“You Will Not Always Be The Smartest Person In The Room, And You Will Not Always Be The Strongest Or

You know I love how so many people are like “respect boundaries respect consent” until it’s time to respect people w OCD who can’t shake hands or be touched or when an autistic person tells their family member they can’t give hugs or when a chronically ill person tells you “no I can’t do this thing” and you think “maybe if I just make them do it anyway it’ll make them stronger” or when a mentally ill person or someone who has been abused is like “I don’t want to be around this person/thing it’s triggering” and you get people guilting them to “just get over it”

If you’re about consent and boundaries, good, you should be, but remember to keep that energy when moms of autistic kids are like “I still hug my child even tho it makes them have panic attacks” or when someone’s like “yeah they said they don’t want to be around this person cause it’s “triggering” but I’m their friend so they should do it for me” or when a disabled person says they can’t go up the stairs and you’re begging them to “try anyway”

Don’t lose that mindset, or that energy when it’s time to respect the boundaries or consent of mentally ill and disabled people.

Shit No One Told Me About My Period

I knew the basics before I got it, but I had no clue…

* The blood wouldn’t necessarily be red. When I first got my period, I spent a few min looking at my underwear wondering how I shit myself. I didn’t know the blood could look brown, or be thick.

* That tampons weren’t a good idea yet. I was 10 or 11 when I got my first period and physically smaller than an adult woman. My first attempt at inserting a tampon was very painful and unsuccessful. I wouldn’t use them until I was around 14 or so.

* That when you use pads the blood can get on your bottom and I’d have to occasionally clean off the toilet seat after using it.

* That getting your first period DOES NOT mean you’re fully developed and fully able to bear children. I could have technically gotten pregnant at that age, but I was still a child and pregnancy would have put my life in danger because I was still physically immature.

* That it wouldn’t be regular for another few years.

* That very painful cramping is NOT NORMAL once you reach your 20s and is cause for concern.

* That the blood and tissue you pass can look chunky or stringy and not like blood from a cut.

* That stress can halt your period for months BUT

* That doesn’t mean you can’t get pregnant

Feel free to add your own

So anyway Christopher Tolkien literally took 70 boxes of his father’s disorganised notes and spent his whole life turning them into something that could be read, appreciated, studied and loved. Words can’t express how much this man did for everyone to whom Tolkien’s work means something…thank you so much, Christopher. Safe journey to the white shores under a swift sunrise.

this is a universe where people have superpowers and there are talking trees but this person thinks having a smart teenage girl is unrealistic ok

Yvaine from Stardust

So I missed her birthday by like a day but please enjoy a picture of Mary Shelley. I dont know lots about her but everything I do know is very cool. I also love doing my own takes of already existing art so this was a fun drawing exercise.

I did also attempt one of her mother - Mary Wollstonecraft - who I do know a lot more about but sadly that went horribly wrong so we will have to come back to that another time.

Can I request some advice and affirmations on how to communicate to people that I need specific information (due to how my brain works due to two disabilities I have) instead of vague information?

Hi Anon!

I’m so sorry it’s taken me a while on this one! Every time I go to do affirmations, I spy it on the list and think “I need to help that person!” but as it happens, I’ve really been struggling to communicate lately. I’m in the down part of my bipolar cycle, and my communication skills suffer. So - YES, I actually am equipped to give you some advice.

I have some cognitive processing problems, and they often affect my memory, reading comprehension and verbal communication skills - especially when I’m tired or anxious - and so I’ve developed a whole lot of strategies I can share with you.

First of all:

YOU ARE NOT “STUPID” AND YOU ARE NOT “SLOW”!!!

I don’t believe in “stupid”, first of all. It’s not a thing. But even if it was, you still would not be it. And even someone like me, whose mouth can be a little bit slow to catch up to their brain is not “slow” - because that’s a mean insult and it’s intended to make us feel bad about ourselves because we don’t always act the way others do. Well, so fucking what, Anon!? All that means is we’re getting by in the same world as everyone else, but with things just that little bit harder. And that makes us METAL AS FUCK!!!

Now, some Hot Tips!

1. The simplest explanation is the best. You don’t need to go into detail about what your disabilities are or why you need information communicated in a certain way. It’s OK just to say you need it. Something like “Just so you know, I have a disability that causes some issues with my comprehension. I need you to give me very specific, exact instructions. If I need more information, I will have to ask you questions.” Some people might ask you what your disability is. But they don’t actually need to know - the fact you have one and it causes this problem (and this is the solution) is all that’s relevant. So...

2. Know your rights. Find out what the law about discrimination is, as well as the policies of your workplace or school, or wherever else is relevant. My university, for example, has a policy that I must be registered with the disability services centre with medical documentation and they give me an advocate who then applies for the assistance I need. The school’s policy is that the teaching staff have to comply with my assistance arrangements and are not entitled to know what my disability is. Very often, I choose to tell them anyway, because I find it helps if they understand the problem. But it is useful to be aware that if someone says to me “I’m not going to give you these notes unless you explain why you need them”, I have the right to say - “No. You MUST give them to me, and I can call my advocate.”

You might find you’ve got a boss demanding to know your disability and the HR rules say you actually do have to tell them. Which sucks, but at least you’d know and knowledge is power. You can go into a conversation prepared and not get blindsided.

3. Scripts are good. Scripts get some shit. That’s some neurotypical ableist Non Sense. Scripts are fucking great. Here’s one of mine for the first time I attend a staff meeting in a new workplace:

“I just want to let you know that I have a disability that causes some problems with my cognitive processing, so sometimes I struggle to take in a lot of verbal information all at once. So, if you see me closing my eyes, I’m not falling asleep - I’m just shutting out the visual stimuli so my brain has more space to take in what people are saying. I’m not rude, I promise!”

I have it memorised - I don’t always 100% use the exact same words, but it always goes in that basic structure. I’ve learned it, and now I can be sure I get out all the information that is needed. This is good for other people (they don’t think the new girl is an asshole falling asleep in her first meeting) and it’s good for me (I don’t go in feeling anxious af). Scripts reduce anxiety, and if communicating your needs is harder when you’re anxious - scripts are IDEAL for you.

4. Be prepared. You know what the problem is, what the solution is and how you can best be helped. In your case, you could have something written down that you can give people. Write a guide (get someone to help if you need). Make a thing that says: “DON’T give me instructions like this” and “DO give me instructions like this”. Then no one can claim you didn’t tell them or weren’t upfront about your needs.

I have it built into my employment contracts - upfront at that early stage I ask them to put in a clause that says that if I’m not given an instruction in writing, I can’t be held responsible. It’s written in whatever language suits the employer, but basically, I tell them “My memory is shit. I don’t know what I’m told, so you have to write it down, or it doesn’t get done.” And no employer has ever objected to this - they’ve all found it to be a reasonable clause. I am honest and unapologetic and I ask with confidence because:

5.  YOU’RE A FUCKING LEGEND! This isn’t your fault. There’s no shame here. You are just as capable as anyone else of doing the thing - you just need to be given the instructions in a particular way. If someone won’t do that, THEY are not helping you to do your best work. That makes them shit at the thing - because how are you supposed to be your hella competent, excellent rad as fuck career cobra/study snake/achievement alligator if they aren’t going to take a minute to give you instructions in the proper fucking way you asked them to? Frankly, they’re letting everyone down. Including you.

I hope that some of this is helpful to you, Anon. Stay rad as fuck, and please enjoy this very safe, socially distanced, retro, cyberspace solidarity fistbump!

- The Slightly Aggressive Affirmer