I Have Been Reposted By My Hero!

Noctis: I will literally suplex Ravus just to take a nap right now.

Ravus: I'll knock you the **** out before you can even touch me.

Prompto: never a dull day with them around

I'm not being helpful by suggesting cannibalization

This is just the soul that haunts me saying this but... wanna make the bodies into food and serve it to random people?

Noctis: Make the dead bodies into food? I am rather interested in this.

Prompto: I know where you left the more recent ones.

Noctis: Grab em, also grab Baby Flower, I know she’ll be mad if we leave her out of something like this.

Prompto: I’m starting to get excited! What should we make?

Noctis, hums: Meat pies, some shredded meat, curry with meat chunks, tacos, sausages, we have a lot to do and bodies to gather, chop chop!

Prompto: Roger, I wonder how people taste like…

Noctis: We’ll get the temptation to find out when we make the stuff.

-(with Regis)-

Regis, begins to shudder: Ifrit is laughing at me, I can feel it.

Clarus, begins to scowl: That son of yours is up to something isn’t he?

Imagine Mc knew different languages and them and Ais are having a conversation in front of everyone in another language but no one knows what they are saying

Death Zombie Go!

Don't try it. I make traps that kill people for a living

Have any of the others like Regis, Gladio, or Ignis thought of sedating him? (I.e. Sleeper hold, a tranquilizer, or a straitjacket like Hannibal Lector style)

Gladiolus: *covers face with hands and groans*

Clarus: *scowls* You fool! You think we haven’t?!

Gladiolus: I lost count of how many times I shot him with a tranquilizer or used the sleeper hold on him. I know for a fact that he purposely pushed me to doing it so he could call me ‘the sandman’.

Clarus: Therapy is completely useless since he’s able to brainwash the weak-minded fools!

Gladiolus: Straitjackets? He knows how to escape them and has a collection. And Iggy? Regis practically made him royalty with how much power he has.

Clarus: And all to keep that son of his from destroying the city! It’s a miracle young Scientia is not a mad man like Noctis.

Gladiolus: If you have any suggestions, we’re willing to hear a few.

Clarus: I’ll give you my wealth and soul if you can stop that boy.

Noctis: *shows up* Yo, Clarinet. I sensed you were talking about me so I came over.

Gladiolus: speak of the devil.

Noctis: I’m human.

Clarus: *hisses* Lies! *points to the door* AND GET OUT.

*ignis enters the room*

Prompto: I SWEAR TO THE ASTRALS NOCT! I WILL SHOVE A CARROT UP YOUR ASS!

Ignis: I have no idea what is going on or why you are threatening the prince but please keep in mind that, that is not a healthy nor safe way to get Noct to eat his vegetables.

I'm glad you liked the idea

Here is a trap idea for Gladio. Lock him in a room filled with his worst fears then have a video feed of a room full of cup noodles. Tell him if he wants out he will have to burn all of the noodles.

Noctis: Oooooh, good stuff minion. I’m gonna do that. *looks at Ignis* Start buying the noodles!

Ignis: *sighs* Very well.

*After setting everything up and shoving Gladio in the room*

Prompto: *walks in to find Noctis eating cup noodles while watching a computer screen* Hey buddy, what’s up?

Noctis: *slurps noodle* Not much, torturing Gladdy.

Prompto: I think Iris mentioned you doing that. How’s it going for you?

Noctis: Pretty good I wager, he’s been there for about two hours now.

Prompto: *looks at screen and notices Gladio looking directly at the camera* I can’t hear him, what’s he saying?

Noctis: Different variations of the same thing. *unmutes the sound*

Gladiolus: FUCK YOU NOCTIS!! FUCK YOU TO THE LOWEST PITS OF WHATEVER HELL YOU RULE!!! WHEN I GET OUT, I’M GOING TO FIND A RUSTED SWORD AND SHOVE IT RIGHT UP YOUR-

Noctis: *mutes the sound again and huffs* How many times do I have to tell him, I’m not a demon.

Prompto: Not the maddest I’ve heard him but it’s up there.

Noctis: Yeah, It got pretty boring hearing him say that stuff after the first 30 minutes so now I’m just watching on mute as he freaks out.

Prompto: Clever idea though.

Noctis: I know. I wonder how Clarry would react to something like this?

—

*with Clarus*

—

Clarus: Death is looming over me.

Regis: So long as it’s not me.

Best Dead Apple Trio

Sigma: Nikolai seems more active than usual.

Fyodor: Yes he’s been more active lately. I nearly got violated by him this morning.

Sigma: WHAT?!

Fyodor: *walks away* Locking your door at night will not save you from him Sigma. I wish you luck.

You may not be able to but if you want I can rig the chairs to start spinning with the flip of a remote.

(Now that I have a bit more confidence) Ever thought about putting super glue on the seats in the council room and holding the members hostage and torturing them since they can't escape?

Noctis: *raises eyebrow* You ask that as if I haven’t.

Ignis: His highness has been banned for entering the council room since the Song Fiasco 6 years ago.

Noctis: Good times.

Gladiolus: You said you would only let them go when the music ended.

Noctis: I was being 100% honest.

Gladiolus: You forced them to listen to ‘The song that never ends’!!!!!

Noctis: It didn’t end so I didn’t let them go, simple logic.

Ignis:This is why you are banned.

Noctis: When I’m king, I’ll remind them why they fear me.

Gladiolus We all fear that dark day.