Why Do I Even Expect People To Understand Me? I Mean Am I Just Not Enough To Understand Myself Or What!?

“Be good to people for no reason.”

— Unknown (via thoughtkick)

Choosing yourself again and again is extremely liberating. It’s hard at times. But its worthed.

People and their stories>>>>>>>>>>>>

“I’m not fascinated by people who smile all the time. What I find interesting is the way people look when they are lost in thought, when their face becomes angry or serious, when they bite their lip, the way they glance, the way they look down when they walk, when they are alone and smoking a cigarette, when they smirk, the way they half smile, the way they try and hold back tears, the way when their face says they want to say something but can’t, the way they look at someone they want or love… I love the way people look when they do these things. It’s… beautiful.”

— Clemence Poésy (via thoughtkick)

some apps/websites i’ve been using to keep me productive

1. Flow - pomodoro timer for my laptop, super helpful (alternatively just use a study with me video)

2. Notion - v helpful for organization + so pretty!! 

3. Habitica - stopped using this after notion tbh but its still v fun, uses reward & punishment to get your productivity going!! 

4. Google Calendar - OG!!! use it to plan out ur day 

5. Google Drive - if you don’t use google drive how do u even live… its been super helpful w college essays bc my sister can keep giving me feedback w/o making 23672848 different docs. (excuse the image my drive is UGLY & unorganized)

6. Audible - audio! books! are! the! shit!!!!!!! kinda hate supporting amazon but honestly haven’t been able to find any good alternatives. if u know pls share!! (also just a heads up - indistractable is kinda sh*t so far) 

7. Zombie Run - its a fitness app that will give u cues during ur run that zombies are chasing u so you’ve got to sprint. idk how to describe it and i don’t have a photo of it rn (& i technically havent used it yet) but my sister loves it and i plan on trying it out today!

“We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch.”

— E.E. Cummings (via meineluft)

Now I had seen the grief of the two strongest people I knew. And somehow, crying made them seem even stronger to me. It was better to cry than to suck it up and go around conjuring hate in your heart.

— Silas House, Eli the Good

what to do when everything’s a mess

Wash your hair. Don’t worry about all those articles online about the best haircare products of 2019 and whatnot, get in, wash it like you usually do, get out. Leave it to air dry, it’s less work for you.

Brush your teeth. Even if you brushed them this morning and are probably going to brush it tonight, do it anyway. Especially if it’s exam time, all that tea or coffee you’re most likely downing (props to you if you only study with water) probably makes them feel kind of gross.

I know most of these lists tell you to run a bath, but let’s face it, for those of you who even have a bath in the first place, the thought of filling that tub and sitting there in complete silence for a couple hours seems like a trek. And ironically exhausting. So instead, just brush your hair, take a nap (set a nice soothing alarm) and once you’ve gotten out of bed, wash your face or at least splash cold water on your face.

CLEAN clean clean clean CLEAN. Easier said than done, but at least start by clearing one messy component of your area; it could be your floor, your desk or your bed. You don’t need to clean and re-organise your entire room marie condo-style for you to actually have a reason to take the time to clean in the first place. A little goes a long way, and you don’t ALWAYS need to do the hard yards ya know.

I would say read a book, but sometimes your brain is melting or buzzing so it can’t really focus on anything lengthy. So instead, find someone reciting a poem online, and just listen to it. I recommend Jeremy Irons and his voicing of tons of T.S Eliot poetry, or Allen Ginsberg reciting his own poetry (Howl is a classic).

If you’re one of those people who drowns their sorrows by listening to music, don’t listen to music!! Don’t reinforce your pain!! So to that I say, listen to a podcast. If the classic podcast genre of true crime is a little too stressful and you’ve already cried twice today, listen to interviews with actors, screenwriters and directors. It can be really refreshing to listen to people you already enjoy the content of talk about their work. I recommend Awards Chatter and Happy Sad Confused.

Stop staring at screens! Just physically sit outside for a bit, you don’t need to go for a jog or do a general workout, just…sit. People-watch, try and memorise the exact scene in front of you, from the mis-en-scene to all the colours and sounds and the way the sunlight feels on your eyelashes. Write it down if you want to, you could even denote a single notebook to your little outdoor descriptions. Or just write on a napkin. To each their own.

Have you eaten today? And I mean something hearty, something that isn’t primarily made out of air and salt. Something that falls under the umbrella of snack does not count; meal is more like it. If not, eat. Preparing food might feel exhausting, but so’s going a relatively long amount of time without something nutritionally substantial.

If you’re feeling emotionally heavily, get out a notebook or even just a scrap of paper, a pen and cry until your eyes are as blurry as can be. With tears down your cheeks, scribble out how you’re feeling. Don’t bother with how neat or messy it is, whether the sentences even stay on the lines, it’s not about being aesthetic. In fact, it’s about being as messy as possible. Let all of it out, and let is act as a physical manifestation of what’s going on in your head. Don’t fight it or deny it, relieve yourself by both constructing and understanding yourself.