On Intellectual Development

Warning: 10 min read ahead :)

Coming into freshman year, I was relatively optimistic. However, I also did that thing where I prevent myself from having too strong of an opinion or extreme expectations (whether it’s positive or negative) before actually experiencing something, in order not to settle on a premature judgment. Even so, before starting freshman year, I was excited for a huge change - I was sick of mundane high school life. When I finally started college, man, was it liberating.

On Intellectual Development

I’d been taking more or less the same classes throughout high school. These classes covered the exact same topics - the only difference was the depth of the material. In college, however, I got to study a breadth of topics and subjects - astronomy, anthropology, information science, philosophy - subjects into which I barely dipped my toes, and when I did so, it was only through the books I read in my own time.

Choosing a liberal arts school is one of the best decisions I ever made because it exposes me to so many things I simply did not have access to in the earlier stages of my intellectual development. Like, yeah, I can read philosophy books whenever I want, but who will I talk to when I don’t understand an argument? How can I discipline my thinking, my writing, my approach to this new learning material? I can find any topic fascinating, but I can’t exactly set my mind on any of them because I haven’t had proper academic exposure. Plus, where high school humanities courses were easy and contained little engagement - just lots of material - the humanities courses I took in my freshman year of college got me thinking and reflecting and engaging with the material even when I didn’t intend to.

What I particularly enjoyed was the discussion sections in humanities courses. For those less familiar with the system, each course usually has a weekly discussion where students are split up into smaller classes and get to discuss anything related to the course material that week. I am not a naturally talkative or articulate person by any standard, let alone compared to Americans, so obviously these discussions were very challenging. But aside from helping me practice putting my thoughts into words and to interact verbally with academic material, these discussions did allow me to engage with the material in a way that I could not have alone, in a way that a STEM course probably could not be discussed.

My STEM courses, however, had their own merits. I very much enjoyed the project based, hands-on approach of most of the classes, especially when teamwork is involved. For my final project for a web programming and design course, my team and I got to make a website for an on-campus, student-run grocery store. For my intro CS final project, I got to code an entire game of alien invaders. This was so refreshing compared to the STEM courses I did in high school, where I was basically just learning the theory for 6 months, and then drilling past papers for the next 6 months. Theory in these STEM courses are also more involved and require more thinking, while high school science courses tend to be on the mechanical side.

College is also liberating because whenever I have the urge to understand something more deeply or find an ever-present curiosity sitting in the back of my mind, I can always enroll in a course or attend a lecture, instead of always being redirected to a predetermined course combination that doesn’t allow for intellectual exploration, and settling for an article, a youtube video, or a book instead. It’s an amazing feeling to always have a fountain of knowledge with which I can quench my intellectual thirst.

When it comes to learning things, I still have the same attitude as the wide-eyed freshman when I first came last fall. I kinda wish I had experimented more instead of jumping into my ‘intended major’, though. In my first two semesters here, I took astronomy, anthropology, comparative literature, computer science, economics, information science, mathematics, and philosophy, which is already quite a diverse course combination, but there are some other subjects I’d like to try out and definitely could have if I hadn’t settled for a major upon entering college. But wherever I end up - and I still have a year to decide - I’m sure I’ll choose something interdisciplinary and requires diverse ways of thinking.

On Paths (in Life, School, etc.)

The intellectual and academic rigidity of high school also kind of narrowed my scope for my own future. The courses and careers built into my head were the ones I was exposed to at school, at home, or in mainstream media. However, being exposed to all this new knowledge made me realize how little I’ve experienced - certainly not enough to determine where I’m going in life - and that it’s okay to not be sure of where I want to go.

There’s this perception that you should know where you want to be in the future by the time you turn 17 or 18 or whatever age you graduate high school, maybe even earlier if you take into account the college application period. But honestly, how realistic is that? I mean, it’s great if you discover your ‘passion’ early on in life, but then where’s your room to breathe? How can you explore the other joys life has to offer? How can be so sure that the path you’re on is the right one if you haven’t walked any other or even seen other possible paths? 

College freed me from feeling like I need to be certain of where I was going. It freed me from trying to pursue a predetermined path based solely on my past academic experience, and instead focus on trying new things to build new experiences and knowledge that will evolve into a path that I enjoy every step of the way.

That also applies to choosing a major. I started out ‘wanting’ to do computer science - wanting being a loose term meaning something I thought I should do, based on my background, experience, academic strengths, and personality. But then I noticed myself being very impartial towards pursuing the major and just doing the minimum amount of work needed for the classes. I also took the minimum number of CS classes each semester because I was honestly not looking forward to them - and I didn’t particularly enjoy them when I took them.

