Overheard Last Summer In The Downtown Tourist Trap:

Hmm. So, then, THX-1138 is a queer story?

Yeah. Yeah, that checks. That prosecutor at the trial is absolutely a rabid foaming queerphobe, the one the judge issues a warning to…

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but AFAIK none of this would be intentional from George Lucas or anyone else?

I am going to be thinking about this all day.

You know, on the topic of 'can you be meaningfully queer in this game', I'm going to say that the game doesn't have to be a romance-centric game (eg Monsterhearts) to meet that threshold.

I'm going to take a slightly left-field example: Paranoia. In this (black humour dystopia) game, everybody is a clone grown in a vat, and fed a steady diet of mood-altering pills to keep them complient that - among other things - suppresses your libedo, to ensure there won't be non-vat-grown humans, and further the society strongly discourages romance in general.

This isn't the focus of the game, but it still means that the game presents us with a hegemonic standard for sexuality and relationships (they don't happen), and ways to be non-normative, and the decision to do so is meaningful.

An entirely heterosexual couple holding hands in Paranoia is - because their relationship is so non-normative the the game's scope, and will have serious consequences for them - a more queer story than any gay tiefling found families in D&D.

In Paranoia, the decision to engage in a sexual or romantic relationship is a meaningful one, in a way it isn't in D&D.

(You will note that romance is not mechanised in Paranoia, nor is it going to be a common mode of play, but the game does mention 'forbidden romance' as a potential plot hook).

I volunteered last year with a retired engineer who once transported a space probe instrument from San Antonio, Texas, to Berne, Switzerland, in a series of inanities that would make an incredible Wes Anderson movie.

The nuclear war happened so fast, and destroyed so much, that nobody knows, nobody ever knew, whether it was the Russians, the Israelis, President Moncrieff, or Elon Musk who launched the first missiles. And while people may still argue about it, it doesn't matter. The world's irrevocably doomed.

"Stolas isn't wrong for choosing his own happiness for once after years of abuse and depression"

and

"Octavia isn't wrong for feeling betrayed by her father and fearing she's been only an obligation to him"

are two concepts that can and should coexist.

The "Christmas Mindfulness" Episode

(This is a story concept for an episode of an ensemble-cast TV show, or maybe a webcomic or something. @homunculus-argument posted a story concept back in October that reminded me of it, but I decided not to put this on a reblog of that, because really, the only similarity is vibes.)

The story arc revolves around two characters: one is relatively new to the story's Found Family, and absolutely loves Christmas, or at least believes in spending "the Holidays" with people one loves. It helps if they're also either cheerful, a bit pushy, or both. I'll call this character "Willy."

The other character, for self-care reasons, always spends Christmas alone. By their own deliberate choice. For them, being alone at Christmastime is their way of celebrating their escape from their abusive family, or from some other tragic backstory that makes Christmas traditions especially distasteful or triggering. It helps if this is also a fairly introverted or pessimistic character. I'll call this second character "Wonty."

This is Willy's first or second Christmas with the Found Family, and Willy's excited about it, but they also learn that Wonty always chooses to spend Christmas alone. Willy sees this as tragic and concerning, and decides that Wonty needs their sympathy, company, and guidance. Either the rest of the group doesn't realize what Willy is planning to do, or Willy doesn't listen to or believe the others.

Willy prepares a quiet, low-key Christmas experience just for Wonty, designed to "fix" Wonty's attitude toward Christmas, then invites themself over to Wonty's home. You see, Willy doesn't understand that Wonty is enjoying spending Christmas alone. That possibility hasn't even occurred to Willy. In Willy's mind, they are making a noble sacrifice by skipping the Found Family's Christmas party, and instead trying to bring Wonty around to the joy of Christmas.

Wonty, answering their door, declines to invite Willy in. Wonty explains that they prefer to spend Christmas alone, celebrating their safety and independence. Willy brushes this off, and insists on being invited in, insists that Wonty needs this, until finally Wonty relents and decides to try and get this over with.

As Willy practices Christmas upon Wonty (if the narrative is set in modern North America, I like the idea that watching "Die Hard" together is Willy's plan), Wonty just gets more and more miserable every moment. Willy can see this, and gets more and more anxious and desperate to cheer Wonty up and change Wonty's mind.

Eventually, out of frustration and confusion, Willy does something that's inappropriate, something that crosses a boundary of some sort, just to try and reach Wonty in Wonty's deepening funk. This leads to a moment in which both characters are shocked by what just happened, then Wonty firmly asks Willy to leave. This bit probably depends a lot on how the actual characters would navigate this situation, but Willy does leave, whether immediately or after trying to salvage their plan.

Afterward, Willy ends up at the Found Family's annual Christmas party. Willy has themself a pity party over what happened, and expresses deep concern over Wonty's lack of Christmas spirit. The rest of the Found Family, or perhaps just a Heart or surrogate parent character, explains the details of Wonty's tragic backstory and reasons for isolating themself from Christmas celebrations, and lays down some home truths for Willy about boundaries and respecting differences. Some people just aren't going to see the world the way we do, and that's okay, and worth respecting.

There's no real reason Willy can't figure out some of the above paragraph on their own, except the concept has to come through to the audience somehow. Also, Willy now realizes that Wonty did try to explain all of this, but they steamrolled Wonty and didn't listen. Willy spends the rest of the evening processing all of this.

