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Latest Posts by kelvari - Page 5
I, honestly, need Jason picking up Bruce's arguments during fights and using them back on him. In the most unexpected moments. Just imagine Bruce getting mad during another of their patrols, and in the middle of the screaming session, Jason just switches and doubles him with his own phrases.
Jason: Okay, that's enough. You are benched from being my side-kick.
Bruce, flabbergasted: Excuse me?
Jason: You heard me. This is unspeakable violence you are displaying here, by the way.
Bruce: ???
Bruce: You are not going to berate me for smashing CRANE to the wall a few times.
Jason: Oh, why not?
Bruce: That was— That is justified.
Jason: Well, who do you think you are to decide what is justified and what is not? Huh, lad?
Bruce:
Bruce: Hood, that's—
Jason: Am I right, boys?
Tim, chewing on the popcorn: Yep, yep. Also hit him with a "What example are you showing to your little brother?" line for me.
Jason: Noted.
Bruce: ???????
Bruce: This is ridiculous. I can't stress enough how—
Jason: I am not your father to deal with this, B.
Bruce: I—
Bruce: Wait, when did I say something like that to you?
Jason: Before I ran away and died? Lol
Bruce: ...
Bruce: Oh. Shit.
Please Don’t Tell Him to Pull up
The JL has a problem. Specifically a problem with Marvel. See, whenever they call him in for back up or even just to chat, he pulls up in the most ridiculous ways.
JL: *fighting villain on a beach*
Supes: “We need back up! Someone call, Cap!”
Flash: “I thought he was—” *dodges punch* “—busy!”
Supes: “Well, he better become unbusy! Call him!”
They called him, and guess how he decided to show up.
Marvel: *riding surfboard while a big ass Kraken chases after him*
Aquaman: *has to pause, amazed awe*
Supes: “What are you lo— oh my God.” *has to pause too*
Marvel: *does a little kick flip, nearly falls*
The villain didn’t notice him until a large shadow loomed over them, and he was promptly picked up by the Kraken’s beak and taken away.
Flash: “Did we just see a man die?”
Aquaman: “Cap, that was awesome!”
or
JL: *fighting aliens*
Hero: “Guys we need more back up!”
Hero 2: “I’ll call it in!”
5 minutes later…
Marvel: *flying above them and lets himself freefall*
Supes: *pauses* “We have to get out of here.” *can deadass hear him falling*
The JL quickly rounded themselves up and dipped immediately as Billy let himself fall onto a bunch of aliens at like Mach 12 making a crater.
He loves dramatic entrances.
Dc x Dp prompt
so we all know the trope of Danny going to Gotham getting sprayed by joker venom or fear gas and instead it works like laughing gas, truth serum, or doesn’t affect him at all because ghost metabolism. Well riddle me this, what if fear gas and joker venom were ghost alcohol.
So we know that in the Dp universe some ghosts feed on emotion, and fear gas and joker venom trigger certain emotions. So what if in the ghost zone fear gas and joker venom are rare sought after alcohol, that is only sold in the top ghost zone bars.
Just Imagine on day Danny decides to visit Gotham wether it be a ghost attack or him trying to take a vacation, anyway Fenton luck hits and the city gets doused in fear toxin because scarecrow is testing out his latest batch of fear toxin on the people of Gotham. Danny seeing everyone scared jumps into action and defeats scarecrow. While getting shot in the face with fear toxin witch is like tossing back 5 vodka shots.
when the Batfam arrives they see a twig of a boy tying up scarecrow and his goons. So naturally Batman asks what happened.
Batfam: what happend did you do this
Danny drained of adrenaline: Nnnooooo???
Batman: who are you
Danny drunk of his feet: I am the night, I am vengeance, I am bat babe
batfam: *snort* been a while since we heated that one
Danny: wanna see a magic trick *hick*
Danny stumbling into a wall: tada I walked right through. Hehehe
Batfam watching in disbelief: is he drunk
Everyone looking towards Black Bat:…
Black Bat: 😡😤😒 *looks towards Danny* you okay??
Danny blushing brighter then a tomato: *hick* your so pretty, will you marry me?
batfam: WHAT!?!?!
Jason’s-alive-reveal-au where he decides that in order to fuck with Bruce on every level he needs access to both sides of his life, so not only does he become Red Hood but he also starts working at WE and accidentally slowly starts climbing the corporate ladder. he didn’t mean to be anything more than a low-level grunt but turns out he fucking rules at this job, and it all comes to light because thinking he wouldn’t be important meant he didn’t even bother using a fake name, and eventually Tim’s in his office like, running through promotions that he needs to approve for some of the higher positions.
