When A Trans Woman Says “do Not Call Me Dude Or Bro,” That Is Not An Invitation To Explain To Her

When a trans woman says “do not call me dude or bro,” that is not an invitation to explain to her why you are going to call her that. Simply do not use the words. If you are told “do not misgender me,” it does not matter how much you explain how you aren’t misgendering her when you use a term that’s misgendering her. It does not matter if you don’t think you’re misgendering her by using a masculine term in a gender neutral way.

All you are telling her is that you do not care about her as a person and will misgender her as long as you feel like you are justified in doing so, which is the exact same logic used by transphobes in misgendering trans people. You cannot tell someone what their gender is. You cannot see their true gender, better than them, and decide what words you want to use.

When you say you are using bro or dude in a gender neutral way, you are not calming her down. You are telling her that she is to blame for the dysphoria caused by your misgendering.

All you need to do is not use the words she tells you not to use. Oftentimes it’s two words. All you need to do is not call one person two specific words. It’s tiring seeing people willing to die on this hill, defending their right to misgender trans women because they can’t let go of two words for a little bit.