*gripping Beard*

I wanna add that if it’s actually because you don’t know and that you are making the effort to learn it’s alright. It just the people who have no intention of learning and/or are saying that to hide the fact that they can’t ever think of a fat body being pretty or worthy of positive attention.

I am not sorry but if you draw plus-sized characters super skinny and say its because you don’t know how to draw larger bodies you’re a coward and a scoundrel and I want none of what you’re selling.

I want ppl to know that I didnt headcannon Jimmy as a bdsm bottom then he split like that.

I headcannoned him as a bdsm bottom b e c a u s e he split and has vivid memories of being brutally pegged.

- Nori

This gives off strong Sheogorath vibes rn

Behold, I said id do it so i have done it. Heres a small fic about Jacket that I wrote for an rp server a few weeks ago!

Its not the best, but I’m proud of it!

The man rested his baseball bat on his shoulder. Deep crimson red painted the streets, painted his jeans, jacket, hands, painted the dead-eyed chicken mask concealing his face. A shaking, bruised hand reached up and tugged the thick latex from his head. His dirty blonde hair was matted and clung to his forehead with sweat. His hazel eyes gazed up into the orange sky. The sunset was always beautiful over the ocean this time of year. Too bad he wasn’t back in Florida to see it. DC sunsets will have to do. Before he knew it, his back collided with the concrete stairs he rested on. His eyesight began to blur as quick footsteps approached.

“Jacket! There you are! We’ve been lookin’ everywhere for you!”

That voice. His old biker friend. He lifted up an old cassette recorder.

Click.

“Cloaker no longer in working order.”

Click.

“Yeah, I see that. Pretty sure the whole fuckin’ police force is no longer in working order after this.”

Click.

"In the event of personnel damage, please locate the nearest first aid kit."

Click.

“Are you hurt? Where?”

The man sat up, shedding his brown letterman jacket. Under his muted teal t-shirt, his skin was morphing into a collage of deep, blotted purples, reds, yellows, and greens. A beautiful, morbid painting on the body of a beautiful, morbid man.

“Jeez, they really got you, huh? It’s alright. We’ll get you home and put some ice on it. You’re gonna be okay.” The older man cradled Jacket’s arm in his hands. He sniffed. Thick, scarlet liquid ran down his face, over his lips, off his chin, dripping onto his shirt.

Click.

“I made a mistake.” The recorder reversed. “Rust.”

Click.

“It’s gonna be alright, Jacket. You’re gonna be alright.”

Jacket rested his head on the biker’s shoulder, letting his salty tears gently dot the other man’s black leather jacket. He felt his body leave the ground, then it all went black.

When he finally came to, Jacket was home. He lay in his room, on the soft, plush couch pushed so snugly against the wall, and covered with a few crocheted blankets. He reached up and rubbed his eyes. The boxing tape on his hands was gone, leaving nothing but pale skin and the reddened knuckles of his thin fingers. He took a deep breath.

Shhhk shhhk shhhk.

Jacket sat up. Someone had changed his clothes while he was asleep. Instead of his usual jeans-and-tshirt getup, he had on a pair of black sweatpants and a slightly oversized, grey, long-sleeved t-shirt. It was comfy. He looked around.

Shhhk shhhk shhhk.

He slowly swung his legs over the edge of the couch, his bare feet meeting the cold concrete floor. Well, mostly, part of his left foot landed atop the fake tiger-skin rug on the floor. Magenta neon lights illuminated the space around him, and the light over his workbench was shut off.

Shhhk shhhk shhhk.

He pushed off, coming to his feet. He looked towards the entrance of his little cove. Through the doorway (if you could call it that, there wasn’t a door) he saw the closed door to Bodhi’s workshop. Strange, the surfer spent most of his time there. Must be asleep.

Shhhk shhhk shhhk.

Jacket shuffled out of his room. Just outside, Sokol batted a hockey puck to and fro on the concrete floor of the Safehouse basement. The Russian looked up, having seen movement in his peripheral vision.

