He A Cutie Patootie

Michael Kaiser in 10 bullet points:

He craves love, but also wants people to hate him.

He presents himself as talented and confident, looking down on others, yet deep down has low self-esteem and refers to himself as a "piece of trash".

He pretends to have luxurious tastes (clothes, food, manners, etc.) but his favorite meal is garlic bread crusts.

Despite studying psychology and philosophy extensively, he is unable to pursue therapy or truly understand himself.

In the same vein, he seeks recognition and his own identity through football, without truly knowing himself.

He despised how his father treated him, yet ends up treating others the same way.

He often degrades those who care the most for him, particularly Ness.

He desires luxury but has little interest in money.

Remember what he said to Lorenzo: "As always… You're a creepy gold-toothed loan shark who only sees poeple as money." Whereas Kaiser himself sees humans as tools/dogs.

He wants to be accepted and recognized, yet he despises most people and prefers being alone.

pov you and sae's daughter pranks that she has a boyfriend when really she's just playing love and deepspace, featuring overprotective rin. word count: 1k. itoshi sae x f!reader and you're married

"I have a boyfriend."

There's a beat of silence, two, as your daughter stares at Sae. He barely glances up from where he's making two hot cups of tea at the kitchen counter. "Okay."

"Dad, I'm serious."

He nods, tea leaves carefully strained in his hand. "Okay."

"Is that all you have to say?"

He watches as the color seeps into the water, and offhandedly wonders whether this conversation really has to interrupt his tea-making. She could be interrupting an event. Or an interview.

"Is there something I'm supposed to say?"

"I don't know?? Like — Who is he? What's his name? Does he treat you well?"

"Who is he. What's his name. Does he treat you well."

His deadpan tone clearly doesn't entertain, as his daughter all but collapses onto the kitchen counter.

"Y'know, this is why nobody likes you."

"Your mom likes me." It's true. Probably. There's two cups of tea on the counter, after all. You'll at least love him when he hands you one.

"I heard mom call you a frigid bitch with her friend the other day."

"That's nice of her."

Steam billows into the air as Rin swipes down the stairs and pads through the kitchen, frowning at the sink before rolling his sleeves up, soap bubbling up the sponge that froths in his hand.

And like the little fox she is, she sets her sights on a new target with a wicked grin.

"Rin-niisan,” there’s an airy, sing-song tune to her voice, but all it grants her is a vaguely annoyed look. Even she’s surprised at his lack of danger sense, like maybe this man needs to be studied. “I have a boyfriend."

A plate slips in Rin's hand, clanging on its descent. "Ha?"

He flips around, hands still elbow-deep in the sink. "What? What are you telling me for?" He juts his chin out to Sae. "Say something."

Sae just raises an eyebrow that earns a tch from Rin. The sink turns on, then shuts off, then turns on again, as if exposing how Rin's mind runs.

"Bring him over."

It sounds like a perfectly innocent statement, except for the way Rin's voice lowers, his gaze turned cutting behind his fringe.

That has both Sae and your daughter straightening. "He's probably just a kid," Sae reassures.

"Doesn't matter." A plate screeches as it's dropped into the drying rack. "Bring him over."

Sae thinks he just watched his daughter regret the entire conversation in one fell swoop. Maybe she shouldn't have brought it up, if just for the mysterious boyfriend's preservation, or the sanctity of his ego before Rin hits him with his intent-to-kill.

"What's going on?" Your slippers slide across the tile, the tell-tale sign of a savior.

"Your kid has a boyfriend." Rin lectures quickly, as if there's finally a real adult here to handle the situation.

"What?" You almost trip as you skid across the floor, and Sae moves to stabilize you with ease.

"What did you say?" You turn to Sae in a hushed tone that everyone can hear.

"I said okay."

You blink at him. He blinks at you back.

"Okay?"

Your daughter swings her phone to point at Sae. "I told you you're supposed to say something."

"It's fine," you wave his nonchalance away, "I'll set the precedent then. What's his name? What's he like? Does he treat you well? Wait, you told Rin before me?" You turn to Rin, "What did you say?"

"Rin wants to kill him." Both Sae and your daughter say in unison.

Rin shrugs in your direction. "At least I said something."

"I knew it was coming." Sae hits back easily.

"You knew?" You ask with a tone like it's an allegation and Sae wonders if maybe this is the time to give you that tea. "What are you, some kind of prophet? Tell us the lottery numbers next."

"She's been smiling at her phone. I figured she'd tell us when she was ready."

"And you didn't think to tell me?"

"Okay! No murder, no boyfriend!" Your daughter claps. "This was all a prank! I was just joking!"

There's another clank into the sink as Rin groans. At this point, Sae's not sure if the dishes will make it past this conversation.

"Then what's on your phone?"

"I started playing this otome game — Look! It even has an introduce to the parents function!"

Sae takes the phone from her hands as she shows you both, which she allows disgruntledly.

"Mm. He's very polite." He hands the phone back to her.

Rin looks over your daughter's shoulder, hands still dotted with soap, then scoffs. "So a virtual boyfriend? He doesn't even look real."

You raise your eyebrows at him. "I think that's the point. I used to play one of those too."

"You. Played a game with a virtual boyfriend." It's almost a question, Sae's hand sliding across the countertop. "Was this when we were dating?"

