysseus praying to Athena for help when he’s loosing the footrace.

Athena actually helping him.

Athena sabotaging Ajax and making him slip and fall face first into dung.

Ajax saying Athena hovers over Odysseus like his mother. Everyone finds this hilarious. Odysseus does not disagree.

Diomedes continually aiming at Ajax’s neck while fighting for a sword and armor. They are stopped by the rest of the Achaeans in fear for Ajax’s safety.

Yea, I’m convinced the Iliad is a comagedy. A comedic tragedy. A tragic comedy?