The Wrong Side - P2 [Ellie Williams X Fem!Reader X Abby Anderson]

You really do

(Katniss Everdeen x Fem Reader) ❀

Summary: You and Katniss attend the party together at Snows mansion, then she starts acting a little weird, a little jealous.

Warnings: None really. There’s like one swear word in there but nothing dramatic. (Also, small note, thanks for the request!) (SFW)

Word Count: 2494

A clammy hand gently ran down your arm, clenching your fingers in its own.

The party was loud and colorful. People were everywhere, talking, eating and dancing. You were still at the top of the stairs but you could already tell how overwhelming this was going to be.

“Breathe it all in, children.” Effie spoke with a dreamy sigh. Her wig was tall, shiny, and hard enough to be made of plastic, just like the rest of her outfit. Her eyelashes were dangerously long as she turned to face you. “This is all for you.”

You and Katniss exchanged a glance, hands still locked together.

“Looks cozy.” You stared ahead at the bustling party ahead. Sweat was beginning to prick the back of your neck but you shook it off the best you could.

Effie let out another sigh, this one more exasperated.

“Attitude.” She warned, snapping her fingers. “Smiles. I want to see big bright smiles.” Then she lowered her voice. “I’m talking to you, Katniss.”

Beside you, Katniss mumbled something under her breath but you couldn’t quite catch it. You two looked at each other once more, only snapped back to reality by Effie’s high pitched “Come, come!”

Together the two of you made your way through the heavy Capitol crowd. You took in the odd, exotic looks of the civilians around you but mostly kept your gaze on Katniss as you followed her up the stairs.

Once you two could walk beside each other again, you slipped your hand back into hers.

“A little overwhelming, huh?” You whispered softly into her ear. You two entered Snow’s mansion, still hand in hand and on the trail of Effie.

Katniss let out a soft chuckle, a real smile breaking across her face for the first time in the past hour. “A little?”

You flashed a mischievous grin back at her.

Eventually Effie led the two of you into the backyard that was covered to the brim in decorations, lights of all colors, and various buffets of food.

Katniss locked her arm with yours this time, sticking close to your side. She wasn’t scared, not that she would admit it, but she was definitely a little intimidated by it all.

You were too, but feeling her warmth pressed against your side made you feel a little better.

When the time to dance came around, you rescued Katniss from a group of chatty women and brought her to the dance floor, arm wrapped around her waist.

“You don’t look like you’re enjoying this.” Katniss said after a few minutes, her arms wrapped loosely around your neck. Her movements were a little stiff but the fiery makeup and gorgeous dress made it seem almost natural.

You rolled your eyes playfully, hands resting on her hips. “I’m not a big party person.” You responded teasingly. “But you really look like you’re enjoying this. We all know you partied every night back in 12.”

Katniss let out a soft groan and gently bumped her forehead into yours. “Oh, shut up.”

A small smile teased both of your lips and you leaned your forehead back into hers, just resting it there for a moment.

Both of you were stiff and as awkward as a board, clearly not in your element and dragged far out of your comfort zone, but together on the dance floor things seemed almost nice, like you were meant to be here as long as you were together.

“I know the makeup and outfit is a lot but… you do look really pretty tonight.” You murmured softly, standing on your toes to be eye to eye with her. “Cinna did his job well. As usual.”

Now you noticed the faintest blush dancing across her face and that drew a bigger smile out on yours.

Sure, maybe you two were just together for the publicity of it. Your fake love story saved both of your lives in the games and it got you this far together, what was the harm in playing into it just a little more?

Especially if you were supposedly getting married soon.

Not to mention that you’ve had a crush on Katniss for… as long as you can remember. As the only two female victors from District 12 that won the screwed up games together, you both had some pretty cruel shared trauma and were the only ones that really understood each other.

Sometimes you thought maybe your fantasy romance wasn’t really that fake after all, but in the end, things never progressed past TV kisses.

Katniss recovered quite quickly from your compliment. Her gray eyes studied your makeup painted face for a moment and then flicked to your lips.

“Sounds like you want to amuse the Capitol.” Katniss whispered in the same low tone. She leaned a little closer.

You tightened your grip on her waist and let that same mischievous grin lift the corners of your lips. “Who says I’m doing this for the Capitol?” You responded, although you said it in a teasing way. You could never admit the truth to her.

Katniss took the hint. She moved her face closer to yours, just about to kiss you when–

“Katniss, y/n!” Effie called in a shrill voice, scaring the two of you apart. Beside her was a shorter man with white hair and wise eyes. She introduced him as Plutarch Heavensbee, the head gamemaker for this year's games.

You didn’t get another word in as Plutarch guided Katniss away for the two of them to dance. You let out a soft sigh and returned to the food table to maybe find those chocolate strawberries.

Once you found the snack you were craving, you scooped some up onto a plate. When you turned around, three other Capitol women were standing there.

They were even more decked out than most of the others there. Each of their hair was a bright, vibrant color and at least 2 feet tall. They were wearing equally colorful and blinding dresses and their faces were so caked in makeup you could hardly make out what they really looked like.

“You know, y/n, you were my favorite tribute from the 74th games.” One of the women chimed, nudging you with her elbow.

Another one of the women snuck up to your other side, her elbow bumping into yours. “Mine as well! I donated almost all of my money to sponsor you.”

You raised your eyebrows in amusement, knowing you’d barely gotten a single parachute in that rough arena, much less one that you really needed.

This whole situation, as overwhelming as it was, was still quite curious to you. You figured that while Katniss danced away with Heavensbee, you could learn just a little more about the Capitol citizens.

You spoke with the women for a while, most of your conversations were either about the games or about fashion, two things you didn’t quite enjoy talking about but you went along with it either way.

One of the women in particular had no fear at all getting as close to you as humanly possible. You didn’t really know how to stop her as every time you pushed her away, she just came back even further into your bubble.

It’s a good thing you were charismatic enough to keep their attention on your voice rather than on your lips. They weren’t put off from touching your face and the jewels in your makeup.

Finally, when the announcement music began to play, you noticed Katniss staring at you from a few feet away. The expression on her face was shielded and unreadable, but she did not seem happy.

You excused yourself from your fanclub and went to join her on the dance floor once more as President Snow stepped onto his balcony to make a speech.

You tried to slide your arm around Katniss’s waist as the two of you listened but she pulled away. Effie nudged her back into your grip and Katniss reluctantly gave in, though she didn’t make it easy.

You figured this was what hugging a log was like.

President Snow spoke about your wedding and how glad he was to have you here, though his face showed no emotion at all. He lifted his glass to a toast and so did the crowd.

Fireworks went off behind you and you felt Katniss flinch. You pulled her a little closer, arm still around her waist.

She wedged her hand in between your and her side and put a little space in between you two, even though her other hand was still clamped around yours.

After the firework show, you two returned to the dance floor for one last dance before returning to the train.

“Are you okay?” You asked the second you two were dancing. Your hands were connected with hers this time. Hers were clammy again.

Katniss said nothing for a moment. Her eyes flicked from your face, to the ground, and then beyond you. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Katniss snapped softly at you. She tried to pull away from you but you held her in place.

That’s when you noticed the whole dance floor was staring at you.

“To our lovely victors, and to-be-weds!” Effie smiled widely and pointed to you two. She mouthed the words “kiss,” and then waited.

Katniss pretended not to see, so you stood back up on your toes and pressed your lips into hers. She stiffened and closed her eyes.

When you pulled away, you frowned at her. Something was definitely wrong. Even when you and Katniss kissed for the first time in the games, she seemed to enjoy it much more. Now it felt like there was all sorts of pent up anger and resentment in her kiss.

You two stood there silently, soaking in the applause.

Katniss was the first to break out of your grasp. She said nothing else and headed towards the exit.

Effie looked at you with an annoyed gaze but said nothing on the matter. She just hurried you up to follow Katniss.

You two went straight to the train. You stopped to speak with Haymitch for a few moments and then marched right over to Katniss’s room.

Katniss was staring at herself in the mirror, still adorned in her party outfit. Her gaze hardened when you stepped into her room and she inhaled sharply.

“Katniss, did something happen at the party?” You asked. You were worried that maybe somebody had said something to her or done something while you weren’t looking. “Should I tell Effie?”

“No.”

“Then what happened?”

“Nothing.”

Her tone was telling you to shut up and fuck off, but you weren’t giving in that easily.

Katniss finally looked at you. Her face was red with anger and her eyes were dark. She glanced over your shoulder at the door and started towards it, muttering something about getting changed out of her uncomfortable outfit.

You grabbed her wrist just before she could make it out the door.

“Katniss, come on, talk to me.” You pleaded. “I know you don’t like opening up, but I’m your friend! You can tell me things. I want you to tell me things!”

Katniss whirled to face you. “Are we really just friends?” She asked you. “Is that what you think? Is that what you really think?”

You frowned, taken aback by her sudden explosion.

“Isn’t that what we are?” You asked, furrowing your eyebrows and tightening your grip on her wrist as she tried to wiggle out. “I thought that was our deal.”

“And so did I.” Katniss sighed, half of her anger melting away with just the release of a breath. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m getting upset, I shouldn’t be pissed over this…”

“No, tell me.” You brought her over to the bed, the two of you sitting beside each other. “Tell me what’s upsetting you.”

“It’s not important.”

“It’s bothering you, it is important.”

Katniss sighed again, this time a little softer than before. She let her eyes lock with yours and you saw the various emotions swimming in them.

“It’s stupid. I just… I get upset when I see you with other people.” Katniss finally admitted. “When you’re close with them, when they touch you, when they try to kiss you. It makes me so angry.”

You almost let out a noise of surprise but held it back so you didn’t anger her even more.

“Really?”

“Yes.” Katniss glared at you, though she wasn’t mad at you, she was just mad. “And I hate it. I don’t understand it. You’re my friend, you don’t really love me. This is all just for show.”

“Is it really just for show?” You asked, almost hesitantly. “People don’t fake kiss each other the way you kiss me.”

Katniss wrinkled her nose as if the idea of admitting the truth disgusted her. Her upset gaze darkened and she stared at you, almost daring you to prove yourself.

You were going to make the first move, but surprisingly, Katniss beat you to it.

Before you had time to react her lips were pressed back into yours, her arms sliding around your waist in an almost passionately angry attempt to prove you wrong. She kissed you for a few seconds, and then pulled away, face redder than before.

You were blushing too, but not from embarrassment, from a relieved surprise.

“You think I don’t really love you?” You said softly, running a hand down her arm until your fingers locked with hers. “Katniss, I’ve loved you for years. What I said in the games wasn’t a lie, and you know that.”

Leaning into you, Katniss just rested her head on your shoulder for a moment. Her breath tickled your neck and her body relaxed.

“I can’t love you… I don’t.”

You shook your head, gently picking her head up off your shoulder and cupping her face. “Come on, Katniss. I think you being jealous that I just spoke to a few other women is a pretty clear indicator that you love me.” You said, letting your voice raise a teasing pitch.

Katniss huffed and rolled her eyes, leaning into your hand. “I wasn’t jealous.”

“You were so jealous.”

The blush on Katniss’s face grew even brighter. She pushed your hands away and then pulled you into another kiss.

“You do love me.” You whispered softly into the kiss, letting one of your hands gently climb back up her face. “You do.”

Katniss’s arms snaked around your torso. “Shut up y/n.” She mumbled, kissing you again. When she pulled away, she kissed your cheek. “Stop saying it, you’ll wear it out.”

“You say it, then I’ll stop.”

Katniss sighed in annoyance. “I love you.” She said softly, her eyes still resting on your lips. “I really do…”

“Good, because I love you too.”

This time, when Katniss knocked you back onto the bed for another kiss, she was smiling.

Together - CHO HYUN-JU x Fem Reader Part 2

Summary: Reader is scammed and abandoned by her boyfriend, leaving her alone in South Korea to her fate, so in desperate search of a solution to return to her home country she decides to join the squid games to get money, within the game she meets a couple of people who become her friends and could possibly be something more.

Warning: Violence, homophobia mention of attempted rape and sexist language

Hours passed, one after another as groups of 5 people entered after passing the tests, time was exhausting, hearing gunshots in the distance and watching as the greedy people got upset every time the door opened again and again

I had already gone back and forth from my mattress to the steps, I sat down and lay down bored looking around feeling the irritation on my ankle more and more, the guard had tied it so tight that a red irritation had started to appear on my skin

Ouch - I said barely touching my ankle feeling the burning that was irritated even more by the friction of the fabric

Are you okay let me see - Hyun-Ju approached slowly sitting down a couple of steps below taking my foot carefully - did you twist your foot?

No, I'm fine - I looked at her embarrassed, trying to avoid her gaze, but her firm and large hand held my foot, looking at me - it's just a scratch, I think

Let me see - her touch went from firm to soft and delicate, slowly lifting the fabric of my pants, showing the red and irritated mark on my skin - I see, your skin is very sensitive, are you weak after all?

Hey, I'm not weak - her laugh made me laugh with her, pushing her a little while my leg rested on her knee - Hyun-Ju… can I ask you something?

Sure - her smile was still kind as she carefully folded my pants up, making sure the fabric didn't touch the irritated area again

Why are you here? Do you need the money for something? - Her face seemed to turn even paler than it already was, her smile blurred and her eyes looked at the floor in shame, as if she had asked the most embarrassing thing on the planet - If you don't want to tell me, I'll understand, excuse my intrusion

No… it's not that - she sighed slowly swallowing saliva and then looked at me with a look of embarrassment - my… my goal is to get to Thailand

Thailand? Do you need to go on vacation or something? - I smiled at her naively excited, thousands of times I had heard about that country but I still had not had the fortune to know it

No..- she smiled mocking a little at my foreign innocence - I…I need to go finish my transition you know..