"Oh, so that you react to?" Your daughter huffs.

"I think a 'virtual boyfriend' is a little much. I played a video game."

"A dating video game." Your daughter wiggles her eyebrows at you. "That simulates dates." She looks at Sae pointedly. "It's immersive."

Her magic works on him a little too well, because subtle concern fills his face. "How immersive?"

You give him an incredulous look. "He's not even real."

"Give it to me." Sae makes a give-it-here gesture to your daughter's phone, which she of course responds with by holding it closer to her chest. Because she's a teenager. Her phone is sacred. "What else does he say?"

"You know what, dad. I suddenly have had a change of heart. I think we should aaall pretend I didn't say anything."

Rin almost snorts, the kitchen towel flung through his hands before being put meticulously back over the handle. "You should've thought of that before."

"I'm just tryna lighten the mood out here! Jeez, you're all so serious."

"Rin almost went to jail for what you just said." You jab.

"Or your parents could've gotten divorced." Rin bats back.

"Nobody is getting divorced." The side-eye Sae gives Rin is lethal. "Don't joke about that."

Oh. That reminds him. He takes both mugs and hands you one.

"Wah, thank you!" You get on your tippy-toes as you press a kiss to his cheek, your smile so wide it makes him give you a shy little upturn of his mouth back. "I love you."

Sae turns and pointedly looks straight at his kid. She rolls her eyes.

credits to tangerinedarker on ao3 for calling sae a frigid bitch in their various fics, i thought that was hilarious and it lives in my head rent free HAHA

in my mind reader called her friend to tell them after bachira texts her “how’s your frigid bitch of a husband” bc in tangerinedarker’s chat fic bachira was the one that came up w the nickname :D

Izana's birthday bromide's have finally been revealed!

gem i found on twitter

Izana in official arts>>

UGHHHFHGHFHHG izana is so fine😖

New full look at Izana and Mikey's anniversary outfits!

I miss my man 💔💔😔😔😔 (he doesn’t exist and probably wouldn’t even like me if he did)

dating rin and he barges in through the bathroom door while you’re filming your vogue beauty secrets night skincare routine video because he completely forgot about you mentioning it and thought you were getting ready for bed without him which upset him because it's something he looks forward to at the end of the day - gets home really late everyday and it's a ritual he gets to share with you, a moment to be intimate with you. so when he notices you're recording he just goes "oh." with the most deadpan look on his face, standing by the door apologizing and you very sweetly chuckle and tell him it's okay, with a kiss to his cheek, that you'll help him when you're done. you eventually decide to keep his cameo in the final cut, with his consent, even though you're usually very private dating each other because you thought that it couldn’t hurt to shine a light on your relationship. after all you were proud of him and it feels good to show him off every once in a while. (plus the public is used to his aggression on the field, to star athlete rin itoshi, his cold demeanour and foul mouth and this showed a different side to him, that he could be tame, too. docile.) gets a little embarassed when the video is posted and as soon as he leaves the frame you're telling the camera about how he likes it when you do your nightly routine together. and that his favourite part are the face masks.

queen can u make one with y/n and rin, and like basically u kiss him on the cheek with like lipstick before he goes to practice and he dosent notice and than at practice everyone makes comments like " wow rin looks like you had a fun night" and hes super confused until after he practice he goes to take a shower, and after the shower he comes bcak home and starts attcking you with kisses

here u go kween!!!

rin sat at the kitchen table, focused as he laced up his cleats. you stood nearby, watching him with a small smile and an idea brewing. as he reached for his bag, you leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, your lipstick leaving a faint pink mark.

“don’t forget your water bottle,” you said sweetly, handing it over.

“thanks,” he murmured, not even glancing up, oblivious to your little prank. you stifled a laugh as he left for practice.

at the field, his teammates were relentless.

“have a fun night, rin?” isagi smirked.

bachira burst out laughing. “who knew you were such a romantic?”

“what are you talking about?” rin grumbled, completely baffled.

nagi yawned, leaning lazily against the goalpost. “you’re practically glowing, man. lipstick suits you.”

rin frowned, his hand brushing against his cheek. confusion deepening when he saw nothing on his fingers. he dismissed it, thinking they were joking. until later, in the locker room, he spotted the faint lipstick mark on his cheek. his jaw tightened as the memory clicked.

after a quick shower, rin grabbed his things and headed home, determination replacing his earlier embarrassment.

the moment he walked through the door, you could tell he knew. his usual calm demeanor was replaced by a predatory glint in his eye. you didn’t even have time to greet him before he dropped his bag and closed the distance between you.

"rin—what—” you started, but your words were cut off as he cupped your face and kissed you. then another kiss. and another. his lips peppered your cheeks, your forehead, and your lips, his rare laughter vibrating against your skin.

“you think you’re so funny, huh?” he murmured between kisses, his tone soft yet teasing.

you giggled, your arms wrapping around his neck. “it was just a little love note.”

“well, here’s mine,” he replied, his lips brushing against your jawline. “next time, let me know if i’m gonna be walking around as your canvas.”

“maybe... maybe not.” you teased, your grin widening.

he smirked, his forehead resting against yours. “we’ll see about that.”

“i’ll take my chances,” you giggle, already planning your next move.