I Still Think About This.

kidchaoss

1 year ago

uhm can I use this for venting? I'm doing that. like a diary entry.

it's currently 11:17pm and I need to wake up tomorrow at 6:30 and have a history test at 8:30. I've studied for 4 hours and I'm currently in bed.

my ears are ringing. I read that it was a sign of anxiety or something. if it is, I understand.

either I'll ace this test or I'll fail, really fail.... how am I even supposed to be the smart kid if I don't study? well yes I showed early signs of intelligence when I was younger and now everyone expects me to be the best. it's exhausting because before I knew everything when I just paid attention to the class but now studying for so long and still knowing nothing? and now, because my parents are used to it, I need to get 90+ grades or I'll die a little inside. it's weird. I can't live like this. it's Sunday for Nick's sake.

and then I can't even pay attention in class because I have a boy sitting beside me that never shut up even though I already asked my teacher to switch places with someone.

I'm in 7th....how am I going to survive the rest?? how the hell am I going to survive college?

I need to sleep. or I don't. idk. yesterday I slept almost ten hours and I was tired all day but when I sleep 7 I am fine.

I don't know anymore.

thank you for reading my thoughts that I don't share with anyone.

good night

edit: ah just wanna say I aced the test. my first 94% on history.

Fuck it, lets do a dilf/milf chain 🔥😏

List/put several fictional people you'd wife up and then tag 5 people you'd think would also love to do this💕💕. I'll start!

Taggin some moots to help spread this along...

@lokisgoodgirl @lokischambermaid @groguspicklejar @loopsisloops @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @mochie85 @wavyhairedvixen @smolvenger @fictive-sl0th @muddyorbsblr @litaloni @multifandom-worlds @acidcasualties @anukulee @aesonmae @queen-paladin @wheredafandomat @foxherder @mischief2sarawr @loz-3 @mrs-illyrian-baby @holdmytesseract @superficialdomina @gigglingtiggerv2 @liminalpebble @gruftiela @chokeanddagger @chantsdemarins @kaycrowley @dangertoozmanykids101 @hannibals-favourite-meal @thedistractedagglomeration

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kidchaoss

11 months ago

hey...

it's currently 5:25 pm. normal ofc. I'm questioning my mbti. because I made the personality test on 16 personalities and people say that's trash. is it true? idk. and then people talk abot Ne, Fi, Te, Si and that stuff and I don't know what that is. it only sounds like that island from moana. I really need someone to tell me about all of that. it's ridiculous I know. I'm an INTP and people say it's normal that we constantly overthink our mbti but I don't know... it's really ridiculous.

well goodbye, if you read through the end. this one is a little more small but oh well

Tags

vent post vent mbti mbti personalities

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kidchaoss

8 months ago

Tuesday, September 3 2024- 00:40

started adding the date because I like reading old entries and it's confusing because I don't know when they're from

anyway

school starts in 10 days. I don't wish that, obviously. I don't like school anymore. to be fair, I never did. I like learning but the learning method of school is just too overwhelming, too generic.

I received my school schedule and it's shit. also, a new student is joining my class which is the worst because he already failed the grade so he's repeating it. yay, more stupid people.

I promised myself that I would ace this school year. every time I start thinking about that more I wonder if I'm lying to myself. I can't possibly go through this school year with no problem.

I already know who's gonna sit next to me on classes. it's alphabetical order so I'm always going to seat next to that one girl who's not seated to her best friend because of me. and I'm always in the middle. she's annoying. I could say that I pretty much like when the teachers change our seats.

I've got too much on my mind that I'd like to write. on this moment I'd like to write about me thinking that I have adhd, my friends, my possible crush on a girl that I barely met but I know lots of things about because of my mother, the fact that I over share too much... etc... glad I listed it

but I still want to talk about school. last school year I kinda learned how to study and honestly, it's very chaotic. I stay hours studying for a test because I get focused on that. it needs to be a quiet place at the right temperature, no food or I'll get distracted, my headphones with brian eno's music and taking notes on a random notebook. that's the only way it works. my mother always says that for me to keep my studying balanced I should do it everyday. and I agree but how can I if I can't focus? it's too much distractions around me. too much freedom.

yes. that's the word. freedom. I got my phone next to me so I get distracted with it but if I don't have my phone I can't possibly listen to music because I don't know how to make the damn cassette work. and then I can always go downstairs and just watch tv because the door is unlocked and no one could make me focus. it's too much freedom. I have the freedom to let myself walk around the house doing anything but study. I have the freedom of going to my phone and just stay with that.

then I got the pressure. from my classmates, I mean. and from my family but I'll talk about that in a few moments. imagine this: the teacher is handing the tests and I get a grade lower than 90, my usual. once, I got a 71, my lowest grade if I recall it correctly. I started crying. for a lot of my classmates, a 71 on physics&chemistry is a miracle, the best thing ever. not for me. so I started crying as I already said and pretty much everyone was judging me, except, ofc, my half a dozen of real friends. "If I was her I would be happy"; " what is she even crying about, that's a great grade for me". exactly. for them. I gotta admit..my grades fell a little that time. but they got better. then we have my parents. when I told them about the grade they didn't get mad. my mother laughed. she said "you'll have to deal with that. next time study more. I told you already. study everyday". my parents always say "you got us used to these high grades. it's really a disappointment to know that your grades are getting lower". I get so frustrated with those words...

I was going to write something more about this but I forgot... oh well...

if you read until the end thank you very much for listening to my thoughts.

stay tuned