Writing Characters Who Stutter.

exceeded caution: part 1

she would have chosen the devil

series masterlist | next part

summary: when your relationship with the younger carpenter sister fails, what happens when thoughts of her older sister start to take over your mind? 4.1k words pairing: tara carpenter x f!reader into sam carpenter x f!reader warnings: toxic relationship, cursing, fighting, alcohol consumption, drug consumption, frankie mentioned, out of character tara.

a/n: this is actually such a bad first chapter because its mostly set up but i promise the next chapters are so much better. but ily carpenter sisters mwah mwah.

•*¨*•.¸¸♪

couples fight, right?

that’s how they show they care, right?

that’s what you were always taught when talking about relationships.

you and tara had started off as friends with benefits. you met early in freshman year and the attraction was instant.

when you started to meet her friends, you quickly learned about their experience in woodsboro. you had known about the notorious killer but you never thought you would find yourself amongst the people associated with the incident.

as time went on, you decided to shoot your shot with her. your feelings became deeper than the desire to satisfy each other in bed.

you asked her out on a proper date after chasing her halfway across campus. you were sweaty and panting but when she delivered a kiss to her cheek with a "yes, i would love to", you knew it was worth it.

after a few dates, you learned that tara had a fear of getting close to people. she told you about amber and how she'd developed issues with commitment after that disastrous relationship.

so when you and tara started fighting at a higher frequency, you thought it was just because you didn’t want to lose each other.

you chalked it up to the perpetual state of stress she was in due to her sister being overprotective and not letting her go out as often as she used to.

then you started noticing the cracks in your theory when tara started fighting with you over the smallest thing. your jacket didn’t match her skirt, you chewed a little too loud, you handed her the wrong coffee order.

you did your best to calm the girl when she was in her angered state, your efforts proved to be futile when she would just kick you out of her room and you’d have to do the walk of shame out of her apartment.

only to make things worse, you usually bumped into sam on the way out. you knew your girlfriend’s older sister was overprotective of her and you were worried about what she thought of you.

sam often watched you leave from the kitchen, shooting you a look that you couldn’t decipher.

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

"there's a party tonight for halloween, we should all go." mindy proposed to the group. it was a frat party, and you hated frat parties.

"we should!" your girlfriend, tara, exclaimed.

"is sam even going to let you out of the house?" chad asked, chuckling softly at tara's excitement.

"uhh... that's an issue for later." she said, looking away. you saw the gears turning in her head.

"you're not gonna tell her, are you?" you asked her, you knew her all too well. she turned to you with a small glare on her face.

"and what of it?" she said, snapping a bit. you seem to have taken her out of deep thought. you should have known that would be her response.

whenever a sore subject would come up, you tried not to bother her too much about it. you should have held your tongue, knowing you were talking about one of the sorest subjects— her sister. you frowned at her.

"i was just trying to tease, tara." you clarified. "it's okay, i won't judge you for it. i know sam's been overprotective recently."

tara seemed to back down from her anger when you said that. she just turned back to her phone as you turned back to your uneaten lunch.

you agreed to the party under the impression that it might be good for you and tara. it might be nice for her to get out of the house for once and spend time just being a young adult.

"i'll go as a cowboy." chad chimed into the conversation again. you had no idea what you were going to put together at the last minute.

"i'll throw together a pirate outfit." tara shrugged her shoulders, thinking back to her own closet.

"maybe i could be the parrot on your shoulder." you joked at her, she rolled her eyes at you with a small smile on her face.

"please don't." she laughed softly. you loved her laugh so much, and you loved being the reason for it. you’ve grown to cherish those little slivers of happiness between the two of you.

“okay.” you retreated your statement. “i’ll go as an angel.” you grinned. you had a dress waiting for you back home and some spare angel wings you used for a previous costume party.

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

you were on your third drink of the night and had your arms around chad and ethan, singing the lyrics to sweet caroline. you three were swaying together on the dance floor.

mindy and anika looked over you three and rolled their eyes. it’s like they were meant to be.

you realised that your girlfriend was nowhere to be seen, that was concerning. she’d usually be joining you three in your antics.

you turned around to see her at the drinks table, talking to a taller man in a white shirt. you recognized him from somewhere but you weren’t entirely sure.

you opted to trust tara instead of the sinking gut feeling you had. she tended to get angry at you when you acted impulsively, you wanted to avoid that tonight.

you stepped away from the boys and made your way over to mindy and anika. you put your arm around mindy, you both had a great relationship— it was like you were her non-sibling twin flame.

"hey spoilsport. you suggested coming! why are you hiding all the way out here?" you asked her, leaning your head on her shoulder. you spotted a smile creep up her cheeks.

"because someone has to make sure all of you get home safe and sound." she poked your nose and you pulled your head back reflexively.

"that shouldn't stop you from having some fun with us too." you prodded more, trying to get her to loosen up.

however, mindy's point proved itself when you heard commotion come from the stairway. you turned your heads to see chad and tara along with the man in the white shirt by the staircase.

"holy fuck, is that frankie?" mindy asked.

it was like a jolt had electrified your entire body.

frankie.

you should have listened to that gut feeling. it got worse as you spotted tara by his side, his hand wrapped around her wrist.

you felt a fire rage in your belly and an overwhelming concern for tara. you made your way over only to already hear chad telling him off.

"what's going on?" you asked as you approached, standing shoulder to shoulder with chad.

“none of your business.” tara spat out at you, you looked at her with worried eyes. you never provoked her when she was like this but you realised the gut feeling not only applied to frankie but also tara.

“chad.” you called the boy’s name out, indicating that you wanted an explanation.

“frankie was trying to take tara upstairs for god knows what.” chad glared at the man a couple of steps above him.

your jaw clenched and fury filled your pupils.

“she wanted it, dude.” frankie shot back, “she asked me to.”

you looked over at tara only to see that she wasn’t looking at you, she was looking down at the accumulating crowd.

“tara, surely not.” you said, almost pleading. it was a contrast to your angry stare.

she didn’t respond.

she didn’t say a word.

“bro, shut up. she’s drunk and she isn’t thinking straight.” chad fought back at frankie. you snapped out of your thoughts and looked over at the two men.

“he’s right. she isn’t capable of making decisions. you have no right.” you said.

“whatever.” frankie rolled his eyes and pulled tara up the stairs, causing the shorter girl to tumble.

chad snapped and grabbed frankie by the shirt, throwing him down the stairs. you immediately went to check on tara.

“hey, love. let’s get you up. are you okay?” you asked her but you were simply met with silence and her trying to yank her arm away from your touch. she helped herself up but not without struggling.

you watched the altercation between chad and frankie go down, the two boys shoving each other back and forth.

you looked over at tara. you had almost forgotten the look on her face when you asked her if she was really wanting to go upstairs with frankie. she was inebriated, she wasn’t thinking clearly. she didn’t mean it— you could tell yourself that all you want but tara was never one to hide her emotions— especially if it was annoyance.

your thoughts were cut short when you saw sam carpenter walk straight in to the party.

fuck.

you couldn’t zone in enough to hear their conversation from the stairs, but your eyes did enough when they saw sam tase frankie’s balls.

you almost laughed at the sight of the man falling to the floor, but you knew you had to do something.

you stepped in suddenly, holding the older carpenter’s shoulders.

“let’s go. we don’t need any more trouble.” you thought you would be met with a scolding but sam simply nodded at you. she walked over to tara and helped her down the stairs, practically dragging her out of the party.

“sam, let me go!” your girlfriend protested. you followed behind the sisters along with chad, ethan, anika, and mindy.

tara managed to break herself free from sam’s grasp when you were all outside on the street. you stopped in your tracks and it landed you beside sam.

“tara, really?!” sam yelled at her sister, “sneaking out?! i had to find out from quinn that you were here. what if something happened to you?!”

“nothing was gonna happen, sam!” tara rubbed the inner corners of her eyes, trying to wrap her head around the situation.

“really?! cause i don’t think that guy was gonna let you go easy!” sam gestured back to the house. “and what were you thinking?! you have a girlfriend.”

“oh please, she won’t care.” tara scoffed. you were standing right there, but it was like she looked straight through you. how could she say that about you?

“right.” sam stopped her before she could say anything else. “i’m taking you home.” she said. she turned around to you, making eye contact. your breath hitched in your throat. “and you too. c’mon.”

you had to oblige, you weren’t going to fight against an angry sam.

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

the car ride was more eerie than silent.

despite the looming quiet, you looked over at tara in the rearview. she was staring outside the window in the backseat while you sat in the front. sam had forced her into the back, saying she didn’t wanna get thrown up on.

you looked over at sam, her eyebrows furrowed as she drove you both back. you wondered what was happening in that head of hers. she had been through a lot too. her protective nature was a product of everything that had happened in woodsboro, you found your concern growing for her too.

you helped tara up to the apartment with sam. at one point, you gave up and decided to princess carry her. she protested at first but realised she had no other choice.

you put tara down on her bed, taking off the bandana that covered her hair. you went into her closet to grab some clothes for her, kneeling down about to help her.

she suddenly turned away from you.

“tara, please. let’s not fight.” you pleaded with her, wanting to get her comfortable more than anything.

“fighting is the only reason i stay with you.” she mumbled.

“what?” you looked up at her from your kneeling position, trying to help her take her shoes off.

“you’re so nice all the time.” she glares at you. “you’re too different from her.”

oh, her. you knew.

“but i like controlling you. it’s almost too easy.” she had a venom-laced tongue tonight, the alcohol allowing the toxin to seep through your skin. “but i feel absolutely nothing for you.”

you finally knew the reason for your fighting.

“i almost even hate you sometimes though.” she admitted. “i only said yes to going out with you cause we were in public. if it was anywhere else, i would have rejected you.”

you were silent, you were stunned.

“i’m too young to settle down too, y’know?” she followed up, it was never-ending. “nothing was gonna happen with frankie. i knew better— he’s disgusting. but you had to end the fun when i was finally allowing myself to realise i had other options.” she scoffed.

her words didn’t make sense to you. she wouldn’t do that, she couldn’t do that. surely she had some heart in her.

you felt disgusted with yourself. you stepped back and had to hold back from saying anything. it was late, they had another roommate who was asleep and sam was waiting for you in the living room to take you home.

when you stepped back, tara rolled into bed, pulling the covers to her chin. you stared at her, tears forming in your eyes from what she said.

you were being used.

and she played you like a fiddle.

you were dressed as an angel, which was ironic.

because tara would rather have the devil.

you had tried to be the best possible person for her. you took everything she’s been to into consideration, always looking after her. but you realised she didn’t want that, she wanted someone else.

you covered your mouth to stiffle sobs that threatened to escape your lips.

you walked out of her room only to nearly come crashing into sam, who was leaning on the wall by the doorway the whole time.

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

sam had previously been in the kitchen, preparing a glass of water for tara. she realised you were taking a bit longer than she expected, she figured you fell asleep next to tara.

she knew the nature of your relationship with tara. she had to listen to tara’s entire thought process of saying yes to you asking her out. she even discouraged tara, letting her know that it wasn’t fair to you.

but tara always had a mind of her own.

when she heard soft voices, she decided to come and check on the two of you. she stopped walking and listened in when she heard what you were talking about.

oh, she felt sick.

she felt sick hearing her younger sister say those words to you. she always cherished tara. she missed her sister that wasn’t capable of hurting a fly but quickly let those thoughts go when she acknowledged that the girl that she cared for was gone.

she leaned against the wall and heard your footsteps quickly approach. she didn’t expect you to almost crash into her, her hands flew to your waist, stabilising you.

she hadn’t gotten a good look at you earlier, you were dressed as an angel. a part of her almost smiled at how pretty you looked. sam always thought you were pretty, her eyes weren’t painted on.

