Okay But Can U Imagine The Househusband AU With Scaramouche? Fits The Bill Of “last Person To Be A

koko & nupi as black dragons' baseball team battery ⚾

thinking about scaramouche team dynamics ft scarabedo

going on a blind date

feat. Diluc, Thoma, Kazuha

DILUC

“Trust me Y/n, I’m the best matchmaker Mondstadt has to offer!” Venti’s words replayed in your head as you walked towards Angel’s Share.

For whatever reason, the bard wanted to set you up on a blind date. And for whatever reason, you agreed to it.

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“Someone who won’t run away” and now homeboy is running away from him , himself 😭

Credits to luty_nii on instagram

His reaction to being called gēgē by a child.

Kazuha, Thoma, Gorou ver.

Itto, Scaramouche ver.

Requested by @lunavixia​.

A/N: It feels a little out of place for a tsukumogami to be picked up by an adeptus, so the reader is an actual human child in Xiao’s version.

Xiao | Female reader | Scenario

“(Y/n), please don’t run! You might trip and hurt yourself!” Chongyun cried as he reached out for the young girl’s figure bolting away in the distance. Once she had disappeared beyond the gate beside Wangshu Inn, the exorcist fell on all fours in despair as scenarios of his possible doom by a certain yaksha’s hands flashed through his mind. “Adeptus Xiao will no doubt have my head if he finds even the tiniest scratch on her-!”

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supervillains and unicorn bags ; j.wy

requested by @minghaofilm (36 + villain au) for my milestone celebration !! go ahead and send me an ask <3

pairing ; villain!wooyoung x scientist!reader (gender-neutral)

summary ; concocting superhuman serums late at night was your job. dealing with an obnoxiously sparkly villain, however, was most definitely not.

themes ; fantasy, comedy, action, scientist au, villain au, superhero au

words ; 1.8k

warnings / includes ; cursing, weapons, one vaguely suggestive joke, a sLAP, handcuffs, wooyoung being a liddol shit and dresses gothcore x kidcore, surprise guest at the end :D yes he also appeared in gsabb <3

a/n ; my favorite piece i've written for my milestone event yet !! this is set in the same universe of goldstorm and bug boy! but can still be read separately :D wanna thank @subways-stuff for letting me ramble abt this fic cries

masterlist. fanart by @subways-stuff <3

You never worked this late. Not once in your life had you been in the lab past seven in the afternoon. Sure, your hours were long and winded, starting far before the sun crept out of hiding, but you’ve never been kept here for longer than you needed to be. Everybody had gone home, back to their families, probably having dinner or watching late night television. It was the weekend tomorrow, after all.

The lab was eerie when quiet. You could hear the sound of your own heartbeat thundering in your ears.

I’ll go home after cross-infusing the last mutated virus strains, you mused whilst pushing away from the microscope with a lethargic sigh. Who knew concocting variants of superhuman serum from scratch would take so much out of you?

The artificial glow from the lights flickered above you, momentarily suspending the room in a shroud of shadows. You blinked once, and they flashed back on shortly afterwards. That was strange. The bulbs were just changed a week ago, you were there when the handymen came.

Something felt off. The air tasted stale.

Your suspicions were only confirmed when the doors to the lab flung open with a resounding bang, your head snapped up so quickly you were surprised you hadn’t given yourself whiplash.

Please just be Yeosang. Did he forget his jacket? Oh, shit, I don’t see any jackets laying around.

It was safe to say that the man standing by the doorway wasn’t anywhere close to your dry-witted coworker. He wore an extravagant eye sore of a villain's get up, a mesh between something you’d find on backhand EBay and dark leather that clung a little too tightly to his form. His tendrils were combed back, a faded blonde with the roots remaining dark as night. Purple eyeshadow with flecks of golden dust ringed his eyes, crinkled from his malicious grin. What was this, Doctor Strange? Was that a bejeweled collar he was wearing? Were those rhinestones on his boots?

You reared backwards at the sight of the… sparkly newcomer.

“Hands up!” he commanded with a beguiling smile, both his nail-polished hands raising to clasp together into a shooting position. “Just kidding, I don’t have a gun. Unless you count these.” The strange man pointed to his biceps with a salacious wink. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes.

“Who are you?” You were pleasantly surprised to find your voice steady, unafraid.

An eyebrow arched as he practically screeched out, “You don’t know me? What, have you been living under a rock?”

You honestly didn’t take any offense to his question because you really didn’t have much of a social life outside the lab. Working for superheroes expectedly forced you into a reclusive lifestyle. So, you shrugged with a slight grin, amused at his worked up state.

“Well, I’m Wooyoung. My villain name is Vaurien. Cool, right? Got that off of a random name generator. I think it’s French or something.”

You remained silent.

“I’m the man that stole the Eiffel Tower?”

You vaguely remembered that.

“I turned the Statue of Liberty neon green.”

You might have recalled seeing them talk about that on the news. It hurt your eyes seeing it on the screen, so you turned it off.

“I replaced the Great Wall of China with legos.”

You had to admit, that was funny.

