I Must Say, Othercon Is Making Me Feel Genuine Pride And Comfort In My Kin Identity 💖

I suppose it's not wholly correct to say that I've only been doing this for around a year; I've definitely experience kinning before, with a specific event around five or six years ago sticking out in my memory, I just didn't know the words or anything beyond what jokes I'd seen people make. Of course, I was too afraid of how I'd be perceived if I identified with it, so I'd kept it silent. This time, I'd like to change that.

Am I stressing myself into splitting?

Other traditions have their symbols on necklaces, and I think that's what my butterfly choker is akin to

Would I be forgiven for including homestuck music in my upbeat "I love being you" playlist

I was initially going to drop a kin playlist, but as I've become a lot more comfortable with my identity I've been making a second and third playlist for various emotions I've been feeling and wonder, would there be any interest in seeing 3 separate kin playlists?

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Hello all. You may call me Shai; I am 25, transmasc, and aromantic and asexual.

While this blog was initially dedicated to my experience as fictionkin, and still is at the very core, this blog is a space for discussions of general spirituality and self care, as well as occasional insect imagery. I may feature my own art as well. Some other information that may be useful:

✨️ My experience of kin is tied with my experience of my kintype as a dissociative fragment. While it isn't something that I discuss frequently as my mental health has improved immensely and he is quiet for the most part as a result, he does still surface time and time again, and I would like a space to openly discuss it.

✨️ Two fictives use this blog - Sha.ia.pouf from Hun.ter x H.unter and someone preferring to remained unidentified for now.

✨️ Chronically ill - I have Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and have, interestingly enough, used it to connect with my kintype. This condition is genetic and affects me daily and will be a topic of discussion for here as well.

✨️ This is a sideblog - my main blog you will see interactions from is @/au.tistic-sha.iapouf

In spite of the long gaps of silence that may occur here, I am online quite frequently and am always open to discussion or conversation; in spite of the formality, I swear I'm friendly 💖

General tags:

🌟 -> Host speaking

Tags used here by Pouf:

🦋 Musings 🦋 -> Talk tag

🔮 -> Directly related to spirituality

👑 -> Interior architecture for royal buildings

❤️ -> Lovecore imagery

🐜 -> Insect imagery

💭 -> Posts that strike a certain chord with my past, current and distant

Tags used by [XXX]:

⚙️.txt -> Talk tag

Stroke of the pen -> Poetry and philosophy

[Seeking artwork tag]

I love being a psychological kin who later went spiritual, I love this man, I am this man, I've dissected his psyche and found myself and I was always meant to have found myself, I don't recognize myself in seeing him but I sometimes expect to see him when I look in the mirror.

I am doing the strangest, most intimate waltz with this character and I would have it no other way.

Actually wore my antennae out of the house today and realized I didn't even feel nervous about being seen with them. I got groceries while wearing them and felt something almost akin to pride, a deep-seated contentment.

Yes, this is how it's supposed to be.

It's been quite some time since I've last written here, and I'm excited to announce how I've been doing! After over a year of work, I've finally become much more comfortable in my identity as fictionkin and have incorporated it into my life as a spiritual belief ✨️ I plan to open up a bit more about my thoughts and feelings regarding this because I spent quite a long time in therapy sorting out how I felt about this, and have made the decision to no longer push this aspect of myself away as it's been crucial to my recovery and to understanding myself. I'm grateful for the existence of a community that's allowed me to be able to make sense of my thoughts and emotions, and plan to have a bit more on this blog as I continue to work with my identity 💖

It's been a bit since I've last spoken here, and I have a lot of things I want to say.

After some very careful consideration, I think I can safely say that my feelings regarding kinning were actually the manifestation of myself coping with a dissociative condition I otherwise didn't know how to describe. This was the closest approximation I could come up with that made sense to me, and as time went on and I was afforded more chances to look at my feelings and perceptions, I do know for certain that there is something dissociative happening to me. Nothing as far as osdd I would say, but definitely along that vein.

I carry him with me. When I'm upset, I hold his grief, and when I'm overjoyed, I hold his caution. Every new situation has a protective measure put over it in the form of a dissociative fit. However, as I've mentioned previously, I don't interpret any of this in a negative light. It simply is what it is, and it is something that developed to help me cope. Of course I was afraid in the beginning - I didn't know what I was dealing with or what triggered my episodes, so I very naturally began to feel afraid when I could feel myself begin to drift. As time has gone on, I have made peace with this aspect of myself and wish to work with it.

This experience has been and continues to be deeply important to me, and I feel that part of my interpretation of it is almost spiritual in a sense. I grasped a lot of my identity through him, saw a lot of my trauma and myself in him and he continues to serve as a lens I occasionally interact with the world through. I have chosen to use his name alongside my own, feeling a sense of recognition and actual, genuine joy upon hearing it. Only a small handful of people know I use this name, and smaller few still know about my dissociation. While the psychological pieces don't necessarily have to come to light, I would like to be afforded the chance to be seen in the world as I am.

I am planning to tell two friends of mine about my name. I trust one of them to take it well, but I fear a bit of reaction from the other. She has a concept of "cringe" and has implied to me a few times prior that my behavior felt embarrassing in a secondhand way. The behaviors in question were either deeply ingrained, as from how I grew up, or entirely innate, as with my neurodivergence. I fear another layer being added to this, especially since we live together, but I don't want myself to be ruled over by my fear of perception. I want to be able to live authentically and for myself, regardless of what may be perceived of me. I already exist as someone who is queer, traumatized, disabled; some of my actions are already perceived differently because of these immutable factors. I don't want to feel afraid anymore. I am preparing for potential questions or pokes, but think I truly may not have much to fear.

My name is Shai, and I don't want to be afraid to say it.

Oh, is it happening again?