“hey…” she said, watching you wipe your tears away. “here, take this.” the water meant for tara quickly changed ownership.

you declined the water, shaking your head and waving it away.

“please. you’ve been crying.” you hated that sam carpenter caught you in this state. you hoped to compose yourself before seeing her again.

“sam, it’s fine. let’s just go, please.” you brushed past her, she quickly turned and followed you out. she grabbed her jacket and her keys before following you downstairs.

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

“you didn’t deserve that.” sam broke the silence. you slowly turned to her and just stared, you were still trying to find the words.

“sam…” you started.

“no. it doesn’t matter.” she interjected. “i’m sorry about tara.”

“it’s fine. i can handle it. she's right anyway."

“it’s not. and she isn't."

you felt yourself crawl back into your shell. the order in sam’s voice, like she was a general, made you feel like you couldn’t say a word.

“you deserve better than her." she suddenly turned to look at you, her glare wasn't like tara's though. hers was more angry at you for saying those things about yourself.

"she's just stressed." you try to justify tara's actions. you still harboured feelings for the girl. it was going to be hard to see it any other way.

"don't try and do that." sam shook her head, pulling up outside your apartment. "you're a grown ass woman, you know better than to try and justify someone hurting you."

you'd never seen that side to sam before. she was always tara's timid older sister, a strong but silent type. you didn't expect to hear her suddenly standing up for you.

"i just need a night, sam." you didn't want to talk about it anymore, it was all too much for you.

"get some rest." she nodded at you while you pulled at the door handle, unlocking it and hopping out. you leaned down and poked your head back into the car.

"thank you for the ride home. i appreciate it. i'll see you soon."

sam nodded at you. "goodnight."

"goodnight, sam."

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

tara thought her eyes were burning in the sunlight. she felt herself wither away as she was hit with a pounding headache.

her throat was dry but as she blinked away the exhaustion, she realised there was a glass of water by her bedside. she practically leapt for it, chugging it all in one go.

she was still in her clothes from last night. she got up to change into something more comfortable and take her make-up off. it was the weekend so she had nowhere to be, deciding to dedicate the free day to recovering from her wicked hangover.

she walked out of her room to see sam making breakfast. she could literally eat anything right now.

sam looked just as exhausted as her.

memories started flooding in from last night, the fight that ensued coming back to her

"jesus sam, no way you actually used a taser on someone last night." tara grumbled as she took her seat on the dining table.

"i absolutely did. and i'm not regretting it." sam retaliated, setting a plate down in front of tara. "eat up. you're gonna need the energy for today."

"why? what's today?" tara asked, already wolfing down the food in front of her.

"do you really not remember anything from last night?" sam asked her, sitting down beside her with her own plate of food.

tara shook her head which led to sam explaining what you two talked about that night.

tara was horrified. she felt so guilty. sure, she knew she didn't lie completely, but she knew you didn't need to hear that.

and it was too late to take it back now.

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

five knocks woke you from your own slumber.

you groaned and pushed yourself off the mattress, glitter still coating your eyes from your costume last night. you immediately rolled into bed after changing last night.

you threw the door open, a frustrated look on your face.

tara.

oh, and sam around the corner.

sam shot you a sheepish wave, you waved back at her. you knew the only reason that tara was here was because sam brought her. while you appreciated the gesture, you knew there was only one way this was ending.

"you shouldn't have kept this going for as long as it did!"

you yelled at tara. you two had been going at it for ten minutes now, you were sure the entire apartment complex could hear the two of you. and you knew they could hear your heart breaking.

"what the fuck was i supposed to do?!" tara exclaimed back. "walk up to you and oh hey, i don't actually have any feelings for you?!"

"yes! exactly that." you shot back, scoffing and crossing your arms across your chest. "you should have been honest with me, tara."

"i couldn't. you... you were good for me." tara whispered, her anger subsiding. "you were kind and just what i needed after everything that happened. i thought that maybe i could grow to have feelings for you."

"you shouldn't have taken that chance. you basically lied to me for months." your posture straightened, your jaw tightening. "it wasn't fair."

"i know... i know..." tara said, trying to calm you a bit more. "i'm sorry."

"you know that sorry isn't gonna cut it, right tara?" you huffed, shaking your head at her. "we're done."

she stared at you for a beat, she didn't believe that you ended it. you were so quiet all the time, always kind and happy. you never took the initiative, she thought she would have to do it. to say you surprised her was an understatement.

"i understand." she nodded. "i'll go."

"yeah... you'd better." you weren't going to stop her, she was the last person you wanted to see.

you opened the door for her and saw sam avoiding your eyes around the corner.

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

three weeks later, you hadn't seen much of your friends. you decided to be the one to keep your distance, you hadn't even seen mindy all that much.

it wasn't until you heard your phone buzz on a random friday morning that you realised that you were missing your dear friends.

"come over tonight, we're watching a movie." a text from mindy.

"we're?" you responded. you knew that mindy would pick up on what you were putting down.

"yes. tara will be there. but we haven't seen you in ages. i'll put you on seperate ends of the room." she typed quickly.

"okay. what time?" you missed your friends more than anything, it was worth seeing tara if it meant you got to see everyone else too.

"4 plus 3." mindy replied, you chucked your phone to the side and sighed. you had to spend the rest of the day psyching yourself up to face everyone again.

𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩 𓆪𓆩

you arrived at the twin's place at exactly seven sharp.

you walked in and saw that everyone else was already there, surrounding the television.

"bystanders reported seeing the killer with a black cloak and sporting the infamous ghostface mask."

oh no. oh no no no.

you knew all the stories, you'd seen what the killer had done to the carpenters and the twins. and you couldn't believe that he was back.

silence coated the walls of the room, everyone was too shocked to say anything.

tara ran out of the room into another area of the apartment, mindy and chad following behind her. sam walked out the door. you wanted to go after tara, but you thought you might make things worse in that sector. she already had the twins following her, and sam had nobody.

you trailed behind sam. she ran down the stairs, sitting down on the end step, her head falling into her hands. you slowly approached, sitting down on the end step beside her.

"i'm so sorry." you whispered, looking straight ahead.

"its never gonna fucking end." sam sobbed out, her fingers tangling into her hair.

you sat in silence, your palms flat on your lap. you didn't know if you should do anything or say anything.

"there's nothing i can say or do to make this better... but i hope you know, there's more of us now. no way in hell are we leaving you alone in all of this." you said, determined. "you aren't going to go through this alone, sam."

sam peeked her head out. your words were something she had heard before, but coming from you, she felt different about them. she knew you didn't know how to reassure her, you hadn't been through the same thing. you two only knew each other in passing, but she appreciated it.

she turned to you, and you turned to her.

this was the closest you two had been ever.

had she always been this beautiful?

had you?

you shook your head to shake away your thoughts, now was not the time. you could tell she was also trying to push her own thoughts away.

"thank you, i appreciate that." she whispered, a small but genuine smile flashed at you.

"do you want to sit here for a bit longer?" you asked her.

sam begun to think that tara was right. you were incredibly kind and considerate, you could read people like they were an open book. she nodded at you and you nodded back at her.

you two proceeded to sit in a comfortable silence.

you could hear thumping above you, knowing that the twin's apartment was active with stress and fear.

but you couldn't move. you had to be there for sam.

and you meant what you said.

no matter what, you weren't leaving.

•*¨*•.¸¸♪

author's journal i actually am also unsure about this set up for the series. i hope my writing gets better as it goes on but the set up was a bit rough to write and even read. but i promise better content soon y’all 😫 i also would have written a longer drunken argument scene between tara & reader but i needed some sam emphasis, this might get edited in the future

on another note, okay yeah i have so much love for the carpenter sisters actually. this idea came to be out of nowhere when i was watching scream vi to fall asleep and i immediately told emma about it so everyone say ty emma ilysm liefje. she's had to deal with all my bullshit recently so this entire series is dedicated to her <3

another thing is heaps and heaps of credits to @shdysders one of my current favorite writers because the drunken argument scene is hella similar to theirs from one of their fics, if only (which you all should read btw.) thank you babes.

andddd let me know if you wanna get added to the taglist for this fic also and i’ll be more than happy to oblige <3

The Wrong Side - P5 [Ellie Williams x Fem!Reader x Abby Anderson]

y'all remember this fic?? me neither😹😹 sorry it took many many years </3

Part Four

Warnings: language.

Ellie is beyond exhausted. Traveling from Wyoming to California would not be easy, that she knew. What Ellie didn't expect was a whole new group holding Abby captive. As much as she enjoyed the idea of Abby suffering, she hated that they got to her before she could.

And another part of her is worried, worried about you.

She should hate you, hate you for leaving her in that situation, for choosing Abby over her. As though she meant nothing to you, like you had forgotten every shared memory. And her feelings would be valid. However, Ellie can't bring herself to resent you to that extent.

She wishes all her feelings for you left when you did, but it would be a lie to say they did. Ellie wouldn't admit she loves you-- she doesn't want to believe she does. But she knows she still cares about you deeply, even more than some of the folks she saw daily in Jackson.

Every time you crossed her mind, which was often, Ellie only hoped you were somewhere safe. She knew it was pathetic, being so concerned about the woman who betrayed her, but she did anyway. She couldn't help it.

After the theater, Ellie had returned home just as she left it, dark and lonely. She had a broken arm and bruised face, her damaged appearance mirroring her mental health, both equally as bad.

It angered her. The plan was to kill Abby, end this for good. And instead, Abby took another person she cared about away. She felt like a fucking failure.

So when Tommy had told her about Abby’s whereabouts, she wasn't hesitant to pack a bag and leave. She had nothing to lose anyway.

Abby had to die. You'd have to watch, and that would solidify where your complicated relationship stood. You'd hate her for good, maybe want to take her life after she takes Abby's. Or, you'd both go your separate ways for the last time, and she'd leave you sobbing over the blonde's corpse. The idea bothers her, knowing the sight would destroy her, but there were so few options.

Even after it all, Ellie is still considering your feelings.

She wishes you had stayed. Then maybe she wouldn't be in this situation. She feels like she went through hell and back. The side of her abdomen is bleeding, thanks to a trap she fell for earlier in the day. Her feet are sore as she drags her converse through the sand, and the only thing she wants more than to rest is to find Abby.

The prisoners in this hell told her Abby was at the pillars, and it wasn't long before she realized what those were.

Bodies hanging on wooden beams, hardly looking alive. Panic set in her body, Abby no longer in her mind, only you. She's searching each face, recognizing one nearby. Despite the lack of muscles and short hair, it's her. It's Abby.

Abby notices a figure approach her, not knowing who it is. "Help me," her voice is weak, hardly using it nowadays. Her eyes slowly blink open, not expecting the sight in front of her. "It's you."

Ellie walks behind the pillar, knife equipped as she cuts her down. Abby falls to the ground, not bothered by the impact.

Ellie intently watches as she picks herself off the ground, walking to a nearby pillar. Hanging from the wood is the boy you were traveling with, and he looks so terrible that Ellie could almost feel bad.