None of that answered your question, though. Not really. “What do you want?” you finally asked, exasperated. Wooyoung seemed affronted by your lack of reaction at all the wondrously evil feats he’s committed, but he was quick to get over it when you shrugged your lab coat off. “I’m tired and I still have a lot of work to do. If you want to steal some chemicals, I’m sure we have some in the back storage for you. I’ll even hand you a key if you’d like.”

The flaxen-headed villain planted his fists onto his hips and glared at you. “First of all, that wouldn’t be stealing, that would just be you giving me what I want. Where’s the fun in that?” This time, you didn’t hold back the irked eye-roll. “Second, I’m looking for something a bit more valuable than ingredients for baking soda volcanoes… even though those were fun to make. Ever heard of superhuman serum?”

Raw terror clung to your bones, a sickly paste of darkness. In the wrong hands, this serum could destroy society as you knew it. He was a world-renowned villain (apparently), asking for the serum you’ve dedicated your life’s work to. Was now a good time to call for Captain Jongho? Would he be able to get you before you made a run for your phone laying across from you on the counter?

“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Wooyoung wrinkled his nose. “I like it when you lie to me.”

You weren’t quite sure what to say to that.

The sinking feeling in your stomach only worsened when he pulled out a gun一a real one一and held the sleek grey firearm steady, aimed right between your forehead. “Do you like it when I lie to you?”

You clenched your jaw, before swivelling your head to the sealed safe hidden behind a dozen passcodes and iron doors and ID keycards. “It’s down in the basement. Come with me.”

His eyes felt like daggers on the back of your neck.

“Stop staring at me.”

“Why? Do I make you nervous?” You didn’t appreciate the challenging tone in his inquiry, so you didn’t bother gracing him with a response.

Your fingers hurried to key in the last of the passwords onto the computer, a flustered flush dancing up your skin.

“CaptainJonghoCanThrowMeOffABridge666? That’s your password?” The supervillain cackled with gleeful laughter, doubling over whilst clutching at his stomach and propping himself by slinging an arm over your shoulder. You shrugged him off with an annoyed grumble. “Didn’t peg you as the type to have a crush on your boss.”

“He’s not my boss,” you were quick to reply, moving your eyes from the screen to gaze at Wooyoung defiantly. “I just work under him.”

“Hm, I bet you do,” Wooyoung commented snidely, to which you scowled.

Whatever scathing words you held on your tongue dissipated away when the large metal doors of the lab’s foolproof safe slid open a second later, revealing aisles upon aisles of different versions of superhuman serum. There went the days and nights where you poured your blood, sweat, and tears into working, all down the drain.

“You’re a peach, sweetheart,” Wooyoung gripped your fingers, pressing an over-exaggerated kiss to the back of your hand. A small part of you was amused at the faint lipstick mark he left on your skin, but your common sense ripped your limb away from him, instinctively arcing your palm through the air to swiftly land a resounding slap to his cheek. It probably hurt less than a dull flick to the supervillain, but he staggered backwards from pure shock. He cradled the cheek you had hit, staring at you with something akin to awe.

Then, a smile blossomed across his mouth. You hated how handsome he looked just then.

“I like you,” he said, then promptly rotated to stuff all the vials into a sparkly unicorn bag you hadn’t even noticed him holding.

You moved to follow after him, but let out an enraged groan when you found yourself tethered to the computer desk. The metal clamp was cold around your wrist. The kiss was a distraction to cuff you! You should’ve known.

“Sorry about that,” Wooyoung sent you a wink when he sauntered out, the safe now void of serum and his absurd bag bulging to the point of almost breaking. “The cuffs auto-unlock. They’ll come off in an hour.”

Pain flourished in your mouth as you physically bit down on your tongue to refrain from spitting out obscenities.

“A thank you would be nice.” You swung a kick to his shin, but he danced away before your shoe could land against his expensive leather suit. When he stuck his tongue out childishly, you could swear there was steam coming out of your ears. It surprised you when he took his gun and placed it right beside you on the table, a mischievous gleam in his molten irises. “I lied to you again. A teensy, tiny white lie. The gun isn’t loaded.”

This time, you didn’t stop the curses and obscenities from tumbling past your lips, tugging at your cuff as hard as you could. You willingly gave up a fortune’s worth of serum because he pointed an empty gun at your forehead! You’ve never felt more foolish in your life. “You fucking bastard! You won’t get away with this! Captain Jongho will find you, you know!”

“I’ll make sure to say hello to your boyfriend, then.”

“He’s not一!” you huffed, abruptly pausing yourself. “Fuck you, Vaurien. That serum doesn’t belong to you.”

Wooyoung bit down on his lip, staving away a bright smile. “You're right. It belongs to us.”

Confusion marred your features, but quickly faded away once another man materialized beside him.

“San!” Wooyoung exclaimed jovially. “I was just saying goodbye to the lovely Y/N here.”

The other man bore a striking resemblance to the infamous villain always making headlines on newspapers and appearing on television almost weekly. Last you saw of him, he had dark purple strands of hair, found by the police and tied up by the heroes Goldstorm and Spiderman. However, the strands on his head were cropped short and dark as ebony, complimenting the unnaturally green glow of his eyes. It didn’t take a genius to piece two and two together. He broke out of jail.

