Imagine If The Marauders Started A Podcast

Painful Bartylus to non toxic rosekiller my love

Painful bartylus where [pre emotional growth] Regulus was just excited someone liked him but Barty didn’t like Regulus he loved him

And Regulus didn’t love him back

Painful Bartylus where Reggie was not in the best mental space and couldn’t handle all of Barty’s Bartyness, told him he was too much, too loud, too weird even though Barty was trying so hard not to be

Painful Bartylus where the breakup wasn’t a big deal for Regulus because he figured neither of them were really that emotionally invested and they became friends again immediately but for Barty it was just a desperate attempt to keep Reg in his life

Then Evan Rosier who saw it all happen and couldn’t say anything because these were his two best friends but all he could think was how he could do it so much better, how he and Barty would be so good to each other

Evan Rosier who got the chance about a year later when he and Barty kissed on New Year’s Day and then proceeded to not stop kissing

Barty who was so terrified of losing Evan too and Evan finding it hard because he’s not good at emotions but in every way he can, showing Barty he loved him with hugs and handholds and playing with his hair and Evan’s lap becoming Barty’s new resting place

Evan figuring out he’s ace and worrying Barty won’t want him anymore

Barty saying I love you for the first time when Evan finally breaks down over it 

Evan not being able to say it back straight away and Barty not minding because he already knew from all the ways Evan showed him already

Evan finally saying it and Barty nearly bursting into tears because honestly he never thought in a million years he could ever be this happy

And because I’m on a roll w it

Regulus finally doing better when he starts dating James, Regulus who notices how it affects James when people call him weird or too much, Regulus who sees how different Barty is with Evan than he ever was with him

Regulus who REALISES.

Regulus who finally apologises.

rosekiller would get tattoos of each other’s bite marks

Regulus wearing one of Remus’ jumpers because he stole it from James who store it from Sirius who stole it from Remus and now Sirius is going feral because the entire school thinks Remus and Regulus are dating

The Marauders meeting as a whole group for the in nearly twenty years right after Remus dies and there all having this heartfelt moment until Peter walks in across the room.

And instantly Sirius loses it. Wants to go up to him and fight him and Remus and James have to physically restrain him because he's saying "I'm already dead. The little rat can't kill me again."

And Peter obviously hears this. He kinda shrinks into himself because Sirius could hurt him even without magic, but that's not why he walks away. Not why he gets scared shitless.

No.

He walks away because of the second pair of grey eyes that stand next to James. He gets scared as he remembers the threats given to him by the youngest black brother.

"You betray them, Pettigrew, and I will kill you. I don't care that you're a pureblood, or that your a spy for us. He treats you like a brother, and if you throw that away It'll be your own life your ending."t

He treats you like a brother

At the time Peter assumed he was talking about James. But now, with the look Regulus is giving him from across the room, as Sirius thrashes against the arms of his best friends, he knows who he was truly talking about.

When I'm sad I just open ao3 and destroy myself more with jegulus fanfic.

"the black family madness" the books call it. "the consequences of inbreeding" is what it actually is

Genuinely one of my favorite things about the maruaders fandom that is widely agreed upon:

Regulus is trans. Everyone assumes Remus is trans because werewolf behavior can look suspiciously similar to having a period. Shenanigans ensue:

*During 1st Year*

Sirius: *discreetly giving Remus chocolate during his time of the month*

Remus, in his head: HOW DOES HE KNOW? HOW DOES HE KNOW I'M A WEREWOLF? HOW DOES HE KNOW CHOCOLATE HELPS? WHY IS HE NOT SAYING ANYTHING? WHAT IS HAPPENING?

*Quidditch Locker Room*

Marlene: FUCK!

Sirius: What's wrong?

Marlene: I started my period and don't have anything on me!

James, who started carrying extras because he's a mom friend: Oh, here you go.

Marlene: *intensely stares at them* Okay if James carries the tampons and Remus is the one who uses them, why the FUCK is Sirius named Pads???

James: I. . .what?

Sirius: Abort Prongs. There's no right answer to this one.

*During a Study Session*

Regulus: Ugh, I'm so jealous of you sometimes Lupin.

Remus "Low Self-Esteem" Lupin: Why?

Reg: It's just that. . .well, if your mood is any indication, your time of the month is so CONSISTENT! Like, every 28 days like clockwork. You've never had 2 in one month or anything!

Remus, in his head: . . .is. . .is Regulus a werewolf too? Is this how Sirius was so accepting?

Remus out loud: You get it TWICE sometimes, how is that even possible?

Reg: I know right, it's so unfair!

Regulus: . . .

Peter: . . .

Regulus: So is there a REASON you've been stalking me or---

Peter: Are you a werewolf?

Reg: The fuck? No? Why---

Peter: KAY THANKS BYE!

*later*

Remus: oh my God Peter I didn't mean ASK HIM

Peter: Well how the fuck else was I supposed to find out?

Everyone start milking the comedy potential, or I'll have to write it myself! This is a threat! There's enough angst in this fandom, we need more pure comedy fics!

the marauders group chat

peter: good night homos!!!

peter: *homies

peter: eh same thing

James Potter walking around Hogwarts encounters a black kitty. Calls him handsome, pets him, and takes many pictures, baby-talking to him like normal people do when they see a cat.

Regulus Black afterwards, gay panicking in his dorm. Because someone called him handsome. James Potter called him handsome.

James in his room just talking about a cute kitty he found on the grounds, completely oblivious.

<3

sirius has a black leather jacket he's never seen without, yet it still seems to be in wonderful condition. remus has a brown leather jacket that used to be his dad's that looks like it's been through hell (it has)