Ellie tightens the grip on her switchblade, anxiety officially setting in. She needs you to be okay.

"Cut her down." Abby points. Ellie doesn’t question it, picking up her pace as she walks to the pillar, where your weak body hanged. Whatever anger and distrust she felt towards you disappears, heart aching as you clung to life. Your skin was dry, peeling in various places, much like your chapped lips. As Abby did, you had also lost any muscle you before.

The sight disturbs her. It also causes her hands to tremble with fury, wishing she had fought harder in Seattle and prevented all of this from happening. You wouldn't be in this fucked up situation. You would be safe at Jackson.

Ellie cuts the rope, a small groan escaping your lips as you fall to the ground. The sand felt like concrete to your body. "I got you," Ellie tells your hardly conscious self, "I got you, Y/n."

Ellie picks you up, ignoring the throbbing wound on her side, forcing herself forward with you in her arms. Abby’s eyes land on you, then back to Ellie, "There are boats this way."

Ellie follows the woman, stumbling over her feet, tightening her grip on you.

Abby was right, relief setting in as two empty boats gently swayed on the water, Abby placing Lev in one of them. Ellie watched them before glancing back at you. She didn’t have to think twice, walking to the empty one and kindly laying you in it. She wasn't losing you again.

"You’re safe," Ellie reassures you, unsure if you can even hear her. The longer she stares at you, the more guilty she feels. Ellie remembers wanting to protect you from every bad thing in the world. You cared too much, too kind for your own good. Maybe that’s why you liked someone like Abby.

Ellie feels a sting to her side, her hand clinging to the wound, blood covering her fingers. The thought of taking you and leaving was gone. Joel’s bloody figure on the cold tile floor flashes in her mind, as your frail frame is in front of her, and all she can see is red.

Abby’s voice interrupts Ellie’s dark thoughts, "She’s coming with me."

"You’re not going anywhere." Ellie's voice is threatening, but Abby can only scoff. She dragged her feet through the water, ignoring the heavy glare Ellie held on her. "I’m not doing this," Abby states, hands reaching out for your body. "Don’t fucking touch her!" Ellie grips Abby’s hair, pulling her back and throwing her to the water. "She would’ve never been here if she wasn't with you!"

Abby shakes her head, this wasn't her fault. She refused to believe that. She glares at Ellie, the woman's gaze just as harsh. "Okay," Abby says, slowly getting up from the water. If Ellie wanted a fight, Abby was going to give her one.

Abby makes the first move, lunging towards Ellie and knocking her into the water. Ellie struggles as Abby holds her down yet manages to kick her off, swinging her knife in the process. A whine escapes Abby's lips, hand clinging to her face, quickly backing away. Ellie doesn't hesitate to attack her once more.

Abby deserves this. She deserves worse. Right?

Ellie approaches Abby with her knife once more, failing to cause any harm. Abby was using all the muscle she had left to resist, and it worked, the two falling in the water again. Ellie was on top of the blonde, her knife so close to Abby's skin, and with a bit more strength, she punctured her chest. Abby yells in agony, forcing Ellie off of her.

Both of them are weak, energy depleting as they continue to fight.

Ellie lost her knife, throwing her bruised fists at Abby until she had her pinned on the sand beneath them. Ellie's hand pressed against Abby's face, the blonde thrashing against her. Ellie doesn't notice her fingers slipped in Abby's mouth, not until she feels a sudden sharp pain. She screams, your consciousness slowly regaining at the noise.

Abby only lets go when Ellie punches her off, her head going under the water as Ellie puts all her weight on the woman.

Abby is desperate, trying to find air, but Ellie is too strong for her. Her knee dug into Abby's stomach as she put all her weight on the woman.

Ellie wants to believe she's doing the right thing. Abby murdered Joel, nearly got you killed. Her death is justified, and Ellie needs to believe that.

"Ellie," your voice is quiet, throat dry and aching. She had tuned everything out, not hearing you, or noticing you had managed to sit up. Her mind is only thinking of one thing, Joel, but she wasn't doing this for him.

Ellie's not even sure if she's doing this for herself anymore. She wouldn't gain anything from this. As her grip remained on Abby, it suddenly felt wrong. It's not satisfying. It's not the feel-good moment she had anticipated.

So, she lets go, Abby quickly coming up and gasping for air.

"Go," Ellie nearly whispers, holding her injured hand as her tears drip into the water, "just take them."

Ellie is sobbing as Abby walks towards you, every emotion hitting her at once. Including losing you for good. You will leave with Abby and Lev, find a better place for your family, have a good life. And she will return to Jackson, knowing she failed Tommy, and go on with her life with even more trauma.

And she had to be okay with that. Are you?

"C'mon," Abby's voice is gentle as she reaches out to you, not being this close to the woman in months. You still remember when she tried to escape, despite you telling her it was a stupid idea beforehand. She argued, and all three of you suffered the consequences.

"No."

Abby's confused at your response, brows furrowed as she takes a step back. "What?"

"I can't leave her, Abby." Your eyes fall on Ellie, crying to herself in the cold water. The sight reminds you of how you left her in Seattle. Weak and alone, and that haunted you for several nights. You couldn't do it again.

"Y/n–" "Tall round building, right? I'll know where to find you. Right now, she needs me."

Your eyes travel from hers to the boat opposite of you, heart aching at the sight of Lev. He didn't deserve to suffer as you or Abby did, spending what felt like years up there on those fucking pillars. He needs to be far, far, away from here. "Take him," you tell her, "get him help. Both of you."

Abby could stay here convincing you this was a mistake, but she knows your mind isn't changing. It would just be a waste of time. Soon you'll realize that on your own, when you show up to Catalina Island, where she'll still be waiting for you. But for now, she has to let you go. She nods, "Yeah, okay."

Abby places a gentle hand on your cheek, pressing a short kiss on your forehead before pulling away. Her eyes observe your features for a moment, not knowing when she'll see you again. With slight hesitance, Abby forced herself to walk away.

Abby glances at Ellie as she passes her, the woman not acknowledging her surroundings. Her head was down as she cried to herself, oblivious to the fact Abby got in the boat alone.

When she finally looks up, she sees Abby driving away through her blurred vision, and Ellie assumes she's finally alone. And that everything was over.

Your legs are weak, but you force them out of the boat, falling as soon as you meet the water.

Ellie is startled by the sudden noise, turning her head, brows furrowed as she sees you. "Y/n?"

You don't bother trying to stand, crawling to her and wrapping your arms around her body. Your touch is soothing to her trembling body; your presence in general comforted her.

Both of you are still comprehending the fact that you stayed, as it almost felt unreal. Ellie's hands eagerly find their way to your skin, needing to touch you, needing to know you're actually there.

You knew you couldn't abandon her, not in this state. Abby and Lev will be okay, and that's why it was easy to let them go. You couldn't say the same for Ellie. You owe it to her to protect her, failing to do so before.

Even if you go back to Abby later, right now, Ellie is your priority.

You have so much to say to her, as she does to you, but neither of you speaks. The waves crash around you, the ambient noise calming despite the conditions. It almost feels impossible to move, so you stay.

You stay in that water with Ellie, holding her, not ready to let go.

Together - CHO HYUN-JU x Fem Reader Part 4

Summary: Reader is scammed and abandoned by her boyfriend, leaving her alone in South Korea to her fate, so in desperate search of a solution to return to her home country she decides to join the squid games to get money, within the game she meets a couple of people who become her friends and could possibly be something more.

Warning: Violence, homophobia mention of attempted rape and sexist language

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My eyes closed as I felt a push that made me fall and when the counter stopped, my hands could only go to my face in fear, no shot hit me and a hand touched my shoulder making me jump scared.

Calm down, are you safe - Dae-Ho spoke in a low voice making my hands go down slowly looking around - Did I hurt you? Sorry if I pushed you too hard

I'm fine - I looked at him barely with agitated breathing while Jung-Bae looked at me worried - thanks

You don't have to thank me, why did they leave you outside? I thought they were your friends - Dae-Ho helped me up pretending to be upset

They didn't kick me out, I gave my place to Geum-Ja, she deserved that place more than me - I looked at him sighing annoyed feeling the intention of his comments

You are very brave girl, I couldn't have done it - Jung-Bae looked at me touching his chest in a sign of concern - the good thing is that we were able to find you in time and you are here

As soon as I nodded I approached the small gap in the door, it was my chance to do it because I knew that Hyun-Ju would never let me do it if I was with her.

Standing on my toes to reach the little open space in the door, I could see how they picked up the bodies, one by one putting them in black boxes decorated with pink bows and they took them away piled up without caring.

The sound of the door ringing was my signal to run out of there, looking around at unfamiliar faces while hearing murmurs and laughter from those who were crazy, I walked through the people not caring if I pushed anyone until in the distance I could see Yong-Sik and Geum-Ja hugging each other, behind them Hyun-Ju standing looking at the floor while wiping her cheeks with the sleeves of her sweater.

HYUN-JU - I screamed with all the air left in my lungs making everyone turn their heads towards me as I ran splashing blood with my feet from every bloody puddle I crossed - Hyun-Ju!!

Her eyes widened, her legs buckled as she ran and she could barely hold herself up when I collided with her in a hug and her arms surrounded my body so tightly that it made my bones ache

Are you okay? Did they hurt you? - her hands took my face looking at me while I trembled - did they do something to you?

No, no I…I'm fine - I smiled at her taking her hand looking at her dark eyes

Don't do that again, you heard me? Never do something as stupid as that again, they could have killed you, I told you to stay by my side and I want you to always be there, understood? - her chest rose and fell breathing heavily while her lips trembled and her eyes mixed between fear and anger stared at me without letting go of my face

I understood..- I gave her a slight smile nodding

My little one…are you okay - Geum-Ja ran slowly hugging me tightly - you shouldn't have done that for an old woman like me, they could have hurt you

That doesn't matter, we're fine okay?..- I smiled taking her hand looking at the others- come on…we have to go to the platform

This time we walked carefully, as if slipping on the blood was the worst thing that could happen to us and ruined our green outfit.

This time don't separate from me, understood? - Hyun-Ju took my hand again standing next to me, this time interlacing her fingers with mine while I just nodded slowly looking at our hands nervously

The children's song started once again, the platform spun and I, like everyone else, looked around looking for the closest door to run to as soon as the game stopped

''2'' the speaker spoke making everyone run

Run, run! - Hyun-Ju pulled my arm almost tearing it off my body as she ran with giant steps compared to mine, pushing anyone in front of us until she reached a green door that she opened with such force that it seemed to rip it off the hinges and then made us enter leaning her back against the door to prevent anyone from opening it - we did it…

I just nodded tiredly, taking a breath as I leaned on my knees trying not to faint

Y/N..who helped you last round? - she looked at me curiously after a couple of minutes in complete silence

Dae-Ho and… Jung-Bae - I looked at her sitting on the floor - the truth is I still don't know how they did it, I just felt a push and when I opened my eyes I was inside

I'm sure it was Dae-Ho… - she looked at me smiling slightly and then looked at the floor and when she heard the door lock and the shots she quickly walked away sitting next to me hugging her knees

Do you forgive me for… leaving the room?.. - I looked at her timidly getting closer trying to see her face between the strands of her hair

I'm not upset… it's just that… I got scared okay? One second you were by my side and the next you ran away without saying anything…

I did it for Geum-Ja I…

I know you did it for her and that's very brave but how was I supposed to stay here without you? -she looked at me again with her eyes annoyed but full of something that I didn't want to confuse with love- if they killed you how was I supposed to stay in this damn place if they took away the only thing I have?

