ScatterPatter's Incorrect Quote Generator. Snackin Edition

ScatterPatter's Incorrect Quote Generator. Snackin edition

Remus: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million gold? Severus: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house. Sirius: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million. Severus: Good thinking.

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Remus: Severus, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean? Severus: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later Remus: Ok, I love you too, I’ll just ask Sirius.

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*Remus and Sirius sitting in jail together* Remus: So who should we call? Sirius: I’d call Snape, but I feel safer in jail

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Remus: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life Severus: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind? Remus: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die. Sirius: edible

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Remus: If Sirius and I were drowning, who would you save? Severus: You two can’t swim? Sirius: It’s a hypothetical question, Snape! who would you save? Severus: my time and effort.

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Remus: HELP! I TOLD SIRIUS I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK! Severus, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

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Remus, trying to ask Severus out: Would you like to stay for dinner? Sirius: WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER?

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Remus: I know you snuck out last night, Sirius. Severus: Play dumb. Sirius: Who's Sirius? Severus: NOT THAT DUMB!!!

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Drunk Severus: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me. Remus: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you? Severus: Yes! Sirius: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.

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Sirius: Severus and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us Remus: *Sighing* What did Severus do? Sirius: He chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and... Severus: Who wants a steering wheel?

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Remus: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity? Severus: *turning to Sirius* How tall are you?

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Store Worker: Would a Mr. Remus please come to the front desk? Remus, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem? Store Worker: points to Severus and Sirius Store Worker: I believe they belong to you? Severus and Sirius, simultaneously: We got lost :( Remus: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-

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Remus: I trust Severus. Sirius: You think he knows what he's doing? Remus: I wouldn't go that far.

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Sirius: Remus, can I talk to you for a second? Remus: Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess. You and Severus are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss? Sirius: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.

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Remus: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Severus? Severus: … No. Sirius: I do! Remus: I know, Sirius. Sirius: I’m sad! Remus: I know, Sirius.

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Remus: Hey, Sirius? Can I get some dating advice? Sirius: Just because I’m with Snape doesn’t mean I know how I did it.

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I'll do Marauders x Snape next! (except peter cuz I'm scared to experiment with that ship rn)