What did Vaurien and San want with the serum? What would Captain Jongho think of you for letting them get away with it?

“I thought we agreed not to use the unicorn bag?” San asked, but quickly waved the question away. “Doesn’t matter now. Thanks for the help, Y/N. We’ll be back soon.”

“We will?” Wooyoung brightened up (though you weren’t quite sure how that was possible), and swiveled his eyes to you. “You heard that? This isn’t the last you’ll see of me.”

A bitter taste climbed up the back of your throat. “What an honor,” you spat out, dripping with sarcasm. Wooyoung’s grin only seemed to expand three-fold at your hateful disposition.

The two villains disapparated with naught another word in a flash of green light (but Wooyoung did send you another obnoxious flying kiss just before doing so, which you pointedly ignored). You wondered what Yeosang’s face would look like when he walks into the lab on Monday. What about Captain Jongho? You presumed you’d call him as soon as the cuffs unlocked themselves. Another deep-timbered groan exhausted your lungs as you dropped your head onto the table.

You were in deep shit now.

yours truly,

yours truly, (part one). / sincerely, (part two).

premise: as a friend of the most attractive students in school, you're more than used to acting as the middleman between them and the people vying for their affection, often tasked with delivering presents or handing out their love letters. however, when you chance upon a small bouquet of flowers on your desk without a note indicating the sender or who you're meant to give it to, you start to wonder if this one's supposed to be yours.

includes: childe, xiao, diluc, kazuha, albedo, thoma & gorou !

a/n: hahaha why is this so long... anyways this is a college au + reverse harem of some sorts. enjoy. i really don't want this one to flop so likes and reblogs are appreciated thx

“Do you think it's a prank?”

“Why is that the first thing that pops into your mind?” Keqing sighs as she fixes her makeup in front of a compact mirror, smacking her lips to spread the color evenly. “You're really cute, [Name]. why wouldn't someone like you by now?”

Your face burns at the offhand comment. “You're only saying that because we're friends.”

Ayaka giggles, twirling a lock of your hair with her finger. “Of course not. You're very adorable! If anything, it'd be more surprising if nobody likes you.”

“Who do you think it's from, though?” Ganyu quietly asks from beside you, observing the handful of carnations laying on your desk. Scanning the students currently present in the room, she thoughtfully adds, “maybe someone on the shyer side since they couldn't give it to you directly?”

“Or someone who did it to be romantic,” Kokomi suggests, scrutinizing the flowers with keen eyes. “That's quite nice of them.”

You hummed in contemplation, trying to figure out who placed it on your table. “Are you sure it's not a prank... or a mistake? You all sit beside me, so maybe they mistook my seat for yours-”

“You're the only one who faithfully sits there, [Name]. We don't even have assigned seats so most of us sits wherever,” Keqing clarifies, staring at you with a disapproving look. “Don't deny it. You know it's yours.”

“But I can't think of anyone who would like me!” you exclaim in defeat. “I am curious about who gave it, though... I should try to find out who it is...”

“More importantly...” Ganyu smiles at you, noticing the blush dusting your cheeks. “Who do you want it to be?”

childe:

in all honesty, he's your first guess.

not because you think he likes you or anything! he's just a huge flirt.

at the beginning of the school year, you hardly got along. you know he's a friendly guy, but it's in the way that... intimidated you. he's part of the “mood maker” clique, attracting attention wherever he goes, and you're not sure if you could handle his energy...

you preferred to stay away from the spotlight though that's a bit hypocritical considering you're friends with the prettiest group of girls in your year, and he relished in it. you didn't know if you could get along.

you didn't become friends until you were assigned partners for a project that meant a lot for your grade, and you vowed to yourself if you couldn't be close to him, you should at least be close enough to work together without trouble.

in the end, you surprisingly hit it off, childe easing the awkward air between you with jokes and random stories to tell about his weird friends. your friendship didn't end when the project did, and you continued to hang out outside of school. you're sure he didn't approach you to get closer to your friends, either; though you had some doubts at first, he was nothing alike with the jerks who tried to use you.

you're no stranger to the pranks he pulled, nor were you unaware of his flirty nature; he occasionally entertained the lot who fancied him when he attended drinking parties. so it made perfect sense if it was childe who gave those flowers, along with the gifts that followed after. it would just be him messing around again, right? oh, definitely! it wouldn't be the first time he spent his money in reckless abandon, bragging that he has the cash to spare for it.

but unexpectedly when you bring up the topic, his expression darkens, showing no sign of joking around. he looks a little shocked, too, to know someone was pursuing you.

