I Don’t Think We Talk Enough About How Childhood Bullying Really Just. Fucks Up Your Ability To Make

i don’t think we talk enough about how childhood bullying really just. fucks up your ability to make friends long-term.

I’m not talking about self-image or even like attachment styles, although peer emotional abuse affects that too. I’m talking about how it legitimately stunts your understanding of how positive platonic relationships even work.

Like, a few years back (pre pandemic) a classmate point-blank told me, “hey, you’re pretty cool, do you wanna come out for drinks and trivia with us Thursday night?” and my first internal reaction wasn’t “oh cool, a friend!” or even “I’m not really interested” but: “where is the trap?” My kneejerk response to an earnest overture of friendship from this guy was trying to figure out how he was trying to back me into a corner, trick me into something, or make fun of me. We were in goddamm GRADUATE SCHOOL.

Of course I did end up going to drinks and it was a lovely time, but sometimes I think about the sheer number of potential friendships I’ve missed out on because I read their intentions as potentially hostile, *even when their intent is clearly not hostile*. Getting asked out for drinks is SUPER NORMAL. Being invited to parties is normal. Meeting for coffee is normal. in fact it’s a primary way of forging adult friendships. But i am immediately wary of it, because the years in which I was developing most of my crucial social skills were spent dodging cruel pranks, getting invited to fake parties or uninvited from real ones, getting asked out “as a joke”, being given compliments that were actually somehow insults, and so forth.

I don’t have problems making friends– I talk to people for a living, I am overall extremely charismatic and get invited out a lot, but I struggle to forge new connections because my trained response is to be immediately suspicious of people who appear friendly, welcoming and well-intentioned – even fifteen years later. This is why I don’t get the “you should have been bullied more” crowd. Like somehow bullying makes you more “normal”. It definitely doesn’t, even if “normal” was a real thing. I am definitely a more antisocial weirdo as a result of prolonged peer-to-peer emotional abuse than I would have been otherwise.

Iconic Things My Coding Professors Have Said (and it’s only day one)

“that sounds very hacky, but smart”

“i’m not sure where i’m going with this… its quite similiar to my life”

*Entire class and prof spends fifteen minutes trying to solve a problem before eventually giving up* “great work guys, that was some good debugging”

“is this a super big issue?” *longggg dramatic sigh* “… yes”.

Professor 1: “it’s still not working? um… okay, maybe you should… turn off your wifi and turn it back on again?" Professor 2: "40 years of experience in networking and computing at its finest”

“whenever i’m doing my taxes, i never use the calculator app on my phone, i always just open up a notebook and use python and i think thats very brave of me”

“your life quality with improve when you use python 3 instead of python 2. your skin will improve and you’ll even sleep better”

“so this compiler doesn’t recognise cases, so if you’re really perverse, you could do Apple, aPple, apPle, appLe, applE, but if you do that then i’m going to kick you out”

“so, let’s give an example: "True = False”. Asides from causing the end of the world, much like dividing by 0, this will also cause an error"

“if you want to see my cat, i’ll show her. if you DON’T want to see my cat, too bad, cause I’m going to show you her anyway”

“today we will use three keywords: `if`, `else`, and their weird cousin `elif`.”

“if you want to type something else, like… uh, goodbye world? maybe? is that too dark? i think its too dark, so lets save that for later on in the year… by the way, have you been told about your exams yet?”

Professor : “is everything clear so far? shall i go faster?” Literally EVERYONE: “no! slower!" Professor: "Slower?! you can go slow when you’re dead, you won’t need python then!”

“you can’t use functions as your variable names. for example, you can’t call this number "if”. i mean i don’t know why you’d use that as your variable name to begin with, but i’m not here to question your life, i’m here to teach you python"

“it’s probably not the most efficient but its just what came out of me so we’re running with it”

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just-ju

2 years ago

sometimes plushies make me cry because it’s like. they’re little guys made to be loved. their only purpose is to be held and hugged and loved. we made them because we love making things and we love loving things. and they’re so cute

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just-ju

2 years ago

What Goncharov (1973) Character are you?

Traumatized Russian assassin? Neopolitan Femme Fatale? Girlmutual? Find out!

Goncharov Uquiz time for the memes, since it’s enjoying a renaissance!

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