anything that makes my bi cock twitch not intended for anyone under 18
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Maciej Kuciara
We get this question a lot, in various forms, from the readers of our blog… “how can I get my wife on board with my Hotwife fantasy?”. Why is this question so common? It’s because most of the time women will have objections to the idea of going outside of the relationship or marriage for intimacy, whether that’s physical or emotional. Women are, dare I say, programmed to want to find that one special person who is able to be our “rock”, our “protector” and our “one and only”, and likewise, we tend to expect the same in return. The idea of being with another man is in opposition to this “programming”.
Now, I’m not suggesting that you begin attempting to systematically “reprogram” your wife…even though that’s partially true when it comes to this stuff. What I am suggesting is that there are two things that have been proven to work in MANY situations, not just figuring out a way to get your wife to sleep with the sexy “boy next door”, and those two things are “listening” and “reassurance”.
Listening
It sounds easy, but this is a very difficult thing for most aspiring Hotwife-Husbands to do. They have this insanely amazing sexual fantasy that gets them hotter than anything else in the world, and it revolves around their wives, so why in the world would it be a problem? Men are analytical thinkers, and it’s likely that you’ve already come up with a thousand reasons why your wife “should” be okay with the Hotwife lifestyle, and when she offers up objections, you have an entire list of rebuttals that you can choose from to make her argument seem moot. But is this the best approach? No. In fact it’s ultimately extremely counterproductive.
When your wife is telling you what scares her, worries her, or makes her question the lifestyle, instead of coming up with counterpoints to her feelings (often times before she’s even finished telling you about them), try to just clear your mind and listen to her. This is key…listen actively. What does that mean? It means that you can’t be thinking of what you’re going to say next while she is talking, you have to be fully engaged in what she is saying when she is saying it. Trust me when I say that, as women, we can ABSOLUTELY tell the difference between a man who is actively listening to us and one who is listening, but has a mind filled with a list of things he’s planning to say next.
Listening is also a great tool for you, as a Husband or Partner, when it comes to introducing the lifestyle, because you can actually see exactly what she has objections to and think critically about those things in particular. How might you be able to alleviate those very specific fears that she may have? Can you see an underlying theme to the objections that she is raising that you may be able to address? Are you, maybe, able to learn something about your own fantasies that you didn’t realize before – like maybe it is a little dangerous to want your wife to have sex with a stranger in a bar bathroom? Trust me when I say that your wife or partner is going to suddenly feel as though she’s won the “partner lottery” if you start to listen to her actively, and this is going to allow her to analyze her own feelings more easily instead of constantly having to be on the “defensive”. She’s going to feel “truly heard”, and this is the first step to being able to open her mind to new things.
Reassurance
Once you’ve listened to your wife or partner “actively” and you’ve actually considered and tried to understand her objections from an impartial standpoint, now is the time to re-evaluate your desires – no, I’m not saying to “give them up”, I’m suggesting that you look at them critically and make sure that they are all realistic for your specific life and your partner’s life – and at this point you can begin to reassure her.
What is reassurance? It’s not just telling someone “Don’t worry, everything will be okay”. It’s far more than that, actually…it’s telling someone that you understand their feelings (and not just using the words “I understand”, but actually explaining HOW you understand), you’ve thought about them, they’ve made some good points, and you’d like to discuss what YOU HAVE LEARNED from what they had to say. Show your wife or partner that you have actually taken something away from what they have said to you, that, maybe, they were able to open your eyes a little bit – this will give your lady a sense that she may have actually had something worthwhile to say. She will no longer be on the defensive, suddenly she’ll feel like part of a team.
This will also help with any jealousy that your wife may be dealing with, or fears that you may actually be using this whole thing as a ploy to “get some” of your own someday. The mere act of being emotionally open and vulnerable with your lady, and reassuring her that above all else she is number one and this fantasy pales in comparison to your love for her and your desire to understand her feelings is going to actually MAKE her WANT to do this for you. If she knows that you’re willing to give up something that makes her uncomfortable if it comes to that - whether it’s “that friendship with the cute coworker at the office” (as one of our fans recently mentioned) or your entire Hotwife fantasy, your lady is going to realize that she is the most important thing in your world, and that reassurance will make her a lot more receptive to “giving up” certain things of her own…like her reservations to being a Hotwife.
This is the point at which you can start giving your lady some of your own thoughts on how you think you could make this lifestyle work for the both of you. Incredibly, something that was scary and made your lady feel “alone” is now something that you’re thinking about doing together. She understands that you’re willing to “listen” and make some concessions, and in turn that’s going to allow her to be more open to “listening” and making some concessions. With this approach, you’ll find that you’re suddenly embarking on an adventure together and you’ll have a lady who is a lot more likely to want to come to a resolution that works for both of you.