“it's not from me,” he admits, gently taking your hand. “but it's true that i like you.”

xiao:

xiao is one of the people you deliver presents to lol

due to his intimidating disposition (and the endless amount of nasty rumors swirling about him, thanks to said intimidating disposition), hardly anybody would dare to approach him, daunted by the perpetual scowl etched on his face. he remains as eye candy, but an entity no one could reach.

you avoided him at first, too. his face is admirable, you can say that much, but you've become somewhat desensitized from having been surrounded by pretty faces 24/7 so you can't really say it's anything new... and yes, you are scared of him to a certain degree. you could never guess what he's thinking.

you weren't sure if he's as scary as people make him out to be though, since people tend to exaggerate gossip for the sake of shock value. he once defended a middle schooler from high school delinquents (through persuasion and not with fists), but the story somehow twisted into another tale entirely detailing how xiao had brutally wiped the floor with their faces and painted the concrete floor with blood...

but as intimidating as he might seem, you don't think he's that kind of character. if you overlook his piercing glare and sharp tongue, he's quite decent.

... you thought that way until you caught him tailing you on your way home.

he crept up behind you, maintaining a natural distance, but after numerous twists and turns in hopes of leading him away, he had yet to cease heading towards your direction. you wouldn't be so suspicious if you hadn't purposely gone in circles around town, leading back to where you came from — which meant he didn't have a particular destination in mind, and fully intended on being hot on your tail.

tired of having bated breath waiting for his next move, you gathered all your courage and confronted him directly, cornering him to the nearest wall to assert dominance. xiao seemed startled by your forwardness, and you took his moment of vulnerability as an opportunity to interrogate him.

unexpectedly, he sheepishly confesses, “i'm not a stalker, i got worried since you're going home this late. haven't you heard about the crime rate these days...”

from there on, you suppose you could say you understood him better. though he's snappy and stern, he's not that terrifying, even sweet at times. when you become proper friends (and you stop suspecting him as your stalker), he saves you a seat next to him, or brings you coffee that you like when he notices you're sleepy in class.

it wasn't long until everybody came to know you were friends and a girl finally — you guessed it — asked you to send a love letter to xiao in her stead.

when you gave it to xiao, he was unusually flustered, flushed pink to the tips of his ears. his expression falls flat once you tell him it's from someone else, badly containing the disappointment to show on his face.

nevertheless, you continue to be friends, and xiao has learned not to expect much from you.

he's the earliest to arrive in class, so you ask him if he'd seen the person who gave you flowers. with a cold, hard look, he says no.

he's acting kind of weird, isn't he...

diluc:

the barista in the coffee shop near your university that has to put up with so much bullshit flirting everyday.

he has to reject people in a roundabout way, and you know he hates it, but of course he has to provide great customer service if he still wants customers right... directly breaking their hearts would only make problems.

but he takes no shit from rude customers.

no, you weren't one of them. in fact, diluc quite liked you a bit. first of all, you don't have any romantic interest for the staff, you genuinely enjoy his drinks (he knows because your face is like an open book), and you mind your own business. he tolerates you enough that he can make small talk with you and it doesn't upset him in the slightest.

so it really ticked him off when some idiot was bothering you in the cafe, starting an argument over a trivial matter that shouldn't be fussed over.

in normal circumstances, diluc would've done the usual protocol — reason with the angry customer, offer free products, and let them leave the premises peacefully. but the moment he saw the man grab your shoulders and you winced in pain as a result, he didn't even have to think of what to do next.

cold coffee rained down on the ill-mannered man's head, evoking a surprised scream out of him. his fingers left your body in favor of patting away the sticky liquid from his clothes, and you stared blankly at the seething figure behind him.

“your order,” diluc announced, his voice tinted with rage. then he pretended to remember something, looking at the empty cup in his hand. “oh, i apologize. you ordered it hot, didn't you?” he forced a smile on his face. “would you like me to brew another one for you?”

the man erupted to a new screaming fit, but he was promptly dragged aside. diluc immediately questioned if you were hurt anywhere, his voice a total 180 from before and turning into a soft tone you nearly didn't recognize.

“that stunt you pulled...” you nervously said. “will you be okay...? won't you get, er, dismissed because of it?”

“...you don't know i own this place?”

“???”

in any case, you've become good friends ever since that incident. so when your secret admirer gives you your customized drink from diluc's shop (that even xiao doesn't know the recipe of!), you ask him if there's a customer who ordered your exact drink that morning.

strangely enough, he changes the subject.

“he only gave you coffee?” diluc wrinkles his nose. “he's not fit for you.”

he proceeds to shove you a plate of pancakes for breakfast and won't let you talk about that topic again.

kazuha:

the soft-spoken boy working part-time as a florist. as one would expect, his good-looking features attracted customers left and right, just like how a flower allures bees with its colorful petals and sweet nectar.

he studies in a different university from you, but it's relatively close by and you run into each other a lot. you could say you're pretty good friends; you exchanged contact information and text every other day, phone each other up to have a meal together whenever you're both free, and hang out over the weekend.

he stirred up some drama with you once. on a rainy day, he invited you to eat lunch together, but you've forgotten to take an umbrella before leaving for school so you told him you'd be a little late 'cause you had to run to the convenience store first. however, he told you not to worry about it and abruptly ended the call.

fast forward to the afternoon: the glass doors to leave the corridors had a few people lurking by, covering what was beyond. you cocked up an eyebrow in question, confused over what was all the fuss, but then you see that familiar pale hair streaked with bright red.