Transition?..oh..I..understand Hyun-Ju sorry I shouldn't have asked you something so personal

Don't worry - she smiled a little moving her fingers nervously playing with the green fabric - it's just that…nobody is ever interested in my story and it's a little difficult for me to tell it

I understand…well..- I looked at her going down a couple of steps until I was sitting next to her looking at her attentively - if you want you can tell me, I would like to meet Hyun-Ju - She laughed with her eyes a little wet looking to the other side trying to hold her breath - do you work?

I worked… - she sighed again, this time deeper, dropping her shoulders - I was fired from my job when… well… I decided to tell everyone what I really am, they were ashamed of me and, they fired me

They are bastards, that is not right or even legal, what does your identity have to do with your ability, they are ignorant - I snorted angrily clenching my jaw - it must have been a dumb job after all, right? You must not have missed much

I was a soldier… - she looked at me, moving her legs nervously - a sergeant to be more exact, after they fired me my mother cried a lot and my father was ashamed, they don't talk to me anymore, my friends stopped talking to me and… - her voice broke off as her lips trembled - and everything became difficult and lonely

I understand, the people you trusted turned their backs on you - I looked at her feeling stupid, I shouldn't have forcing her to open her feelings like that, now I felt guilty for making her cry because of my silly curiosity - but… Hyun-Ju - I smiled a little taking her hand (which I could barely hold a couple of fingers of her big hand) I can be your friend, I would have loved to meet you somewhere else and be able to help you feel better about yourself, after all you haven't done anything wrong, being yourself makes you very brave

That's why I want to go to Thailand, I've heard that in that country there are the best doctors and the prettiest girls, I would love to be able to complete my transition and finally be what I want to be - her eyes showed a sparkle when she talked about it, her illusion overflowed through her pores

You don't have to go to Thailand to feel like that, for me you are already beautiful - my arms surrounded her as soon as the sobs began to come out of her chest and her hands covered her face saddened by crying, she was so fragile, my arms could barely surround her shoulders while her head rested on my shoulder sobbing and shaking - if you want to cry do it, people have been very cruel to you, but never cry out of shame, you have nothing to feel disappointed in yourself about.

This time, the shots didn't seem so dangerous and time passed without feeling it so slowly, she was a magical being that made me lose track of time

You are also very pretty, since I met you, I felt your bravery but also your heart, not everyone shows what they have inside and makes it look so valuable - her hands slowly wiped her tears taking care not to ruin her eyeliner and her diva bangs

It's not time to get sentimental - I laughed pushing her slowly while I got up adjusting my blouse going down a couple of steps - I'll go to the bathroom in the meantime

Do you want me to accompany you?

No, I'll be fine, wait for me here don't go anywhere - I laughed walking across the large space in the center of the beds feeling everyone's gazes.

They followed me and whispered, some laughed and others even said uncomfortable things waiting for me to react upset, they made the path very difficult to the door which was empty and as it was supposed, almost all the guards were in the yard even while the game continued.

The bathroom was big, with lots of cubicles and mirrors, almost uncomfortable to look at, like those endless and gloomy backgrounds, I could barely walk without tripping over to one of the toilets, sitting down uncomfortably listening to the door open once again, this time the footsteps of several people echoed in the almost empty place and a couple of laughs broke the silence and then a loud bang on my door made me jump scared, quickly pulling up my clothes

-I know you're in there, naughty girl, get out of there - the boys' laughter echoed off the walls, how could I have gotten into the wrong bathroom - get out you damn bitch - A loud bang again made me jump scared, unlocking the door with fear and opening it slowly

What did I tell you, the foreigner was here - the purple-haired boy laughed leaning on the bathroom door almost joining his face to mine - what are you doing here, cutie?

Nothing, I'm done - I looked at him, barely trying to get through quickly, scared, feeling a clumsy and strong hand pulling my hair

Come here bitch, I'm not done with you - this time his strength made me slam against one of the bathroom doors, making my back hurt - we know why whores like you come to our country, they come for sex and attention from us, don't they?

That's right, my friend - the long-haired man laughed, pressing his sweaty face against my cheek - she smells good, tell us, darling, what is such a pretty and sexy girl doing with that damn homosexual monster, huh?

She's not a monster, she's my friend - I looked at him, annoyed, tired of continuing to deal with men like him, but despite trying to get out of his hands, I couldn't - her name is Hyun-Ju, that's what they should call her

Oh, how cute, so you're a fucking weirdo like that effeminate? You like faggots, huh? - He laughed, hitting my cheek, making me scream in pain- You know my friend Nam-Gyu liked you as soon as he saw you, don't you like my friend? He's a real man

Leave me alone - I could barely speak when I felt his hand on my neck, pressing me against the door

Leave you? Honey, we're just getting started - the rapper laughed with his friend - do whatever you want to her Nam-Gyu, show her what it's like to be with a real man

My screams could barely be heard a couple of centimeters away, his firm hand on my neck and my crying didn't help much, feeling his disgusting hands running over my body, under my shirt and on the elastic of my pants made me feel even more of an idiot, this was all my fault

Shut your fucking mouth, you're distracting me - another blow again, this time on my lip leaving me stunned - hold her tight, she won't stop moving

I could feel the cold air on my thighs as they pulled down my pants and laughed talking disgusting and meaningless things, everything seemed to get even more dizzy, everything looked blurry until my body fell to the cold floor and again I could react, my tears wouldn't stop running down my face but I could notice the rapper and his friend lying on the floor, the latter Nam-Gyu wiping his bleeding nose

This will be the last time you approach her, is that clear? - Hyun-Ju hit him once more, slamming his head on the floor, leaving him unconscious - If you touch her again, I'll kill you, you fucking idiot, I'll kill you!

The purple haired boy ran hysterically almost tripping over his shoulder, not caring that his friend was on the floor, and I felt so humiliated, lying in a corner of the bathroom crying with a bleeding lip. If only I had listened to my parents from the beginning, I would have never come to this country and this wouldn't be happening. It was all my fault.

Calm down, sweetie, here I am - Hyun-Ju was much taller than those two men, her body was still strong and thick, but her presence was so calm and gave me so much peace that I couldn't feel intimidated by her.

Her hands, careful as always, held my pants, slowly lifting them up until they were in place, then they went to my face, checking my bruises and moving my hair out of my eyes so she could see every inch of my skin.

Sorry… - I looked at her embarrassed, feeling my tears running non-stop, I felt so humiliated and dirty that I couldn't think of anything else but that everything was my fault

You don't have to apologize, you didn't do anything wrong, no one will do anything bad to you anymore, I promise - her arms held me, she never asked me to stop crying or forced me to calm down, she just let me take it all out in her arms, rocking me slowly - let's go outside

But… - I looked at her with fear, shaking her head

Nothing bad will happen, I promise, as long as we're together I'll take care of you, okay? - I could feel my hair being brushed by her fingers slowly and carefully

Ok… - I sighed wiping my eyes with my sweater getting up slowly holding on to her arm so I wouldn't fall, luckily when we left the lights were almost off and most of the people who were already in their beds were getting ready to sleep, thank god without paying attention to us as we crossed the large space in the center

Let's go to bed, tomorrow will be a new day and we must be focused - her hands held my back slowly, making me go up the stairs carefully taking care not to trip - do you want me to help you with your shoes?

No.. - I looked at her embarrassed sitting on my bed taking off my sweater carefully while she stood rubbing her hands nervously

Okay, if you need anything, I'll be in my bed, just call me okay? -She smiled lightly at me, almost invisible because of the darkness of the place, but I could feel it, she made me feel those nice things

Hyun-Ju…-I held her hand quickly while she stopped almost tripping- can you… stay, I'm afraid to sleep alone

Do you want me to stay here? I can watch you if it makes you feel safer -she went back up a few steps sitting down carefully

You can sleep with me, we'll both rest and take care of each other- I could feel my cheeks erupting again while I held the blanket so she could come in with me

Are you sure? I don't want to bother you…

I'm sure, come - I smiled at her, barely feeling a pain in my lip, she just lay down carefully, her body almost taking up more than half of the bed but her presence was so calm that it made me feel like everything was perfect again

I didn't understand why I felt that way, safe and loved, with honesty and without being hurt

Thank you Hyun-Ju…thanks for saving me

Thanks to you, sweetheart, you saved me in a different way,

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Thanks for reading, I'll be back soon! Tag List!

Part 3

@kuureii @sann1e @sunflowers-are-heaven @bridellashiper

exceeded caution: part 1

she would have chosen the devil

series masterlist | next part

summary: when your relationship with the younger carpenter sister fails, what happens when thoughts of her older sister start to take over your mind? 4.1k words pairing: tara carpenter x f!reader into sam carpenter x f!reader warnings: toxic relationship, cursing, fighting, alcohol consumption, drug consumption, frankie mentioned, out of character tara.

a/n: this is actually such a bad first chapter because its mostly set up but i promise the next chapters are so much better. but ily carpenter sisters mwah mwah.

•*¨*•.¸¸♪

couples fight, right?

that’s how they show they care, right?

that’s what you were always taught when talking about relationships.

you and tara had started off as friends with benefits. you met early in freshman year and the attraction was instant.

when you started to meet her friends, you quickly learned about their experience in woodsboro. you had known about the notorious killer but you never thought you would find yourself amongst the people associated with the incident.

as time went on, you decided to shoot your shot with her. your feelings became deeper than the desire to satisfy each other in bed.

you asked her out on a proper date after chasing her halfway across campus. you were sweaty and panting but when she delivered a kiss to her cheek with a "yes, i would love to", you knew it was worth it.

after a few dates, you learned that tara had a fear of getting close to people. she told you about amber and how she'd developed issues with commitment after that disastrous relationship.

so when you and tara started fighting at a higher frequency, you thought it was just because you didn’t want to lose each other.

you chalked it up to the perpetual state of stress she was in due to her sister being overprotective and not letting her go out as often as she used to.

then you started noticing the cracks in your theory when tara started fighting with you over the smallest thing. your jacket didn’t match her skirt, you chewed a little too loud, you handed her the wrong coffee order.

you did your best to calm the girl when she was in her angered state, your efforts proved to be futile when she would just kick you out of her room and you’d have to do the walk of shame out of her apartment.

only to make things worse, you usually bumped into sam on the way out. you knew your girlfriend’s older sister was overprotective of her and you were worried about what she thought of you.

sam often watched you leave from the kitchen, shooting you a look that you couldn’t decipher.

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

"there's a party tonight for halloween, we should all go." mindy proposed to the group. it was a frat party, and you hated frat parties.

"we should!" your girlfriend, tara, exclaimed.

"is sam even going to let you out of the house?" chad asked, chuckling softly at tara's excitement.

"uhh... that's an issue for later." she said, looking away. you saw the gears turning in her head.

"you're not gonna tell her, are you?" you asked her, you knew her all too well. she turned to you with a small glare on her face.

"and what of it?" she said, snapping a bit. you seem to have taken her out of deep thought. you should have known that would be her response.

whenever a sore subject would come up, you tried not to bother her too much about it. you should have held your tongue, knowing you were talking about one of the sorest subjects— her sister. you frowned at her.

"i was just trying to tease, tara." you clarified. "it's okay, i won't judge you for it. i know sam's been overprotective recently."

tara seemed to back down from her anger when you said that. she just turned back to her phone as you turned back to your uneaten lunch.

you agreed to the party under the impression that it might be good for you and tara. it might be nice for her to get out of the house for once and spend time just being a young adult.

"i'll go as a cowboy." chad chimed into the conversation again. you had no idea what you were going to put together at the last minute.

"i'll throw together a pirate outfit." tara shrugged her shoulders, thinking back to her own closet.

"maybe i could be the parrot on your shoulder." you joked at her, she rolled her eyes at you with a small smile on her face.

"please don't." she laughed softly. you loved her laugh so much, and you loved being the reason for it. you’ve grown to cherish those little slivers of happiness between the two of you.

“okay.” you retreated your statement. “i’ll go as an angel.” you grinned. you had a dress waiting for you back home and some spare angel wings you used for a previous costume party.

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

you were on your third drink of the night and had your arms around chad and ethan, singing the lyrics to sweet caroline. you three were swaying together on the dance floor.

mindy and anika looked over you three and rolled their eyes. it’s like they were meant to be.

you realised that your girlfriend was nowhere to be seen, that was concerning. she’d usually be joining you three in your antics.

you turned around to see her at the drinks table, talking to a taller man in a white shirt. you recognized him from somewhere but you weren’t entirely sure.

you opted to trust tara instead of the sinking gut feeling you had. she tended to get angry at you when you acted impulsively, you wanted to avoid that tonight.

you stepped away from the boys and made your way over to mindy and anika. you put your arm around mindy, you both had a great relationship— it was like you were her non-sibling twin flame.

"hey spoilsport. you suggested coming! why are you hiding all the way out here?" you asked her, leaning your head on her shoulder. you spotted a smile creep up her cheeks.

"because someone has to make sure all of you get home safe and sound." she poked your nose and you pulled your head back reflexively.

"that shouldn't stop you from having some fun with us too." you prodded more, trying to get her to loosen up.

however, mindy's point proved itself when you heard commotion come from the stairway. you turned your heads to see chad and tara along with the man in the white shirt by the staircase.

"holy fuck, is that frankie?" mindy asked.

it was like a jolt had electrified your entire body.

frankie.

you should have listened to that gut feeling. it got worse as you spotted tara by his side, his hand wrapped around her wrist.

you felt a fire rage in your belly and an overwhelming concern for tara. you made your way over only to already hear chad telling him off.

"what's going on?" you asked as you approached, standing shoulder to shoulder with chad.

“none of your business.” tara spat out at you, you looked at her with worried eyes. you never provoked her when she was like this but you realised the gut feeling not only applied to frankie but also tara.

“chad.” you called the boy’s name out, indicating that you wanted an explanation.

“frankie was trying to take tara upstairs for god knows what.” chad glared at the man a couple of steps above him.

your jaw clenched and fury filled your pupils.