“You’re awake! I was afraid you’d miss dinner, you need some meat on those little birdy bones of yours!” He laughed heartily.

The workout area a little to the left of the “hockey area” was empty and unlit. Sokol leaned his hockey stick against the wall and made his way over to Jacket. He clapped a hand down on the man’s shoulder.

“Dallas brought food, everyone is upstairs, eating. I told them I would wait for you to wake up so we can eat together.” He smiled.

Jacket felt a tug on the skin around his mouth. Is this smiling? He never really knew. The blonde gently nodded. Sokol beamed and took the Sociopath’s hand and eagerly led him up the stairs, his tennis shoes barely thumping against the stairs. The sound of socializing heisters grew steadily louder and clearer.

“AW, ya shoulda SEEN ‘im! Jacket’s a beast, mate, I’m tellin’ ya!” Jimmy gestured wildly with his fork as he spoke. “Took down like, eight dozers by ‘imself! Ran off and just kept goin’ and goin’!”

“Where’d ya even find ‘im, Rust?” Sydney looked at the older man. He sat, almost hunched over, eating out of a takeout box.

“Stairs outside of the library.”

“Wait, the big one? Downtown?”

Rust nodded.

“Christ, that’s like four miles from where you guys were!” *Sydney gawked in amazement.*

“Still had a bag of coke on him, too.” Rust grumbled. “He fuckin ran off and slaughtered three quarters of the police force just to clock out on some stairs.”

“Jeez.” Jimmy sighed happily.

Wick looked up from his drink and elbowed Rust’s shoulder. “Look who climbed outta bed.”

The biker looked up from his food and locked eyes with Jacket. His face didn’t show it, but his eyes twinkled with….relief? Almost…excitement, even.

“Speak o’ the devil! There’s the man o’ the hour!” Jimmy beamed. “Cmon! There’s plenty of food still left!”

Sokol led Jacket past the group and to the kitchen. The main five stood together, exchanging quiet stories and witty remarks. Hoxton turned to the newcomers.

“Christ, you look like hell.” He scoffed, earning a firm bat on the shoulder from Houston, who set down his water bottle on the counter and approached the pair.

“You alright? You look pretty banged up, dyou need anything?” He spoke gently. Jacket shook his head.

“Just food.” Sokol piped up. Houston immediately got to work, separating two takeout boxes from the rest and quickly scribbling their names on them with a Sharpie. He handed the two their meals.

“Let me know if you guys need anything.” He smiled kindly before getting back to the group.

“Oh, hey, Jacket.”

Jacket locked eyes with the unstated Leader of the Payday Gang.

“Good job out there. You did great today.” Dallas gave him a thumbs up. The blonde responded with a simple nod and followed Sokol out to join his friends.

“Why do you ever tell us that?”

“Piss off, Jim.”

Proving a theory

I dont usually ask for reblogs but pls reblog for a bigger sample size

I will never not lose my shit when watching the Payday webseries. Specifically when Greta tries to be horny with Gage. My guy is Not Interested (tm). He is astral projecting through that entire scene. Theres a pretty lady leaning over him and he has the fucking blankest stare I have ever seen on a man getting his Excalibur fondled.

Back on my bullshit lmao so have some domestic stuff of this au.

Joy and Jacket often pester each other with their peculiarities.

Joy sometimes just. Shuts off Jacket's tape recorder mid-sentence.

Once Wolf finds out his peculiarity, he begins to utilize it more both in and out of the Safehouse.

If he's feeling particularly affectionate but doesn't want to be human, Hoxton will find himself pinned under a big grey wolf in search of pets.

Hoxton tests his peculiarity on people who piss him off in the Safehouse, which is how he learns to use it better.

Eventually he gets so good at it that he can go out in public without worry, because he can make himself disappear, so to speak.

Jimmy first uses his in front of the crew right after a heist with Dallas, Clover, and Duke. They had all piled into the van after a violent shootout, and the other three were freaking out because Jimmy is actively bleeding out from his stomach.

