A Little Peeking For Victor's Birthday Project

Awww they’re so happy ❤️ and yes just look my way pulls at the heartstrings fr

Being silly!

My beloved anemo archon relaxing in the sun 🩵

Realized I hadn’t actually drawn Venti yet, and I needed to remedy that cause he’s my favorite alcoholic bean and I love him and no I don’t have a problem 🍃🍺🪽🌌

Ahhhh my poor beefleaf-loving heart 😭

This idea is so painful but so sweet at the same time, but isn’t that just beefleaf in a nutshell?

Every year, for the mid autumn festival, the crown prince of xianle is undefeated in the number and grandeur of thousands of glittering lanterns lifting to the sky in his honor. All the doing of crimson rain sought flower - and the god's growing number of believers.

But it seems that, without explanation, every year, 523 lanterns are lit for a god that has fallen. The number is always exact, but the god it is offered to has long disappeared. It is a great mystery.

"Palace of the Wind Master... 523 lanterns."

There is nobody to rejoice about it.

From a dark patch of sea, of grief, loss and bitterness, every year, 523 lanterns rise to the skies.

Couldn’t have said it better, yes I know none of those Alastor ships are canon but it is frustrating to see such a large amount of that kind of content of a confirmed ace character; as someone on the ace spectrum it hurts that no character can exist without being shipped, for the most part I’m not against shipping but in this case, it feels like erasure. And I don’t think it’s fair to say that just because it’s not canon doesn’t mean it doesn’t have an impact, because when the content is as widespread as it is in this instance, it overshadows Alastor’s canon orientation. Just my thoughts, I know not every ace person is bothered by this but I just thought I’d offer my opinion.

The Hazbin Hotel fandom’s issue with accepting aromanticism and asexuality

Now that it is officially Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week, I want to talk about this!

I find that, as an aroace myself, I am constantly grasping at good representation and coming up empty— it usually ends up in one of two ways.

One: the character is portrayed as emotionless, cold, and robotic in nature. It’s the question aromantic and/or asexual people are often asked: “Are you heartless?” The answer is no, of course, but general media makes it out to be the opposite.

Or two: Their lack of attraction is seen as something to “fix” because they “haven’t found the right one yet”, and they end up with a partner as a “happy ending”.

It frustrates me greatly because of how little people actually see aromanticism or asexuality as a true part of the LGBTQIA+ community.

So when I watched Hazbin Hotel, and I found out about Alastor being aroace, I was over the moon. I was on cloud nine. I also saw how his voice actor has looked up the term as an attempt to learn about aroaces, which makes me OVERJOYED?? Amir is truly a blessing, and I love that he’s proud to embody a character that’s part of our community. It’s so beautiful to finally have a proper character, a fan favorite at that, who just so happens to be aroace— and that’s another thing I love about this.

It’s never explicitly stated in the show (though it is stated in interviews), but it’s rather clear when you’re watching, isn’t it? Alastor’s aversion to any sort of sexual advancement, coupled with Rosie’s blatant “I know you’re an ace in the hole” comment sort of spell out his asexuality pretty clearly, as well as what side of the spectrum he falls upon. In addition, his Valentine’s day card was strictly platonic, which caters to his aromantic side. It feels so validating to finally be represented, to finally have a character in media who shares the same lack of interest in romance and sex as I do.

When I entered the fandom to look for more content, I kind of expected to see the same respect for Alastor’s orientation there too. But that… wasn’t the case? I am fully aware that aromanticism and asexuality are both spectrums— of course, aromantic and/or asexual people can enter those kinds of relationships. I’m not denying that and they belong in the community as much as anyone else on the spectrum.

But, the more I see the same line again and again and again, the more it feels like an excuse to just ship what you want.

Usually I don’t mind shipping? I’m often a firm believer in people shipping what they like as long as it’s harmless and they don’t go crazy over it. I also know for a fact that Viv doesn’t have a problem with people shipping her characters. They are fictional, after all.

But in this case, people are ignoring the very thing that makes Alastor a part of the aroace community! People are ignoring his lack of romantic or sexual attraction!

Is this not the same as changing a gay character’s orientation to suit a straight ship? If not, how so? I’m told that we are a part of this community, so why aren’t we being treated like it? Why is it so hard to accept the people on the end of the spectrum who aren’t interested?

Something I’ve been noticing throughout my life is that society has not exactly progressed very much on the idea of accepting asexual or aromantic identities. Maybe we have, a little, since the old days— but hell, people in “the old days”, which in truth wasn’t very long ago, believed that asexuality was a medical condition to be “fixed” by taking the right medication or having sex. That’s a pretty low bar to clear. And on the romance side, you’re seen as a “late bloomer” or “boring” if you don’t express interest. These days, being friends with someone is treated like a gateway to them possibly becoming a lover. Not getting married, not going on dates, not wanting a partner— it’s all treated like a crime when it’s not.

Maybe I’m selfish, or sensitive, or I’m butthurt over nothing, or I’m making it all about me. Maybe I’m gatekeeping or whatever the term is. But please, please, please, I just want an aroace character like me who simply is not interested in sex or romance.