kazuha stood innocently by the school gates, a crimson umbrella in hand, and a small bouquet in the other. he checked his wristwatch every few minutes, seeming to be waiting for someone. he completely ignored the gawking stares pinned on his frame, busying himself by humming a quiet tune.

you hesitantly pushed open the doors, approaching him with wary steps. he immediately perked up once noticing you, beaming brightly to greet you with enthusiasm. he offered you the bouquet, telling you it's nothing more than a small gift the owner had let him craft for free (who mistakenly thought kazuha had a lover, since he was always on his phone texting someone).

you might have known the reasons behind the present, but nobody else did. and what general implications could gifting a bouquet of flowers have?

thus, the school's online forum exploded with questions, asking for the identity of the pretty boy standing by their university, and the lucky person he'd given flowers to.

needless to say it was hard to convince your friends that no, he isn't your boyfriend.

but that was another issue! the issue NOW is the other bouquet you received, much more recent in nature. after suspecting childe, your next thought was to ask kazuha if he had any buyers who purchased the same flowers you had.

his lips twitch for a moment, faintly looking displeased. but he flashes a flawless, award-winning customer service smile, covering his initial expression easily.

“no such customer ordered for those flowers that day. but i am curious about this matter... could you humor me and explain more in detail, by any chance?”

albedo:

the med student fawned over by students and teachers alike. he's simply brilliant, idolized by the entire student body. though he's mainly studying science, he's been praised for his art as well, his paintings hung in the art room proudly.

you're not very familiar with him, only knowing him through hearsay. you don't know what he looks like, so you've never confirmed for yourself if he's as beautiful everyone says he is.

he's well-known but you haven't heard anything bad about him, which is an impressive feat. his name is only ever mentioned in concert with endless compliments.

you meet him by chance in exam season. unsurprisingly, the library is filled to the brim, tables stacked high with books and each chair occupied by agitated students sipping energy drinks and coffee to stay functional. amidst all the chaos, one student remains radiant and carefree, leisurely flicking pages through his notes. he's situated by a corner table, unbothered by the mindless zombies despite having plenty of free seats beside him and everyone else is squished together like canned tuna.

and you, carrying binders, books and stationery, are visibly desperate for a place to rest. his eyes leave the words in his notes briefly, beckoning you to come closer. and you, still unaware of his identity, gladly plop on a chair and heave your heavy supplies atop the table. it shakes for a moment as it bears the new weight, rattling his items, and the zombies gape at you in question. ironically, the person you've been bothering is not offended at all.

you sneak glances at him when you need to freshen your eyes from studying, nauseated by the letters that never seem to come to an end no matter how many paragraphs you've read. you're at awe by his fair skin, not a single blemish in sight, and he doesn't even have dark circles under his eyes. truly mysterious. either he has a magical skincare routine or he's not human. if anything, you'd think he just came from a relaxing vacation, not in the middle of hell week.

you snap out of your trance, and you scold yourself for being bewitched. you have more pressing concerns, and so you grill more information into your brain, oblivious to the turquoise eyes that begin to stare at you.

the next encounter comes when exams are finally over, and you celebrate by buying the pricey food set in the cafeteria. the crunch of golden breading is rewarding for your taste buds and you shovel more food towards your mouth, minding your own business.

the seat next to you is pulled back, and you pause from chewing. it's that guy again, his refined beauty easy for you to recognize. he places his tray on the table, smiling amiably as he asks if it's fine with you should he sit there. you nod, but there's plenty of vacant tables around. it's also pretty weird that he sat next to you, not across...

well, strange as it is, that's how you befriend albedo. you've yet to learn why he came on so strong, almost aggressive. like he really wanted to talk to you. but whatever.

the more you learn about him, the more his image of “golden boy” withers away. picture of elegance? the standard of sophistication? sure. but this guy doesn't hesitate to do the weirdest shit sometimes.

he doesn't fear anything. he puts anything edible in his mouth. one school trip to the countryside taught you a few things. if he's offered fried bugs, he'll eat it. if he's given frog legs, he'll eat it. he doesn't care. he'll eat seemingly anything. because of this, you worry his admirers will put something strange in the food they give him, but that possibility doesn't cross his mind at all. (well. not that he eats it. he rejects gifts most of the time. exceptions are when they come from you.)

you're starting to think he really doesn't fear anything. when you start to scream in fright like a headless chicken while watching a horror movie, he calmly studies the anatomy of whatever horrifying creature is on screen, questioning their ability to walk when half of their body is split apart. why is he questioning horror movie logic. “ghosts are supposed to be transparent and can pass through walls, how come she can grab the main character's hair and drag him to the incinerator?” “albedo, please.” (he comforts you when you get scared, hiding your face in his shoulder as he wraps his arms around you. he softly whispers in your ear to tell you when the scary parts are over.)

he's also an overprotective older brother. for good reason, actually. his little sister, albeit cute and outwardly harmless, is an explosive child who likes to make trouble. if he takes his eyes off her for more than two minutes, she will undoubtedly set fire to his little garden.