He just goes "no guys its fine watch this" and splits off himself.

It was fucking digusting. His skin because bubbling and the new clone pretty much crawled out of the dying one (think Adipose from Doctor Who)

The two clones do a little handshake and Jimmy tosses his old body out of the back of the van, effectively slowing down their assailants and freaking out his team members.

Its all the same consciousness, its just like the same player using two controllers.

Bonnie isn't allowed to play any game that has any dice, cards, or any aspect of luck. Heisters banned her from spectating when she used her peculiarity to hinder Clover in a game of Uno.

Speaking of which, Clover lives in a constant state of "i wanna see what these guys are doing cause im nosy and curious" and "fuck these two are dating I might see something icky"

Sokol will just. Sit outside in the winter. Maybe have a drink. Full on T-shirt and biker shorts, just to relax.

The heisters begin to notice a returning Magpie that lingers around the Safehouse when they aren't heisting.

Aldstone's job gets harder, as he has to start handling when people's peculiarities get out of control. (ie, when Sangres almost set the place on fire, or when Joy caused a power outage by trying to see how many electronics they could turn on at once)

People with throw things just to see Dallas catch them.

He's let several things hit him just to be petty.

Chains helps heisters practice boxing and hand-to-hand combat.

Once a week, people will watch him and Jiro spar; Jiro can predict everything but Chains wont fucking go down so its a good passtime.

Jacket talks through the rice cooker occasionally to scare people.

Sydney finds out about her peculiarity and starts to avoid other heisters. She notices that should she start to get a little rowdy or worked up, the people around her do to.

Of course, Clover notices and drags Sydney around to do things anyways, because she's not about to let one of her friends cut themselves off from the gang.

They're a family, after all.

Dallas starts requesting Bain to send the Safehouse plastic eating utensils with their monthly supplies when he notices Rust only eating things he doesn't have to use silverware with.

Jiro notices this and eventually buys Rust a set of bamboo utensils to use so they can cut back on trash.

If Houston needs to cause a distraction, he'll usually turn on some poor passerby's car/motorcycle.

He and Rust have a mutual agreement to not mess with each other's vehicles.

Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children and Payday au, cause I say so.

Bain is an Ymbryne. I know they're all women, but hear me out.

Magdeline Magpie, an Ymbryne trained and set out to create a timeloop. Years and years pass, and eventually, Miss Peregrine finds a rather large magpie on her doorstep. The bird tranforms back into a more human shape, and she almost immediately recognizes the Ymbryne.

"Mag-"

"Its Bain, now, thanks."

Fuck off yes I am indulging in trans Bain I am p r o j e c t i n g

So, Bain had left and originaly intended on creating a timeloop, but eventually forgot about it. However, he begins to realize something.

Every person he finds in the Payday gang is a peculiar, and many of them dont even realize it.

Dallas? Incredible reflexes and reaction speed. He always chalked it up to survival instinct.

Wolf tends to find himself in a more canine body on certain days.

Hoxton can carefully orchestrate and manipulate what people see and how they percieve the world around them.

Chains can take more hits than any normal person should.

Joy can easily manipulate technology (similar to Angel from Borderlands 2).

Duke can turn his skin to stone. Many of his teammates don't notice, but that isn't actually a mask.

Dragan has overwhelming strength.

Sokol can withstand insane cold, and even works better in chilly environments.

Clover can see through other people's eyes. She utilizes this during heists to find out where certain guards are, and if her or her teammates are within line-of-sight.

Bonnie can gently nudge the odds of luck in her own favour. Many times this just makes a coin fall a certain way, or make her opponent throw down rock instead of scissors.

Jiro has full on clairvoyance. He can predict other people's moves to a T on a good day.

Houston finds that he can turn on any motor vehicle, even when that vehicle shouldnt ve able to turn on.

Rust oxidizes and corrodes most things he touches.

Jacket is fueled by blood and can speak through any electronic device.

Wick analyzes things much faster than the average human, and could work out a way to actually kill a man with a singular tic tac if he needed to.