The next time Willy meets Wonty at their shared experience, or some other place Willy can approach Wonty in public, Willy presents Wonty with a thoughtfully-chosen peace offering, something they've found out, after some effort, that Wonty will genuinely enjoy. Willy apologizes honestly to Wonty and acknowledges what they did, promising never to visit them on Christmas or try to "fix" them, ever again. Wonty points out that the honest apology and clear contrition make a great deal of difference, and forgives Willy.

Hooray, everyone is okay again, and we grew in the process! The end.

I've expanded the instructions I gave for apologizing into a detailed listicle. I hope it'll be helpful. Some of the points, however, are very specific to the English language.

1. Don't explain what happened, it will sound like you're justifying your actions. And because of the way our brains work, you're likely to actually start justifying your actions. At that point, you're no longer apologizing. Remind yourself that the apology needs to have priority right now, and that there will be time later to identify causes and solutions.

2. Be specific, or at least use more words than "I'm sorry." "Sorry" is used so often as a polite noise, nearly meaningless, that it's difficult to be sincere, or even sound sincere when using it for a formal apology. Again, this ties into what @theconcealedweapon wrote: we're trained to say "sorry" when we don't mean it, so that becomes the core of the word's meaning, without our even realizing it. And if you're Australian, it gets even worse!

Personally, I use "I apologize" or "My apologies," or in dire circumstances, "Please accept my apology." This allows me to break my conditioning and focus on my genuine contrition, as well as making it clear to others that I'm taking the apology seriously.

3. Apologize for what you did, and absolutely NOT how it made someone feel. The latter is often used for manipulation.

Other things not to apologize for:

that the consequences of your actions happened

what you don't like about the person or group you're apologizing to

being right

being better than the people you're apologizing to

allegedly not having any idea what you're supposed to be apologizing for

...you'd think all this would go without saying, but it can be subtler than you might expect, and sometimes we do it without thinking, because we picked it up as children, from the nastier adults around us.

Instead, take a moment to focus on what you did, and how to describe it clearly in a way that accepts your fault and/or responsibility for the situation. Again, don't bring anything else into the apology, lest you make it seem less of an apology. People are so used to hearing the above crap from unrepentant people, that they will not give you the benefit of the doubt.

4. Watch your tone of voice. This is actually two separate points.

First, yet another thing we unconsciously pick up as children is the obviously sarcastic mock apology. It's not always a bad thing, it can be a joke or a verbal gesture, but you have to make sure you don't let that habit find its way into a genuine apology, and ruin it. This is where the bit about "Say it like you mean it" comes from. The easiest way to say it like you mean it is to mean it. See next paragraph.

Second, if you can't be respectful and express regret, you shouldn't be apologizing just yet. You're not ready. Leave the art of convincingly faking an apology to the con artists and cult leaders. You will probably need to just keep your mouth shut for a while. Acknowledge (to yourself) the possibility that you might change your mind later. In some rare cases, it may be possible to tell people, "I'm not ready to apologize just yet," but don't count on it.

5. (optional) If necessary and you can do it honestly, either characterize what you did, or agree with others' characterization of it, or promise to/ask how to not do it again, or multiple of the above. Say that it was wrong or inappropriate or a failure or whatever. Name people who called you out, say they were right, and repeat what they said about what you're apologizing for. If you promise not to do it again, don't pivot to talking about how great you will be in the future, keep it focused on the apology.

This might be a bit too much for less dire apologies, and you may not be able to manage this if you apologize the minute you can bring yourself to be sincere, but otherwise, you can build yourself some credibility by immediately seeking to improve yourself and make sure that YOU never do whatever-it-was again. It's more for privately apologizing to your direct supervisor, or to a friend.

On the other hand, beware of doing this if you're the authority figure, or are apologizing to a large group, because politicians routinely pivot away from making actual apologies by making big promises for the future. People are wise to this, though, and your whole apology is liable to be dismissed as bullshit if you try to use it for self-promotion.

So many people seem completely unaware of what a genuine apology is.

And that's because children are forced to say sorry on command.

Before they ever had a chance to process what they did, why they did it, what effect it had on others, or what they should have done instead, they're expected to say that they're sorry. And they're expected to "say it like you mean it" with no indication of what that even means and with no time to figure out how to phrase it correctly.

Sometimes, even when the child's actions are justified by any logical reasoning, they're expected to apologize because an authority figure demands it.

The goal of saying sorry ends up being solely to avoid punishment. And they phrase the apology in whatever way the authority figure will accept.

The result is an entire society filled with people who give completely useless apologies that appear like they're only trying to avoid punishment.

From episode 90 of the podcast "Lingthusiasm":

More power to that guy, he is a kindred spirit, but also

why is nobody talking about the little man-box??

Not telling your kid they have a learning disability, chronic illness, mental illness etc. so they can “feel normal” actually does the opposite. They will not feel normal if they do not have the context to understand that their normal will be different from that of their peers.

ADD Tip: You can change the goals on your to-do list!

As your needs and your situation change during the day, don't be afraid to cross out and replace items on your to-do list.

And if you accomplished something that wasn't on your to-do list, write it down and check it off!

This will help you maintain a more realistic idea of your productivity during the day, as well as identify any particular things that may be hindering your productivity or taking up too much of your time.

This is here because I can't post photos on the local message board. I'm trying to find the owner of these two kittens before the raccoons get them.