she's the reason why he's so observant. he can tell you trimmed your hair because he's all too used to klee chopping off her own hair with craft scissors. he also notices when you feel a bit under the weather. klee is the type to hide her sickness so she could play outside, and albedo would often have to forcibly tuck her back to bed. you're no different. he will, quite literally, drag you to your house and make you rest.

but aside from being a pain in the ass, his observation skills can help you — surely albedo can make a few guesses for your secret admirer's identity?

albedo blinks at you, uncharacteristically silent. he purses his lips, and gives you a small smile. he asks a few unassuming questions, things like what traces your secret left behind, or if they'd sent a love letter and he'd check the penmanship to see if he found it familiar.

he's not the most eager to help, you know that, but you're still slightly disappointed when he says, “sorry, i can't help you with something like that. it'd be better if you figured it out yourself.”

thoma:

the cute neighbor living in the apartment next door. just like kazuha, he studies in a different university, but you run into each other a lot because... well. obviously.

you find him rather silly. he'd signed the lease not knowing pets weren't allowed in the premises, and tearfully waved taroumaru goodbye when he moved in. to cope, he started staying at the park near the apartment building, playing with the dogs there and getting hit on by their owners in the process, but let's not talk about that.

despite being a newcomer, he fit right in with the tenants. he made effort to learn everyone's names and chatted with them whenever presented a chance, thus winning their favor. it isn't a strange sight to see him with middle-aged ladies and looking at home, listening earnestly to their complaints about their husbands or rowdy children. (his hard work pays off when they give him their special recipes and inform him of supermarket deals lol)

he seems to get along well with old men too, invited to their drinking parties. except thoma isn't good at rejecting alcohol from older adults, so when you save him from such situation — pulling him away from the old men prying into his love life, because surely a good kid like him would have someone to love him dearly — he's become eternally grateful.

he's honestly too good for his own good.

exhibit a: thoma is prone to cooking too much food for one person to eat in one sitting, so he tends to invite you to eat his hotpot with him or bring you packaged food you can easily pop into a microwave. after your one act of goodwill, he's become strangely attached to you, pronouncing you best buds. he then admits he used to live with a larger group of people (hence his cooking habits), and he's thankful for your company. (you'd argue you're getting the better end of the deal, receiving free food like this)

exhibit b: he's always available to help you in your troubles. need a hand with heavy groceries? he's on his way! ran out of soy sauce? just wait a bit, he's gonna grab some from the cupboard! forgot your key inside your apartment? then stay at his place for the meantime before the locksmith comes! your shower isn't working well?... he promises he won't peek in the bathroom, so feel free to take a bath h a h a h a. need someone's opinion on what outfit to wear for a date? sure, he's- wait.

YOU'RE GOING ON A DATE?

his face twists weirdly as you showcase two different shirts, asking which one he likes better. you raise an eyebrow when he doesn't dare to utter a single word. “are they both bad?”

he blinks rapidly, then shakes his head laughing. he half-heartedly points to the shirt in your left hand, but you can tell he doesn't really think much of it. he excuses himself fairly quickly, saying he had chores to do, and scurried back to his own home.

(you were only going to a date with ayaka's older brother because she insisted you both needed a love life, but it's not like you actually feel anything for him.)

it doesn't end there. thoma acts weird sometimes. he's strangely cold when he sees you inviting kazuha to your apartment to hang out. he also stiffens when he spots xiao walking you home.

but by far, he acted the weirdest when your phone number called him, but when he answered, he heard a different voice respond.

it's childe, whom you went drinking with. he doesn't know where you live, and you're not nearly sober enough to return home on your own, and it's not like you'll agree to staying over childe's house. you also refuse telling him your address, so childe is left with no choices but to call for someone he knows.

he uses your fingerprint to unlock the password in your phone, heading straight for your contact list, and dialed thoma.

it doesn't take long for thoma to arrive where you are, panting after running for a while, and childe is almost impressed. thoma hoists you up and you obediently wrap your arms around him.

“sorry for the trouble. [name]'s dead drunk as you can see,” childe comments, chuckling to himself. thoma doesn't look amused and replies with, “it's no trouble at all. i'd be glad to help [name] anytime.”

then in a way that almost seems possessive, thoma leaves childe behind.

so now when you arrive home, bouquet in your arms, red dusting your features, thoma is displeased once more.

(yet he is envious of those who can freely profess their affections, because he's certain if he were to ever admit his feelings to you, things can never be the same.)

gorou:

you first suspected childe because you thought the bouquet of flowers was a joke, but if it wasn't and it was real with the intentions of sweeping you off your feet...

then you might have another suspect in mind.

gorou is... a funny guy. can you put it like that? you don't know what to think of him. he's nice, you already know that very well, kokomi's good friends with him and told you a few stories about him, all of which are sweet and amusing. your first impression of him was that of a pure-hearted boy that can do no wrong.

he's younger than you by a year, and kokomi was fairly excited when she first told you he would be attending the same university soon. she promised to introduce you to him in hopes you'd be friends as well.

