Loki: Thor U Absolute Ho

loki: thor u absolute ho

A concept: Asgardian men do not show skin (A slightly cracktastic take, mostly from the POV of Loki)

A concept: Asgardian men do not show skin (A slightly cracktastic take, mostly from the POV of Loki)

A concept: Asgardian men do not show skin (A slightly cracktastic take, mostly from the POV of Loki)

A concept: Asgardian men do not show skin (A slightly cracktastic take, mostly from the POV of Loki)

Asgardian men wear full body armour, and will not be seen without a full body armour or a fully covering clothing set when they’re in public or receiving guests at home.

With the manner in which Asgardian men insist on covering their bodies (except maybe arms), one could say that Asgardian men never show their ankles as well. Like Victorian era ladies. It’s scandalous for an honourable Asgardian man to be seen in public in less than 4 layers of clothing, or with his legs or feet showing. Arm exposure is kind of allowed but frowned upon. It’s wholly not allowed in times of official ceremonies or celebrations.

They may only show their hands. So that any interested party may asses how capable they are before approaching them.

Well-groomed hands = good boi.

Asgardian women, on the other hand, can expose skin, no issue.

But men? *LE GASP*

Notice how Thor usually covers his arms when in Asgard. But on Midgard he exposes them fully. Like a ho.

Loki always covers up, like a man of high breeding. He even wears gloves sometimes.

On Midgard (say post Avengers AU? I like everyone alive tyvm), Loki is horrified to see that men expose their bodies so much. He almost goes into shock.

Thor takes him out to shop, as he’s now touted as the expert in all things Midgardian. Loki criticises all these shops Thor frequents for the scraps that he calls clothes. No wonder he looks like homeless man in his Midgardian garb.

SUCH TRAVESTY!

Loki asks them (shops) about bespoke tailoring and they refuse. THEY REFUSE? HOW DARE!

Loki is not happy. He curses these shops and their ancestors to Helheim and comes home without a single item bought. They had things in his size, but not in his taste. An enormous mistake.

All through the way back home Thor can be heard uttering long-suffering sighs, as if he’s holier than Loki.

No, Thor is one of those utterly shameless people who love to show off their bodies. He kept the tendency to show off at bare minimum in Asgard, owing to the social norms, but on Midgard, he has completely lost himself to this blatant mockery of their culture. What a ho ho ho.

Loki never forgets to slut shame Thor when he so unashamedly exposes his feet in the Avengers tower or when he’s receiving guests, wearing that godforsaken footwear called flip-flops!

BY THE NORNS!

Thor tries to defend himself. Tries…

Thor: I’m on Midgard! I can wear what I want! Show more skin, be more comfortable, sweet Valhalla!

Loki: You no good hussy! I’m telling mother!

Thor: I’m not even showing my whole feet!

Loki: No one will agree to court you in Asgard! They’d have to get you a bride from Muspelheim maybe.

Thor: As if you received any visitations from anyone! Your dance card was nearly empty last time we had a celebration!

Loki: It was out of choice! I was spying on a group of diplomats!

Thor: How come I didn’t know?

Loki: Because you’re not good at subterfuge, you oaf!

Thor: You’re just covering up for bad performance at receiving courtship!

Loki: Even if I am, you’re still a hussy! Showing off your feet and arms as if it’s not a bother to other.

Thor: It is NOT!

Loki: My eyes burn from the sight of your ungainly limbs! What is next? Uncovering your chest? Thighs? The whole sickening body of yours!

Thor: Meanwhile you keep sweating under all that armour or ten layers of leather.

Loki: I DON’T SWEAT!

[AN INTENSE SCUFFLE HAPPENS, WHERE NEARLY ALL THE FURNITURE OF THE COMMON ROOM IS DESTROYED, WHILE THE OTHER AVENGERS JUST WATCH, DUMBFOUNDED]

[NOT TONY STARK, THOUGH, HE’S SITTING IN A CORNER, NURSING A DRINK AND CURSING HIMSELF FOR ALLOWING THESE WEIRDOS IN THE TOWER]

(This is what comes out of my brain when I have to work on academic papers and can’t work on my fanfictions. Hence, I’m going to make everyone suffer with me by posting this nonsense. Some of you have already seen a rough version of this. Poor Souls.)

Tagging everyone and their mom:

@izhunny @magellan-88 @starscreamloki @lokiloveforever @lokilover9 @sigridlaufeyson @burningarbiterheart @the-lokis-queen @mastreworld @lisams20 @stars8melanin @iamhisgloriouspurpose @lasimo74allmyworld @vesperazylra @juliabohemian @foundlingmother @nuggsmum @devikafernando @welle-nijordottir @starrynight35 @tinaferraldo @helenaisabel @angryowlet @securitybreach @lokihiddleston @lokiperfection @sserpente @lokimymuse @loki-god-of-menace @shine-of-asgard @writernotwaiting @finney13gifs @wolfpawn @wolfsmom1 @thidom1231 @artemisnightingale216 @tremendouslydecadentfire @fadingcoast @archy3001 @lokislonelylady @sweetsigyn @rachel-angelina