That’s Why Elrond Isn’t A Dick

Does anyone remember wolf quest?

Too many dragons lol

The plot of ‘The hobbit’ with one small change to the story: Bilbo has a gun.

Which is a prequel to:

“Lord of the rings but Gimli and Frodo Samwise both have guns”

Well that was very nearing a BIG MISTAKE 💀

If you send me some gif of wriggling eyebrows and insinuate you want to lick a hobbits for I’m coming to your house and replacing your cat with a changling.

Saw someone else doing their Thorin headcanons so here are my Bilbo ones:

-Bilbo treats fili and kili like they’re children, this pleased thorin very much as he also sees them as wee pebbles

-Bilbo scolds all the young members of the party and they all stand there with their heads down mumbling apologies

-Thorin is mildy disturbed by the power Bilbo wields and often wonders how someone so paternal is not yet a father

-when the party finds out Bilbos actual age the entire party dynamic implodes for about three hours while they try to figure who this adult looking baby is on a quest with them and why Gandalf would do this to a child.

-Bilbo has to stand on a rock and explain to them that he is nearing in middle aged and is in fact a very respectable adult hobbit and not a dwarven child

-Kili starts calling Bilbo ‘baby boggins’ but when Bilbo catches him he very quickly rescinds this nickname for the sake of his ears while Bilbo will often pinch when he acts up.

-Bilbo brushed Fili and Kilis hair regularly, especially right before they arrive in any town or settlement (He’s pretty sure Kíli hissed at him once tho)

-Bilbo consoles Kili who is, by dwarven standards a wee bit of an uggo that his is very attractive by human standards and he shouldn’t feel bad, stating that is he were more clean shaven and cut his hair he would make a handsome hobbit (Thorin is appalled and begs his stupid impressionable nephew to not cut his hair)

-Fili likes Bilbo brushing his hair, unlike kili and often closes his eyes and has a little nap while the hobbit works

-Bilbo is confused why he can’t rebraid the boys hair, stating he used to braid his female friends hair when he was a sprout and the whole company is appalled that their sweet hobbit is such a scandalous little thing, courting so many women

Thorin carving wooden toys and Bilbo painting them and they give them out to all the children that migrate to Erebor with their families:

There isn’t actually as much to do as one would think. Winter settled in hard and fast and with heat restored and water running there wasn’t much that could be done by Bilbo or Thorin personally as much as it drove them both crazy.

One night by the fire Thorin eyes up a small chunk of fire wood, grabbing it and taking a leather roll from inside a drawer of his writing desk containing some knives and files. He starts to whittle away at the wood. Bilbo grimaces at the mess it’s making but suddenly all those shavings bring something to mind

After the last snow of the season has passed families will be arriving in Erebor. Many of whom had to leave most of their belongings behind and many of those families will have children who will be scared and exhausted and missing their old homes not yet understanding what a haven Erebor is.

“Say… how many of those do you think you could make in a day” Bilbo hummed thoughtful

Papa Bilbo and his Dwobbit son, Frodo Halfstone - Son of Thorin - Son of Thrain

Finished it! Now I just have paper work, some soldering and acid etching to do

Phew! Glad it’s the holidays. Can’t wait to go back home to see my family to get some of that clean mountain air. I’m so over living in a city, the ocean makes the weather so unpredictable.

I just remembered there’s a shop keeper back home who’s waiting for some products from me.. and I still haven’t delivered. Maybe I do stay in the city 💀

Someone said they liked the idea of Thorin using hand gestures and not talking much when he doesn’t have to (think somewhat selectively mute, maybe using Iglishmêk) and Bilbo yapper who fills every pause with his thoughts.

Bilbo: -and then he said ‘we can’t plant roses on the terraces, they’ll freeze’ can you believe that? We had the last winter snow six weeks ago- dear, where are the measuring spoons

Thorin: *doesn’t look up from his mountain of shitty paperwork, gestures vaguely in the direction of the a drawer that he put them in*

Bilbo: *rifling through the drawer* what do you think though? About the roses? Surely we can’t be expecting anymore snow? The-

Thorin: *without looking up* There’s not enough sun on the terrace you’re thinking of…

Bilbo: but-!

Thorin: plant them at the gates..

Bilbo: oh… o////o