and okay, you could get behind that. there's nothing wrong with meeting new people. gorou sounded like a great guy too, and it'd be nice to take care of someone younger. you've been coddled by your seniors the past year as a freshman, and you thought it would only be right if you did the same to the new batch of students.

so you attended the welcoming party kokomi dragged you into. it was just a small gathering to get the freshmen familiarize themselves with older students, and she told you you'd get to meet gorou there, her eyes carefully scanning the crowd in pursuit of a specific face.

just as you were reminiscing over the past where your sadistic seniors encouraged you to drink a lot in the last welcoming party, shuddering in fright, kokomi tapped your shoulder and gestured to the brown haired boy standing before you.

it must be him. per courtesy, your lips curled into a practiced smile, exuding an amicable air. kokomi briefly exchanged a few words with him, but it looked like she was doing all the talking, the male frozen in spot as if he'd seen something strange.

he stared at you blankly, eyes slightly widened, and you slowly became unnerved with his vacant gaze, your smile faltering. you made eye contact with kokomi, silently questioning her, but she gave a subtle shrug of her shoulders, also confused by his behavior.

then, completely out of everyone's expectations, he'd dropped to the floor.

gorou had knelt on the ground with one steady knee, solemn in his endeavors. in an instant, your hand was seized, fingers enclosed in his warm palm. his piercing stare was impassioned, sincere at its core. heat shot up to the tips of your ears.

“marry me!”

his voice resounded in the entire room, earning unwanted attention. the chatter halted immediately, all eyes dedicated to the spectacle that was the both of you, and your mind began to spin, cold sweat dripping down your forehead.

your voice was caught in your throat, not knowing what to say, and all you could formulate was a garbled string of incoherent mess. undeterred, the grasp on your hand was unrelenting, gorou committed through this act until the very end.

everyone was thinking the same thing: we haven't even started drinking yet, but this little guy is drunk already??

shameless. crazy. a head with loose screws. you're probably the only one who'd describe gorou that way.

but what kind of sane man would say that upon first meeting???

kokomi quickly tried to mediate the situation for him, pulling him away and patting his back to knock him out of his dazed stupor, and pushed you to the farthest corner.

she vouched for him when she saw your puzzled expression, thinking of him as a weirdo, and she insisted he's normally not that odd. she swears he was never interested in dating before, and she isn't sure what changed for him to... propose... all of a sudden... to you, who he'd barely seen for ten seconds, no less.

naturally, it feels strange for you to see him. after that disastrous encounter, gorou — who did feel embarrassment for what he did, horrified at his own impulsiveness — tried to make amends, backtracking steps (he skipped way too many and immediately went to propose lol) and treating you normally like a friend of a friend, slowly trying to make the atmosphere between you casual instead of a freezing blizzard that kills off the amicable mood.

in spite of all that, however, you do feel as if his feelings are actually genuine. he can be clumsy, and incredibly so, you don't know who else could propose to another person within a span of a minute meeting them for the first time, but he means well! you started off on the wrong foot, and maybe this bouquet of flowers is him trying to curry your favor... or something...

yet all he gives is a disbelieving look, and that's enough to provide a clear answer: it's not from him, and he's upset.

it,, probably wasn't a good idea to ask someone who likes you about another person who likes you.

but if it isn't him, who else could it be?!

drop your guesses in the comments but im pretty sure it's already obvious lol

He’s such a tease, I hate him 😭

With Xiao's banner being up, I've thought of a particularly painful scenario.

"If you awake to a knife at your throat, if monsters dig their claws into you, if death comes knocking at your door... Call out my name. Adeptus Xiao. I will be here when you call."

You felt so cold, so tired. You felt like you were fading away. The battle has finished and your team had emerged victorious but why was it that blood was still flowing out of your wounds. You gasped as you slowly sat up, some wounds reopening. The snow numbed your fingertips and your breaths became white in the air. You could barely see in front of you as you stumbled down a path, trying to see something that would tell you where you were.

You thought of your team. Were they alive and well? How was the traveller? Where was Xiao? You contemplated calling out Xiao's name but a memory flashed before your eyes and it made your heart squeeze in pain.

"You called me out for this? I have more pressing matters to attend to."

No. You can find your path home. You're probably just close by, you couldn't have gone too far from the scene of the battle. You continued down the path, the freezing breeze creating little icicles on your lashes and hair. Your lips were turning blue and your eyes were drooping from the exhaustion. Little frozen puddles of your blood being left behind.

How long has it been? How long have you been walking this path It's all been towering snowy mountains and frozen lakes. Have I been walking in circles? You think for a moment but you can't tell if you have been. The snow has been falling heavier by the minute and you've lost more blood than you ever have. You want to lay down, sleep but you know better than to do that right now. If you closed your eyes now, you wouldn't open them again.

You slowly lose hope in finding a way out of this place alive. It's too cold. You've bled too much and there hasn't been even the slightest sight of the flicker of a flame in hours. You aren't sure if you can even bend your toes anymore. I want to see him again. You wish to all of the archons to let you live just long enough to see him for a last time. You have a thousand words you want to say and another thousand more stuck in your throat but there's three words you want to say again for the last time.