“she wanted it, dude.” frankie shot back, “she asked me to.”

you looked over at tara only to see that she wasn’t looking at you, she was looking down at the accumulating crowd.

“tara, surely not.” you said, almost pleading. it was a contrast to your angry stare.

she didn’t respond.

she didn’t say a word.

“bro, shut up. she’s drunk and she isn’t thinking straight.” chad fought back at frankie. you snapped out of your thoughts and looked over at the two men.

“he’s right. she isn’t capable of making decisions. you have no right.” you said.

“whatever.” frankie rolled his eyes and pulled tara up the stairs, causing the shorter girl to tumble.

chad snapped and grabbed frankie by the shirt, throwing him down the stairs. you immediately went to check on tara.

“hey, love. let’s get you up. are you okay?” you asked her but you were simply met with silence and her trying to yank her arm away from your touch. she helped herself up but not without struggling.

you watched the altercation between chad and frankie go down, the two boys shoving each other back and forth.

you looked over at tara. you had almost forgotten the look on her face when you asked her if she was really wanting to go upstairs with frankie. she was inebriated, she wasn’t thinking clearly. she didn’t mean it— you could tell yourself that all you want but tara was never one to hide her emotions— especially if it was annoyance.

your thoughts were cut short when you saw sam carpenter walk straight in to the party.

fuck.

you couldn’t zone in enough to hear their conversation from the stairs, but your eyes did enough when they saw sam tase frankie’s balls.

you almost laughed at the sight of the man falling to the floor, but you knew you had to do something.

you stepped in suddenly, holding the older carpenter’s shoulders.

“let’s go. we don’t need any more trouble.” you thought you would be met with a scolding but sam simply nodded at you. she walked over to tara and helped her down the stairs, practically dragging her out of the party.

“sam, let me go!” your girlfriend protested. you followed behind the sisters along with chad, ethan, anika, and mindy.

tara managed to break herself free from sam’s grasp when you were all outside on the street. you stopped in your tracks and it landed you beside sam.

“tara, really?!” sam yelled at her sister, “sneaking out?! i had to find out from quinn that you were here. what if something happened to you?!”

“nothing was gonna happen, sam!” tara rubbed the inner corners of her eyes, trying to wrap her head around the situation.

“really?! cause i don’t think that guy was gonna let you go easy!” sam gestured back to the house. “and what were you thinking?! you have a girlfriend.”

“oh please, she won’t care.” tara scoffed. you were standing right there, but it was like she looked straight through you. how could she say that about you?

“right.” sam stopped her before she could say anything else. “i’m taking you home.” she said. she turned around to you, making eye contact. your breath hitched in your throat. “and you too. c’mon.”

you had to oblige, you weren’t going to fight against an angry sam.

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

the car ride was more eerie than silent.

despite the looming quiet, you looked over at tara in the rearview. she was staring outside the window in the backseat while you sat in the front. sam had forced her into the back, saying she didn’t wanna get thrown up on.

you looked over at sam, her eyebrows furrowed as she drove you both back. you wondered what was happening in that head of hers. she had been through a lot too. her protective nature was a product of everything that had happened in woodsboro, you found your concern growing for her too.

you helped tara up to the apartment with sam. at one point, you gave up and decided to princess carry her. she protested at first but realised she had no other choice.

you put tara down on her bed, taking off the bandana that covered her hair. you went into her closet to grab some clothes for her, kneeling down about to help her.

she suddenly turned away from you.

“tara, please. let’s not fight.” you pleaded with her, wanting to get her comfortable more than anything.

“fighting is the only reason i stay with you.” she mumbled.

“what?” you looked up at her from your kneeling position, trying to help her take her shoes off.

“you’re so nice all the time.” she glares at you. “you’re too different from her.”

oh, her. you knew.

“but i like controlling you. it’s almost too easy.” she had a venom-laced tongue tonight, the alcohol allowing the toxin to seep through your skin. “but i feel absolutely nothing for you.”

you finally knew the reason for your fighting.

“i almost even hate you sometimes though.” she admitted. “i only said yes to going out with you cause we were in public. if it was anywhere else, i would have rejected you.”

you were silent, you were stunned.

“i’m too young to settle down too, y’know?” she followed up, it was never-ending. “nothing was gonna happen with frankie. i knew better— he’s disgusting. but you had to end the fun when i was finally allowing myself to realise i had other options.” she scoffed.

her words didn’t make sense to you. she wouldn’t do that, she couldn’t do that. surely she had some heart in her.

you felt disgusted with yourself. you stepped back and had to hold back from saying anything. it was late, they had another roommate who was asleep and sam was waiting for you in the living room to take you home.

when you stepped back, tara rolled into bed, pulling the covers to her chin. you stared at her, tears forming in your eyes from what she said.

you were being used.

and she played you like a fiddle.

you were dressed as an angel, which was ironic.

because tara would rather have the devil.

you had tried to be the best possible person for her. you took everything she’s been to into consideration, always looking after her. but you realised she didn’t want that, she wanted someone else.

you covered your mouth to stiffle sobs that threatened to escape your lips.

you walked out of her room only to nearly come crashing into sam, who was leaning on the wall by the doorway the whole time.

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

sam had previously been in the kitchen, preparing a glass of water for tara. she realised you were taking a bit longer than she expected, she figured you fell asleep next to tara.

she knew the nature of your relationship with tara. she had to listen to tara’s entire thought process of saying yes to you asking her out. she even discouraged tara, letting her know that it wasn’t fair to you.

but tara always had a mind of her own.

when she heard soft voices, she decided to come and check on the two of you. she stopped walking and listened in when she heard what you were talking about.

oh, she felt sick.

she felt sick hearing her younger sister say those words to you. she always cherished tara. she missed her sister that wasn’t capable of hurting a fly but quickly let those thoughts go when she acknowledged that the girl that she cared for was gone.

she leaned against the wall and heard your footsteps quickly approach. she didn’t expect you to almost crash into her, her hands flew to your waist, stabilising you.

she hadn’t gotten a good look at you earlier, you were dressed as an angel. a part of her almost smiled at how pretty you looked. sam always thought you were pretty, her eyes weren’t painted on.

“hey…” she said, watching you wipe your tears away. “here, take this.” the water meant for tara quickly changed ownership.

you declined the water, shaking your head and waving it away.

“please. you’ve been crying.” you hated that sam carpenter caught you in this state. you hoped to compose yourself before seeing her again.

“sam, it’s fine. let’s just go, please.” you brushed past her, she quickly turned and followed you out. she grabbed her jacket and her keys before following you downstairs.

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

“you didn’t deserve that.” sam broke the silence. you slowly turned to her and just stared, you were still trying to find the words.

“sam…” you started.

“no. it doesn’t matter.” she interjected. “i’m sorry about tara.”

“it’s fine. i can handle it. she's right anyway."

“it’s not. and she isn't."

you felt yourself crawl back into your shell. the order in sam’s voice, like she was a general, made you feel like you couldn’t say a word.

“you deserve better than her." she suddenly turned to look at you, her glare wasn't like tara's though. hers was more angry at you for saying those things about yourself.

"she's just stressed." you try to justify tara's actions. you still harboured feelings for the girl. it was going to be hard to see it any other way.

"don't try and do that." sam shook her head, pulling up outside your apartment. "you're a grown ass woman, you know better than to try and justify someone hurting you."

you'd never seen that side to sam before. she was always tara's timid older sister, a strong but silent type. you didn't expect to hear her suddenly standing up for you.

"i just need a night, sam." you didn't want to talk about it anymore, it was all too much for you.

"get some rest." she nodded at you while you pulled at the door handle, unlocking it and hopping out. you leaned down and poked your head back into the car.

"thank you for the ride home. i appreciate it. i'll see you soon."

sam nodded at you. "goodnight."

"goodnight, sam."

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

tara thought her eyes were burning in the sunlight. she felt herself wither away as she was hit with a pounding headache.

her throat was dry but as she blinked away the exhaustion, she realised there was a glass of water by her bedside. she practically leapt for it, chugging it all in one go.

she was still in her clothes from last night. she got up to change into something more comfortable and take her make-up off. it was the weekend so she had nowhere to be, deciding to dedicate the free day to recovering from her wicked hangover.

she walked out of her room to see sam making breakfast. she could literally eat anything right now.

sam looked just as exhausted as her.

memories started flooding in from last night, the fight that ensued coming back to her

"jesus sam, no way you actually used a taser on someone last night." tara grumbled as she took her seat on the dining table.

"i absolutely did. and i'm not regretting it." sam retaliated, setting a plate down in front of tara. "eat up. you're gonna need the energy for today."

"why? what's today?" tara asked, already wolfing down the food in front of her.

"do you really not remember anything from last night?" sam asked her, sitting down beside her with her own plate of food.

tara shook her head which led to sam explaining what you two talked about that night.

tara was horrified. she felt so guilty. sure, she knew she didn't lie completely, but she knew you didn't need to hear that.

and it was too late to take it back now.

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

five knocks woke you from your own slumber.

you groaned and pushed yourself off the mattress, glitter still coating your eyes from your costume last night. you immediately rolled into bed after changing last night.

you threw the door open, a frustrated look on your face.

tara.

oh, and sam around the corner.

sam shot you a sheepish wave, you waved back at her. you knew the only reason that tara was here was because sam brought her. while you appreciated the gesture, you knew there was only one way this was ending.

"you shouldn't have kept this going for as long as it did!"

you yelled at tara. you two had been going at it for ten minutes now, you were sure the entire apartment complex could hear the two of you. and you knew they could hear your heart breaking.

"what the fuck was i supposed to do?!" tara exclaimed back. "walk up to you and oh hey, i don't actually have any feelings for you?!"

"yes! exactly that." you shot back, scoffing and crossing your arms across your chest. "you should have been honest with me, tara."

"i couldn't. you... you were good for me." tara whispered, her anger subsiding. "you were kind and just what i needed after everything that happened. i thought that maybe i could grow to have feelings for you."

"you shouldn't have taken that chance. you basically lied to me for months." your posture straightened, your jaw tightening. "it wasn't fair."

"i know... i know..." tara said, trying to calm you a bit more. "i'm sorry."

"you know that sorry isn't gonna cut it, right tara?" you huffed, shaking your head at her. "we're done."

she stared at you for a beat, she didn't believe that you ended it. you were so quiet all the time, always kind and happy. you never took the initiative, she thought she would have to do it. to say you surprised her was an understatement.

"i understand." she nodded. "i'll go."

"yeah... you'd better." you weren't going to stop her, she was the last person you wanted to see.

you opened the door for her and saw sam avoiding your eyes around the corner.

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

three weeks later, you hadn't seen much of your friends. you decided to be the one to keep your distance, you hadn't even seen mindy all that much.

it wasn't until you heard your phone buzz on a random friday morning that you realised that you were missing your dear friends.

"come over tonight, we're watching a movie." a text from mindy.

"we're?" you responded. you knew that mindy would pick up on what you were putting down.

"yes. tara will be there. but we haven't seen you in ages. i'll put you on seperate ends of the room." she typed quickly.

"okay. what time?" you missed your friends more than anything, it was worth seeing tara if it meant you got to see everyone else too.

"4 plus 3." mindy replied, you chucked your phone to the side and sighed. you had to spend the rest of the day psyching yourself up to face everyone again.

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

you arrived at the twin's place at exactly seven sharp.

you walked in and saw that everyone else was already there, surrounding the television.

"bystanders reported seeing the killer with a black cloak and sporting the infamous ghostface mask."

oh no. oh no no no.

you knew all the stories, you'd seen what the killer had done to the carpenters and the twins. and you couldn't believe that he was back.

silence coated the walls of the room, everyone was too shocked to say anything.

tara ran out of the room into another area of the apartment, mindy and chad following behind her. sam walked out the door. you wanted to go after tara, but you thought you might make things worse in that sector. she already had the twins following her, and sam had nobody.

you trailed behind sam. she ran down the stairs, sitting down on the end step, her head falling into her hands. you slowly approached, sitting down on the end step beside her.

"i'm so sorry." you whispered, looking straight ahead.

"its never gonna fucking end." sam sobbed out, her fingers tangling into her hair.

you sat in silence, your palms flat on your lap. you didn't know if you should do anything or say anything.

"there's nothing i can say or do to make this better... but i hope you know, there's more of us now. no way in hell are we leaving you alone in all of this." you said, determined. "you aren't going to go through this alone, sam."

sam peeked her head out. your words were something she had heard before, but coming from you, she felt different about them. she knew you didn't know how to reassure her, you hadn't been through the same thing. you two only knew each other in passing, but she appreciated it.

she turned to you, and you turned to her.

this was the closest you two had been ever.

had she always been this beautiful?

had you?

you shook your head to shake away your thoughts, now was not the time. you could tell she was also trying to push her own thoughts away.

"thank you, i appreciate that." she whispered, a small but genuine smile flashed at you.

"do you want to sit here for a bit longer?" you asked her.

sam begun to think that tara was right. you were incredibly kind and considerate, you could read people like they were an open book. she nodded at you and you nodded back at her.

you two proceeded to sit in a comfortable silence.

you could hear thumping above you, knowing that the twin's apartment was active with stress and fear.

but you couldn't move. you had to be there for sam.

and you meant what you said.

no matter what, you weren't leaving.

•*¨*•.¸¸♪

author's journal i actually am also unsure about this set up for the series. i hope my writing gets better as it goes on but the set up was a bit rough to write and even read. but i promise better content soon y’all 😫 i also would have written a longer drunken argument scene between tara & reader but i needed some sam emphasis, this might get edited in the future

on another note, okay yeah i have so much love for the carpenter sisters actually. this idea came to be out of nowhere when i was watching scream vi to fall asleep and i immediately told emma about it so everyone say ty emma ilysm liefje. she's had to deal with all my bullshit recently so this entire series is dedicated to her <3

another thing is heaps and heaps of credits to @shdysders one of my current favorite writers because the drunken argument scene is hella similar to theirs from one of their fics, if only (which you all should read btw.) thank you babes.

andddd let me know if you wanna get added to the taglist for this fic also and i’ll be more than happy to oblige <3

Is It Casual Now?