And I want fandom to respect that. I admire the creations that fans make— the art, the animatics, the writing and the character analysis. And I want people to keep creating because creation is indeed a beautiful thing.

But I really would like people to treat aroace identities like they’re important. Like it’s more than just a spectrum to get wiggle room to wrangle in another ship.

Bear with me, it’s essay time because crying about beefleaf while rereading some parts of book 4 gave me a LOT of thoughts and emotions.

The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that beefleaf were never going to get a happy ending, not because mxtx didn’t want to give them one, but because their dynamic literally makes it an impossibility. I don’t think it matters that He Xuan genuinely cared for SQX as Ming Yi because he is never going to be able to look at them without recalling what they took from him. Sure, he might not hate SQX, and he might actually wish them a happy life, but that life cannot be with him.

And this is taking into account a scenario in which He Xuan didn’t kill Shi Wudu, because even if he didn’t, I don’t think he himself could ever be truly happy with SQX. There is too much pain associated with them, and even though they were not the direct cause of that pain, I think it’s still fair for He Xuan not to want to be around that reminder. Is that fair to Qingxuan? Not necessarily, but neither was any of this fair to He Xuan.

I don’t think they could ever have a healthy relationship built upon a foundation filled with so much hurt, because they would only end up hurting each other more, whether intentionally or not. I think they both know this, and it’s why I personally believe that the ending mxtx gave them is the best we could have hoped for. In the end, I believe it’s clear that neither of them hates the other, but they do harbor a lot of complicated feelings on the matter that cannot be resolved with apology and forgiveness.

For Qingxuan’s part, I don’t think they blame He Xuan for their present situation. In fact, they are adamant in relaying to Xie Lian that He Xuan didn’t do anything to them after the events of the Black Water Arc. However, they also seem intent on moving forward with their mortal life. As for He Xuan, his dropping SQX off at the royal capital, as well as his willingness to give SQX his spiritual power and the fan (regardless of the dire circumstances) shows that there’s a part of him that still cares about them. He has no desire to interfere with Qingxuan’s chances at happiness in their new life, precisely because of that affection, but he also doesn’t want to be around to grieve over what could have been. Because every time He Xuan sees SQX, there will only be regret, both for his inability to see SQX without the attached pain and for the friend (or even lover) he could have had had their fates not been so maliciously intertwined.

Yes, I love beefleaf, but what I love more than the ship are the incredibly written individuals themselves. And I do firmly believe that, in canon at least, they would both be more at peace by letting go and moving on. Not necessarily happy, but at peace.

Now, in another universe, where these two met outside of these circumstances? Beefleaf most certainly sails.

Side note: In a weird way, writing this was actually kinda cathartic because it gave me peace with and acceptance of beefleaf’s canon ending, while still acknowledging that these two definitely had the potential to be lovers. That potential can be (and already has been) explored through everyone’s lovely fan creations.

Thank you, I wholeheartedly agree with this. Like you’ve said, Ash’s death to me speaks more to the tragedy of the abuse he suffered so young. It’s not about whether he deserved to die, it’s about whether he was able to live under the circumstances. And it’s unfair and horrible, but when you become as entwined in that kind of life as Ash was, there sometimes isn’t a way out.

Does that mean Ash deserved to die? Of course not. He deserved to heal, he deserved to be happy, he deserved the world after what he went through, especially when his heart remained pure in spite of everything. But as the OP put it, the abuse he suffered forced him into a life of crime, and that life of crime was not so easy to escape.

I still wish it would have ended differently, because I love Ash. The amount of pain he suffered in his short eighteen years of life is unfathomably horrific, and more than anything I wanted to see him happy. But I will not say that Yoshida’s decision to end the story that way was bad, or that it means she believes Ash deserved death. Ash’s death is not narratively insignificant in any way. Do I hate that it ends that way? Yes, with every fiber of my being, but the fact that I hate it so much, the fact that I shed so many tears over this fictional character, exposes the tragedy inherent in Ash’s story. The prolonged abuse that forced him towards gangs and the mafia is also what prevented him from leaving it behind. In that I find a powerful message about the resounding echoes of this kind of repeated, sickening violence.

When Ash dies, we are forced to confront the horrors of his life. Sure, it can be argued that all of Banana Fish forces us to do that, but when we receive the shock of his death, we immediately start creating a chain of events in our head to figure out how he ended up at that point. And through that process, we internalize the ways in which the violence done to him stretched beyond any single moment to touch every aspect of his life. That creates an endless, soul-rending stream of grief because we are left with a deep sense of injustice—he only ended up dying because his life was so irreversibly shaped by his trauma, and no one deserves that. No one deserves to have the ability to choose the course of their own life taken away, but that is the tragedy of Banana Fish. Ash lost that ability so young, and that is a very painful reality to face.

