An Update;

i think i responded to something you posted somewhere but i figured i'd just reach out here instead!

from my own kin stuff and source and everything, i don't know if you've gone through the magnus archives before but what you're saying sounds a lot like someone deep within the beholding to me. that need to watch, to know things even if it destroys you or others, the intake of others stories. it reminds me of jon honestly with the guilt aspect of it, or maybe even jonah or elias, maybe the archivist from the magnus protocol.

either way, you're always welcome to reach out and talk about your own experience or process of figuring things out!

-marcus keay (non-cannon magnus archive)

@the-neon-attic

I've been hearing that name come up a lot actually, among a few others. The need to watch in spite of the destruction it brings is a good way to put this feeling, you certainly hit the nail on the head there.. There's something more to this though, it's parasitic in nature. I feel as though I'm filling a hollow part of me that's raw and hungry with the mismatched parts of others' memories just to feel whole, and I never have a way to compensate them for this favor. Not in a way that really matters, or makes up for the damage. If that is what the beholding feels like, then I might just have a few questions for you.

https://www.tumblr.com/imitative-magpie/772060837922979840/hello-there-my-family-needs-to-leave-gaza-out-of

magicalmilkshakecrown / Irine Temoi is a documented scammer profiting off of the genocide. some usernames they have previously used to run this scam are reallyuniquedaze, herunknownwolf22, slowlydeliciouscrusade, futuristicglittermilkshake, slowlywisesong, darkkoalalight, mortallypurplebread, foggyblazekitten, beautifulsheepblaze, atomicfoxdaze, scentedfarttree, severetyrantllama, joyfulpostnight, zealoussublimefart, massivepersonagardener, and countless others.

some previous names they have used on their paypal accounts linked through these tumblr blogs have been Kipkosgei Cheruiyot, Jeff Owino, Titus Muhitsi, Iyvon Wabuyele, and Hezron Onyango

https://www.tumblr.com/kyra45/751911792270278656/hello-there-my-family-needs-to-leave-gaza-out-of

https://www.tumblr.com/average-transfem-robotgirl/748870367236521984/hello-there-my-family-needs-to-leave-gaza-out-of

https://www.tumblr.com/anonthescambuster/761993746326994944

here you can see another proven tumblr scammer, stupendoustyphoonhottub, also using this exact same linktree and Irene Temoi paypal account that magicalmilkshakecrown now uses: https://archive.is/YKTIC

would you mind deleting their scam from your blog, or clearly labeling it as a scam so it doesn't spread to others? please remember you can use the tumblr search box to search the username/paypal account name/text used by people asking for money to check if they’ve been proven to be a scammer

Thank you for bringing this to my attention, anon.

damn, still no TMA on the kinsidering list? ;P - steph

Ah, you've noticed I don't have it categorized under complete, revised and/or a possible match. I understand why this might come as a surprise given the high number of source suggestions for this particular media, so maybe this might be a good time to break down my method in categorizing and researching different sources.

In order for me to feel comfortable organizing it under any one group, I try to at the very least get through at least one full watch through, read through, et cetera. From there, I will mark the source as completed, and look over the notes I have taken on what felt familiar to me or stood out. 

This is where I revise my notes and go through a second watch through comparing my previous notes with what I have written about my own experiences. Then and only then, will I categorize a source revised, or even possible match. Of course there are outliers to this method. Namely a certain famously long webcomic I had to make a special exemption for this rule. 

That being said, The Magnus Archives is still uncategorized in my source list because while I have gotten to know a couple of wonderful fictionkin/fictives from said source, I regret to say that I have not yet viewed the content. I do plan to remedy this however, in short time. 

Thank you so much for the tag, Nezz 

I'm tagging, @fallen--starlight @specter-solaire @kenopsia-ksp @is-this-camera-on , @bohemianrpdsy @apocalypticautumn @peculiareyezer and @quinnlistspeaks , but anyone else who visits my blog and sees this, feel free to join in 

picrew chain time!! make yourself a cheeky little icon using this picrew, reblog & tag ur pals!! to start us off: @lightyaoigami @lightyakami @deelavis @dreamfilleddonuts @catboymettaton @vorareromantic @queer-omens-in-the-archives

Defanging Fear Itself

‘When I say end, I don't mean "lifeless", I mean "terminated life as we know it". This is an important distinction.’

 I keep staring at my dms, vacantly, pondering just what I’ve done. When I started to reach out out into the void, I had thought this was a noble sacrifice, and that if only I reached out-

Maybe I could erase all the harm that I’ve created. I think I lost track of that, somehow along the way. I was so caught up with filling this hollow part inside of me, so caught up with keeping myself warm that I hadn’t even considered the people I was setting on fire just to do so. 

…And here’s this guy, right? I’ve been talking to him for a while, and he just gets it. Everytime he talks to me, he’s given me nothing but sure guidance as if he can peer right into my mind and see just what I’m feeling- and lord, do I feel so much. It’s like I’m holding back an ocean of anxieties, and one word is the detonator. I think about what he’s told me a lot, mostly about how he died because I just couldn’t understand it. Why did someone so clever and swift have to die? How could you devote your whole life to something, only for it to turn around and stab you in the back? I think about myself, how I gave into the impulse, and I wound up in the hospital with an atrial fibrillation. I've given my whole life to something, and it's going to eat me alive.

‘Why did it have to end though? The world, I mean?’