Tim, seeing ‘Jason Peter Todd’ as one of the names on the list:
Tim: *narrows eyes*
Lucius, spotting the name: ….oh. what do you want to-
Tim: give him the promotion.
Lucius: ….give the promotion to the person using Bruce’s dead son’s name?
Tim: if he gets the promotion he’ll have to attend the monthly board meetings. i want to watch whoever this is try and get away with that. we’ll tear him apart.
Tim thinks he’s being real funny up until Jason fucking Todd walks into the boardroom two weeks later and maintains direct eye contact just daring him to freak out in front of everyone. i like to think that Bruce is also at this meeting, but he fell asleep five minutes ago so he doesn’t even notice, and Tim spends the next hour glaring daggers into the passed out man’s head for daring to leave him alone in this situation.
the thing is, Bruce probably slacks off so much at WE that even if Jason was like. in the highest position he could possible achieve in his department. he probably wouldn’t notice. Jason and Tim come to an understanding filled with spite that leads Tim to keep quiet about Jason’s revival specifically because Bruce keeps palming his work off on Tim and he wants to get him back.
eventually the family find out who Red Hood is and Tim doesn’t act surprised in the slightest. betrayed, Bruce asks why Tim would keep that kind of information from him only to immediately get shouted down with ‘-WELL MAYBE IF YOU ACTUALLY SHOWED UP TO THE FUCKING STOCK MEETINGS YOU WOULD KNOW-‘
after like twenty seconds of shocked silence at the outburst Jason turns to clap Bruce on the shoulder, ‘oh right. also i run your marketing department. see you in a couple days for the quarterly report.’
(i think its also funnier if Damian was somewhat aware of the situation due to doing some kind of volunteer/internship thing at WE for school, and like two months after Tim found out, Damian was in his office with him when Jason waltzed in to hand in some papers and both Tim and Damian froze. Tim because he didn’t think Damian knew Jason and was afraid he’d snitch, and Damian because what the fuck is Todd doing in front of a family member without the helmet?!
Jason, after like a minute: Dami, i can explain
Damian, really doesn’t want to get dragged into whatever bullshit Jason’s doing, because he had enough of that in the league and doesn’t want to be held responsible by both Bruce and Talia when this inevitably blows up in their faces: you know what Todd? i actually don’t want you to.
Jason:
Jason: thats honestly fair
Tim, confused: …am i missing something here?
Jason and Damian, simultaneously: no.)
what if Damian wasn’t sent to Bruce by Talia and instead decided to do a bit of early child-rebellion by running away to him himself. Talia, pissed off but too busy dealing with uprisings in the league to go track him down herself, calls up the person Damian is most likely to listen to other than her; his brother, who she trusts to keep him safe.
the thing is, Jason is 1: busy with his own missions atm 2: was also once a rebellious little asshole who liked to run away from home. he was Damian’s tutor once, he knows the kid can handle himself and he also knows if he CAN’T handle something he’ll contact Jason for help. he knows this because about a week before Talia called him, Damian called him.
Jason, phone balanced between his ear and shoulder: what do you want, i’m undercover
Damian: i require money for a fake passport.
Jason:
Jason, letting go of the guy he was beating up: alright you have my attention.
Damian: i am running away from home. i wish to do something ‘for the lore’ like the stories you used to tell me as a child.
Jason:
Jason ‘i’m going to ethiopia’ Todd: there’s some stuff in the fake panel under my bed. don’t tell me where you’re going, i don’t want to be complicit when Talia calls. also don’t die, because if you do i’m gonna make you eat dirt once you get out of the pit.
Damian: understood. if i am about to die, i shall call again.
Jason: have fun kiddo.
so Jason tells Talia he’ll ‘keep an eye out for any leads’ and then goes back to his normal business. league missions, his own missions, some outlaw shit, and eventually he ends up crime lording it up in Gotham. he’s a little confused when Tim Drake is seen swinging around as Red Robin rather than just Robin, but he got over his obsession with the Robin shit a while ago, so he ignores it.
until he runs into Batman and Robin. and there isn’t a mask in the fucking world that could hide his kid brother’s face from him.
Red Hood:
Robin:
Red Hood:
Robin:
Batman: why are you two staring at each other like that. what’s happening.
Robin:
Red Hood: *deep sigh*
Robin: are you going to tell mother-
Red Hood: -when you said ‘like the stories i used to tell you’.
Robin: *looks at the floor*
Red Hood: i did NOT think you meant running to a different country to find your birth parent. you fucking COPIER.
Robin:
Robin: …but you made being Robin sound so cool…
Batman: what the fuck are you two talking about?
Red Hood, pointing: you stay out of this, this is family business.
Batman: ????
Thank you for the 10 years and thanks Bells Hells for this adventure!
Updated this 8th anniversary piece to include Braius and did some small fixes.