Katniss Everdeen x Reader

A/N: hey guys im permanently stuck in my hunger games era so here’s a fic about the one and only katniss everdeen. she’s the masc of my dreams i need a woman like her y’all. This is kinda sad so be warned <3 (not proofread sorry for typos)

summary: you and katniss were both winners of the hunger games and afterwards found solace in each other due to shared trauma. you never made anything official both just having an unspoken routine of doing things committed lovers do. But when it becomes too much for you to not be more to Katniss you distance yourself almost ruining the bond you and Katniss share.

—

Two hundred days, three minutes, and sixty seconds you’ve stayed with Katniss. Two hundred days, three minutes, and sixty seconds Katniss has stayed with you. You lie in her arms, her stroking your hair wondering why you’ve never left her mind since that day in the arena. She could never imagine her life without you. Sure she’s had friends, but never one as close as you. Never someone that would stay up late with her just to brush her hair and make sure her basic needs were met when she was unable to meet them herself.

The arena haunted her, and you, in ways that were impossible for anyone who hadn’t experienced the games to imagine. Shed see you trembling in your sleep. Struggling to control your body along with your thoughts. Shed hear your cries at night. All she was able to do was press warm kisses against your skin until you’d wake up and cry into her shoulder. Your shared kisses were enough to keep you both sane each day. A reason to keep trudging through the hell that was your minds.

But that’s what friends do right?

Katniss walked into the door boots dripping from the snow. Her sense of smell immediately filled with the sweetness of blackberries and honey. A luxury in District twelve that you both were only able to afford due to the victor money. She walked up to the sight of you brewing hot tea on the stove with the blackberries you delicately picked by hand. You looked beautiful, more gorgeous than anything shed ever seen. The forest, her favorite place, couldn’t compare at all. Walking up behind you she grabbed your waist and you leaned into her touch having missed her. “Tea?” You ask, brushing your fingers across her cold face. She nods her head at you and sits at the table closest to you. You set the tea in front of her hoping it will warm her up.

You look up at her face admiring her and she stretches her arm out for you to hold her hand. You gladly comply. Rubbing her hand you feel something warm and wet against them. She was bleeding. “Kat.” You look at her disappointed she’d hurt herself hunting again. “Mm?” She mumbled not paying attention to your dissatisfied expression. “You cut yourself out there. Again.” She looks down trying to hide the cut along her face that you hadn’t noticed yet. Much to her disdain you finally notice and you grab her chin so she’ll turn and let you inspect her injuries. “I just got nicked by the bushes, nothing crazy.” She says clearly lying. “I’ll be right back.” You say getting up and walking into the downstairs bathroom.

You walk back in with alcohol and cotton balls.

You move her onto the couch so that you can get closer to her cuts. You try to find a comfortable position on the couch so you can tend to her but you’re obviously struggling by how much you’ve adjusted yourself. Katniss notices and grabs at your hips to pull you closer to sit on her lap. As you tend to her cuts she rubs circles on your waist and back. Enjoying the feeling of you this close to her.

“Last one.” You say as you’re about to deal with the injury on her nose. You’re practically sharing breaths with how close you are to her. She can’t help but admire you this close. Your features that look like God himself spent extra time on you just to make you as beautiful as you are. “All done.” You say pressing a kiss to her lips. She smiles into your lips before pulling away. “Thank you what would I do without a friend like you?” You smile and get up to go back to the kitchen.

You can’t help but think about her words. “A friend like you” You’d never really thought about it before but were you guys really “friends” Did friends act this way towards each other? It’s not like you both had ever mentioned this unspoken bond between the two of you. The kissing, cuddling, the domestic aura of it all. It wasn’t anything like you and your friends from the past had done. But it felt as if Katniss hadn’t realized this. And even if she did, you doubted you were worthy of a relationship with her.

The truth was, Katniss had thought about the bond you shared with her. It runs through her mind 101 times a day. She wants more with you. She wants everything with you. But you were blind to this fact. The thought of her not feeling the same way as you tugged at your heart everyday. So much so that it was hard to be around her.

Youd started avoiding her. You’d crawl out of bed each morning gently to not wake her and leave the house for hours and hours on end. Exploring shops, the lakes, anywhere that she wasn’t. You knew it was wrong to leave like this but your heart hurt more than your mind could handle.

Your behavior shocked her. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d fallen asleep on the couch with you wrapped in her arms. She missed you. It was hurtful to her why you’d changed so suddenly. Did she upset you? Had she done something wrong? She tossed these thoughts around in her brain for hours and hours each day before it became too much.

On a rainy afternoon you’d been gone all day. Out doing God knows what. You’d come home to cook for Katniss. The one thing you hadn’t stopped doing since you knew she was unable to cook herself. And she was no where to be found. She’d usually be in the kitchen waiting for you or in your shared bed asleep.

You noticed her hunting boots were gone and you realized she had been in the forest. She never hunted this late so you decided to go and find her. You walked over to her normal spot picking berries you’d found along the way. You got closer and saw Katniss. She was sitting alongside a tree knees interlocked with her arms. She was trembling. Her eyes looked dull and you could tell she hadn’t moved in hours.

“Kat..?” You said running up to her. She barely looked up at you or acknowledged your presence. You palmed her forehead shivering at how cold she really was. “You need to come home.” You assumed she would argue but she simply stood up walked alongside you. Looking down at her hunting bag you noticed nothing was in there. Had she not even hunted anything this whole time? Why had she been out here?

As you went into the house you sat her down on the couch and lit the fireplace. She still hadn’t said one word to you. She was angry. You turned the stove on to boil water for tea and then sat in front of her. You both sat for a few seconds.

“You left me.” Katniss says, her voice monotone.

You look over at her confused. “Left you where Kat?” She looks at you as if she’s shocked you don’t understand what she’s saying. “You’ve left me. For days Y/N.” She glares at you. “Am I not enough? I only see you for 2 hours each day. You leave before I wake up and only come back to make dinner. Then you go upstairs to fall asleep before I do. Just so you don’t have to talk to me. What have I done Y/N? I don’t understand.”

Her anger turns into sadness as she chokes on the last bits of her words.

You look at her teary eyed. The weight of her words hit you. How would she understand your reasons for avoiding the one person who really meant the most?

A tear runs down your cheek at the thought of what you had made her feel. You grab her and hold her, the both of you sobbing into each other.

“I never meant to leave,” You whisper. “All i’ve ever wanted was you Katniss. I don’t want to be just there when you need me, I want to always be there.” You sob looking away from her. She looks up at you teary eyed, her eyebrows mushed together at your confession. “I need you so much Kat. It’s hard for me to be around you when I know i’m not worthy of you like that.”

To her the thought of you not feeling worthy enough for her was incomprehensible. “Y/n? Please look at me.” She begged. You looked over at her with shame. Feeling embarrassed and unworthy.

“You’re all i’ve ever wanted.” She says softly. “I always want you there because I always need you.”

She moves closer to you again this time cupping your face with her hands. “You’re more than worthy.” She says before pressing her lips onto yours.

You pull away and smile softly at her. “Please never leave me again y/n.” Katniss says with desperation in her voice. “I won’t.” You say. “I’m sorry.” You grab her hand and squeeze it.

That night was the first night in weeks you went to bed and everything felt better. You slept in your girlfriend’s arms and the world seemed to make sense.

made these studying cat genetics over the past 2 weeks!

i felt like there weren't enough visual guides of cat genetics so i went ahead and made some simple ones, my main references were Sparrow's Garden the website, Sparrow's Garden the blog, Messybeast, and The Little Carnivore.

Love like a Fool

Summary: I shouldn’t known from the moment my heart felt more for Caitlyn, that it was a mistake. I thought love was supposed to be about taking risks and loving like a fool. I don’t want to regret anything, but I have to limit myself because she feels uneasy. Is it because of me? I must be lacking in many ways. I promised myself to get better. I need to prove to others that I can.  

Warning: Slight fluff then pure angst 

Pairing: Caitlyn Kiramman X Fem Reader

Word Count: 6.2k

-

The target moves back and forth in quick and uneven motion as a way to stimulate the movement of humans. I place the sniper rifle closer to my body. The cold metal pressed against my chest. I narrow my eyes at the target watching it jerk back and forth. I place my finger against the trigger as I start to steady my breathing. My heart rate begins to slow. The breeze in the air seems to be silent for a moment. My eyes quickly shift to focus on one target as it starts rolling toward the center of the scope. A loud bang comes from my gun as I press the trigger. The smell of gun smoke reaches my nose as the smoke rises from the nozzle. I lower the gun and tilt my body to examine the shot. A hole is evident on the target, but not where I was trying to aim. The bullet was several inches below the head of the target. I frown and feel disappointment arising from within. 

I want to be better and prove to others that I can take on tougher tasks. I’ve been assigned as an enforcer, stuck with the simple role of Piltover's council gatekeeper. I want to be part of the bigger action, specifically, to be part of Caitlyn’s team. 

I know I am capable, or at least… I hope I am. 

News spread that Caitlyn Kiramman has become a Sheriff and I couldn’t agree more. She is amazing at her job. I’ve secretly studied her in admiration. I saw her in action. She is stern and confident, but at the same time so graceful. She balances fear and love so well. Her facade never falls to others, but I sense there’s a softness in her gaze when she notices me. It’s a quick and small look, so I can’t put a finger on it. All I can do in response is smile back while feeling my cheeks heat up. 

“Practicing again?” A voice snaps me out of daydreaming. A recognizable British accent. Refined and poised. I turn my head to see Caitlyn standing with her arms crossed. I widen my eyes before saluting her. She has a soft grinning smirk on her lips. Her beautiful long blue hair falls over her shoulders. She’s in her work uniform, seemingly that she just finished a task. 

“Yes,” I quickly respond to her question. She chuckles shortly and walks over, eyeing the target. She stops next to me, a little closer than I expected and I feel my heart rate increase. My eyes quickly flicker at the curves of her body then back down the ground in respect. 

“You practice quite a lot,” She notes. This isn’t the first time I’ve bumped into her at the practice shooting area. It’s actually quite often. Caitlyn is strict with her studies and skills. She needs to do things perfectly right. It is not strange to find her at the shooting range after work hours. She has gotten used to seeing me there as well. She never said it, but I believe she likes how I’m willing to get better. She notices how other enforcers don’t practice as much.

I shyly run my hand on the back of my neck. Her eyes glance down to watch my reaction. I peek between my eyelashes and make eye contact with her. The closeness and eye contact make me unconsciously grip the gun. I quickly look back down to the ground. Examining the distance between our shoes. 

“I want to prove to others I can be good,” I finally admit. I didn’t want to reveal the part where I dream of being in her team. 

That would be too silly of a confession. 

She raises her eyebrows and pauses, deep in thought. The wind gently blows against my bare skin as silence coats the air. I feel anxiety increasing while she continues to stare at me, motionless and speechless. There’s a shift in her eyes, a shift that I don’t understand. 

Does she think I can’t be good? Is she too afraid to tell me the truth? 

Thoughts swirl in my head naturally. It’s a negative trait that I endure every day. My mind runs thousands of thoughts that can be entirely false. But I also believe certain voices are true, but I have yet to distinguish the two. I furrow my eyebrows and force myself to look away from her. I couldn’t bear to continue to theorize what her expression meant. I hear her shift her body to lean her body weight against the bullet-loading table. 

“I can help you,” She offers. I feel my heart stop pounding to make sure I didn’t hear her wrong. I jerk my head up with wide eyes. Caitlyn, the best sniper shooter, is going to help me. 

“Are you serious?” I hesitate. What did I do to deserve this special treatment from her? She simply nods and a few hair strands fall over her face. She smiles while brushing her bangs behind her ear. I am still speechless, not knowing what to do next. She figures and gently reaches for my gun. Her fingers curl around the handle, a few centimeters from my hand. She brings it up to my chest. I look at her in confusion yet again. 

“Show me how you aim,” She orders. I lick my lips and move quickly to action. I do not want to waste a single second of getting trained by her. I turn my body to the targets and lift the gun up. I lean my head down to look through the scope. Suddenly I feel Caitlyn move her body to locate behind me. Her fingers gently tilt the tip of the gun at a specific angle. Her other hand moves to my hip. Like a young girl in love, my heart pounds hard. I would also blame the fact that I am touched starved. Working as an enforcer limits the time I can spend romanticizing with others. People also avoid me. I am no one special, I like to believe. 

This is far from romantic. I know she doesn’t like me, but with her body heat pressing against me. I can’t help it. It’s quite embarrassing. 

“You should stand more straight,” She corrects. I shiver at the realization of how close her lips are to my ears. The distance sends chills down my body. No amount of daydreaming can make up for this moment. I shallow away my emotions and straighten my back. I feel myself press against her chest. 

“Slow down your heartbeat and breathing,” She chuckles. My cheeks start warming. 

“Sorry,” I squeak. She doesn’t respond, but instead continues to coach. She removes her hand from my hip and grips my shoulders. She reminds me to tighten my muscles and grip. Once she is satisfied with my position, she removes herself and stands back. I secretly let out a breath of relief. If she continued pressing her body against me, I wouldn't be able to perform accurately. That was the last thing I wanted to do in front of her. 

“Now focus and calculate the timing,” She orders. I close my eyes to calm my breathing. When I feel my heartbeat going at a steady pace, I open my eyes. My sight completely focuses on the target. 

I need to get this right. I have to impress Caitlyn. 

