When Taylor Swift Said "i Was So Ahead Of The Curve, The Curve Became A Sphere" And When Liana Flores

you want them to text back but that's anxious attachment isn't it. it's just that you can feel on the wind when you're not wanted anymore. when they've fallen out of love in any small part of their marrow. you have a hawk's eye for disharmony. you can tell when she has begun packing her things.

don't be annoying. you want to write: i have never experienced unconditional love as an explanation but isn't that pathetic. in adulthood all love is conditional and it should be. you've been to too much therapy. touch grass. how sappy can you be.

but they don't reach for your hand while they're driving. they forget to ask you how you're doing. the call times no longer read 12:34:19. they're 30 minutes and perfunctory before she says baby please, i'm tired. i need to go to sleep. where in her life do you fit. why is it that you never fit into anyone's life very long. oblong creature with so many needs, spilling up and out and over everything. it's a fucking shame the first time she said she loved you it was for your independence. and now look at you.

hollow pit in your stomach, body shaking. fuck, not again. you're not going to ruin another relationship like this, codependent and toxic, spiraling. and in the other half of your brain: if that's your wife, wouldn't she want to hear it? wouldn't it be fine? wouldn't she just comfort you and you can both move on and nobody dies?

but you're crowding her! read another instagram Positive Vibes Only type of post that talks about calming your heart and your brain and your body. try to sit in silence. the thing is that you do have a life outside of her, remember? go back to it.

great news, your parents fucked you up and now you have no idea how to deal with love. you just keep wanting to be chosen. to be real to someone, all the way through. real and kept. held closely. seen as precious to somebody. why even is that? didn't you always swear that people can and should complete themselves? why are you so constantly driven to beg for love, doglike and barking?

it's just the tiny things. it's just that you have to weigh every silence and sentence like bricks on an exposed belly. you have no idea how to shut it off. every alarm bell in your body saying: this isn't safe. start scrambling. she's already going.

you told me that daisies

are your favorite flower

and i had to fight the urge

to plant a bouquet

of them in my lungs.

i want to cough up

petals and stems

when you smile at me.

i want to be so full of

your favorite things

that i forget how to breathe.

-mars

sunflower hymn

a head above the rest,

so turned to face her rays

all golden drenched, aglow,

enrobed in joyous solar waves

you stand so proud! aloud

and bold, your pollen flows

like liquid gold! not sold, but

ever on the bees have sole

laid claim upon your lovely.

faces brimming, young

and tender, won't you

sing of lovers won?

won't you dream of

what's been done?

in youth's most daring

feats, some yet to come?

today is my birthday

last year my friends forgot

but this year they remembered

that's all :)

Y'all have gotta get more insane about platonic relationships like you are about romantic relationships. We need to get more annoying about them NOW. I need to see more meta and losing our minds over them. Get more annoying NOW. More than that. More than that also.

a 1000 miles away

i miss breathing the same

air as you, but i know you

are farther in mind than 

distance. 

~K.T.

365, or: how things can change

i hit my one year duolingo streak today

one year ago, he would have been the first person i told

one year ago, i was mostly stable

one year ago i thought that i was at my peak, that things could not possibly get any better

well they certainly got a lot worse

one year ago i barely knew her

one year ago i barely knew myself

365 on duolingo

what will happen when i hit 730

Recognition

one day i will be

able to see myself in

the mirror again.

scissors

shaking hands

fallen hair

three inches, five, seven

i look in the mirror

a person looks back

not her

me

Good Person

am I a good person?

a question that I fear

it haunts my waking nightmares with its overwhelming aura

a ring light made of noise

a circle made of hurt

it trembles when I consider that it really could be true

I am a good person?

I don't think I believe

it's hard for me to fathom that I really could have worth

a currency of questions

a stock market of deeds

it pains me just to realize that I am a person, too