There Is Beauty

Dreams to Unfold

hope, he wrote

not a whole poem

but a note in bold

daily diary reminder to his soul

just a simple idea

that words matter

when fighting fear

so he chose, hope

in this pivotal year

when what we hold

is dearer than dear

all we will ever know

that the seeds we sow

grow an intimate garden

flower petals painted gold

dreams waiting to unfold

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

©️ @followcb ☆ April 28, 2024

ocean

i told her she was the ocean

but she didnt understand what i meant

and i couldnt explain it without telling her

that i like her

she is beautiful and steady and consistant

waves crashing on the shore

i almost told her she was the moon

shining in the sky

i dont think she would've gotten that one either

the moon and the ocean and the night sky

and everything gorgeous and powerful

and always, always there

lovable

i always thought i was the luckiest person in the world

to have found the friends that i did

i never stopped to consider

that maybe i was capable of being loved

there are flowers on my bedside table

that she got me when i didnt get the job

a text telling me to drink water

and another asking how i'm feeling

after a nonverbal episode

walking laps around the school

to talk about whatever we want

and she hugs me at the end

a million i miss yous

and i love yous

good nights

good mornings

164 games of 8 ball on gamepigeon

and a lifetime of memories

maybe i am just lucky

but maybe they love me

because i love them

anxiety

my mother told me i had to go to the dentist on monday

cue the instant anxiety attack

you would think

my parents

who love me

would take my anxiety seriously

"stop complaining"

"you're pitching a fit"

"i don't want to hear it"

"you have to go"

they treat me like a child

throwing a temper tantrum

i've had anxiety my whole life

and they don't care

and now im crying

i emailed my teacher to get an extension on an assignment

(all that's left to do is color)

and the email sent prematurely (just without a closing)

and now that's just making my anxiety worse

and im spiraling

spiraling

spiraling

spiraling spiraling spiraling spiraling spiraling spiraling spiraling spiraling spiraling spiraling

...

maybe i should just go to bed

mothers & daughters

i wish my mother liked me more

i know she loves me

she has to

i just wish she likes me sometimes

i wish i was all the things she wanted in a daughter

instead of all the things she didn't

i wish she liked me more

than she likes her religion

i wish i liked my mother more

i try, i really do

i just can't help but roll my eyes, sometimes

or sigh when she asks a question

i wish i could see past her flaws

or even love her in spite of them

i wish i could break the cycle

and yet around and around it goes

i finally got my peace back and it is wonderful

there's nothing like peace after cacophony softness after pain it prickles until it doesn't , even when it still feels heavy afterward . nothing matters anymore , but it's the release that lets me say that it doesn't burn so much now & the sky's a giant screensaver , clouds drifting past to remind you the world's alive with you , & there is still beauty in the distraught . yes , freedom is the liberation from suffering , but it is also a heart opening up again trying to receive all the love that wants to come in .

“I think one of my favorite feelings is laughing with someone and realizing half way through how much you enjoy their existence.”

— Unknown

trying to think of something to say

for international lesbian day of visibility

i love women

happy lesbian day :) <3

Good Person

am I a good person?

a question that I fear

it haunts my waking nightmares with its overwhelming aura

a ring light made of noise

a circle made of hurt

it trembles when I consider that it really could be true

I am a good person?

I don't think I believe

it's hard for me to fathom that I really could have worth

a currency of questions

a stock market of deeds

it pains me just to realize that I am a person, too

Jane O. Wayne // Kate Jacobs