Hey If You’re Recovering From Anything At All And Trying To Heal From Something That Hurt You, I Support

rhett waiting for people to laugh at his joke and rhett laughing at his own joke

Maybe (definitely) because I'm completely starved for affection and support, but I find both Rhett and Link's words of encouragement incredibly motivating and meaningful

i wish i could put things more eloquently but right now i’m too sad and i just need to air my thoughts out. 

april kepner embodies a messy, often antagonistic without wanting to be, funny and lovable character. she isn’t effortlessly sarcastic like cristina yang, or simply cool like meredith grey, no, she’s a mix of characteristics that makes her feel real, like a friend - almost, like someone i’ve watched grow on screen and feel deeply connected to. in april, i found myself, i recognized myself.

april once said she “sees eight sides of everything”, and that’s how i’ve always felt, in an underlying plateau between knowing who you are, who you want to be and the endless possibilities that could sway you both ways. 

i find comfort in knowing that whatever direction they decide to sway april’s end of arc in, she lived her life, she had the child she always wanted, she laughed and cried and made friends and had her big, epic love. her once in a lifetime soulmate.

i thank you, sarah drew, for the beautiful job you did at creating my most beloved character. your performances were ethereal, raw, and often left me in tears. 

i laughed with april, i cried with her, i fell in love with her love story, and i will continue to love and cherish her well beyond the show that treated both actress and character wrongly.

thank you, sarah. thank you, april.

I Only Want You to See Me

I started a new ficlet and a part of it was supposed to be a small flashback scene about the boys in college. Well, that original ficlet is now scrapped and what I have for you is the first chapter of what could be about a 10-ish chapter-long collerge!rhink fic. It has a hint of exhibitionism, lots of smut and pining. There will be angst, since that’s kinda my brand. Let me know if you’d like me to continue! —

Rhett caught Link jerking off a few too many times on their dorm room couch before he started to suspect that Link was doing it on purpose; that he deliberately chose times when he knew Rhett would be coming back to their room. When the idea popped into Rhett’s mind, he couldn’t get rid of it. It gnawed at him. It seemed totally ridiculous a first. Why would Link do that? But there was already a mountain of evidence to support his hypothesis. Despite his growing suspicion, Rhett turned the idea around in his head for a good while before doing anything about it.

Then one Wednesday night, he purposefully mentioned to Link in passing that he’d be back from study group around eight. Link didn’t seem to react in any way. He was buried amongst a pile of textbooks and notes when Rhett left the room. So, he didn’t expect anything to actually happen that night but, lo and behold, when he returned to their room, Link was sitting, bare legs spread, on their couch fucking his own fist.

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Spot on. Gorgeous description.

There’s a reason we say people cling to each other for dear life. It happens when they’re desperate, in need of comfort, looking for a little human contact to override the hurt they’re feeling inside. Needing support is like oxygen. You can’t breathe, can’t think straight because your mind is running through hundreds of thoughts and you have no idea what to believe. It’s nice to have something, someone, there as a shoulder, a body to comfort your own. It’s intimate, in a way that isn’t too revealing, that doesn’t minimise what you’re going through. It’s peaceful, despite the electrical charges shooting through you as you face the truth, as you grasp, clutch at the one person who can understand you better than anybody else, who can share your grief. You need someone to cry with, and love with that heart of yours that feels like it’s breaking into a thousand pieces. You need comfort, and peace, and a little help to get through the pain. You claw at them to make sure they never leave. You wrap your fingers around the arms that hold you tight, keep you safe. You lean on them, rely upon their own heartbreak to match yours. You need them, love them, find yourself unable to think straight unless they hold you, unless they grip you right back, fingers into your skin and breath against your own. You breathe out, gasp, maybe sob and weep until you no longer feel the sting. You live, within the comfort of the arms of your other half, of your missing piece, of the only person who can truly feel the same way you do in that moment. You lean, you search for comfort in the arms that wrap around you, that hold you so tight that you feel like you might explode. You cling to them for dear life, because you’re not sure that you’ll survive if you don’t. You love, you live, and you cry for those who won’t.

Rhett and his crazy noises XD

A coping thought I have is no matter how large my feelings feel, the universe is larger than them. I can walk outside, look up, and see all the room I have to let go.