If anything, I would say the only one believing Ash deserved to die for the blood on his hands was Ash himself. I won’t go into detail about this because honestly, I’m not sure whether that was truly what was going through Ash’s head when he made the decision to go to the library. What we do know is that he did struggle with a lot of self-loathing. He often saw himself as a monster because of the people he had killed, the things he had done to survive, and so he could never see himself as Eiji did, or as we did through Yoshida’s story. The people who hurt Ash did so to the point that he believed he wasn’t worthy of healing, that he believed he was only hurting others by being around them, and that is once again an effect of that consistent abuse.

That is what saddens me the most about Ash’s death, that he might have believed he didn’t deserve better, when he did. But we all saw it—we all knew, from the very beginning, that Ash was a kind soul whose life was cruelly domineered by his abusers, and he did deserve to live and heal.

What people seem to constantly misunderstand about what Akimi Yoshida said regarding how Ash couldn't have just gotten away scot-free from his life of crime is that it ISN'T Yoshida saying Ash "deserved" to die. Yoshida frames Ash as a hero from beginning to end. He's shown to be a genuinely good and kind person, that goodness remarked upon again and again by multiple characters, and his death is seen as a tragedy. That should be enough to convince people that Yoshida didn't hate Ash or think he deserved to die. The fact she frames him in such a positive light shows she understands that Ash is a good person that was forced into doing terrible things for his own survival and the survival of others. So this insistence that she thought he deserved to die because she said in some fan-translated interview that he couldn't just walk away from his life of crime, or that there's a price to be paid for murder, is ridiculous. It relies on nothing but assumption about the character of the author.

It's also a problem in fandom, in general, where interviews with authors, in which they're often giving on the spot and half-baked answers to random questions without any prepreation, are given greater credence in interpreting the author's intent than the actual, published work itself. How about letting the work stand on its own and interpret it as is? I've seen so much hate lobbed at Yoshida for supposedly hating Ash or thinking he deserved to die, when the actual story itself does nothing but portray Ash as deeply sympathetic and tragic. Again, no one could read "Banana Fish" with any level of reading comprehension and come away with anything but the impression that Ash is the hero and a good person who's life and death was deeply unfair and unjust. That fact alone should override any answer Yoshida gave in any interview, especially when it's obvious how much Yoshida hates giving interviews and very obviously, intentionally gives half-assed answers that she doesn't put much thought into. It's clear from the work itself that Yoshida has a great love for Ash as a person and as a character. She based his design off of River Phoenix, her favorite actor, she shares her birthday with him, and again, the way she frames Ash and his actions is as that of a hero, from beginning to end. I don't know, maybe it's because she sees Ash as a hero herself?

Ash dying only demonstrates the point further about how child abuse ruined Ash's life. He was led into a life of crime because of the abuse he suffered, and the fact it was that life of crime that led to his eventual death, with it basically being a gang dispute that got him in the end, only further drives home the point of how devastating and ruinous child abuse is. Ash wasn't a criminal because he was a bad person, he was a criminal because the abuse he suffered drove him to become one, and then, eventually, that life of crime he'd been forced to lead came back on him in the form of Lao stabbing him, which is what I think Yoshida actually means when she says Ash couldn't just walk away from the life of crime he'd lived. That inability to walk away further demonstrates the tragedy of the abuse Ash suffered, because it shows how it forced him into doing things which eventually came back to haunt him, things which he couldn't "escape". Lao stabbing Ash was in consequence to his being a gang leader, and his being a gang leader was a result of the abuse he suffered. The two things are interconnected with one another. It's not about Ash deserving to die because of the lives he'd taken, it's about how the life Ash was forced to live as a result of his abuse eventually led to his death. That's where the whole notion of "you live by the sword, you die by the sword" comes from. It's not necessarily a moral condemnation of the person committing acts of violence, but an acknowledgement that violence begets violence. That violence is cyclical. But the fact of Ash's death as a result of his life of crime only further demonstrates the true devastation wrought by the abuse of children, and that's the ultimate point of "Banana Fish's" ending. It's meant to force us to face, through the tragedy of Ash's death, the tragedy of his life in turn.

I think about this scene all the time LOL, was definitely on my mind for KhunBam week

KhunBam week 2024 day 5 - Faith

Season 3 Chapter 154

"Don't worry, we have the greatest scammer in the tower with us. I know we are going to win."

"Are you talking about me?"

Xie Lian can thank his lucky stars (ironically) that Mu Qing didn’t wake up cause he would’ve murdered him on the spot (and then Hua Cheng would have subsequently murdered Mu Qing for hurting his hubby)

Whoops

Day 4 of crying over banana fish, when usually making me cry would be like moving mountains. I cried myself to sleep the past 3 nights after finishing the anime, this is seriously a different kind of pain. I don’t think any story will ever hurt me as much as this. It really tugs at every fiber of your being until all you’re left with is an inconsolable ache in your heart. I don’t regret anything though. Ash and Eiji will forever be in my thoughts, and their story will forever exist in my soul.

SO CUTE Yuuri is a ✨QUEEN✨

My brain wasn’t letting me sleep until I got this out of my system