Who am I trying to find? Would it really be helping them, if I asked them to remember me? Would sorry really be enough to rekindle their souls and make things right again?..Or am I just doing this for me? Maybe it’s better that I live my life, never knowing. The people I hurt may be living a beautiful life, far from the pain of whatever timeline that’s been shattered underneath my fingertips. I can only hope they are. 

He was willing to trade humanity for enlightenment, and because of it he was killed. Well, what does that make me?

 Is that who I truly am? 

Am I willing to kill the things I’ve been trying to save? Fear, it’s all I’ve talked about since I created this blog. Humans have been telling tales of fear since the dawn of man, because we crave the cortisol and adrenaline like rich silk under our fingers. I don’t think I was laying to rest your fears, when I came out of the dark to carve into you with inquiry, I think I was just breathing life into old wounds, and you deserved better than that. Trading a complete life for a high that will never hit the same hardly seems fair, so let's turn around and bite the hand that feeds us out of spite. It's hurt you, and it's hurt me. If we don't we'll succumb to desensitization, or an even worse fate. We need to defang these fears before they swallow us whole. 

I’ll defang myself first.

I promise. 

(Consent for this documented information has been given by all parties involved.)

An Update (Part 2);

I am scaling the walls of my enclosure. I misjudged how this time off would affect me. I wish to be broken free from this mortal prison

Ocean Eyes

There is an eye at the bottom of the ocean, belonging to an old god whose name has been forgotten, but still leaves echoes in the memory of man. It's there, under the rolling waves and aquatic life. In a constant staring contest with our sun that's dripping crimson with the blood of so many who have given into their fears, the eye gazes not just on that sun but through every life that has ever lived in this reality we've found ourselves in, and so many others.

 When it finally blinks, the world will end. This is a fact. The Earth will begin to swallow us whole, and nature will take back what we've stolen from it. Bridges collapsing and headlights careering into the star filled glinting sea, into doors that were never meant to be opened. Fear and panic in the air, do you feel it too?.. and when that eye blinks, our sun will too. I want to look down into those depths just so I can reassure myself it's fine. ‘It was just a dream, a terrible, terrible dream that you had because you went into cardiac arrest,’

But it's still wriggling in my brain, pulling in and out of my periphery like a tide. So I think..

I'm going to run a little experiment. I've mentioned my urges- 

My fixation with hearing others experiences and memories, my drive to feel that connection, and to pick at the more distressing details of said memories. I would like to stop completely, just to see how uncomfortable I'd get. I want to document how long it takes until my resolve cracks, just to get a sense of how trapped I really am in this cycle.

So, if I don't post for a while, my blog isn't dead! I'm simply trying not to fall into a pattern that I've been feeding into for the past 3 months. I will post the results when I feel I've gotten satisfying results.

Knock Knock,

I'm not sure how you're going to answer this without either revealing who you are or making a new ask but alright--

Who's there?

So I've Been Seeing Some Fake Claiming Videos Pop Up On YouTube Dash Lately and I can't understand why..

Honestly, I don't think fake claiming for any reason can be in good faith. There's ways that you handle difficult topics, and being dismissive with what others are telling you they experience is not one of them. 

Whether it's about mental health, disabilities, alter humanity, or plurality- you are not qualified to decide whether or not someone is faking, especially online, and it stresses me out to see how cold some individuals have become to those who are often sharing vulnerable parts of themselves– 

because it often is coming from a place of vulnerability, not deceit. Even if they were not correct about what they have or what they are, doesn't the fact that they're saying anything at all point to them feeling a certain way, and needing guidance and compassion? Recording videos of strangers going about their life just because they're in public, mocking those who make posts about their day to day life is not compassion.. Don't you ever get sick of judging people, and just want to listen? 

At the heart of it, that's where the problem lies. No one wants to stop and listen anymore. The right to interrogate or harass someone because they don’t look disabled to you, has never been a right owned by anyone, and it sure won't be yours to wield, not with any justice anyways.

I Feel I Should Address The Elephant In The Room

As someone named Julius, I'm looking forward to my first ‘Ides of March’ on Tumblr with you all.

If you're feeling anxious or depressed about the climate and want to do something to help right now, from your bed, for free...

Start helping with citizen science projects

The Conversation

Explainer: what is citizen science?

Public participation in science is increasing, and citizen science has a central part in this. It is a contribution by the public to researc

What's a citizen science project? Basically, it's crowdsourced science. In this case, crowdsourced climate science, that you can help with!

You don't need qualifications or any training besides the slideshow at the start of a project. There are a lot of things that humans can do way better than machines can, even with only minimal training, that are vital to science - especially digitizing records and building searchable databases

Like labeling trees in aerial photos so that scientists have better datasets to use for restoration.

Or counting cells in fossilized plants to track the impacts of climate change.

Or digitizing old atmospheric data to help scientists track the warming effects of El Niño.

Or counting penguins to help scientists better protect them.

Those are all on one of the most prominent citizen science platforms, called Zooniverse, but there are a ton of others, too.

Oh, and btw, you don't have to worry about messing up, because several people see each image. Studies show that if you pool the opinions of however many regular people (different by field), it matches the accuracy rate of a trained scientist in the field.

--

I spent a lot of time doing this when I was really badly injured and housebound, and it was so good for me to be able to HELP and DO SOMETHING, even when I was in too much pain to leave my bed. So if you are chronically ill/disabled/for whatever reason can't participate or volunteer for things in person, I highly highly recommend.

Next time you wish you could do something - anything - to help

Remember that actually, you can. And help with some science.