My attention zooms into a specific target and I press into the trigger. Another loud bang echoes into the sky. I let out a shaky breath of anticipation. I immediately lower my gun to look at the target. I guess my hope was too high. The bullet hole was a few centimeters from the head. Better than before, but not perfect. 

Not perfect enough for Caitlyn. 

My shoulders slowly drop and I feel anxious thoughts creeping up again. I frown and look at her nervously. I don’t know what to expect. To my surprise, she seems sort of proud. 

“Good job,” She compliments. 

-

A couple of months of training have passed faster than I realize. I am surprised at how long she agreed to train me. No one else has gotten this special treatment. Even though there are times when she’s tired from a mission, she would still show up. As time went on it wasn't just training anymore. We would go out to eat dinner or a picnic on a sunny day. Not only have my skills increased, but my crush on her did as well. I spent too much time with her to not develop deeper feelings. I didn’t want to. I wanted things professional, just in case I ruined things. 

The more time we spent together, the more people talked about us. Baseless rumors begin to spread. I didn’t want to hear it, but people spoke loudly- as if I wasn’t there. They all picture me as someone who manipulated her way to Caitlyn. That I am nothing special. I have no rich or authoritative name for myself. No one knew who I was until I started involving myself with her. 

I thought these accusations would cause Caitlyn to stay away from me. She’s everything I’m not. After all, she has an image to keep. I do not want to stain it. 

But, she never stopped. 

Caitlyn started to teach me about combat. She wanted to enhance not only my shooting skills but my fighting as well.  

So here we are, standing on the mat with our fists up. I suck in a deep breath as sweat begins collecting on my neck. I feel a slight painful sore developing on my stomach from her punch that I failed to block. She gestures a finger at me to make the first move. I launch myself to her and she swiftly dodges and elbows my back. I grunt and stumble on my footing. I gather myself, not wanting to give up and turn to face her. Her eyes hint with glee when she notices a shift in my face. I clench my jaw and focus on her moves. Then I saw it. A small opening where I can tackle her. I rush forward, grabbing her arm. She lets out a gasp in surprise before I hurl her onto the ground. I quickly pin her onto the ground by locking my thighs around her wrist. 

I smiled brightly, my eyes sparkling. I finally did it. Her chest moves up and down quickly as she gets lost in my joy. She places her elbow onto the ground to support half her body up. I continued smiling, unaware of the plan she had in mind. 

She leans her head closer, testing the waters. Her lips linger over mine before she pulls back a little. Her heavy-lidded eyes gaze up. My smile begins to slowly drop in realization. I gulp and a blush appears on my cheeks. Her eyes flicker from my lips and back to my eyes. I hesitate, not knowing what to do, but I lean forward. Eager to capture her lips, but afraid to make the first move. She gently smiles, understanding my actions before closing the distance.

 Her soft lips pressed against mine. I squeeze my eyes shut and clench my fist.  She brings her hands up to touch my cheeks. Her thumbs draw a circle while her soft lips continue to move. I lean deeper into the kiss, wanting to permanently remember this moment forever. All my anxious thoughts seem to be silent just for a short moment. She is the first to pull away from the kiss. Leaning her forehead against mine. I place my hand over hers and smile. 

Caitlyn’s eyes suddenly become stern and she pulls her body away. My mind races in worry. I furrow my eyebrows while looking at her in confusion. 

“I’m sorry,” She apologizes. I shake my head slowly, trying to understand. 

Was the kiss a mistake? Did I do something wrong? 

“I…” I hesitate. I worry about my next words. I worried that she would push herself away if I said the wrong things. I wanted to confess my feelings, but I was afraid I would embarrass myself if she said it was a mistake. I wanted to tell her it was okay, but I feared she would think I didn’t feel anything. A part of me was so terrified that she did feel something for me, but the kiss awakened a realization in her. 

I never got the chance to gather my thoughts before she got up. I try to reach out and grab her wrist, but she hurries away. 

“I’m sorry. I’ll… see you sometime again,” She says before disappearing. I feel my eyes begin to water. My anxious thoughts may be right this time. As much as I try to think of a different conclusion, my negativity chokes up any other possible reasoning. 

-

Caitlyn avoided me. Every time she sees me walking by, she turns in the other direction. I try to force a smile. Understanding that she may be struggling with her thoughts. All I can do for her is to wait. I need to understand that I’m not enough for her. After several more days, I thought she had forgotten me. I went to my regular shooting range hoping to bump into her, but she never showed up. 

As I walk with my head down, I see a pair of shoes stop in front of me. I can immediately recognize her shoes. Caitlyn had blocked my walking pathway. I jerk back in surprise before examining her in confusion. Her eye circles are dark and her hair is messy. It seems like she has been lacking sleep. She licks her lips and plays with her fingers. I stand silent with a pounding heart, waiting for her to speak. She lets out a breath and I brace myself for the worst. 

“I’m sorry I avoided you,” She begins. I pause for a moment as her words sink. I summon my confidence by clenching my fist. My lips waver as I try to smile at her. I wasn’t actually happy, but I wanted to show her I appreciated her stepping up. I understand why she would want to avoid me. 

“It’s okay,” I answer, a little shaky for my liking. She glances around the hall as I assume she’s making sure no one else is around. A few people walk by, giving me an unexplainable stare. I tilt my head to the side to avoid people’s eyes. She then grabs my hand and tugs me along with her. I stumble on my footsteps to catch up with her. She pulls us into a dark room and slams the door. She breathes heavily, her chest moving up and down before turning to face me again. I stand awkwardly in the middle of the room. I can still see her figure with the small lamp in the corner. 

“I… I think I like you,” She confesses like the truth has been choking her to death. It's as if it’s a surprise that someone like her could be interested in someone like me. She stared at me with a scared expression like she didn’t fully understand herself. I feel my heart ache, but I force a smile again. 

She’s been struggling because of me. 

I opened my mouth to speak, but I realized I couldn’t say anything. 

“I don’t know what to say,” I admit. I shift my body weight uncomfortably. My hands come up to wrap themselves around me. A poor attempt to comfort myself. She pushes herself from the door and walks over to me. She hesitates a little, before reaching down to touch my hands. I stare at the way her fingers hold mine. She’s so gentle. 

“I want to try and love you,” She pauses, “but we have to do it in secret,” 

I tilt my head up to look at the sincerity in her eyes. I can tell she is worried. Wondering how people would view her if they found out she was meeting up with someone lowly like me. Debating if this reveal would hurt my feelings. It’s a little humorous that she doesn’t know the lengths I would go for her. 

I tightened my grip on her hands and tugged her a little closer. I examine the beauty that reflects off the orange light. She’s a beautiful woman worthy of respect and care. I remove one hand from her hold and place it on her cheeks. She leans into the touch, letting out a shaky breath. 

“I would do anything for you,” I confess like a fool in love. Her eyes dilate and she lets out a sigh of relief. Her shoulders relax as she finally smiles.

-

I never thought how much more I could fall for Caitlyn. I love her. I didn’t care about the hidden touches behind doors. The secret messages we pass. It was our love that I couldn’t regret. We completely ignore each other when passing by in the halls. Oh, how I wish I could shout to the world about her. Rumors between her and I have successfully died out. 

I wait patiently in my room, waiting for the skies to become darker so that Caitlyn can sneak her way over. I hear quiet quick knocks on the door. I stumble my way over and swing the door open. She stands with a shy smile on her face. I quickly grab her wrist and tug her in, slamming the door behind me. 

I pull her into a hug, soaking in her warmth and scent. She hugs back with the same amount of eagerness. We stay silent for a few more seconds before I pull away.

“Are you hungry?” I ask as I walk to the kitchen, “I can start preparing-“ 

She calls my name, cutting me off. I stop in my tracks to look at her. She seems hesitant again, her eyes wavering. A look that brings me back to the day we stood in the dark room. 

“I have to tell you something,” She explains. She starts walking to the coach and I follow along. I sit down, my knees brushing against hers. She reaches over to touch my hand with a stern look. 

“I got put on a very important case,” She says. I widen my eyes and smile. 

“Well, that’s great news right?” I chirp. She lets out a nervous laugh. Her gaze averts to the side for a brief second. My smile begins to drop slightly. 

“It is… but I have to be gone for a year,” She reveals.

“A year?” I repeat slowly. My grip starts to loosen from her hold. I shouldn’t be scared, but there is a part of me that worries. So much can happen in a year. 

“It’s a mission to go to the undercity and-“

I start to zone out. Undercity? That place is filled with horror stories. No sane person dares to step foot in there. At least that was how I was taught by others. I can’t imagine myself letting Caitlyn go down there. It’s just not safe. 

She squeezes my hands and I look back at her. My face is mixed with many emotions. I should not stop her from doing her job, but I don’t want her gone for a year in Undercity. What if she gets hurt and I can’t find her? How can I make a decision when I am unsure of myself? 

“Can you wait for me?” She whispers. 

The decision has already been made. 

I squeeze my eyes shut as I turn my head to the side. I didn’t want her to see me cry. She places her hands on my cheeks and slowly turns me to face her. I feel the warmth of her hands. 

“…when do you leave?” I sniff. 

“Tomorrow morning,” She responds. Time seems to pause for a moment. I wish it stayed like that; so that I could stay by her side longer. Tomorrow? This is so soon and sudden. I searched in Caitlyn’s eyes to find some type of hesitation, but there was nothing. I force myself to smile as my heart feels crushed. Nothing is going to stop her, not even my feelings. I understand that feelings alone can’t dictate her decision, but I wish it was considered just a little bit more. 

Did she really care about how I would feel? Did I not cross her mind when she accepted the mission? Do I matter that little? 

All the anxious thoughts blew away when Caitlyn pulled me in for a hug. How foolish am I to disregard my hurt so fast for her? Love makes a person a fool. 

-

Five months have passed since Caitlyn left to go to the Undercity. I have gotten used to the feeling of being alone. This feeling is rather normal and something I am more familiar with. I still keep my duties of guarding the gates of the council building. Days and days of people not sparing me a second glance as they walk by. I sometimes wonder if they would even notice if I didn’t show up one day. 

I keep the house clean. Making sure Caitlyn’s extra clothes are tucked neatly in my closet, ready for the day she comes back. When I lay in bed, I close my eyes and place my hand on the side where she usually lays. I imagine she is next to me. Humming and running her fingers through my hair. I smile for a moment, then frown when I realize I’m daydreaming again. It’s awfully cold without her touch. 

11 months have passed and I feel impatient for her return. The picture I keep on the desk lacks dust by how many times I’ve touched it. Running my fingers across her face to remind myself of how soft her skin feels. My heart squeezes when I examine the bright smile that the camera captures. I gently place the picture down and lean my head against the cold surface of the desk. 

Just a little more. I can wait, just like how she asked me to do. A simple task. I can do it. 

-

1 year and 1 month has passed. Anxiety eats away my skin as I scratch the surface with my nails. The councils ordered a one-month expansion, just in case Caitlyn had something important to do before they sent out a search for her. The enforcers are starting to become worried at the lack of her appearance. 

The councils issue a meeting to form a team of three of the best enforcers. I stand by the door with a racing heart, listening to the councils talk amongst themselves. They list off the best enforcers on documents. The back of my neck starts to feel hot. My feet feel the urge to step forward. I must go to find my love. I find myself walking forward recklessly.

“I apologize for my unprofessional behavior, but please allow me to join the team,” My voice clashes and silences the room. I glance around to see the confused look on their faces. They had no idea I was there. 

“And who are you?” One of the council's questions. They rub their fingers together with an amused smile. I bow down to show my respect. I tell them my name and title, with a shaky voice. There’s another pause again, til I hear someone snicker. That causes a domino effect where they all start to laugh. I bite my bottom lip as an embarrassing blush forms on my cheeks. My eyes water, tears forming at the edge. I turn my head down to stare at the floor. They question me and my motives:

“I never even noticed her there,”

“What can a gatekeeper do?”

“I admire how much courage that little girl has,”

“Why are you so concerned?” Mrs. Kiramman’s question sounds the clearest among the others. I tilt my head up to look at her. The truth feels like acid in my throat. Caitlyn had asked me to keep our relationship a secret. I must keep the promise. It’s not like it was hard to do so. I fully understand now why Caitlyn wanted it that way. They don’t take me seriously. I am just a laughing stock at this moment. I can’t dirty her name. 

I lick my trembling lips and shake my head. 

“I-I just want to-”

“I’m sorry dear, but we have an important discussion to do. The fate of my daughter relies on someone who can actually save her. Return to your position,” Mrs. Kiramman orders. I choke back my words. The little courage I have left vanishes. I quickly bow once more before walking back to my place. They return back to their conversation as normal, while I fight back tears. The uniform feels hot and stuffy against my skin. I feel unworthy of wearing the enforcer gear. 

The moon appears bright in the sky as I sneak my way down the streets. I tug my hoodie closer to hide my face as I make my way to the Undercity. I am going to search for Caitlyn on my own. 

The air starts to become more dense. I have never been here before. I can feel my anxious heart beating rapidly. A few strangers study me as I walk by. I grip my jacket closer to my body, avoiding their eyes. My footsteps quicken with one solid plan in mind. 

Find Caitlyn. 

I didn’t care how reckless I was being. Walking into the Undercity with no solid plan. I can’t even confidently say I can protect myself. Anything can happen to me before I can even find her. 

After walking for several minutes I realized how big this city is. I can’t just simply bump into her. I desperately look around to find someone that looks the least threatening. The task was harder to do than I expected. Most of the people are drunk or hunching their bodies as they are ready to launch forward. I scan more until I find a young boy. Innocent eyes with a few dirt marks scuffed on his cheeks. I walk to him, trying not to scare him off. He seems hesitant at first before I take my hoodie off to show my face. His shoulders visually relax. I kneel down to eye level with him. 

“Hi, can you help me find someone?” I whisper. His eyes dart around then back to me. He doesn’t respond. I shuffle around in my pocket to find money. Once I pull it out his eyes brighten. He quickly nods his head in agreement. 

