The Best Part About DC Canon Being A Sandbox Is That You Can Combine Different Parts Of Different Timelines

DPxDC Urgent Call

"I need your phone."

Tim looks up from his laptop. The boy in front of him looks like he's been dragged to Hell a week ago and just made it back: smudges of soot on his face, his not-so-white t-shirt smelling of smoke, and a nasty looking burn on his hand that he somehow doesn't even pay attention to. Tim thinks back to his mental list of 'Rogues currently on the loose', but it's only Ivy and Harley (who don't even count anymore), and Penguin, who is not known for setting things on fire.

"I can call 911 for you, if you want?" He offers, because this is still Gotham. Despite the fact that a slightly scorched guy casually walking into a coffee shop is not something out of the ordinary here, he's not giving his phone to strangers.

The guy grimaces and starts aggressively rummaging through his pockets.

"No, thanks, ACAB and all that, and they won't do shit here anyway," he says, and then pulls a handful of tangled golden jewelry — rings, chains, necklaces with various gems in them — from his pocket and places it on the table in front of Tim. "I need your phone," he repeats.

Tim stares. First, at the gold — these things look antique, and his parents were archeologists, he knows what he's talking about — then, back at the guy. He looks... ordinary, sans the dirt and smell.

But the burn on his hand looks significantly more healed than it did just a minute ago.

Thankfully, Tim has already had his cup of morning coffee. Which means he is thinking very rationally when he does get his phone out of his pocket and hands it to the guy, just to see what he does next.

"Thanks," the guy grins at him, plucking the phone out of Tim's hand and unlocking it. Tim's eyebrows shoot up — there's a password there! — but the stranger is already dialing in a number and pressing the phone to his ear.

It takes less than a second before someone evidently picks up, and the guy starts talking.

"I have less than three minutes before the phone dies, so listen very carefully. Etrigan is fine, Jason is not, Klarion is still being a bitch. Dora won't help anymore, so you're on your own until Sam makes it there with the staff. I'm in Gotham because, apparently, mazes and I don't mix well together, so if you could summon me back, that'd be cool," he says, a look of mild annoyance on his face.

Tim is back to staring at him. He recognizes some of the names, and, well, one could have been an oddity, two a coincidence, but three is a pattern.

"The fuck you mean you can't, I gave you the incantation two months ago!" The guy raises his voice, his foot tapping on the floor in frustration. "Do you think I just go around giving my summons to people for shits and giggles? Like, yeah, have a spell that unleashes a cosmic being of immeasurable power, use it as a bookmark!"

This interaction, despite Tim only hearing one side of it, gets more and more alarming with every word.

But then, the boy suddenly straightens up and stills, his eyes flashing bright, unpleasantly familiar green.

"You what?" He asks, his voice slipping from just angry to quietly enraged hiss, "Sold it to whom?!" But, before he gets an answer, Tim's phone makes a thin, tiny buzzing sound, and the guy takes it off his ear, looking at the screen.

"No, no-no-no," he mutters, shaking it like that would make it work. To no avail, though: the phone screen flashes a few times and goes black. The guy curses. At least Tim thinks it's a curse because he doesn't understand a word, but the stranger's face and intonation are telling.

"Useless fucking moron of a human, I swear I'm going to drown you in cow shit once this is over," he switches to English, dropping the phone on the table right by the small pile of gold, "I'll bargain your pathetic soul from everyone you've ever dealt with and give it to the Observants, and maybe, after a few millenia of endless Council paperwork, I'll have mercy and sell it back to Lucifer and watch him fry you on a skillet."

...Whoever the boy is, Tim absolutely refuses to ever piss him off, okay. That's an impressive threat to even make, not to mention being able to go through with it.

"Do you need help?" He asks cautiously. If he is getting his context clues right, this is something that involves JLD, and maybe John Constantine specifically since Tim doesn't know any other man who is a magic user, sold his soul numerous times, would care about Etrigan's wellbeing, and could invoke this kind of murderous intent.

The boy looks back at him, his eyes back to normal blue.

"Huh? Oh, no, I doubt this can be helped," he waves Tim off and pinches the bridge of his nose, "Sorry about the phone, but, unless you have a way to yeet me across the globe so I end up in London in the next twenty minutes..." he shrugs, smiling in that helpless 'nothing you can do here' way.

Tim picks up his phone. It's dead, wholly and completely, won't even turn on when he tries.

He really, really shouldn't do that. This is definitely none of his business, and very much out of his capabilities and area of expertise.

But he thinks about the zeta-tube in the Cave.

"Actually," he says, and the guy's eyes snap back to him, a bewildered sort of surprise on his face.

We should talk more about shoes that Batfam wear with their suits. Like, surely, they have some special shoes that are made specifically for the vigilante activies, but imagine them forgetting to switch it on different occasions?

Bruce, hurrying in a place of crime after running away from gala, so goons die of laughter seeing Batman in rich-ass, patent leather shoes, and keep making fun of him.

Dick gets an emergency call in the middle of his salsa dancing classes, and everyone witnesses Nightwing's perfect acrobatic skills followed by a clicking of his boots.

Jason intentionally comes to the shootout in his cowboy boots. Was he inspired by Dante from Devil May Cry? Was it Roy's idea? Who fucking knows. But he keeps making awful puns the whole time.

Tim absolutely knowingly keeps putting on his favourite converses, because he doesn't give a fuck and other shoes make his feet hurt. Also, he looks cool, and teenagers adore Red Robin for that alone.