The.. only thing you have?..- I looked at her curiously while she lowered her head again hiding her face between locks of hair

Nothing… I didn't say anything…

Yes you said it.. what do you mean by that Hyun-Ju?.. what do you mean by…

that you are the only reason why my heart has found meaning to keep living… that I'm not supposed to feel this way because I know that you will never feel the same for me but I do and I feel selfish for that do you understand? - her tears ran slowly down her cheeks with her lip trembling

You're even more selfish by keeping those feelings to yourself…because then…I would have never known that you feel the same way I feel about you

No…don't say that just because I'm crying - she give a small laugh wiping her tears

Then stop crying and say it again…I like you Hyun-Ju and if that's wrong I think it's worse that we're doing this for money…don't you think? - I smiled at her trying to break the tension making her laugh again while wiping her face looking at me embarrassed with her cheeks slightly flushed

Me too…I like you…- she smile shaking her head looking at the floor- it's very stupid no? I went through all this transition to end up falling in love with a girl..

It's not stupid… if you feel that being a woman is what you are, I don't see anything wrong with you being happy, anyway we won't be the first girls to form a nice couple - I smiled at her taking her hand leaning on her arm closing my eyes feeling peace among so much chaos

When we go out, think twice before making the decision to go home, okay? - her cheek rested on my head sighing calmly

Only if you take me to see Thailand…

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So…if you're a girl…and she's a girl…you're…

Mom!…Shut up already - Yong-Sik looked at her sadly while Hyun-Ju and I laughed looking at the confused woman - that's not a question, it's disrespectful

It's just a question, you spoiled brat, don't you dare tell me to shut up, I'm your mother - Geum-Ja looked at him angrily hitting his arm making him fall on the mattress of his bed

We just like each other - I smiled at her crossing my legs on the mattress sitting next to Hyun-Ju

Yes but…how do you like her? She's not a woman yet, but she's not a man either…it's like in between, you know…what part of Hyun-Ju do you like? -The curious woman looked at me trying to figure out my head making me smile

Well…

Y/N..-Dae-Ho's voice made us look towards the stairs as he approached us rubbing his hands - Hello..everyone - the boy smiled embarrassed - I just came to ask if you were okay, it's just that after the last round I couldn't find you anymore..and I was curious..

I'm fine..thanks - I smiled barely, being kind for the act of having helped me

Well, I'm glad -he smiled looking at the floor without stopping rubbing his hands- if you're still a little hungry, we have some Gimbap if you want to come

She's fine - Hyun-Ju raised her voice making both of them look into each other's eyes

Yes, go back to your bed son, she's fine Hyun-Ju is taking good care of her girl -Geum-Ja smiled innocently making Dae-Ho clench his jaw nodding looking Hyun-Ju in the eyes before turning around and going back to his team

Mom…you don't know how to keep your mouth shut again - Yong-Sik sighed covering his face sighing annoyed

It wasn't long before we heard screams and commotion coming from the bathroom and after a while a song would play on the speakers followed by a voice

''These are the eliminated players, player 230, player 268, player 299, player 331 and player 401 eliminated''

What happened? - Geum-Ja looked at us without understanding as did everyone around who looked at each other

The bathroom doors opened, two soldiers entered followed by players covered in blood, some walking with difficulty, Nam-Gyu making a fuss while arguing between both teams making us all get out of our beds to do a count again

Hyun-Ju..-I looked at her with fear squeezing her arm- I don't have a good feeling

Me neither..but don't worry nothing bad is going to happen to you - she looked at me giving me a fake smile while we stood in the crowd of team X

Gi-Hun counted, over and over again making sure not to lose any player, in the end we had only lost 2 people and we were 1 ahead of team O and while he told us things about the previous game he also came up with a plan.

He talked about making a plan, defending ourselves because he knew that those from the other team would attack us and to get out unharmed we would have to hide under the beds, then when most of them were dead we would attack the soldiers taking their weapons and we would look for a way out.

His plan didn't make me feel more than that it was a suicide mission, how was it possible that we would overcome trained soldiers with loaded weapons, my mind only overthought and created catastrophic scenarios where we would all end up dead

Are you okay? - Hyun-Ju whispered in my ear bringing me out of the trance just making me nod - are you sure?

I don't think it's a good idea - I looked at her whispering without interrupting Gi-Hun and after a while and while the speaker announced that in 10 minutes the lights would go out each one decided to go to their bed, this time, we both decided to go to Hyun-Ju's bed that was lower than mine to make it easier for us to hide when the lights went out

Believe me, we'll be fine - She whispered taking my hand - you don't have to do anything, we'll just hide and when the guards come in I'll go with them for the weapons

Hyun-Ju… I don't need you to always protect me, just because I'm a woman you and them shouldn't take care of me from everything

They may do it because you're a woman, but I do it because you're my woman, right? - She looked at me making me feel those fireworks inside me again, it was the least appropriate moment and everything in my head sounded a thousand times more exaggerated than normal making me want to throw myself off the highest bed into the void

I… I have to confess something to you - I looked at her nervously sighing deeply - I… I grew up with two brothers, one of them is a soldier and they taught me how to shoot, maybe it's not the same compared to your experience but… if you need someone else I'll join you okay?

No… I won't let you go fight against soldiers, are you crazy? - She frowned again, a sign that she was getting upset

We went in together and we'll come out together, right? You said that I would never leave your side…

''Players, the lights will go out in 10..9..8..7..6…''

Hyun-Ju..-i sighed in fear, clenching her hand under the covers - If we don't survive tonight…

Stay calm, I promise… I… - it was now or never, in 5 seconds the lights would go out and if we were attacked there was the same chance of surviving or dying, the same chance of leaving together or never seeing her again, my head was spinning overthinking again trying to convince myself that I shouldn't be afraid, I wasn't afraid when I left that room to be shot, I shouldn't be afraid now.

My trembling hands took her face and as I closed my eyes my lips kissed hers leaving us both frozen

''5..4..3..2..1…''

I love you - I whispered barely separating from her without being able to look at her face because of the darkness around us

And I love you…let's go…

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We have an impostor…guess who?

Today i just write a little, my hands still hurting by the accident i have but i can't resist anymore, Thanks for reading, I'll be back soon!

Tag List!

@kuureii @sann1e @sunflowers-are-heaven @bridellashiper @etta-huracan @cupiid1 @alianacelinecolux @juliexz @duchcess @stvrdustalexx @styles-weasley @cupiid1 @babyzzlove @captainlunaxmen @lobotomyrealness @mariaxman @s-riddle16 @flowersbloom8787 @danisika @learninglinesintherainn @sl33pycaaat @mikuley

Lost confessions. | Caitlyn x Fem!Reader (feat. Vi)

(Part one)

Take this as a little offering whilst I recover lol-

Content: Spoilers for season 2, Slight Vi x Reader?, angst, hurt/no comfort?, Zaunite reader, wlw, kidnapping, alcohol, allusion to cheating? Idk, swearing, ooc?, Pit fighter vi, sfw

Reader is afab and uses she/her pronouns.

((Not proofread))

Looking back on it, you wondered what life would've been like if you never met either woman.

You imagined yourself living a peaceful life with your parents, perhaps being married off to someone eventually that will treat you well enough to live with. But alas, that thought simply rubbed you the wrong way, now that you were stuck in the whirlwind that was their love, devotion, and heartbreak. You were always the fixer, the one that held them together, the neutral middle ground in their fights and disagreements.

A Zaunite who knew the ways of the Piltovans, that's what made you perfect for the both of them... until even that wasn't enough.

Underappreciated and pushed aside for two different extreme ideologies, you haven't moved an inch out of your estate ever since Vi practically told you off as well. You had chased her down to the darkest parts of Zaun all on your own in hopes of salvaging what was left of your once rather intimate friend group and yet... there was no getting through to her. By the time you reached her, she became an unrecognizable, drunken mess that screamed at you to get lost. That you weren't Caitlyn, the woman that presumably haunted her with every breath. Not you, though, never you.

You always considered yourself an afterthought to everyone but your family. Everyone else saw you as an outsider on both sides, and it seemed like Vi deep down thought the same. "What would you know about being an actual, real Zaunite anyway? You're a rat pretending to be one of us. Now get lost before I make you." Oh, how cruel and cold her words were. She had never spoken to you like this before either. She was always so understanding, so gentle. But perhaps that part of her got lost in the blurry, fast life of a pitfighter, as she rolled her eyes at your tear-struck, heartbroken face and turned to another bottle to soothe the pain. It was a pain you couldn't fix this time around. No, you refused to.

And you treated Caitlyn with no difference either, ever since that night in your gardens in which you practically ran away from her for good. You have avoided her for three months now completely, refusing to even see, hear, or read a single thing from her. Your parents couldn't convince you, her father couldn't convince you, her soldiers couldn't convince you and she sure as hell couldn't either. But alas... what the commander wanted, she'd eventually get. Even if she had to pull some strings for it. Like making up an entire gala for an undefined victory that absolutely no noble could refuse, much to you and your family's dismay.

This led you to now, standing in a far away corner from the lavish crowd of guests around you, as beautiful music bounced off the grand walls of the ballroom. You would've been impressed if you didn't feel so conflicted. Eyes were in you at all times, the secret disdain hidden behind fake smiles and sickeningly sweet compliments that made your skin crawl. Everyone seemed to be in deep agreement that someone like you, who wasn't Piltover born, didn't belong in a place like this. Nevermind your frilly dress, the sparkly jewelry, the many hours it took you to look perfect as you knew deep down this would happen. It all didn't matter to them. Hell, you could've been a pig in lipstick for all they cared!

One thing that did comfort you was the lack of Caitlyn. You hadn't really seen her yet, just quick glimpses of her in the masses, of which you ducked out of her sight every time. It was a cowardly thing to do, and yet you had no choice. You knew she was looking for you. "Darling? How about you take a breather?" Your mother asked you gently, clearly worried about the pale look on your face. It was clear that you didn't want to be here. "I... alright, I'll be out in the gardens then." Excusing yourself, you pushed through the crowd hastily, head down until you finally reached the freshness of the crisp night air. You took a deep, reliving breath, glad to have escaped the loud and suffocating room at last.

As you traversed through the grandiose grounds, you found yourself getting lost on thought whilst the orchestra and buzz from the guests began to grow distant. The cold air nipped at the exposed skin of your neckline and arms, your dress flowing in the soft breeze that lulled you into a moment of tranquility. Looking up at the stars, they glimmered beautifully in the night sky. A wish to be a part of them came to mind, in which you wondered what it would be like to be admired and sought after by dreamers. Reach for the stars they say, but you never dared it, afraid to be burned by them until there was nothing left of you.

Frowning, you looked down at your gloved hands, a silver ring on it that Caitlyn had given you once as a gift for your birthday. It meant a lot to you, reminding you of a time in which the woman was still herself, something you so desperately held onto. You may have sounded pathetic, but else can you do? You were no hero, no soldier. You couldn't fight. You couldn't do a thing other than mourn, grief, and cry. You saw no strength in your weakness and left it at that. And the guilt of living such a perfectly pristine life whilst your people were suffering under your golden heel didn't help either.