“Can you help me find Caitlyn Kiramman? She is about this tall,” I stand to gesture her height, “she has blue hair and a sharp nose,” 

I try my best to describe her to him. I hoped that the description was enough for him. Caitlyn doesn’t look like she belongs in the Undercity. It must be easy to locate her. 

The young boy ponders for a moment before his eyes brighten. He places his hand out and motions me to hand the cash. I place it on top of his hand and he quickly puts it in his pocket. He gestures to me to follow along, his little footsteps patter on the ground. It took about several minutes before he paused and pointed down the street. I tilt my head to examine the low-light street. 

“She’s there?-“ I ask, but the little boy has already run off. I softly chuckle before composing myself. My heart quickens and the sound of my breathing is loud due to how quiet the streets are. I stand still for a moment to evaluate the setting. That’s when I hear a gentle giggle. 

A giggle that sends a wave of crashing memories. My eyes begin to water as I hear the sound again. It’s Caitlyn. I am sure of it. I silently follow the sound. I hear another voice, but can’t make out who it could be. Maybe Caitlyn made a friend while she was staying here. The sound leads me to a tunnel with stairs. 

I hide beside the walls and peek up the tunnel. There in the middle of the stairs is Caitlyn with another woman. My eyes widen in joy. Butterflies flutter in my stomach as I can’t contain my excitement. I found her! She’s alive and well! I open my mouth to excitedly shout her name, but quickly stop. 

Caitlyn places her hands on the woman’s hip, pulling her closer. She giggles again, biting the bottom of her lip. The woman sweetly smiles and leans her head closer. She kisses Caitlyn slowly, running her hands down her waist. 

Overwhelming sorrow sinks deep within me. My eyes become glossy, blurring my vision of them. My hand jerks up to grip my chest. It squeezes and pounds in pain. I never knew my heart could physically hurt. I gasp for air as I feel like I’m about to collapse. I lose my footing for a moment, sliding against the wall. I place a hand on the cold wall to hold myself.

I hear Caitlyn softly calling out my name in confusion. I quickly blink to clear my vision. Caitlyn walks down the stairs till she stands in front of me. She stares at me with a shocked expression. I feel myself forcing a stupid smile again. I squeeze my chest to numb the pain again. 

“…Hi,” I choke out. A failed attempt to sound happy. Her eyebrows furrow as she shakes her head.  

“What are you doing here?” She asks. I want to cry out laughing. How can she ask that question? It’s been longer than a year, did she lose track of time? Was she too busy? 

“Who is this?” The woman beside her asks. Caitlyn's eyes move back and forth anxiously. 

“…She’s just an enforcer,” Caitlyn reveals. I furrow my eyebrows in despair and disgust. I’m just an enforcer to her? 

Was all the lovely touches nothing to her? Did the day she cried on my lap mean nothing? Whose name did she moan out when I touched her? 

Without thinking I march up to her to push her. At least something to express my hurt, but the woman steps in front and shoves me hard. I slam against the wall and let out a small grunt. I already feel small and pathetic against her strength. 

“Wait, stop,” Caitlyn hurries to stop the woman. I peek up from my watery eyelashes, breathing heavily. 

“She’s lying,” I quietly laugh. The woman clenches her fist and walks up to me. She grabs a fistful of my jacket around my neck. I try clawing at her hands, but it was no use. She forces me to look at her. 

“Who are you?” She hisses again. A tear rolls down my cheeks. I would wipe it off, but my hand is wrapped around hers. I painfully smile again. 

“Her secret lover,” I choke out. I don’t have to keep it in anymore. The weight lifts off my shoulders. I had always wished the reveal was going to be for something better, nicer, and more beautiful. Yet we are here in the cold night air as I gasp for air. I take a peek at Caitlyn to see her face scrunch in guilt. The woman let go of me. I suck in a deep breath while sliding down to the ground. I grip my throat and tug the collar of my jacket away. I feel too suffocated by everything. 

I collect myself as much as I can before standing up again. I try to reach out and touch Caitlyn, but I pause and hesitate. My hands are shaking. I quickly bring it back to my chest to stop it from shaking so much. I lick my lips and look at her with pleading eyes. 

“I came to look for you,” I explain. 

“Why?” 

Why? 

“You were gone for more than a year! I was left wondering if you got hurt! I got worried,” I cry out. Caitlyn shifts her footing uncomfortably. She avoids my eyes by looking around. 

“Caitlyn…why are you being like this?” My voice cracks. The way she is treating me hurts so much. I don’t feel valued or special. As if… I’m just a nobody, just like how everyone else viewed me. I thought I was different to her. 

“Please talk to me!” I beg. A tear escaped from my eyes as I wept. I clench my chest to hold myself. She breathes heavily while her eyes dart around. She looks worried and guilty. 

“Was it because of her,” I direct it towards the woman, who scuffs in response. Caitlyn doesn’t reply. I take a step towards the woman, not understanding my actions. She clenches her jaw and rotates her wrist to get ready. Her eyes glisten against the street lights. Possession and challenge are evident on her face. I can tell she wants to fight me for Caitlyn. 

I am not backing down. I’ve trained hard for this. 

She swings her fist at me, but I dodge it. I launch my body to collapse her, but she wraps her arm around my waist. She elbows my back hard til I let go. She swings again and knocks the left side of my cheek. I stumble back and yelp in pain. I bring my hand up to cup my throbbing cheek. She is so quick and strong. With just one punch it sent me backward. I glare at her nervously. 

“Giving up so easily?” The woman laughs. I spit blood out my mouth and stand up again. She flickers her fingers to motion me forward. I swing my fist and she dodges, allowing her a clear shot at my stomach. I grunt and stumble back again. I gained my balance and I ran to her again, swinging recklessly. She punches my face near my nose. Pain shoots down my spine. I fall down and immediately grip my nose. Blood flows out and onto my hands. My chest moves up and down fast. I want to cry, but I choke it back when I look at Caitlyn. She stands with a worried look. She looks at me and the woman, pondering who she should care for more.

I need to prove I can be better. I need to show her I can protect her. I stumble to my feet, wiping my bloody nose with the back of my hand. 

The woman launches and lands a few punches on my face and stomach. I am gasping for air as I try to keep up. I try to swing to at least land one hit, but she easily dodges. Caitlyn watches me get beat up over and over. She looks away, clenching her eyes shut.

I failed her. 

I collapse onto the ground, choking out blood. Wheezing for air painfully. I knew I looked pitiful. Bruised, bloody, and crying. The woman looked untouched. I just embarrassed myself in front of Caitlyn. I try to get myself back up, but the pain pierces throughout my body. I stumble and fall again. I end up kneeling, my hands weak by my side. The woman tries to come to me again, but Caitlyn stops her by shoving her back. She begs her to stop hitting me. 

No, it shouldn’t have been this way. I needed to win to get her back. She can’t be the one begging for mercy. I had to be the winner. I can… 

I look down and watch my warm blood drip down onto the ground. Realization settles in my stubborn mind. 

I can’t protect her with these weak skills. I lost. 

Caitlyn's eyes shift and darken. She grips her fist and glares at me. She is angry that I am trying so hard to win her. That I allow myself to get beat up so badly knowing I can’t win- a fool so in love with her. I look up through my puffy and bloody eyes. I smile, feeling my lips crack open. 

“I’m sorry,” I wept. She forces herself to look away as tears roll down her face. Words continue to pour out from my lips. 

“I’m sorry I am not strong enough.

I’m sorry if… I ever embarrassed you.

I understand why you wanted us to be a secret… why you left and found someone who can protect you. 

I tried so hard to prove myself, but what’s the point anymore… I just simply can’t. 

People are right about me. They always were… and deep inside you knew it.” 

Tears continually roll down my cheeks. I could no longer fake a smile anymore. How can I put on a facade when I am evidently broken and weak? I bring my hands to my heart. An attempt to shield and comfort myself. My body shakes as I cry. I can’t blame her for hurting me. My understanding and naive heart is a curse made to ruin me. I loved too much and recklessly. It’s my fault.

Caitlyn brings a hand up to her mouth to silence her cries. She shakes her head. Millions of emotions crash in her mind, but she can't speak it out. It’s too late. She can not undo the mistakes she has made. 

The damage had already been made the moment she laid eyes on you. 

Our blood will drip from your hands. | Caitlyn x Fem!Reader (feat. Vi)

(Part 2)

This is my official contribution to the Arcane Fandom and also my way of asking for requests. I hope you guys enjoy this!!<33

Summary: You befriended Caitlyn shortly after being taken in by an influential family in Piltover as a young child. You always believed that she saw you for who you were and not just for what you were. However, when she dared to appear in your home as your nation's newly appointed dictator, you realised that she was never any different herself.

Content: Heavy season 2 spoilers!!!!, Zaunite Reader, conflicting emotions, undefined relationship, heavy angst, hurt/no comfort, mentions of grief on Caitlyn's side, childhood friends, racism/discrimination against Zaunites, slight Vi x Reader?, sfw

Reader is afab and uses she/her pronouns!

((Not fully proofread))

"Have you... Have you lost your mind, Caitlyn?" You never expected to end up like this with her. Conversations that were once filled with laughs, gentle words, and wide smiles now felt sinister and cold. You shivered slightly under her domineering gaze and yet stood your ground, a defiant flame from your past childhood burning in your heart. The silence that followed your question felt dangerous, that familiar fear sparking in you at the glinting of her pristine uniform under the moonlight in the garden she had trapped you in. It reminded you of the days in which you could feel only terror at the mere sight of it, rightfully so. But perhaps the years of being fed with a silver spoon had you slowly cooking like a frog in a pot, doomed to unknowingly perish from its own blissful ignorance.

And was it too late to jump out now?

When you saw the navy haired woman's jaw clench tightly in a show of brave self-restraint, you realised that, yes, it was way too late for you.

Things went downhill the moment Caitlyn introduced you to Vi, you concluded. There was an instant bond you had with the woman, a bond only two of the same kin and background could have, despite your different upbringing. You remembered the night the three of you sat in these grand gardens of yours, the privilege of the fresh air filling your lungs weighing heavy on your consciousness as she spoke of her past. You recognized the places she mentioned, felt the emotions that ran through her, and shared the silent, familiar fear of the uniformed devil's with ease. You spoke of things the Kirammann could never understand, and you believed that it was alright that she didn't.

Caitlyn didn't say a word while you two spoke, her face betraying no negative emotion as she just simply gripped onto your gloved hand tightly. Foreshadowing, you had missed perhaps in hindsight. You had foolishly hoped that she saw you both as people, regardless of where you hailed from. You realise now that your wishful thinking had made you painfully naive.

The veil had finally been lifted from your eyes now and revealed the truth you've been denying for so long. And why did it take you so much time to realise it anyway? Why did it have to be Caitlyn's disgusted look to shake you awake?

Why didn't you just listen to Vi when she appeared at your doorstep hours earlier, a shell of what she once, as she practically cried in your arms? You never thought you'd see the day in which a fellow Zaunite would willingly degrade themselves so terribly by wearing the uniform of their oppressors. But why did you always make an exception for Caitlyn then, if you hated seeing Vi as one?

She had left shortly after, leaving you crying in frustration and betrayal when she told you how they used the ventilation system against your own people. They had flooded the streets with that toxic smog, hurt people more than they already were, and potentially even killed some for what? And unfortunately... the woman before you was the mastermind of it all.

Grief was a terrible thing. It really was. And yet, there was no excuse for this.

Your mind spun, legs threatening to give out at any moment. You should have run after Vi. You shouldn't have stayed here for a moment longer. But you had deluded yourself into thinking that it was all just a misunderstanding. That you had heard it wrong. Even if you couldn't look away from the devil anymore that you once lovingly called your best friend... or perhaps even more?

Slightly stumbling backward with a faint sigh, Caitlyn was quick to grab onto your hip, yet you flinched out of her grasp quicker than you could process it. It was a relfex on both of your sides. "No, don't you dare touch me after what you've... what you will do." You couldn't stand being near her as the panic set in, and you were desperate to get away. You never thought that you'd come to this point. You never thought that you'd learn to hate her so suddenly. It made you sick.

She reluctantly let her hand fall back to her side, and it unnerved you then that she had yet to say a thing. Did she perhaps feel guilty after all? Was she perhaps reflecting? A glance into her eyes reconfirmed that you were indeed wrong about her once again. You needed to stop dreaming. Your life up here has blinded you too much.

"... You weren't there today." You knew that she meant the councilor meeting with all the other noble houses. Your adoptive parents had gone as well, albeit without you. They were in clear disagreement with the entire situation themselves, and yet social pressure was a curse. Turning away from her, you found the energy to scoff. "And what of it? Do you expect me to stand there and cheer? Support a potential mass killing of innocent people?" "I am keeping us safe. I'm keeping you safe. There is nothing innocent about them." Her voice was raised and sharp, nothing like you had ever heard before. The adrenaline was making your body shake dangerously, and you started becoming aware of how angry you were. You hadn't felt like this in years. And here you thought you were used to their hate, too.

"So you are willing to murder hundreds over Jinx? Because that's what this is all about, isn't it? Revenge?" You got it right. It was all just for that. She was willing to disgrace her own ancestors' life work to fill the void left behind by her mother’s absence. "... I am doing all of this so no one has to get hurt again. We are left with no other choice. They are too dangerous-" "-Then why am I any different? What am I, if you view us as nothing but animals?" Silence. Just as expected, she never thought that far. Or maybe she simply considered you one of the better ones. The one whose blood was saved by the kindness of your parents in Piltover. You weren't tainted anymore. You were perfect because this place allowed you to be.

"... Why can you just not see all I'm doing for us? I... don't make me turn on you, too. You are better than this." You let out a laugh, one that could've sent down a shiver down anyone's spine. Even Caitlyn's, if she wasn't so tense and rigid now. Vi was right. She truly had changed for the worse. And god did it hurt.