He has never replied in the same way. He has looked at you with affection before but that look has become more and more scarce especially with the arrival of the traveller. What was once your place next to Xiao became the traveller's. He looked so at ease with her. You even saw him crack a smile and a light chuckle in front of her.

He hasn't even smiled at me before. No. Stop with those thoughts. I'm not that replaceable. I've been with him for longer, stood by him even in the worst battles. What haven't I done?

Have him love you back. A dark voice spoke in your mind. It paused before laughing at your despair. As soon as it came, it disappeared just as quickly.

You shake off the thoughts before continuing to stumble down the snowy path. Just a little bit more. You think to yourself when your knees buckle and you fall down to the ground, face down. You try to push yourself up but you can't. You barely manage to flip onto your back. Your lips quiver not from the cold but from the truth. Xiao hasn't looked for you ever since you've woken up. Was your presence or absence unimportant to him? Has he thought of you?

The truth was scary. You knew you wouldn't be able to escape on your own out of this place. Not in this state. You reach a hand up in the sky, grasping at the stars and the falling snow. You lick your dry, bloodied lip as you are barely able to speak your thoughts as your brain starts to make you see an image of Xiao. It ripples when you reach towards the image, but despite it being only an image, it brings you comfort to see him in this time.

"I want to see you again. I want to be by your side no matter what. I want to be selfish. I want to love you, kiss you, hold you. But I can't." You pause for a moment, trying to stop yourself from coughing up blood but failing. Once the coughs subside, your eyes dull. "Xiao..." You stop for a moment. You expect to see him come but you can't see or hear him at all. Did he not hear you? "Adeptus Xiao..." You try again. Maybe he'll hear it this time. You wait a little bit longer. "Xiao, the one that I love, save me, please..." You barely choke out as tears bubble in your eyes. The streaks of tears freeze in seconds as they flow down your cheeks. "Alatus... Adeptus Xiao- Xiao-! Please hear me- save me... Anybody... Please..." Your begs for rescue were unheard. You call out his different names but he doesn't show. Darkness ring around the edges of your sight and it blurs what you can see but you don't stop calling out to him. Not until your voice becomes low whispers and you call his name for the last time before you are silenced for an eternity.

Xiao feels like something is amiss. Ever since that battle weeks ago, everything has felt a little bit off. Everyone was there. Verr Goldet, the traveller, the people at Wangshu Inn. He cannot recall anyone missing. Has there been a task he had yet to finish? He isn't able to think of anything and writes off the feeling. Perhaps it was the adrenaline. He steps back into the balcony as he stares out at the peaceful sight in front of him. A hand suddenly places itself on his back and he instinctively calls out your name as he turns to face you. Only that the person in front of him isn't you. It's the traveller. Where were you? He hasn't seen you... Since that battle...

He disappears and returns to the scene of the battle. You aren't there. He teleports to places you've gone together and you still weren't there. Where are you? He scours the land of Teyvat to look for you but only at the outskirts of the Entombed City in Dragonspine does he feel a trace of you. He follows this trace and sees dark maroon marks on the dirt and rocks. He hasn't felt this type of impending doom. You couldn't be here. You must've just visited. At any moment, you'll just jump out and place that warm hand of yours on his arm or back as you always had and smile at him with that bright smile like you always have.

Any hope of seeing you smile at him again is diminished when he sees you. Your body frozen and encased in solid ice coffin. He tries to break the ice but no matter how much energy he pours into it, nothing cracks the ice. It regenerates faster and is stronger than the strange ice. "I will save you now. The day came where darkness has taken you and I was not there. It will be up to me to undo what has been done."

He continues to strike against the regenerating ice until- "I knew you'd save me, Xiao." Your voice is carried by the wind. He turns to the source of the sound and he sees an apparition of you. It's the you he remembers. Unharmed, smiling, and warm. Not the you beside him. Wounded, pained, and cold.

You smile at him like you always do. Your apparition fades before he can speak and reappears. It was showing him your final moments. You crying out to him. Your declarations. Everything. He wants to say that he's too inhuman to be carried by such trivialities like love and emotions but it's you. You've always been by his side but he hasn't been by yours in the longest time and he sees it now. He remembers how your smiles twitch when he leaves you behind in favor of accompanying the traveller. He remembers how you shrink bank when the traveller joins in and you become part of the background. He remembers you cooking almond tofu so many times just to make sure he has something to eat if he returns at any time. He remembers your kindness and he wishes that it wasn't just being remembered. He wishes for you to be by his side again but seeing how pitiful you were, calling out to him for so many times in your last moments and not being heard. What was he even doing then? He wasn't injured too badly. Where was he when you were suffering and calling out to him? Was this the way he'd return your kindness? By forsaking you at your last moments?

Even the most evil creatures wouldn't be this cruel.

"I will find retribution for my actions and bring peace to you. I will go with you in the afterlife. I will do right by you in our next lives."

-Big-Sad Anon

ԅ༼;´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ༽ᕤ yes officer. This. This made me cry. Arrest them.

Oh. My. God.

How am i supposed to even function normally after this 🥲 comrade i cant even open my eyes im crying too much why would you do this /j 😭