Shaking your head, you turned to return back to the party in hopes of being able to convince your father to finally leave already, when a giggle stopped you dead in your tracks. Unable to hide your curiosity, you cautiously stepped towards the sound, perhaps just to see what was entertaining. Were there performances outside, too? Yet what you saw when you peeked out from behind a tall bush was perhaps the most unamusing thing you have ever witnessed.

"Oh, come on, Cait, what's the harm in some fun?" "Maddie... we're in the middle of a ball. Besides... I... have to speak to someone." The commander was leaning against a wall whilst the mousy girl trapped her against it, a flirtatious grin on her lips that made you nearly reel back in surprise. Just what were you looking at? What was the meaning of this? Why... were you so hurt? If this truly was what you assumed it was... then why would you care? You were never a couple. In fact, you never had the chance to tell her a thing about your conflicting emotions for her. Shaking fingers nervously brushed over the silver ring, eyes wide in sick anticipation on what was going to happen next. You couldn't look away despite your better judgment.

"Ah... Do you mean her? I thought you were over her... after all..." Maddie's hand idly brushed over the taller woman's shoulder, clearly showing off a form of intimacy that should never even occur in between their huge gap in ranks. And you could tell that it had become a bit too natural, a statement to how long this must've been going on for. "She's just some ignorant Zaunite who doesn't get you. She won't do you any good. So forget about her already, okay?" There was a ringing in your ears whilst the ginger girl pulled Caitlyn down for a kiss the woman hardly fought against. She must've agreed with what she was saying... and that killed you even further inside. For how long has this been going on? Even before her time as a commander?

Refusing to witness any of this mess any longer, you escaped the scene, never seeing the way Caitlyn pushed Maddie away from her with a scoff. "Stop that. I already told you that I didn't want to..." Her words died on her tongue when she saw a familiar ring glimmering in the grass. Ignoring the officer, she approached it and kneeled down to grab it, eyes narrowed deeply in thought. And then she realised it finally that it was yours. The one she had gifted you. It took her months to find the perfect sapphire gem for it, too. Seeing you sparkle with joy when you received it made all the efforts worth it, even if she didn't find the bravery to confess to you in the moment.

The regret of it all was hitting her harder than she ever thought it could, which resulted in her running back to the ballroom, desperate to catch up to you and tell you the truth. She had been blinded by her rage and grief for too long.

But... was it perhaps too late?

The answer was yes, but for a totally different reason than expected.

You hadn't returned to the party and instead ran further into the gardens until you found yourself getting lost. It was too dark to see anything, and fear was beginning to brew in your heart. It didn't help that you felt so awfully uneasy. Something was watching you, hunting you down carefully as you pushed your way through the dense bushes and flowery paths in hopes for an exit. A young doe running from a wolf hidden away in the shadows, that's what you were. Yet it was a lot deeper than that. Alot darker. You couldn't comprehend the extent of the inconvenience your existence imposed, but you'll learn soon enough. The wolf would make sure of it.

"A bit of a cold night for a walk, isn't it child?" Letting out a loud gasp, you jumped and pressed a hand against your chest. Snapping your head to the side, you saw the familiar large stature of the Noxian general. Pushing yourself up against a pillar nervously, you immideatly recognized the shiver of terror that ran through your body. There was something awfully wrong with her appearance, and you knew better than to trust that she didn't have any ill intentions. Your father had warned you well, but that wouldn't save you.

"General Medarda..." "Hm... are you lost? I can tell that you are. It must be scary to be all alone in such a... dark, empty place. Who knows what lurks in the shadows after all." She did. You knew it was her who must've been watching you this entire time. Sweat dripped from your forehead, body trembling despite your best efforts to stay strong. This won't end well. "What do you want from me?" You breathed out, ignoring her previous words as you weren't in the mood to humor her.

An amused smirk creeped onto her lips as she began to approach you so casually. The dangerous aura was practically suffocating you, however, making you shrink away and unaware of the figures that began to appear behind you, ready for the woman's orders. "You know... despite of how how uninteresting you are, you still somehow found a way to weasel your way into my plans. And especially into our dear commanders mind. I'm getting tired of it, really... she needs to focus on the betterment of her nation and not an unimportant girl like you." You frowned at her words, suddenly finding the strength to fight back if only verbally. If you were going down, then you might as well do it without any regrets. "So what? You will kill me? That's a lot of words for something so natural to you." You huffed, and that made the woman's eyes glint in interest. Perhaps you did regret that after all...

Shaking her head with a chuckle she shook her head and grabbed onto your chin roughly. "I was going to... but I think there are better ways to teach a lesson... Sleep well, child. That's the only rest you'll be getting for a long time." You opened your mouth to protest further, yet were cut off by something hitting you violently in the back of the head and knocking you out.

Crumbling to the ground, your eyes found the blurring stars above once more, a weak whisper of Caitlyn's name leaving your lips before it all went black.

Wow

In the Quiet Moments

Pairing: Caitlyn Kiramman x Reader

Summary: After Caitlyn’s mother dies, the reader comforts her through her grief, and their unspoken feelings for each other quietly surface as they share a tender, emotional moment.

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The Kiramman estate was cloaked in silence. Tonight, it seemed like the mansion itself mourned, as if it understood the grief in Caitlyn’s heart. You found her sitting by the window, knees pulled close to her chest, the rain outside echoing her loss. She looked up as you entered, her expression hollow, as though some vital part of her had been torn away.

Without a word, you moved closer, sinking to the floor beside her. You didn’t ask if she wanted company; you knew the offer of comfort would only remind her of what she’d lost. Instead, you reached out and lightly took her hand, your thumb brushing over her knuckles in gentle, repetitive strokes. To your surprise, she didn’t pull away.

"Caitlyn…" you began softly, but the words caught in your throat. What was there to say that could ease this pain?

“It’s strange,” she whispered, her voice a fragile murmur. “You think you’re prepared for something like this… and then it happens, and you realize you never were.”

Her words broke your heart. Caitlyn Kiramman, who was always so steady, so composed, was unraveling. In this moment, you couldn’t hold back anymore—not your feelings, not your concern, not your need to protect her from this crushing weight. She deserved to know, at least tonight, that she wasn’t alone.

“I don’t know if I can make it easier,” you said softly, holding her gaze. “But I’ll be here… for whatever you need.”

For a moment, she just looked at you, her eyes searching your face as if trying to find answers there. Then, with a tentative sigh, she leaned into you, resting her head on your shoulder. Slowly, you wrapped your arms around her, pulling her closer, feeling the delicate trembling in her shoulders as she let herself lean into the comfort you offered.

You sat like that for a while, your fingers tracing soothing circles along her back, your other hand still gently holding hers. Gradually, her breathing slowed, and the tension in her body eased. She shifted slightly, leaning more against you, her hand tightening around yours as though afraid you might slip away.

“Thank you,” she whispered, her voice soft against your shoulder. “I… I don’t know what I’d do without you right now.”

You brushed a loose strand of hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear with a tenderness that had always come so naturally around her, yet you’d always hidden it behind careful walls. But tonight, in this quiet vulnerability, it felt impossible to hold back.

“You’ll never have to find out,” you promised, barely a whisper, yet heavy with everything you felt.

Her gaze lifted to yours, something in her eyes softening as her fingers grazed your cheek, tracing a line so gentle it made your heart stutter. Her hand lingered there, her thumb brushing along your jaw as though exploring a secret she’d kept hidden for too long.

“Sometimes… I’m scared of needing anyone like this,” she murmured, her voice raw with emotion. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you too.”

You leaned forward, resting your forehead against hers, a silent response that she didn’t have to worry about that. There was something in her eyes that was both familiar and new, like she was only now letting herself show what she’d felt all along. You felt it too—an intense, quiet longing that had simmered beneath the surface, bound by unspoken fears.

“Caitlyn, you don’t have to hide from me,” you murmured, letting your hand slide down to hold hers again. “I’m not going anywhere. I never was.”

She closed her eyes, taking a deep, shuddering breath as if finally allowing herself to let go. And then, in a moment so small yet so precious, she leaned in, her lips brushing yours with a hesitance that spoke to both fear and trust. It was a delicate, fleeting touch, but it held everything she hadn’t said. It was a promise wrapped in fragility, a reassurance that you were right there with her.

You pulled her closer, gently, resting your chin atop her head as she nestled into you. You held her as she drifted off in your arms, letting sleep finally take her, trusting you to keep her safe. For the first time, it felt like you were both exactly where you were meant to be—wrapped in a silent understanding, neither of you needing to say more.

In the soft quiet of that moment, as you held Caitlyn close, you knew she felt it too: you weren’t just her friend. You were the anchor that would see her through this loss, and she was the part of your heart that you had always, always waited to share.

———

Writing Advice: Third Person Point of View - The Problem with Head-Hopping

A personal pet peeve in fanfic—and even some published books, unfortunately—is an author head-hopping.

I understand that not everyone learned about writing point of view in primary school, and many fanfic writers are new to writing and might not even realize they're writing head-hopping.

So, this post is an educational means for those who are interested in learning how to improve their writing.

I'm going to give a quick overview of point of view, a breakdown of third person point of view, and how to spot head-hopping in your writing.

What Is Point of View?

Point of view (POV) is the perspective (voice) from which a story is narrated.

There are three POVs.

First person

Second person

Third person

Third Person: Limited vs. Omniscient

In third person POV, the author is narrating the story through third-person pronouns (she, he, they).

Third person POV is subdivided into two categories: third person limited and third person omniscient.

Third Person Limited

In third person limited, the narrator is an external observer who knows the thoughts and feelings of ONE character at a time.

Here's an example from R.F. Kuang's, The Poppy War, page 341:

The Cike were stretched to their limit, especially Rin. Each moment not spent on an operation was spent on patrol. And when she was off duty, she trained with Altan.

Note that this paragraph—the entire book, actually—is from Rin's POV. We have access to Rin's feelings, thoughts, and observations throughout the book, while also seeing how other characters are acting.

But we are only in Rin's head. We do not have access to the thoughts and feelings of other characters. This is third person limited POV.

Third Person Omniscient

In third person omniscient, the narrator is an all-knowing observer who has access to the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of ALL characters in the story.

Here's an example from Jane Austen's, Pride and Prejudice, page 104:

As they drove to Mr. Gardiner’s door, Jane was at a drawing-room window watching their arrival; when they entered the passage she was there to welcome them, and Elizabeth, looking earnestly in her face, was pleased to see it healthful and lovely as ever.

Notice how we have access to both Jane and Elizabeth's 1) physical locations, and 2) thoughts. Even though Elizabeth is in a carriage and Jane is inside a house, the narrator is all-knowing and can narrate both of them at the same time.

The problem I see from many fanfic writers: they attempt to write in third person omniscient when they're actually writing shoddy third person limited, constantly switching between the POVs of multiple characters.

This is called head-hopping.

Head-Hopping vs. Omniscient

Head-hopping is when an author shifts between the POVs of multiple characters without a scene break. Meaning, the author is inside Character A's head but abruptly—and randomly—shares the thoughts, feelings, and/or observations of Character B.

Here's an example:

Kathy arrived at the cafe in hopes of showing Brittany her completed sweater. It was the first time she had knitted and she was eager to share her hard work with her best friend. Brittany took one look at the sweater and cringed. She hated it, but she didn't want to hurt Kathy's feelings. She didn't know what to say.

