Someone Else Made Me What I Am.

A place for everything, and everything in its place

I hold my grief in my scalp. 

I hold it on my ears, the tip of my tongue. 

It is not always pain, more an itch. 

I scratch

But muscle memory makes me think I itch when I do not.

It is simply the act, the motion of itching, scratching, pinching, scraping.

It is not calming, it is not painful, I do not enjoy or hate it.

Instead I itch.

My sister holds her grief in her hands. 

Her elbows, her teeth.

Hers is pain.

She hates her grief and so she holds it with her fists, 

tight, but moving and flinching with her elbows.

She wants to bite it, make it painful so the hurt becomes more real.

She wants a reason to hurt.

My mother holds her grief in her feet. 

In her words, in her spine.

It is not good to hold grief in the feet and spine, it makes it much harder to walk. 

But

Unlike my sister, she lets it go, very easily. 

Pushing it away. Giving it up.

But it takes ears to be heard, to get rid of the grief. It takes thick skin, it takes silence. 

And so I hold my grief in my heart, to make room for my mother’s.

my toxic trait is that if i ever met a famous person, i would tell them how the only “famous people” i’ve met are mormon church leaders.

and then i would info-dump about my mormon religious trauma

THE JOURNAL. YESSS JOURNAL JOURNAL SAVED ME :)))))))). “hogs what im feeding in that there backyard”

i miss when mike walters would just stream his consciousness at me as if he was a smart man, and then fail miserably.

what happened to that?

my irl friends are already upset with me for yapping about the new malevolent episode even though im only five mins in

:)))

thats a grey bunny

A little brown bunny was so kind and sweet it stretched its whole body out and got long enough to go to sleep

“Alas, poor Yorick.”

composition was originally inspired by this image of jeremy brett cast in Hamlet, literally holding Yorick lol (swear I was not going to make this painting as complicated as it turned out but I learn from the best when it comes to falling down holes.)

ramble but this just Really turned into me wanted to convey how simultaneously badass and absolutely fucked Arthur is. Just in general, but of course referencing the latest arc… also wanted an excuse to properly paint John’s hand, the wood thing fun as hell. 14hrs of my life used efficiently I say. Malevolent podcast you absolute parasite (positive).

Version where Arthur is just a little different\/

this is what mr. woebegone was talking about with Micheal “The Shark” Walters back with the chessboxing stuff

i dont know i cant come up with a joke but just look at this

its him. wobbegong

“lucky ball-sacked bastards” i curse as my fucking insides turn inside out and my dumb-dumb period murders me