Cass fights in her ballet flats once. It should be funny, but the sight of her, kicking everyone's asses while acting like she is in the middle of the ballet practice, makes everyone shiver for another few weeks.

Stephanie buys herself those kinds of shoes that light up in neon when you step on the ground harshly. She decides she doesn't want to wear anything else in her whole life and gets excited when she they light up with violet, matching her suit.

Damian once woke up by his father in the middle of the night during some important case. He is so sleepy that he leaves for the patrol in his plushie, cow-themed slippers. Others are too sleep-deprived to notice.

Duke has the worst week in his life thanks to goons and finals. He is so frustrated that he just... throws his flip-flops straight in the criminal's head. The video made by some random civilian circulates in the internet non-stop.

Thinking about another funny DeadTired AU idea.

Deaged Dani and Dan btw.

So does anyone remember that one video of a guy doing a interview and his kids come in the room.

Imagine secretly married DeadTired. Tim is out of Gotham at the moment but in a video call with the Bats or maybe during a WE meeting (Bruce is in the call as well) when out of nowhere the door behind him opens and a Deaged Dani (Ellie), who comes in with a smile and walks in like she owns the place and not long after her in a baby walker Dante (Dan) comes in too, Tim is trying to keep a straight face but inside is panicking when he realizes he didn't lock his office door (which is coated with anti-ecto paint that only work when its locked and it keeps the kids out) knows there is no way to keep them a secret anymore.

Then Danny comes sliding in, grabs the kids, whisper/shouts a "Sorry Tim!" and gets them out.

Tim is silent for a moment, takes a breath and tries to resume the talk.

I love the HC where all the brothers are like "yeah, Dick is an idiot lol" but the moment someone says something bad about him, they jump to defend him with their lives... Even from himself, lol

Jason: Dick? Ah, yeah, he's stupid.

X: Ha! Yes, I bet he can't even add 2 + 2.

Jason: WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU? That guy was a mathlete, he won every damn contest he entered. Gotham Academy has a whole hall just for his trophies in different disciplines, both mental and physical skill. You wish you could be like that.

Tim: Sometimes I wish Nightwing would stop trusting people so much.

X hero: He's very naive, isn't he?

Tim: What??? No! The guy is a master manipulator, he knows every move you're going to make and he's three miles ahead of you. Whatever you do, he will know and be able to react accordingly in a second. He has more contingency plans than Batman! He is far from being naive!

Damian: You are too soft with them.

Dick: I am, aren't I? I guess I'm not at my best anymore.

Damian: Don't you dare say that again. You're one of the best fighters I know and you're the only person in the world I know who can do the stunts you do. You are literally the epitome of human fitness. Shut up. Don't look down on my Batman.

Duke just punched two people who were talking bad about Richie after he gave an interview on TV <3

DpxDc #17

What a (death) day.

Jason was going to kill whoever was selling drugs to kids in the alley.

The boy on the ground was shaking, barely breathing, and coughing up blood. The poor guy was coming down from a seizure, almost suffocating on his own spit.

Luckily, Jason saw him on time and was able to help put him in a safe position. He almost had a heart attack seeing a kid having an overdose in a lonely alley.

He rubbed the kid's back, trying to stimulate breathing, begging internally for his heart to keep beating.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."

The black-haired teenager kept mumbling between breaths, muscles twitching like a dying bug.

Jason could only try and help as much as he could. He wasn't going to call an ambulance, since unfortunately, there was a high chance that his call was going to be rejected due to the location and nature of the emergency.

Drug overdose was too common; they would tell you to make sure they don't choke and hang up on you.

"I'm sorry..."

"Shh... It's alright, you're going to be okay..."

.

.

.

What a shitty, shitty day.

It hit him like a truck, the pain in his chest.

He was just walking back to his hotel room after visiting Gotham University, when it started.

Danny compleatly fucking forgot about his death day.

He was able to drag himself into an empty alley, trying not to die of embarrassment as he was starting to feel his arm tingle.

This was going to suck.

Jason the type of guy to get so mad at how slowly the streets are getting plowed that he steals a snowplow and starts doing it himself. There’s tiktoks of it. “The gotham municipality department so bad at plowing snow the fucking red hood is doing it 😭😭💀💀💀💀” (video of red hood blowing down the street in a ford f350 w a plow on it that says GOTHAM MUNICIPAL DEPARTMENT on the doors). Viral video of him waiting at a red light like a good boy & some civilian takes it upon themself to do an impromptu interview aka knocks on his window & asks why hes plowing the snow & he’s so mad that he takes off his helmet (got a mask underneath) and leans his whole torso out the window to gesticulate about it as he hollers. Hes so mad his accent makes him very nearly unintelligible

Birdflash I did before bed

grug hate two factor authentication. first grug have to remember password. then grug have to point out which cave painting has birds. now they want grug to hunt and gather new thing called numbers. grug won’t do it grug miss the bird paintings grug was getting pretty good at birds.

bruce was not made to be a father he was made to be a grandpa. hes not supposed to raise children he's supposed to spoil grandchildren rotten and terrorize strangers with images of ugly babies. you will never see bruce wayne more serene or at peace with the universe than when he is in some meeting in some board room showing a bunch of people who really hate children photos of his granddaughter until they look like hes got them in a saw trap. Once upon a time he would have been trapped in here with them. Now, though? They're trapped in here with him.