In this example, we are inside both Kathy and Brittany's heads. Both characters have distinctive voices, and because of this, the narration of the story is inconsistent.

It's jarring to read, and pulls you out of the story.

Here's the same example written through omniscient POV:

Kathy arrived at the cafe with the intent to show Brittany her completed sweater. After hours of hard work, the opinion of her best friend was important. At Kathy's approach, Brittany observed the sweater in her friend's hand and wrinkled her nose. The sweater was hideous.

In this example, we are inside the head of the narrator. The narrator is telling the story through its voice, rather than the individual voices of Kathy and Brittany.

Remember: Omniscient means the reader is inside the NARRATOR's head, not the characters'.

The Scene Break to Denote POV Switch

Back to my definition of head-hopping: Head-hopping occurs when a writer suddenly switches POV without a scene break.

Like the first example of Kathy and Brittany—there is no scene break between their thoughts. If the author wanted to write from both Kathy and Brittany's perspective, the author would have to include a physical break to alert the reader to a switch in POV. See below:

Kathy arrived at the cafe in hopes of showing Brittany her completed sweater. It was the first time she had knitted and she was eager to share her hard work with her best friend. ~~~~~~~~~~ Brittany took one look at the sweater and cringed. She hated it, but she didn't want to hurt Kathy's feelings. She didn't know what to say.

The squiggly lines demonstrate a switch in POV, and the scene would then continue in Brittany's POV. [Please note that a single paragraph space (as seen in the first example of Kathy and Brittany) is not a scene break. It is a paragraph break, and therefore cannot be used to demonstrate a switch in POV.]

You can write multiple POVS throughout a story. These will all be in third person limited POVs.

For example, each chapter in Rick Riordan's Heroes of Olympus series is dedicated to ONE character. Throughout that chapter, the reader is inside the head—reading the thoughts, feelings, and observations—of that singular character.

Individual chapters can also have multiple POVs (again, these are third person limited POVs). These are denoted by a divider or additional paragraph space.

For example, Timothy Zahn's Thrawn switches between the POVs of multiple characters in each chapter. The switch between his characters' POV is shown by an additional paragraph space.

Why Should You Care about Head-Hopping?

If writing head-hopping makes you happy, then keep at it. It's fanfic, and most readers are so desperate for content they don't care.

But, if you're interested in improving your writing, here are a few reasons why head-hopping is problematic:

It's jarring to the reader, and takes them out of the story. Frequent head-hopping can confuse readers as they struggle to keep track of whose perspective they are currently experiencing. It disrupts the flow of the narrative and can make it challenging for readers to form a strong connection with any one character.

It makes it harder for readers to truly immerse themselves in your story. Consistent use of a single POV allows readers to immerse themselves in the story's world through the eyes of a specific character. Head-hopping disrupts this immersion by constantly pulling readers out of one character's perspective and into another's.

It hinders character development. When the narrative constantly shifts between characters, there may not be enough time or focus on any one character's growth and development.

It takes away the emotional impact of the scene. Head-hopping can prevent readers from fully empathizing with or understanding any particular character's emotions, motivations, and inner conflicts.

Even well-established authors struggle to write omniscient without head-hopping. It's a nuanced subject that can be confusing to understand and difficult to overcome.

Again, this post is simply to inform writers about third person point of view and the subtle differences between its subdivisions. It’s not an attack on fanfic writers.

Matt, why are u scarying us

Writing Notes: How to Choose POV

A Quick Guideline on Choosing POV

Refresher: Definitions

First-Person Singular: First-person singular narration uses the pronoun “I” and is the most commonly used form of first-person point of view. This style is perfect for character-driven novels and creates a close, immersive connection between the reader and the story. However, this type of narration limits the author and the reader to a single character’s experiences, feelings, and knowledge.

First-Person Plural: This first-person narration style utilizes the pronoun “we” and is less commonly used. It combines the intimacy associated with first-person with the flexibility of third-person omniscient. First-person plural can be effective when done well but can be tedious and is limited to the collective voice.

Second Person: Second person utilizes “you” for the narrator but is more commonly used in short stories. This style easily fosters close bonds between the readers and the characters as you start to feel as if they are you.

Third-Person Limited: Narration in third person limited relies on she/her, he/him, they/them, etc., pronouns as well as the character’s name. This point of view limits the author and reader to one character’s perspective allowing the writer to exercise the closeness of first-person singular through thoughts and feelings while also offering the broader perspective of third person.

Third-Person Omniscient: This type of narration also utilizes the character’s preferred personal pronouns and name and gives the narrator god-like storytelling abilities as they can reveal any character’s thoughts, go to any time or setting, know information the characters are unaware of, and comment on events in the past, present, and future. The degree to which these abilities are used is up to you. Third-person omniscient is popular among novelists with large casts and complex plots. However, this style can lead to too many shifts in perspective.

Tips for Choosing POV

You may find that you have a preferred point of view and then realize it’s not a good fit once you start writing your story. Many writers worry about finding their voice, but sometimes the story finds it for you. If you’re unsure which point of view to choose, consider these tips to help you pick.

Explore your options. You won’t know which POV to use unless you try them all. Try writing or rewriting a scene from your story in each POV to see which style fits your novel best.

Establish your POV. Once you’ve picked a style, stick to it and let your audience know which character they’re experiencing the story through.

Note limitations. POV will decide what information your character is privy to and thus determine their actions and opinions. Take time to review your work with your character’s limitations in mind to keep your writing accurate.

Don’t be afraid to change. If you find yourself drifting into another POV as your novel progresses, don’t shy away from revising your work into the best perspective for your story. It’s also important to note that some books shift from first to third to second, and it may benefit you to find examples of novels with varied narration to help you learn to master this style.

Source ⚜ More: Writing Notes & References ⚜ POV

Love like a Fool

Summary: I shouldn’t known from the moment my heart felt more for Caitlyn, that it was a mistake. I thought love was supposed to be about taking risks and loving like a fool. I don’t want to regret anything, but I have to limit myself because she feels uneasy. Is it because of me? I must be lacking in many ways. I promised myself to get better. I need to prove to others that I can.  

Warning: Slight fluff then pure angst 

Pairing: Caitlyn Kiramman X Fem Reader

Word Count: 6.2k

-

The target moves back and forth in quick and uneven motion as a way to stimulate the movement of humans. I place the sniper rifle closer to my body. The cold metal pressed against my chest. I narrow my eyes at the target watching it jerk back and forth. I place my finger against the trigger as I start to steady my breathing. My heart rate begins to slow. The breeze in the air seems to be silent for a moment. My eyes quickly shift to focus on one target as it starts rolling toward the center of the scope. A loud bang comes from my gun as I press the trigger. The smell of gun smoke reaches my nose as the smoke rises from the nozzle. I lower the gun and tilt my body to examine the shot. A hole is evident on the target, but not where I was trying to aim. The bullet was several inches below the head of the target. I frown and feel disappointment arising from within. 

I want to be better and prove to others that I can take on tougher tasks. I’ve been assigned as an enforcer, stuck with the simple role of Piltover's council gatekeeper. I want to be part of the bigger action, specifically, to be part of Caitlyn’s team. 

I know I am capable, or at least… I hope I am. 

News spread that Caitlyn Kiramman has become a Sheriff and I couldn’t agree more. She is amazing at her job. I’ve secretly studied her in admiration. I saw her in action. She is stern and confident, but at the same time so graceful. She balances fear and love so well. Her facade never falls to others, but I sense there’s a softness in her gaze when she notices me. It’s a quick and small look, so I can’t put a finger on it. All I can do in response is smile back while feeling my cheeks heat up. 

“Practicing again?” A voice snaps me out of daydreaming. A recognizable British accent. Refined and poised. I turn my head to see Caitlyn standing with her arms crossed. I widen my eyes before saluting her. She has a soft grinning smirk on her lips. Her beautiful long blue hair falls over her shoulders. She’s in her work uniform, seemingly that she just finished a task. 

“Yes,” I quickly respond to her question. She chuckles shortly and walks over, eyeing the target. She stops next to me, a little closer than I expected and I feel my heart rate increase. My eyes quickly flicker at the curves of her body then back down the ground in respect. 

“You practice quite a lot,” She notes. This isn’t the first time I’ve bumped into her at the practice shooting area. It’s actually quite often. Caitlyn is strict with her studies and skills. She needs to do things perfectly right. It is not strange to find her at the shooting range after work hours. She has gotten used to seeing me there as well. She never said it, but I believe she likes how I’m willing to get better. She notices how other enforcers don’t practice as much.

I shyly run my hand on the back of my neck. Her eyes glance down to watch my reaction. I peek between my eyelashes and make eye contact with her. The closeness and eye contact make me unconsciously grip the gun. I quickly look back down to the ground. Examining the distance between our shoes. 

“I want to prove to others I can be good,” I finally admit. I didn’t want to reveal the part where I dream of being in her team. 

That would be too silly of a confession. 

She raises her eyebrows and pauses, deep in thought. The wind gently blows against my bare skin as silence coats the air. I feel anxiety increasing while she continues to stare at me, motionless and speechless. There’s a shift in her eyes, a shift that I don’t understand. 

Does she think I can’t be good? Is she too afraid to tell me the truth? 

Thoughts swirl in my head naturally. It’s a negative trait that I endure every day. My mind runs thousands of thoughts that can be entirely false. But I also believe certain voices are true, but I have yet to distinguish the two. I furrow my eyebrows and force myself to look away from her. I couldn’t bear to continue to theorize what her expression meant. I hear her shift her body to lean her body weight against the bullet-loading table. 

“I can help you,” She offers. I feel my heart stop pounding to make sure I didn’t hear her wrong. I jerk my head up with wide eyes. Caitlyn, the best sniper shooter, is going to help me. 

“Are you serious?” I hesitate. What did I do to deserve this special treatment from her? She simply nods and a few hair strands fall over her face. She smiles while brushing her bangs behind her ear. I am still speechless, not knowing what to do next. She figures and gently reaches for my gun. Her fingers curl around the handle, a few centimeters from my hand. She brings it up to my chest. I look at her in confusion yet again. 

“Show me how you aim,” She orders. I lick my lips and move quickly to action. I do not want to waste a single second of getting trained by her. I turn my body to the targets and lift the gun up. I lean my head down to look through the scope. Suddenly I feel Caitlyn move her body to locate behind me. Her fingers gently tilt the tip of the gun at a specific angle. Her other hand moves to my hip. Like a young girl in love, my heart pounds hard. I would also blame the fact that I am touched starved. Working as an enforcer limits the time I can spend romanticizing with others. People also avoid me. I am no one special, I like to believe. 

This is far from romantic. I know she doesn’t like me, but with her body heat pressing against me. I can’t help it. It’s quite embarrassing. 

“You should stand more straight,” She corrects. I shiver at the realization of how close her lips are to my ears. The distance sends chills down my body. No amount of daydreaming can make up for this moment. I shallow away my emotions and straighten my back. I feel myself press against her chest. 

“Slow down your heartbeat and breathing,” She chuckles. My cheeks start warming. 