So…”active listening” and “reassurance” are going to be your two new best friends when it comes to getting your lady on board with being a Hotwife. Try it out…what have you got to lose? 😊
-S
Ladies and gentlemen! We are Evie and Jacob Frye! And as of this moment, you all work, for us!
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Then, when they research the lifestyle, they see nothing but big black dudes humiliating a weak white husband.
This is called cuckolding and, while it’s a huge turn on for some, some women do not like it because they do not like to see their husband’s as “weak.”
I’m going to take a moment to speak to those confused women now…
– Villains (or as intellectuals say, antagonists), are a huge part of every story, and many believe that it’s a simple job to create one. You simply throw some universal no-no’s into a pan, bake at 375 for 30 minutes, decorate with a face, name them something like Chernobog or Lilith, and then write a scene or two where they kill someone or blow something up and you’re done. That is, simply, not the case. Here’s a guide to help you avoid a sad waste of an opportunity.
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They are individuals, with a past and family and demons of their own. They’ve fought their own battles, suffered their own losses, and been through their own share of pain. They have good traits and bad traits, just like the heroes of your story. Unfortunately, the bad traits have taken over in their case and resulted in harm to others. Your villains need to be well rounded characters. I’ve said this before, but villains are just like anybody else in the following three ways:
They are facing something we don’t know about and cannot understand
They are feeling things we aren’t aware of and, again, cannot understand
They are riddled with contradictory personality traits that they struggle to find balance between every single day
Show these things to your reader, because the best villains of all time have been the ones that we feel torn up about, simply because we relate to them in a way that reveals something about ourselves, or we understand them in a way that makes us feel conflicted.
People are not born evil. People are not born with values and morals and personal beliefs. Villains are people, and they got to the point they’re at somehow. You need to make that somehow clear to the reader. Maybe they grew up in a country where those beliefs are common, but the villain took them and applied action. Maybe your villain was hurt by someone or something and is now out to get revenge for all the pain they went to because of it. Show your reader the humanity behind the actions and they will hold so much more power.
Maybe not a moral one, or even a reasonable one, but a point that we could see, nonetheless. The best villains are the ones that have beliefs that come from a place we can fathom. Yes, there are classic tropes of “daddy issues” or abusive childhoods or things like that, but the true test of a good villain is the way they make your readers question their own values and beliefs. You have to present a good argument on both sides of a conflict, or the conflict comes off as pointless, and for the sake of conflict instead of resolution.
Your villain needs to at least match the hero’s strength, in one way or multiple. For instance, if you’re writing a superhero story and your hero has powers but your villain doesn’t, give that villain some power that the hero doesn’t have and never could. Make it difficult. Easy conflict resolutions are boring, especially in the case of a villain-hero dynamic. Watching a strong, good-hearted hero beat a weak, 2-dimensional evil villain is like watching an ant get squashed by a boot, except way more drawn out.
This could be done in multiple ways. Maybe the hero and the villain are family members, or used to be very close, or love someone in common. Or, maybe your villain and hero share many characteristics, morals, and personality traits, but have very opposite approaches to accomplishing the same goal. Watching two complete strangers have a conflict is boring because there’s no opportunity for plot twists or internal struggle.
Your reader will facepalm immediately at any hint of monologuing. You know you have an amateur villain when they a.) drag out their plans for stupid reasons instead of just meeting their goal(s) and b.) lay out their entire plan for the hero when they think there’s no possible way their enemy could ever escape, even though their security measures are rickety at best. Just.. don’t do this. Please. There are better ways of revealing information to your readers.
Your reader doesn’t have to like your villain to enjoy the scenes they read involving them. Classic villains, like Loki, The Joker, Captain Hook, The Queen of Hearts, Gaston, even Cruella de Vil, all had traits that made them either relatable or entertaining, and that’s what made them so great. It’s easy to create a character that readers will hate. It’s not easy to also make that character entertaining. Bottom line is, a large part of your readers will be reading for the sake of just that: entertainment. Don’t skimp out on the villain. Those guys are a huge part of what makes a story a classic.
This seems like it would be obvious, but it’s not. Too many times has there been a movie or a book where you see other characters talking about what the antagonist has done or said or believes, but you never actually see that individual doing things that make them so evil. I’m not saying you should include a scene where your villain just, like, mercilessly kills a puppy, but show your reader an instance where your villain is being the villain.
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