Bodhi can breathe underwater, and takes on a variety of more aquatic forms to suit his needs. Need him to sneak in somewhere? Give him a drainage line that connects, he'll be in before you could say "thanks."

Sydney has the ability to sew chaos wherever she goes.

Jimmy is on crack, he's already peculiar. (Seriously though he, the whole "oh I use science to clone" thing in this au is just a cover, he can basically commit mitosis)

Scarface has the ability to "enthrall" people. Not exactly mind control but he can. "Convince". People to work with/for him.

Sangres can breathe fire. Here me out; alcohol boosts the effect. He learned this after trying to show off at a family gathering, and after a few too many sips of tequila, almost set the house on fire.

Aldstone isn't an Ymbryne but he takes the responsibilties of one. He has a generally calming aura, and can very slightly shift memories a little left from center. He's the one who told Bain about the team's peculiarities.

Vlad and Locke aren't peculiar, but both have deep connections with groups in time loops.

So basically, some big bad or problem rolls around, and Miss Peregrine needs every peculiar she can get for help. Of course, she doesnt exactly want to since a lot of them are kids. Eventually, she catches wind of a particularly interesting group of older peculiars, all banded together but existing without a time loop. She arranges for them to meet, assuming they all already know.

A lot of them are surprised, to say the least. Joy, Sangres, Duke, Jimmy, Bodhi, Clover, and Jiro already knew, but the others are quick to deny it.

I imagine Wolf has a moment of "wait that isnt a hallucination?????" when he realizes he can lowkey shapeshift.

Bain steps in, telling the other Ymbrynes to stay away from his crew, purely because he's seen first-hand what happens to peculiars up against hollows and the like, and this crew /is his family/ and he's not letting anything happen to them.

Angst possibilties? Maybe, maybe.

I've been rotating this au like a microwave in my brain for a while and I wanted to share it.

Yes, please.

Some absolute bangers from my dnd sesh tonight:

DM, in response to Jonathan taking a puff of weed mid-session: “Are you ripping a bong in Strahd’s castle??”

DM, after Jonathan asks in-game if Strahd is British: “He gives you a confused look like ‘what the fuck are british people?’“

Dm, watching a player be weird across the table: “What are you throating over there? Is that a piece of asparagus?”

Said player: “You dont got the asparagussy.”

Jonathan, in response to ‘What can I do that you cant?’: “You can…not tank a wooden stake to the heart.”

Jonathan: “Youre a bad neighbor!”

Aenrice: “IM A FIRBOLG, IM THE TARGET OF A HATECRIME.”

Aenrice: “Dont die.”

Jonathan: “Probably not.”

Jonathan, when Strahd doesn’t believe him: “No, I can actually speak dog.”

DM, imitating Jonathan: “That vampire bussy got me actin up.”

Jonathan: “I told you we shouldn’t have done it but you were all ‘no i want some of that sweet vampire dick-“

Aenrice: “THAT WAS YOU-“

Jonathan’s Player, out of nowhere: “You could totally turn an ice cream scooper into a pipe.”

Jonathan, in reference to fucking Strahd: “You said no, he said yea, we took the highest bidder.”

Arenus, jealously: “I cant believe you would even think about doing something like that with him.”

Jonathan: “Dyou wanna fuck?”

Arenus: “No!”

Jonathan: “Then shut up.”

NPC: “Stay safe traveler!”

Jonathan: “Maybe”

Aenrice’s Player: “Aenrice looks at your four-barreled blunderbuss, then at his one barreled blunderbuss, and says ‘Yours is bigger than mine.’”

Jonathan: “Aint that the usual.”

Jonathan: “Strahd, me boy, yer a feckin fool.”

Jonathan: *Exorcises Strahd while speaking fake Italian like a Terminal Montage video*

Jonathan: “Exorcise, no treadmill.”

Imagine some heisters visit Jiro's house.

Joy, Duke, and Sangres all kick off their shoes and neatly leave them by the door without much thought.

Whereas Houston and Dallas just.