“Sorry,” I squeak. She doesn’t respond, but instead continues to coach. She removes her hand from my hip and grips my shoulders. She reminds me to tighten my muscles and grip. Once she is satisfied with my position, she removes herself and stands back. I secretly let out a breath of relief. If she continued pressing her body against me, I wouldn't be able to perform accurately. That was the last thing I wanted to do in front of her. 

“Now focus and calculate the timing,” She orders. I close my eyes to calm my breathing. When I feel my heartbeat going at a steady pace, I open my eyes. My sight completely focuses on the target. 

I need to get this right. I have to impress Caitlyn. 

My attention zooms into a specific target and I press into the trigger. Another loud bang echoes into the sky. I let out a shaky breath of anticipation. I immediately lower my gun to look at the target. I guess my hope was too high. The bullet hole was a few centimeters from the head. Better than before, but not perfect. 

Not perfect enough for Caitlyn. 

My shoulders slowly drop and I feel anxious thoughts creeping up again. I frown and look at her nervously. I don’t know what to expect. To my surprise, she seems sort of proud. 

“Good job,” She compliments. 

-

A couple of months of training have passed faster than I realize. I am surprised at how long she agreed to train me. No one else has gotten this special treatment. Even though there are times when she’s tired from a mission, she would still show up. As time went on it wasn't just training anymore. We would go out to eat dinner or a picnic on a sunny day. Not only have my skills increased, but my crush on her did as well. I spent too much time with her to not develop deeper feelings. I didn’t want to. I wanted things professional, just in case I ruined things. 

The more time we spent together, the more people talked about us. Baseless rumors begin to spread. I didn’t want to hear it, but people spoke loudly- as if I wasn’t there. They all picture me as someone who manipulated her way to Caitlyn. That I am nothing special. I have no rich or authoritative name for myself. No one knew who I was until I started involving myself with her. 

I thought these accusations would cause Caitlyn to stay away from me. She’s everything I’m not. After all, she has an image to keep. I do not want to stain it. 

But, she never stopped. 

Caitlyn started to teach me about combat. She wanted to enhance not only my shooting skills but my fighting as well.  

So here we are, standing on the mat with our fists up. I suck in a deep breath as sweat begins collecting on my neck. I feel a slight painful sore developing on my stomach from her punch that I failed to block. She gestures a finger at me to make the first move. I launch myself to her and she swiftly dodges and elbows my back. I grunt and stumble on my footing. I gather myself, not wanting to give up and turn to face her. Her eyes hint with glee when she notices a shift in my face. I clench my jaw and focus on her moves. Then I saw it. A small opening where I can tackle her. I rush forward, grabbing her arm. She lets out a gasp in surprise before I hurl her onto the ground. I quickly pin her onto the ground by locking my thighs around her wrist. 

I smiled brightly, my eyes sparkling. I finally did it. Her chest moves up and down quickly as she gets lost in my joy. She places her elbow onto the ground to support half her body up. I continued smiling, unaware of the plan she had in mind. 

She leans her head closer, testing the waters. Her lips linger over mine before she pulls back a little. Her heavy-lidded eyes gaze up. My smile begins to slowly drop in realization. I gulp and a blush appears on my cheeks. Her eyes flicker from my lips and back to my eyes. I hesitate, not knowing what to do, but I lean forward. Eager to capture her lips, but afraid to make the first move. She gently smiles, understanding my actions before closing the distance.

 Her soft lips pressed against mine. I squeeze my eyes shut and clench my fist.  She brings her hands up to touch my cheeks. Her thumbs draw a circle while her soft lips continue to move. I lean deeper into the kiss, wanting to permanently remember this moment forever. All my anxious thoughts seem to be silent just for a short moment. She is the first to pull away from the kiss. Leaning her forehead against mine. I place my hand over hers and smile. 

Caitlyn’s eyes suddenly become stern and she pulls her body away. My mind races in worry. I furrow my eyebrows while looking at her in confusion. 

“I’m sorry,” She apologizes. I shake my head slowly, trying to understand. 

Was the kiss a mistake? Did I do something wrong? 

“I…” I hesitate. I worry about my next words. I worried that she would push herself away if I said the wrong things. I wanted to confess my feelings, but I was afraid I would embarrass myself if she said it was a mistake. I wanted to tell her it was okay, but I feared she would think I didn’t feel anything. A part of me was so terrified that she did feel something for me, but the kiss awakened a realization in her. 

I never got the chance to gather my thoughts before she got up. I try to reach out and grab her wrist, but she hurries away. 

“I’m sorry. I’ll… see you sometime again,” She says before disappearing. I feel my eyes begin to water. My anxious thoughts may be right this time. As much as I try to think of a different conclusion, my negativity chokes up any other possible reasoning. 

-

Caitlyn avoided me. Every time she sees me walking by, she turns in the other direction. I try to force a smile. Understanding that she may be struggling with her thoughts. All I can do for her is to wait. I need to understand that I’m not enough for her. After several more days, I thought she had forgotten me. I went to my regular shooting range hoping to bump into her, but she never showed up. 

As I walk with my head down, I see a pair of shoes stop in front of me. I can immediately recognize her shoes. Caitlyn had blocked my walking pathway. I jerk back in surprise before examining her in confusion. Her eye circles are dark and her hair is messy. It seems like she has been lacking sleep. She licks her lips and plays with her fingers. I stand silent with a pounding heart, waiting for her to speak. She lets out a breath and I brace myself for the worst. 

“I’m sorry I avoided you,” She begins. I pause for a moment as her words sink. I summon my confidence by clenching my fist. My lips waver as I try to smile at her. I wasn’t actually happy, but I wanted to show her I appreciated her stepping up. I understand why she would want to avoid me. 

“It’s okay,” I answer, a little shaky for my liking. She glances around the hall as I assume she’s making sure no one else is around. A few people walk by, giving me an unexplainable stare. I tilt my head to the side to avoid people’s eyes. She then grabs my hand and tugs me along with her. I stumble on my footsteps to catch up with her. She pulls us into a dark room and slams the door. She breathes heavily, her chest moving up and down before turning to face me again. I stand awkwardly in the middle of the room. I can still see her figure with the small lamp in the corner. 

“I… I think I like you,” She confesses like the truth has been choking her to death. It's as if it’s a surprise that someone like her could be interested in someone like me. She stared at me with a scared expression like she didn’t fully understand herself. I feel my heart ache, but I force a smile again. 

She’s been struggling because of me. 

I opened my mouth to speak, but I realized I couldn’t say anything. 

“I don’t know what to say,” I admit. I shift my body weight uncomfortably. My hands come up to wrap themselves around me. A poor attempt to comfort myself. She pushes herself from the door and walks over to me. She hesitates a little, before reaching down to touch my hands. I stare at the way her fingers hold mine. She’s so gentle. 

“I want to try and love you,” She pauses, “but we have to do it in secret,” 

I tilt my head up to look at the sincerity in her eyes. I can tell she is worried. Wondering how people would view her if they found out she was meeting up with someone lowly like me. Debating if this reveal would hurt my feelings. It’s a little humorous that she doesn’t know the lengths I would go for her. 

I tightened my grip on her hands and tugged her a little closer. I examine the beauty that reflects off the orange light. She’s a beautiful woman worthy of respect and care. I remove one hand from her hold and place it on her cheeks. She leans into the touch, letting out a shaky breath. 

“I would do anything for you,” I confess like a fool in love. Her eyes dilate and she lets out a sigh of relief. Her shoulders relax as she finally smiles.

-

I never thought how much more I could fall for Caitlyn. I love her. I didn’t care about the hidden touches behind doors. The secret messages we pass. It was our love that I couldn’t regret. We completely ignore each other when passing by in the halls. Oh, how I wish I could shout to the world about her. Rumors between her and I have successfully died out. 

I wait patiently in my room, waiting for the skies to become darker so that Caitlyn can sneak her way over. I hear quiet quick knocks on the door. I stumble my way over and swing the door open. She stands with a shy smile on her face. I quickly grab her wrist and tug her in, slamming the door behind me. 

I pull her into a hug, soaking in her warmth and scent. She hugs back with the same amount of eagerness. We stay silent for a few more seconds before I pull away.

“Are you hungry?” I ask as I walk to the kitchen, “I can start preparing-“ 

She calls my name, cutting me off. I stop in my tracks to look at her. She seems hesitant again, her eyes wavering. A look that brings me back to the day we stood in the dark room. 

“I have to tell you something,” She explains. She starts walking to the coach and I follow along. I sit down, my knees brushing against hers. She reaches over to touch my hand with a stern look. 

“I got put on a very important case,” She says. I widen my eyes and smile. 

“Well, that’s great news right?” I chirp. She lets out a nervous laugh. Her gaze averts to the side for a brief second. My smile begins to drop slightly. 

“It is… but I have to be gone for a year,” She reveals.

“A year?” I repeat slowly. My grip starts to loosen from her hold. I shouldn’t be scared, but there is a part of me that worries. So much can happen in a year. 

“It’s a mission to go to the undercity and-“

I start to zone out. Undercity? That place is filled with horror stories. No sane person dares to step foot in there. At least that was how I was taught by others. I can’t imagine myself letting Caitlyn go down there. It’s just not safe. 

She squeezes my hands and I look back at her. My face is mixed with many emotions. I should not stop her from doing her job, but I don’t want her gone for a year in Undercity. What if she gets hurt and I can’t find her? How can I make a decision when I am unsure of myself? 

“Can you wait for me?” She whispers. 

The decision has already been made. 

I squeeze my eyes shut as I turn my head to the side. I didn’t want her to see me cry. She places her hands on my cheeks and slowly turns me to face her. I feel the warmth of her hands. 

“…when do you leave?” I sniff. 

“Tomorrow morning,” She responds. Time seems to pause for a moment. I wish it stayed like that; so that I could stay by her side longer. Tomorrow? This is so soon and sudden. I searched in Caitlyn’s eyes to find some type of hesitation, but there was nothing. I force myself to smile as my heart feels crushed. Nothing is going to stop her, not even my feelings. I understand that feelings alone can’t dictate her decision, but I wish it was considered just a little bit more. 

Did she really care about how I would feel? Did I not cross her mind when she accepted the mission? Do I matter that little? 

All the anxious thoughts blew away when Caitlyn pulled me in for a hug. How foolish am I to disregard my hurt so fast for her? Love makes a person a fool. 

-

Five months have passed since Caitlyn left to go to the Undercity. I have gotten used to the feeling of being alone. This feeling is rather normal and something I am more familiar with. I still keep my duties of guarding the gates of the council building. Days and days of people not sparing me a second glance as they walk by. I sometimes wonder if they would even notice if I didn’t show up one day. 

I keep the house clean. Making sure Caitlyn’s extra clothes are tucked neatly in my closet, ready for the day she comes back. When I lay in bed, I close my eyes and place my hand on the side where she usually lays. I imagine she is next to me. Humming and running her fingers through my hair. I smile for a moment, then frown when I realize I’m daydreaming again. It’s awfully cold without her touch. 

11 months have passed and I feel impatient for her return. The picture I keep on the desk lacks dust by how many times I’ve touched it. Running my fingers across her face to remind myself of how soft her skin feels. My heart squeezes when I examine the bright smile that the camera captures. I gently place the picture down and lean my head against the cold surface of the desk. 

Just a little more. I can wait, just like how she asked me to do. A simple task. I can do it. 

-

1 year and 1 month has passed. Anxiety eats away my skin as I scratch the surface with my nails. The councils ordered a one-month expansion, just in case Caitlyn had something important to do before they sent out a search for her. The enforcers are starting to become worried at the lack of her appearance. 

