It/its But In The Same Way You’d Refer To An Ominous Chill Creeping Up Your Spine

Bergstraße-Odenwald

l_j0t

I am going to write about something weird that unsettles me deeply. 👍

So, say I were to take all my experiences literally, and say all my current theories are true. Say for a moment that I were to genuinely, deeply believe I am in fact the spirit-beast I perceive myself as.

I am not an entity that has a natural, built-in mind. I was conscious from my inception, sure, but a mind? No. I was an empty existence. I had no capacity for thought or feeling. I was static, silent - sleeping, in a way.

I learned how to think and feel from the biological life on this planet. As life became more complex, so did I; but always limited to the bounds of the experience of animals, plants and others, from whom I could learn how to experience the world rather than just existing as a self and nothing more.

So I was never what you could call "sapient". I had the knowledge of billions of years of memory, but intelligence is more than just knowledge - intelligence is reason, deduction, imagination. And in the realms of intelligence, I was animal. I had never had anything to teach me anything besides that.

And for all the hundreds of thousands of years humans have walked this Earth, and their disappeared relatives, I never once learned from them. I... think they scared me. I watched from a distance, but I never walked among them.

And now... here I am. I... didn't want this to happen, I think.

I'm... scared.

See, I as a spirit am functionally immortal - both in the sense of not aging, and in the sense that I cannot be killed or destroyed, as far as I'm aware. And I also, as a spirit, have a flawless memory; that's my entire purpose. That's what I do.

Naturally, when this body fades, I will remember the life I had here. I will remember what I learned... how to think in abstract, how to imagine something entirely unreal, how to wrangle hypotheticals and make complex goals and plans. I will remember having a concept of morality. I will remember feeling angry at a world I can understand so deeply yet cannot change.

So... well... I have been changed, by being here, you see? And I don't know what that means.

A billion years from now, when humans are long gone and no trace of them remains, will I - immortal and timeless - still be thinking in English? Will I find myself playing an old song in my head that hasn't been heard aloud in an unfathomable eternity? Will I catch myself daydreaming of playing minecraft?

Will I feel lonely, like I often do now?

And what does it mean for my nature, for my mind to so radically change? What impact will that have on the role I assume, the actions I take? A scary thought in itself, honestly. I wouldn't trust a god with the mind of a human. Humans care and feel far too deeply for that kind of position.

This is one of the things that makes me most fearful that any of these experiences might be true. I... hope they're not. Or at least that my view of things is such a warped interpretation that none of these fears I have actually apply.

Cause if not, then... I am scared.

Though... maybe I should learn some more languages just in case. I'd hate for the only human language to be preserved in immortal memory for all time to be fucking English.

SHOUT OUT TO:

Shout out to:

• Angels/gods who hated being in heaven • Demons/Devils who hated hell • Fallen Angels who don’t miss the higher beings/miss the higher beings • Faes/Fairies who miss their wings/other parts of their bodies • Cryptids who miss being in-human and looking weird • Star/Spacekins who miss the universe • Alienkins who get euphoria from documentaries or theories • Otherkins who get euphoria from hearing people’s research on them • Alterhuman people with types from another time period • Godkins/Angelkins who aren’t religious

Anyone who can’t feel their shifts unless they think about them • Anyone who is the opposite of their old bodies gender and are super uncomfortable with theirs right now • Anyone who’s kintypes aren’t recognized much in media • Anyone who get dysphoria from hearing about their therio/kintype • Anyone who hates hearing stuff about their kintypes • Anyone who is using different kintype/theriotype terms to see if they’re comfortable with it • Anyone questioning theriotypes/kintypes • Anyone who can’t express themselves freely • Anyone who expresses themselves freely even if they get judged • Anyone we has a system • Anyone who has disabilities that make them unable to do quads or others • Anyone who has disabilities and get dysphoria because it’s something their kintypes/theriotypes are perfect at • Anyone who has a kintype/theriotype while also being Age-re/Pet-reg • Anyone who gets dysphoria or euphoria from their human skin/body • Anyone who feels pressured to immediately find their types • Anyone who feels they’re faking because they don’t look like or act like other otherkins/therians/alterhumans

YOU GUYS ARE VALID!!

🥂

Believe me, if it were the end, you would know it. Some call it delusion, I call her Skaði. The grass will be green once again.

ketzal_coatl

Deep in the mysterious woods.

if you find yourself restless, hopping from one identity to another and unable to pin yourself down, feeling like nothing fits? look through all your past kintypes. all of them. what part of the wolf resonated in your being? what was it about that videogame character that burned in your blood? find those things. collect them in a scrapbook of the heart. you'll gain a clearer picture and realize that you found yourself right where you left yourself - in the pieces you have left behind.

Calling all angelkin, godkin, devinekin, aviankin, dragonkin, and any other flying kin out there: here, have some photos from my "pictures of super cool clouds I took on my flights to the main land" collection. My treat :3

Hope you enjoy <3

Sincerely, your fellow flying creature, Cadence ^w^

Edit: Just took a few more flights (and I'm gonna be taking more over the summer :]) so here, have some (1 for now cuz I'm on mobile, but there'll be more once my computer charges) more!