"I loved you, Cait. I really did. And I understand the pain you've gone through after the loss of your mother. I stood at your side on the day of the funeral. I felt your agony." What should've been a confession filled with relief and happiness, now simply left a bitter taste in your mouth. "But I refuse to keep standing at your side if it means to see your hands stain with the blood of my people. You are a puppet, Caitlyn. The warlord has taken over your mind. The strings around your neck will tighten until it snuffs out the rest of your soul. And I will not be there to help you out of it this time." You don't care to hear her next words or even look her in the face as a last goodbye. Your Caitlyn died with her mother, buried beneath endless flower petals, safe and far away from the monster that appeared in her stead.

Your calm steps suddenly picked up the pace, and you found yourself running away, your frilly dress bunched up in your arms, chest heaving with the sobs you couldn't hide anymore. You ignored her call for your name, the demanding order pushing you much farther away until all you could hear were your panicked steps over the marble floor and the faint singing of the cicadas coming to a close.

Caitlyn stood there for the longest time, her stern gaze frozen in the direction you had disappeared in before she tipped her hat over her eyes and left.

You'll understand one day, she supposed.

Lost confessions. | Caitlyn x Fem!Reader (feat. Vi)

(Part one)

Take this as a little offering whilst I recover lol-

Content: Spoilers for season 2, Slight Vi x Reader?, angst, hurt/no comfort?, Zaunite reader, wlw, kidnapping, alcohol, allusion to cheating? Idk, swearing, ooc?, Pit fighter vi, sfw

Reader is afab and uses she/her pronouns.

((Not proofread))

Looking back on it, you wondered what life would've been like if you never met either woman.

You imagined yourself living a peaceful life with your parents, perhaps being married off to someone eventually that will treat you well enough to live with. But alas, that thought simply rubbed you the wrong way, now that you were stuck in the whirlwind that was their love, devotion, and heartbreak. You were always the fixer, the one that held them together, the neutral middle ground in their fights and disagreements.

A Zaunite who knew the ways of the Piltovans, that's what made you perfect for the both of them... until even that wasn't enough.

Underappreciated and pushed aside for two different extreme ideologies, you haven't moved an inch out of your estate ever since Vi practically told you off as well. You had chased her down to the darkest parts of Zaun all on your own in hopes of salvaging what was left of your once rather intimate friend group and yet... there was no getting through to her. By the time you reached her, she became an unrecognizable, drunken mess that screamed at you to get lost. That you weren't Caitlyn, the woman that presumably haunted her with every breath. Not you, though, never you.

You always considered yourself an afterthought to everyone but your family. Everyone else saw you as an outsider on both sides, and it seemed like Vi deep down thought the same. "What would you know about being an actual, real Zaunite anyway? You're a rat pretending to be one of us. Now get lost before I make you." Oh, how cruel and cold her words were. She had never spoken to you like this before either. She was always so understanding, so gentle. But perhaps that part of her got lost in the blurry, fast life of a pitfighter, as she rolled her eyes at your tear-struck, heartbroken face and turned to another bottle to soothe the pain. It was a pain you couldn't fix this time around. No, you refused to.

And you treated Caitlyn with no difference either, ever since that night in your gardens in which you practically ran away from her for good. You have avoided her for three months now completely, refusing to even see, hear, or read a single thing from her. Your parents couldn't convince you, her father couldn't convince you, her soldiers couldn't convince you and she sure as hell couldn't either. But alas... what the commander wanted, she'd eventually get. Even if she had to pull some strings for it. Like making up an entire gala for an undefined victory that absolutely no noble could refuse, much to you and your family's dismay.

This led you to now, standing in a far away corner from the lavish crowd of guests around you, as beautiful music bounced off the grand walls of the ballroom. You would've been impressed if you didn't feel so conflicted. Eyes were in you at all times, the secret disdain hidden behind fake smiles and sickeningly sweet compliments that made your skin crawl. Everyone seemed to be in deep agreement that someone like you, who wasn't Piltover born, didn't belong in a place like this. Nevermind your frilly dress, the sparkly jewelry, the many hours it took you to look perfect as you knew deep down this would happen. It all didn't matter to them. Hell, you could've been a pig in lipstick for all they cared!

One thing that did comfort you was the lack of Caitlyn. You hadn't really seen her yet, just quick glimpses of her in the masses, of which you ducked out of her sight every time. It was a cowardly thing to do, and yet you had no choice. You knew she was looking for you. "Darling? How about you take a breather?" Your mother asked you gently, clearly worried about the pale look on your face. It was clear that you didn't want to be here. "I... alright, I'll be out in the gardens then." Excusing yourself, you pushed through the crowd hastily, head down until you finally reached the freshness of the crisp night air. You took a deep, reliving breath, glad to have escaped the loud and suffocating room at last.

As you traversed through the grandiose grounds, you found yourself getting lost on thought whilst the orchestra and buzz from the guests began to grow distant. The cold air nipped at the exposed skin of your neckline and arms, your dress flowing in the soft breeze that lulled you into a moment of tranquility. Looking up at the stars, they glimmered beautifully in the night sky. A wish to be a part of them came to mind, in which you wondered what it would be like to be admired and sought after by dreamers. Reach for the stars they say, but you never dared it, afraid to be burned by them until there was nothing left of you.

Frowning, you looked down at your gloved hands, a silver ring on it that Caitlyn had given you once as a gift for your birthday. It meant a lot to you, reminding you of a time in which the woman was still herself, something you so desperately held onto. You may have sounded pathetic, but else can you do? You were no hero, no soldier. You couldn't fight. You couldn't do a thing other than mourn, grief, and cry. You saw no strength in your weakness and left it at that. And the guilt of living such a perfectly pristine life whilst your people were suffering under your golden heel didn't help either.

Shaking your head, you turned to return back to the party in hopes of being able to convince your father to finally leave already, when a giggle stopped you dead in your tracks. Unable to hide your curiosity, you cautiously stepped towards the sound, perhaps just to see what was entertaining. Were there performances outside, too? Yet what you saw when you peeked out from behind a tall bush was perhaps the most unamusing thing you have ever witnessed.

"Oh, come on, Cait, what's the harm in some fun?" "Maddie... we're in the middle of a ball. Besides... I... have to speak to someone." The commander was leaning against a wall whilst the mousy girl trapped her against it, a flirtatious grin on her lips that made you nearly reel back in surprise. Just what were you looking at? What was the meaning of this? Why... were you so hurt? If this truly was what you assumed it was... then why would you care? You were never a couple. In fact, you never had the chance to tell her a thing about your conflicting emotions for her. Shaking fingers nervously brushed over the silver ring, eyes wide in sick anticipation on what was going to happen next. You couldn't look away despite your better judgment.

"Ah... Do you mean her? I thought you were over her... after all..." Maddie's hand idly brushed over the taller woman's shoulder, clearly showing off a form of intimacy that should never even occur in between their huge gap in ranks. And you could tell that it had become a bit too natural, a statement to how long this must've been going on for. "She's just some ignorant Zaunite who doesn't get you. She won't do you any good. So forget about her already, okay?" There was a ringing in your ears whilst the ginger girl pulled Caitlyn down for a kiss the woman hardly fought against. She must've agreed with what she was saying... and that killed you even further inside. For how long has this been going on? Even before her time as a commander?

Refusing to witness any of this mess any longer, you escaped the scene, never seeing the way Caitlyn pushed Maddie away from her with a scoff. "Stop that. I already told you that I didn't want to..." Her words died on her tongue when she saw a familiar ring glimmering in the grass. Ignoring the officer, she approached it and kneeled down to grab it, eyes narrowed deeply in thought. And then she realised it finally that it was yours. The one she had gifted you. It took her months to find the perfect sapphire gem for it, too. Seeing you sparkle with joy when you received it made all the efforts worth it, even if she didn't find the bravery to confess to you in the moment.

The regret of it all was hitting her harder than she ever thought it could, which resulted in her running back to the ballroom, desperate to catch up to you and tell you the truth. She had been blinded by her rage and grief for too long.

But... was it perhaps too late?

The answer was yes, but for a totally different reason than expected.

You hadn't returned to the party and instead ran further into the gardens until you found yourself getting lost. It was too dark to see anything, and fear was beginning to brew in your heart. It didn't help that you felt so awfully uneasy. Something was watching you, hunting you down carefully as you pushed your way through the dense bushes and flowery paths in hopes for an exit. A young doe running from a wolf hidden away in the shadows, that's what you were. Yet it was a lot deeper than that. Alot darker. You couldn't comprehend the extent of the inconvenience your existence imposed, but you'll learn soon enough. The wolf would make sure of it.

"A bit of a cold night for a walk, isn't it child?" Letting out a loud gasp, you jumped and pressed a hand against your chest. Snapping your head to the side, you saw the familiar large stature of the Noxian general. Pushing yourself up against a pillar nervously, you immideatly recognized the shiver of terror that ran through your body. There was something awfully wrong with her appearance, and you knew better than to trust that she didn't have any ill intentions. Your father had warned you well, but that wouldn't save you.

"General Medarda..." "Hm... are you lost? I can tell that you are. It must be scary to be all alone in such a... dark, empty place. Who knows what lurks in the shadows after all." She did. You knew it was her who must've been watching you this entire time. Sweat dripped from your forehead, body trembling despite your best efforts to stay strong. This won't end well. "What do you want from me?" You breathed out, ignoring her previous words as you weren't in the mood to humor her.

An amused smirk creeped onto her lips as she began to approach you so casually. The dangerous aura was practically suffocating you, however, making you shrink away and unaware of the figures that began to appear behind you, ready for the woman's orders. "You know... despite of how how uninteresting you are, you still somehow found a way to weasel your way into my plans. And especially into our dear commanders mind. I'm getting tired of it, really... she needs to focus on the betterment of her nation and not an unimportant girl like you." You frowned at her words, suddenly finding the strength to fight back if only verbally. If you were going down, then you might as well do it without any regrets. "So what? You will kill me? That's a lot of words for something so natural to you." You huffed, and that made the woman's eyes glint in interest. Perhaps you did regret that after all...

Shaking her head with a chuckle she shook her head and grabbed onto your chin roughly. "I was going to... but I think there are better ways to teach a lesson... Sleep well, child. That's the only rest you'll be getting for a long time." You opened your mouth to protest further, yet were cut off by something hitting you violently in the back of the head and knocking you out.

Crumbling to the ground, your eyes found the blurring stars above once more, a weak whisper of Caitlyn's name leaving your lips before it all went black.

The Wrong Side - P3 [Ellie Williams x Fem!Reader x Abby Anderson]

Part Two

Warnings: language. angst. just pure angst. despair. absolutely no happiness. 🖤

“You better be alive, Abby,” you mumble, approaching the dark aquarium.

You didn't think today's journey would be so rough. The Scars you faced had the majority of your body covered in cuts and bruises. You had to take a few detours to avoid the WLF, knowing damn well you're fucked if they found out what you're doing. You can already picture Isaac's face when you and Abby return. God, you dreaded it.

Returning to the room that you shared with Abby already seemed like a nightmare. Sleeping next to her, knowing she slept with Owen, enraged you, still trying to figure out why she would do that to you. And then you think about last night, when you were kissing Ellie, desperate to have her hands search your skin, practically melting into her body when she pulled you close.

You've convinced yourself it was a mistake, that you were overwhelmed with emotions, and it just happened. But Abby could say the same fucking thing for her and Owen.

You notice the side door of the aquarium was wide open, and Owen never left the entrances open or unlocked. “Shit,” you whisper to yourself, chills run down your spine as you enter the empty room. It was dark, the only light coming from another set of open doors. “Abby!” you call out, frown on your face as you walk through the doors, eyes falling on Alice, the dog's brown fur coated in blood. You got here too late, now afraid to keep walking through the aquarium, anxious about what you'd find.

You take a deep breath as you take a step forward, calling her name once more as you pick up your pace. The fluorescent lights and complete silence unsettled you, examining the fresh blood on a metal table, along with surgical instruments scattered around. What the fuck happened here?

Continuing to walk, you enter the hall, eyes widening at the sight of red. Red, staining the floor and puddled around the doorway. If your heart wasn't racing at an unhealthy speed before, it is now. You don't want to keep going, sudden realization hitting you that she could be behind those doors, corpse on the floor. Fuck, that could even be Ellie's blood. There's hesitation in each step you take, shaky hand pushing open the door.

Your eyes find two bodies on the floor, recognizing them right away. Owen and Mel, only spaced a few feet from each other. You expected to be furious with the man the next time you saw him, not this weird feeling of sadness. Sure, you could say you fucking hate him, but you still spent the last few years of your life around the guy. And Mel, the amount of blood that formed around her once pregnant body makes you sick. You can't stare any longer, quickly tracing your steps back. Ellie had no mercy, and there was little to no chance of her sparing Abby's life. You should've started convincing her last night, not fucking kissing her.

Back in the rain, you sigh, knowing you have to go back to the theatre and try to figure out this mess somehow.

-

The trip back was shorter compared to there, with no contact with any Scars or Wolves. It was almost odd. You tried the theatre doors, secured shut. Ellie came back, or at least someone did. You jog around the side, noticing a ladder that was low enough for you to grab. With a jump, you grip the wet metal, climbing it as more rain hits your face. As soon as you reached the platform, you noticed the window wide open, questioning if it was like that yesterday.

When you enter, you hear radio static, and the closer you approach, you hear someone speaking in code. You don't have time to decipher it, feet picking up pace as you go down a few flights of stairs, calling out Ellie's name once more. Your heartbeat picks up speed when you notice blood pouring around someone's head. There's slight relief when you realize it's not either of them. It's a man, the same man from Jackson. Joel's brother.

“Y/n?”

You quickly pull your gun out and face the voice, not recognizing the young boy who stood in front of you. You notice the scars on his cheeks, keeping your weapon pointed at him as you furrow your brows. “Who are you?”