The councils issue a meeting to form a team of three of the best enforcers. I stand by the door with a racing heart, listening to the councils talk amongst themselves. They list off the best enforcers on documents. The back of my neck starts to feel hot. My feet feel the urge to step forward. I must go to find my love. I find myself walking forward recklessly.

“I apologize for my unprofessional behavior, but please allow me to join the team,” My voice clashes and silences the room. I glance around to see the confused look on their faces. They had no idea I was there. 

“And who are you?” One of the council's questions. They rub their fingers together with an amused smile. I bow down to show my respect. I tell them my name and title, with a shaky voice. There’s another pause again, til I hear someone snicker. That causes a domino effect where they all start to laugh. I bite my bottom lip as an embarrassing blush forms on my cheeks. My eyes water, tears forming at the edge. I turn my head down to stare at the floor. They question me and my motives:

“I never even noticed her there,”

“What can a gatekeeper do?”

“I admire how much courage that little girl has,”

“Why are you so concerned?” Mrs. Kiramman’s question sounds the clearest among the others. I tilt my head up to look at her. The truth feels like acid in my throat. Caitlyn had asked me to keep our relationship a secret. I must keep the promise. It’s not like it was hard to do so. I fully understand now why Caitlyn wanted it that way. They don’t take me seriously. I am just a laughing stock at this moment. I can’t dirty her name. 

I lick my trembling lips and shake my head. 

“I-I just want to-”

“I’m sorry dear, but we have an important discussion to do. The fate of my daughter relies on someone who can actually save her. Return to your position,” Mrs. Kiramman orders. I choke back my words. The little courage I have left vanishes. I quickly bow once more before walking back to my place. They return back to their conversation as normal, while I fight back tears. The uniform feels hot and stuffy against my skin. I feel unworthy of wearing the enforcer gear. 

The moon appears bright in the sky as I sneak my way down the streets. I tug my hoodie closer to hide my face as I make my way to the Undercity. I am going to search for Caitlyn on my own. 

The air starts to become more dense. I have never been here before. I can feel my anxious heart beating rapidly. A few strangers study me as I walk by. I grip my jacket closer to my body, avoiding their eyes. My footsteps quicken with one solid plan in mind. 

Find Caitlyn. 

I didn’t care how reckless I was being. Walking into the Undercity with no solid plan. I can’t even confidently say I can protect myself. Anything can happen to me before I can even find her. 

After walking for several minutes I realized how big this city is. I can’t just simply bump into her. I desperately look around to find someone that looks the least threatening. The task was harder to do than I expected. Most of the people are drunk or hunching their bodies as they are ready to launch forward. I scan more until I find a young boy. Innocent eyes with a few dirt marks scuffed on his cheeks. I walk to him, trying not to scare him off. He seems hesitant at first before I take my hoodie off to show my face. His shoulders visually relax. I kneel down to eye level with him. 

“Hi, can you help me find someone?” I whisper. His eyes dart around then back to me. He doesn’t respond. I shuffle around in my pocket to find money. Once I pull it out his eyes brighten. He quickly nods his head in agreement. 

“Can you help me find Caitlyn Kiramman? She is about this tall,” I stand to gesture her height, “she has blue hair and a sharp nose,” 

I try my best to describe her to him. I hoped that the description was enough for him. Caitlyn doesn’t look like she belongs in the Undercity. It must be easy to locate her. 

The young boy ponders for a moment before his eyes brighten. He places his hand out and motions me to hand the cash. I place it on top of his hand and he quickly puts it in his pocket. He gestures to me to follow along, his little footsteps patter on the ground. It took about several minutes before he paused and pointed down the street. I tilt my head to examine the low-light street. 

“She’s there?-“ I ask, but the little boy has already run off. I softly chuckle before composing myself. My heart quickens and the sound of my breathing is loud due to how quiet the streets are. I stand still for a moment to evaluate the setting. That’s when I hear a gentle giggle. 

A giggle that sends a wave of crashing memories. My eyes begin to water as I hear the sound again. It’s Caitlyn. I am sure of it. I silently follow the sound. I hear another voice, but can’t make out who it could be. Maybe Caitlyn made a friend while she was staying here. The sound leads me to a tunnel with stairs. 

I hide beside the walls and peek up the tunnel. There in the middle of the stairs is Caitlyn with another woman. My eyes widen in joy. Butterflies flutter in my stomach as I can’t contain my excitement. I found her! She’s alive and well! I open my mouth to excitedly shout her name, but quickly stop. 

Caitlyn places her hands on the woman’s hip, pulling her closer. She giggles again, biting the bottom of her lip. The woman sweetly smiles and leans her head closer. She kisses Caitlyn slowly, running her hands down her waist. 

Overwhelming sorrow sinks deep within me. My eyes become glossy, blurring my vision of them. My hand jerks up to grip my chest. It squeezes and pounds in pain. I never knew my heart could physically hurt. I gasp for air as I feel like I’m about to collapse. I lose my footing for a moment, sliding against the wall. I place a hand on the cold wall to hold myself.

I hear Caitlyn softly calling out my name in confusion. I quickly blink to clear my vision. Caitlyn walks down the stairs till she stands in front of me. She stares at me with a shocked expression. I feel myself forcing a stupid smile again. I squeeze my chest to numb the pain again. 

“…Hi,” I choke out. A failed attempt to sound happy. Her eyebrows furrow as she shakes her head.  

“What are you doing here?” She asks. I want to cry out laughing. How can she ask that question? It’s been longer than a year, did she lose track of time? Was she too busy? 

“Who is this?” The woman beside her asks. Caitlyn's eyes move back and forth anxiously. 

“…She’s just an enforcer,” Caitlyn reveals. I furrow my eyebrows in despair and disgust. I’m just an enforcer to her? 

Was all the lovely touches nothing to her? Did the day she cried on my lap mean nothing? Whose name did she moan out when I touched her? 

Without thinking I march up to her to push her. At least something to express my hurt, but the woman steps in front and shoves me hard. I slam against the wall and let out a small grunt. I already feel small and pathetic against her strength. 

“Wait, stop,” Caitlyn hurries to stop the woman. I peek up from my watery eyelashes, breathing heavily. 

“She’s lying,” I quietly laugh. The woman clenches her fist and walks up to me. She grabs a fistful of my jacket around my neck. I try clawing at her hands, but it was no use. She forces me to look at her. 

“Who are you?” She hisses again. A tear rolls down my cheeks. I would wipe it off, but my hand is wrapped around hers. I painfully smile again. 

“Her secret lover,” I choke out. I don’t have to keep it in anymore. The weight lifts off my shoulders. I had always wished the reveal was going to be for something better, nicer, and more beautiful. Yet we are here in the cold night air as I gasp for air. I take a peek at Caitlyn to see her face scrunch in guilt. The woman let go of me. I suck in a deep breath while sliding down to the ground. I grip my throat and tug the collar of my jacket away. I feel too suffocated by everything. 

I collect myself as much as I can before standing up again. I try to reach out and touch Caitlyn, but I pause and hesitate. My hands are shaking. I quickly bring it back to my chest to stop it from shaking so much. I lick my lips and look at her with pleading eyes. 

“I came to look for you,” I explain. 

“Why?” 

Why? 

“You were gone for more than a year! I was left wondering if you got hurt! I got worried,” I cry out. Caitlyn shifts her footing uncomfortably. She avoids my eyes by looking around. 

“Caitlyn…why are you being like this?” My voice cracks. The way she is treating me hurts so much. I don’t feel valued or special. As if… I’m just a nobody, just like how everyone else viewed me. I thought I was different to her. 

“Please talk to me!” I beg. A tear escaped from my eyes as I wept. I clench my chest to hold myself. She breathes heavily while her eyes dart around. She looks worried and guilty. 

“Was it because of her,” I direct it towards the woman, who scuffs in response. Caitlyn doesn’t reply. I take a step towards the woman, not understanding my actions. She clenches her jaw and rotates her wrist to get ready. Her eyes glisten against the street lights. Possession and challenge are evident on her face. I can tell she wants to fight me for Caitlyn. 

I am not backing down. I’ve trained hard for this. 

She swings her fist at me, but I dodge it. I launch my body to collapse her, but she wraps her arm around my waist. She elbows my back hard til I let go. She swings again and knocks the left side of my cheek. I stumble back and yelp in pain. I bring my hand up to cup my throbbing cheek. She is so quick and strong. With just one punch it sent me backward. I glare at her nervously. 

“Giving up so easily?” The woman laughs. I spit blood out my mouth and stand up again. She flickers her fingers to motion me forward. I swing my fist and she dodges, allowing her a clear shot at my stomach. I grunt and stumble back again. I gained my balance and I ran to her again, swinging recklessly. She punches my face near my nose. Pain shoots down my spine. I fall down and immediately grip my nose. Blood flows out and onto my hands. My chest moves up and down fast. I want to cry, but I choke it back when I look at Caitlyn. She stands with a worried look. She looks at me and the woman, pondering who she should care for more.

I need to prove I can be better. I need to show her I can protect her. I stumble to my feet, wiping my bloody nose with the back of my hand. 

The woman launches and lands a few punches on my face and stomach. I am gasping for air as I try to keep up. I try to swing to at least land one hit, but she easily dodges. Caitlyn watches me get beat up over and over. She looks away, clenching her eyes shut.

I failed her. 

I collapse onto the ground, choking out blood. Wheezing for air painfully. I knew I looked pitiful. Bruised, bloody, and crying. The woman looked untouched. I just embarrassed myself in front of Caitlyn. I try to get myself back up, but the pain pierces throughout my body. I stumble and fall again. I end up kneeling, my hands weak by my side. The woman tries to come to me again, but Caitlyn stops her by shoving her back. She begs her to stop hitting me. 

No, it shouldn’t have been this way. I needed to win to get her back. She can’t be the one begging for mercy. I had to be the winner. I can… 

I look down and watch my warm blood drip down onto the ground. Realization settles in my stubborn mind. 

I can’t protect her with these weak skills. I lost. 

Caitlyn's eyes shift and darken. She grips her fist and glares at me. She is angry that I am trying so hard to win her. That I allow myself to get beat up so badly knowing I can’t win- a fool so in love with her. I look up through my puffy and bloody eyes. I smile, feeling my lips crack open. 

“I’m sorry,” I wept. She forces herself to look away as tears roll down her face. Words continue to pour out from my lips. 

“I’m sorry I am not strong enough.

I’m sorry if… I ever embarrassed you.

I understand why you wanted us to be a secret… why you left and found someone who can protect you. 

I tried so hard to prove myself, but what’s the point anymore… I just simply can’t. 

People are right about me. They always were… and deep inside you knew it.” 

Tears continually roll down my cheeks. I could no longer fake a smile anymore. How can I put on a facade when I am evidently broken and weak? I bring my hands to my heart. An attempt to shield and comfort myself. My body shakes as I cry. I can’t blame her for hurting me. My understanding and naive heart is a curse made to ruin me. I loved too much and recklessly. It’s my fault.

Caitlyn brings a hand up to her mouth to silence her cries. She shakes her head. Millions of emotions crash in her mind, but she can't speak it out. It’s too late. She can not undo the mistakes she has made. 

The damage had already been made the moment she laid eyes on you.