It wasn’t the same with my Info Sci classes, for example, where I started early on projects just because they were enjoyable to do, even if they were challenging. I learned how to do certain things when they weren’t required for the class, experienced a good flow when doing the projects, actually came to class because I wanted to, had initiative when it came to group projects, made friends with people in the class who I didn’t know before taking it - I was just more involved in the class. Overall, I was more motivated to learn, and I think that’s the most important thing (maybe that’s just the ravenclaw in me, who knows).

On a smaller scale, you might be good at a certain subject in high school only to find out you’re suddenly incompetent in it and aren’t interested enough to push through it. I was a math person in high school - like I almost didn’t even have to try - but the two math classes I’ve taken so far in college were very challenging for me, and I suppose that’s a good thing because it allowed me to push my limits further and think about whether I enjoy the challenge.

Recently, I read that true happiness comes when you find problems you enjoy solving, and I think that’s a good ideology to help you choose the path you wanna take.

On Things that Spark Joy

This past year, I also found that I was a lot happier than in high school because I got to pursue the things that bring me joy, whether it’s in regard to academics as I’ve described above, extracurriculars, or things in my daily life.

I got to wake up at whatever time I wanted to and had breakfast how I liked - both in terms of food and whether I had my coffee at home or to-go, or example. I could change my physical appearance in ways that make me feel powerful and confident - in terms of clothing and hair and just how I presented myself in general. When I needed to breathe, I could walk around town or go down to the gorges. I could do my work when and where it was most convenient for me (most of the time).

With regard to extracurriculars, there were a lot of opportunities for me to try new things and continue doing the things I already love. I became a graphic designer for a cultural magazine, which allowed me to do one of my favorite things for a purpose towards which I’m happy to be working. My high school didn’t have any publications and had a seasonal need for graphic designers (mainly school events). I tried out for music groups, trained to be a DJ, watched and discussed films I wouldn’t have seen if it weren’t for Cornell Cinema, went to the concerts of bands that never come to Indonesia. I attended social events I was interested in, and skipped those that I didn’t want to go to, attended workshops, listened to guest lectures, etc. I hung out with people I enjoyed being around, instead of those with whom the only thing I had in common was physical location.

One of the things I’m still adjusting to, however, is the different dynamic of college friendships compared to high school friendships in that they’re more spread out in away - like you’d know a whole bunch of people but they don’t mutually know each other, and there isn’t really like a friend group. Maybe that’s just me. But either way, I also realized that my closest friends in high school took at least 3 or 4 years to go from merely a familiar face to people I’d call for four hours straight and send my sporadic thoughts to. So I guess I gotta be patient and have faith that with time, compatible and like-minded individuals will gravitate towards one another.

On Self-Discovery

Starting college also allowed me to be who I am and who I want to be as opposed to who people think I am and who people expect me to be. Whenever I decide to do something, I don’t have this fear of being ‘out of character’ since I haven’t entirely established who I am yet in the context of college. By doing things I’ve never done before, I learn things about myself that I probably could not have had I stayed in the same environment (i.e. high school).

Among other things, I noticed that if I don’t want to do something, I will deliberately sabotage myself to make it harder for me to achieve. On the other hand, if I want to succeed or do well in something, I’ll take initiative. That might seem obvious, but the thing is, I don’t always consciously know what I want or like so analyzing my own actions helps a lot. Because college exposes me to so many different material, there’s more data and information to work with, in which to recognize patterns.

A lot of the self-discovery that’s happened is personal, as it should be, but one of the things I’m really grateful for is taking that philosophy course the first semester of college. It made me reassess everything I knew and believed and decide on what values and thoughts I should keep.

I guess one thing I’d advise you to do is to experience new things and reflect on the impact of those new experiences. Sometimes it might not feel like you’ve done a ton of things after a whole year. I’ve had moments where I thought about all the things I thought I should have accomplished but didn’t, and I was like, ‘did I just waste an entire year doing nothing?’ But then I look back on the things I did do - took awesome courses, made amazing friends, got a job, learned to live on my own, etc. - and realized I gotta give myself a little more credit.

On Everything

Coming into college was a huge positive change. Something I wish I could tell myself at the beginning of the year is firstly not to fear making mistakes, so you won’t be afraid of trying new things. Keeping an open mind is great, but not entirely helpful if you don’t venture out into unknown territory to provide you with things to think about. Step out of your comfort zone and don’t be afraid to redefine yourself, but in all circumstances, don’t lose track of who you are.

If you’ve read this far, thank you so much! and please don’t hesitate to drop me an ask if you have questions or comments or concerns. Have an awesome day :)