“Abby told me about you,” he says, lowering the bow he previously had pointed at you. You remember what Owen told you, Abby getting caught up with some kids, but you don't have time to question the boy about it.

“Where is she?”

“Follow me,” the boy is quickly walking away, and you're right behind him. The silence of the theatre is interrupted by hushed groans and pained whimpers, the noises getting louder the more you walked. You're no longer following the boy, running past him towards the sounds.

It wasn't long before you found them.

You enter a dimly lit room, the light casting a red glow in the room. Your eyes widen as you obverse the sight in front of you, blood pouring from Ellie's nose, unable to move as Abby put her weight on her weak body, hands wrapped around her throat. Ellie is helpless, and it fucking breaks your heart. “Abby...”

You gain her attention, but her hands still had a firm grip on Ellie. Ellie was losing her breath, trying to look at you as tears leaked from her glossy eyes. “Abby, let her go.” You feel like you should do more, instead of just standing here hoping she would show mercy. Had that been a Scar on Ellie, you would’ve already had your knife in their throat. But it’s your girlfriend, and you don’t know how to handle the fucked up situation.

“Abby-” “She killed our friends, Y/n,” Abby mutters, noticeably tightening her grasp on Ellie's neck. Abby is scaring you. The thought of her going through with this and killing Ellie scares you.

“We can walk away, okay? Just leave her,” you take a step closer, “please.”

“Why do you care?” Abby asks, staring at you, noticing the desperate look in your eyes, begging to spare Ellie’s life. It’s familiar to the look Ellie gave you when she pleaded for Joel’s life. Yeah, she remembers Ellie calling for you specifically. How you brushed it off later as an old acquaintance from the QZ. ‘Hardly a friend,’ her ass. Abby doesn’t need you to answer her. She knows. Ellie means more to you than you'll ever admit. Your first friend, first crush, and your first love.

Abby knows some of those feelings never left, fuck, she would know better than anyone. What she doesn't know is you gave into them last night.

Abby wants to put an end to this, but with the distraught painted on your face, she doesn't want to hurt you. Not anymore, at least. Her hands free from Ellie, gasps coming from the out of breath woman.

“Don’t ever let me see you again,” Abby threatens, hovering over Ellie one last time before walking towards you. She stops in front of you, unsure if it was pity or annoyance in her eyes. “Say whatever you have to say, then we're leaving,” Abby tells you, walking away before you get the chance to respond.

You and Ellie are left alone, coughs coming from her as she spits blood out. You rush to her, sighing her name as you kneel next to her.

You studied her hurt body, noticing all the blood on her face came from her swollen nose, the way her arm twisted unnaturally, the purple and blue shades already forming on her neck. You could cry the longer you stared at her, already feeling your eyes getting wet. You eagerly reach out and wipe the blood and tears off her face, hand resting on her cheek, the simple touch making her feel safe. “Stay,” her voice was quiet, almost ashamed to say it.

She wanted to hate you since Jackson. She should want you dead, but she doesn’t. She wants you with her. She wants to make up for all the missing years you were supposed to have together.

She wants to read a comic book with you, preferably one that she already knows, so she can watch your reactions and admire the face that appeared in her dreams occasionally. She wants you to spend the night and listen to old rock music as you stare at the ceiling together while remising about your childhood, when things were significantly better than right now.

Or just lay together in silence, simply being next to you, something she convinced herself was so bad that now seemed like heaven. She wants all of that and more.

She wants you.

And you're staring at her, afraid to leave her like this, vulnerable, suffering on the concrete floor. She seemed so small. You don't want to abandon her. Not again.

“Let's go, Y/n,” Abby interrupts, the tone of her voice stern and demanding. She wouldn't let you stay, even if that's all you wanted.

“Please,” Ellie tries again, voice hoarse, “don’t leave me.”

She hates how pathetic she sounds, desperate, which she is. Abby took Joel away, and now she's taking you. The two most important people to ever enter her life. Once you leave her, she will be alone, and Ellie is terrified of that thought.

“Y/n,” Abby calls again, patience running thin, “now.”

You feel her blue orbs burning into the back of your skull, like if you didn't leave now, she would change her mind, put an end to what you stopped her from doing. And you know she will. “I...” the words you want to say don't leave your lips. “You'll be okay, Ellie.”

You lean forward, kissing her forehead, your teardrops falling on her hair. It's hard to get up, like she was a magnet that you can't pull away from, knees weak as you force yourself up. You stare at her one more time, and she's looking back at you, puppy eyes, waiting for you to change your mind.

You glance back at Abby, and just like you suspected, her eyes are locked intensely on you. The woman was intimidating you, whether on purpose or not, and it works.

“I'm sorry,” your voice is hardly above a whisper, the look on her face making you feel beyond guilty. Even though it hurts like hell, you're quickly walking out of the room, pushing past Abby and the boy, ignoring her calling your name.

You find yourself outside, blinking away the tears that puddled in your eyes. It was like the universe was giving you a second chance with Ellie, and you're throwing it away, not fighting harder for her, once again.

And you hate that part of you is okay with that, afraid of the change that would come if you left Abby, the woman you spent the last few years of your life with, for Ellie, when you barely know her, despite feeling attached to her. Why was this so fucking complicating?

“Y/n.”

Her voice, the voice that would calm you down, that you looked forward to hearing at the end of the day, now lit a fire inside of you. You face the woman, not caring for the worried expression she wore.

“You almost killed her, Abby!” you yell, the anger you felt towards her slipping through your voice. Abby furrows her brows, frustrated that you're so concerned about Ellie, even after all the damage she caused. “Yeah, maybe I should have.”

You bite your tongue, tearing your eyes off of her face. The longer you stared, the angrier you got. You notice the boy curiously looking between you and Abby. “The Scar you saved?” you mumble, earning a confused look from her. “Owen told me.”

“Oh.”

You force yourself to look at her, your saddened eyes mirroring her own. The tension between you is painful, both of you waiting for the other to bring it up. As selfish as it seems, she doesn't want to. She doesn't want to admit to something she never wished happened.

“Why, Abby?” is all you say, both of you aware of what you're asking.

Her face falls, staring at your shoes. She already planned her words earlier in the day, and now they're scrambled in her brain. She can't think about the situation without a sudden reminder he's dead, his corpse flashing in her mind.

“Can we talk about it in the morning?” her voice is quiet, crossing her arms. She's avoiding eye contact while you're trying to hold back the tears that are threatening to fall. “Yeah,” you whisper, swallowing the lump in your throat, “but you and I, we're done."

“Y/n,” Abby scoffs, approaching you, frown on her face when you back up. She wants to reach forward and wipe the tears spilling from your eyes, but you won't let her. “You know I love you.”

She does. Abby has loved you since you let her sob in your arms. When you held her tightly, telling her everything was okay. It wasn't, but you were young and didn't know the right words. She didn't care, though. Just the warmth of your embrace and kind voice was able to calm her down. She admired you the same way you did her. She did love you.

Just not the way she loved him.

You avoid her eyes, glancing at the young boy a few feet away. He was shivering, hugging himself as he watched you two. “Let's get out of the rain,” is all you say, holding back all the violent words you want to spit at the woman. You don't need an argument tonight. You probably wouldn't be able to handle it, knowing you'd say or do something you'd regret. Abby slowly nods, looking between you and the boy, “Come on.”

She walks away, expecting both of you to follow, but you're staring at the theatre doors like you want to run back inside. You know you can't. “She talked about you a lot, you know.”

You bring your eyes to the young boy, who moved closer to you. “She does...love you...”

His eyes only linger on you for a split second more before he's jogging to catch up to Abby.

You curse under your breath, tearing your eyes off the building and to Abby, dragging your feet in her direction. The farther you walked, the less light surrounded you, the comforting glow from the theatre disappearing. Instead, it was dark and gloomy, and it feels like you're walking with two strangers.

For the first time in your life, you feel alone.

Part Four

Writing Advice: Third Person Point of View - The Problem with Head-Hopping

A personal pet peeve in fanfic—and even some published books, unfortunately—is an author head-hopping.

I understand that not everyone learned about writing point of view in primary school, and many fanfic writers are new to writing and might not even realize they're writing head-hopping.

So, this post is an educational means for those who are interested in learning how to improve their writing.

I'm going to give a quick overview of point of view, a breakdown of third person point of view, and how to spot head-hopping in your writing.

What Is Point of View?

Point of view (POV) is the perspective (voice) from which a story is narrated.

There are three POVs.

First person

Second person

Third person

Third Person: Limited vs. Omniscient

In third person POV, the author is narrating the story through third-person pronouns (she, he, they).

Third person POV is subdivided into two categories: third person limited and third person omniscient.

Third Person Limited

In third person limited, the narrator is an external observer who knows the thoughts and feelings of ONE character at a time.

Here's an example from R.F. Kuang's, The Poppy War, page 341:

The Cike were stretched to their limit, especially Rin. Each moment not spent on an operation was spent on patrol. And when she was off duty, she trained with Altan.

Note that this paragraph—the entire book, actually—is from Rin's POV. We have access to Rin's feelings, thoughts, and observations throughout the book, while also seeing how other characters are acting.

But we are only in Rin's head. We do not have access to the thoughts and feelings of other characters. This is third person limited POV.

Third Person Omniscient

In third person omniscient, the narrator is an all-knowing observer who has access to the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of ALL characters in the story.

Here's an example from Jane Austen's, Pride and Prejudice, page 104:

As they drove to Mr. Gardiner’s door, Jane was at a drawing-room window watching their arrival; when they entered the passage she was there to welcome them, and Elizabeth, looking earnestly in her face, was pleased to see it healthful and lovely as ever.

Notice how we have access to both Jane and Elizabeth's 1) physical locations, and 2) thoughts. Even though Elizabeth is in a carriage and Jane is inside a house, the narrator is all-knowing and can narrate both of them at the same time.

The problem I see from many fanfic writers: they attempt to write in third person omniscient when they're actually writing shoddy third person limited, constantly switching between the POVs of multiple characters.

This is called head-hopping.

Head-Hopping vs. Omniscient

Head-hopping is when an author shifts between the POVs of multiple characters without a scene break. Meaning, the author is inside Character A's head but abruptly—and randomly—shares the thoughts, feelings, and/or observations of Character B.

Here's an example:

Kathy arrived at the cafe in hopes of showing Brittany her completed sweater. It was the first time she had knitted and she was eager to share her hard work with her best friend. Brittany took one look at the sweater and cringed. She hated it, but she didn't want to hurt Kathy's feelings. She didn't know what to say.

In this example, we are inside both Kathy and Brittany's heads. Both characters have distinctive voices, and because of this, the narration of the story is inconsistent.

It's jarring to read, and pulls you out of the story.

Here's the same example written through omniscient POV:

Kathy arrived at the cafe with the intent to show Brittany her completed sweater. After hours of hard work, the opinion of her best friend was important. At Kathy's approach, Brittany observed the sweater in her friend's hand and wrinkled her nose. The sweater was hideous.

In this example, we are inside the head of the narrator. The narrator is telling the story through its voice, rather than the individual voices of Kathy and Brittany.

Remember: Omniscient means the reader is inside the NARRATOR's head, not the characters'.

The Scene Break to Denote POV Switch

Back to my definition of head-hopping: Head-hopping occurs when a writer suddenly switches POV without a scene break.

Like the first example of Kathy and Brittany—there is no scene break between their thoughts. If the author wanted to write from both Kathy and Brittany's perspective, the author would have to include a physical break to alert the reader to a switch in POV. See below:

Kathy arrived at the cafe in hopes of showing Brittany her completed sweater. It was the first time she had knitted and she was eager to share her hard work with her best friend. ~~~~~~~~~~ Brittany took one look at the sweater and cringed. She hated it, but she didn't want to hurt Kathy's feelings. She didn't know what to say.

The squiggly lines demonstrate a switch in POV, and the scene would then continue in Brittany's POV. [Please note that a single paragraph space (as seen in the first example of Kathy and Brittany) is not a scene break. It is a paragraph break, and therefore cannot be used to demonstrate a switch in POV.]

You can write multiple POVS throughout a story. These will all be in third person limited POVs.

For example, each chapter in Rick Riordan's Heroes of Olympus series is dedicated to ONE character. Throughout that chapter, the reader is inside the head—reading the thoughts, feelings, and observations—of that singular character.

Individual chapters can also have multiple POVs (again, these are third person limited POVs). These are denoted by a divider or additional paragraph space.

For example, Timothy Zahn's Thrawn switches between the POVs of multiple characters in each chapter. The switch between his characters' POV is shown by an additional paragraph space.

Why Should You Care about Head-Hopping?

If writing head-hopping makes you happy, then keep at it. It's fanfic, and most readers are so desperate for content they don't care.

But, if you're interested in improving your writing, here are a few reasons why head-hopping is problematic:

It's jarring to the reader, and takes them out of the story. Frequent head-hopping can confuse readers as they struggle to keep track of whose perspective they are currently experiencing. It disrupts the flow of the narrative and can make it challenging for readers to form a strong connection with any one character.

It makes it harder for readers to truly immerse themselves in your story. Consistent use of a single POV allows readers to immerse themselves in the story's world through the eyes of a specific character. Head-hopping disrupts this immersion by constantly pulling readers out of one character's perspective and into another's.

It hinders character development. When the narrative constantly shifts between characters, there may not be enough time or focus on any one character's growth and development.

It takes away the emotional impact of the scene. Head-hopping can prevent readers from fully empathizing with or understanding any particular character's emotions, motivations, and inner conflicts.

Even well-established authors struggle to write omniscient without head-hopping. It's a nuanced subject that can be confusing to understand and difficult to overcome.

Again, this post is simply to inform writers about third person point of view and the subtle differences between its subdivisions. It’s not an attack on fanfic writers.