Never Feel Like You’re Doing Nothing. You Can Never Know Where You’ve Sown A Seed. Keep Going ♥

Inner Child Love 💞

- Illustratum Paradoxon

-Illustratum Paradoxon

I am not everything I want to be, but I am more than I was, and I’m still learning

#paradoxon #empath #enneagram4

Predictably unpredictable.

The anxiety attack after you set a boundary is crazy. My hands are shaky. Palms are sweaty. I’m freaking livid! I just don’t understand it?! I’m cursed I swear. My grandmother would yell at me CONSTANTLY “Your mouth is gonna get you in trouble” little did she know how powerful such words were. People love me cuz I’m real and hate me cuz I’m too blunt! Or because I’m too moody or too “to myself” um why is it so wrong to keep to yourself? Why is it wrong to like to keep your circle small? Maybe it’s a coping mechanism to protect what’s mine or maybe it’s the only way I know how to protect my energy. Whatever it is. I DESPISE when people try to impose on me. Don’t push me to be social please. Don’t come over uninvited. These are triggers. I’m so sorry. I don’t like uncertainty or surprises unfortunately. I’ve been disappointed too many times. I have opened that door too many times. So now I leave it shut and protect me and my own. Ok so the boundary is set. Why am I freaking out? It’s the response! It’s me obsessing over if that person will talk to me again because I set a boundary! It’s me being mad I had to set one in the first place. But then again, High expectations are future disappointments. I’m tired of people having adult tantrums when another adult is clear on their wants/unwants. How dare you be mad at me for knowing what I want!?

-Illustratum Paradoxon

the scariest thing of having your brain blocking out bits of traumatic memories is that you’re always afraid people won’t believe you because you don’t remember enough

👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼

Ryan Reynolds: ISTP + enneagram 4w5 sp/sx

😱

-Illustratum Paradoxon

Me introducing myself like hi I romanticise everything, overthink way too much, live 85% of my life in my head and still can’t believe I’m a Real Person

Self reminder: Stop wasting your time for someone else to actually care. Stop wasting your time for someone to empathize the same way that you do. Stop wasting your time thinking that someone is willing to sit in your pain with you. They won’t ever. You just have to accept that no one loves like you. No one feels like you. No one will ever understand you like you do. So next time they ask if you’re ok, just stick with “fine” and don’t waste your time.

- Illustratum Paradoxon