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Look at it upside down “save me”

reblog if you feel fat all the time

Self harm doesn’t always happen when a blade touches skin.

It’s skipping meals because you don’t feel like you deserve to eat today. It’s having sex because you want to be used or abused or defiled. It’s drinking recklessly because you might have the ‘courage’ do something stupid. It’s smoking - not because you need the nicotine - because you know it’s bad for you. It’s banging your head against a wall when you’re angry. It’s crossing the road without looking because you lowkey hope a car might hit you. It’s thinking about all the ways you could break a bone and make it look like an accident. It’s not taking painkillers because you want to suffer. It’s taking painkillers in excess because you know it’s dangerous. It’s walking home the more dangerous way because you’re kind of half hoping you’ll get attacked or raped or stabbed. It’s going for long walks at night and getting chilled to the bone and hoping that you get lost so that you can’t find your way back. It’s seeking out triggering material. It’s all the stupid little ways you punish yourself for existing.

Sometimes self harm happens when you put effort into depriving yourself of things you like or need, and sometimes it happens when you don’t put any effort into doing the things you like or need.

It’s a pattern of self-destructive behaviour, and it doesn’t only happen in one way.

I

They say every atom in our bodies was once a part of a star. Maybe I’m not leaving, maybe I’m going home.

Vincent Freeman, Gattaca (via vaesna)

List of my personal reasons to lose weight

1. Thigh gap 2. Flat belly 3. Jawline 4. Contour 5. Looking good in changing rooms 6. Self-esteem 7. Be the skinny one 8. Prove everyone wrong 9. Demonstrate my strong will power 10. Control 11. Nobody likes a fatty 12. Fatties live in denial 13. Get healthy / get away from junk food 14. Chubby childhood 15. Bones look nicer 16. Hip bones 17. Petite features 18. Eat to live, don’t live to eat 19. Model body 20. I can motivate others to look good 21. Working out 22. Changing my lifestyle 23. Saving money on food 24. Food does not run my thoughts 25. Be pretty 26. Be happy with my body 27. Setting goals 28. Rib cage 29. Potato fingers are ugly 30. Stop jiggling 31. Everyone likes me better skinny 32. People will try to stop me, I am stronger than their opinions 33. Doing this for myself & nobody else 34. Sense of accomplishment 35. Everything will look good on me 36. Big eyes, lips, & small face 37. Long hair looks better on skinny girls 38. Educate myself about foods 39. I can do what I set my mind to 40. I am stronger than my cravings 41. I am stronger than my body 42. Defined collarbone 43. Bikini body 44. Every angle is flawless 45. To be perfect 46. So my small extremities fit my small body 47. To be others’ motivation 48. 00 = no problems 49. To sit down and not roll over 50. Feel comfortable in crop tops 51. Defined chin 52. Mini skirts

I keep adding to this list and looking at it when I feel weak and about to cave in. STAY STRONG!

I’m tired

I’m tired of being a disappointment.

I’m tired of being a burden.

I’m tired of feeling suicidal.

I’m tired of being anxious.

I’m tired of the mood swings.

I’m tired of fucking everything up.

I’m tired of pretending.

I’m tired of hiding.

I’m tired of drowning.

I’m tired of these thoughts.

I’m tired of these feelings.

I’m tired of feeling worthless.

I’m tired of feeling useless.

I’m tired od feeling stupid.

I’m tired of not being enough.

I’m tired of the mess in my head.

I’m tired of feeling alone.

I’m tired of feeling.

I’m tired of living.

I just want everything to end.

And I don’t think I’ve ever felt more suicidal in my life.

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