Sir, Why Are You Still Here? This Place Is A Wasteland, What Do You Stand To Gain By Staying On This

cruelty is so easy. youre not special for choosing it

my goal for 2025 is small simple and clear: change my whole entire life

Seeing your friends will Literally change your life

for everyone living their best sad cowboy life rn

You should be able to say “don’t touch me” to anyone ever in any context and not have it be considered in the realm of surprising or insulting imho if we ever needed to normalize something it’s this

when i was sixteen and insane for my shakespeare class final i had to do the “alas poor yorick” monologue at a competition and while i was doing it i had this insane thought of like. i’ve never been and never will be closer to experiencing hamlet’s mental state than i am right now. like of course all that stuff didn’t happen to me but when you’re 16-19 you kind of feel like all that stuff is happening, all the time, constantly

shorthands for dumbassery that i have grown to love deeply

"how dare you say we piss on the poor" in response to someone misinterpreting your post

"_ isnt gonna fuck you" for suck up behavior

"woah. should we tell everyone? should we throw a party?" for who the fuck cares

"and what if the world was made of pudding" for when would this ever matter.

"and sharks are smooth both ways" for a group of people heatedly arguing with 1 guy who is fucking with them all

".. but its about a witch in the alps finding her lost cat" for someone trying to sanitize something to the point of absurdity

Really need to blame @ryannorth for all my parenting successes. My six-year-old grabbed To Be or Not to Be off my bookshelf at random. She likes to show me all the murders. She asks me if things in daily life are "super rad." She wants a sword for Christmas so she can drop her old one and say "it sucks now." She made me do math in the car to find an alternate timeline. I have explained words like "debris" and "badass" to her. Yesterday we spent an hour fighting pirates together in choose-your -own-adventure format.

It's been two months since this started. Don't send help. It's awesome. Like totally awesome. Though the book is getting worn out.

Past and present

and with your help it can rack up 700k notes on tumblr in 2024

no tumblr this doesnt need tags im releasing it into the wild as god intended